Question 38
I frankly say that we, the young men of nowadays, see, hear, and understand the sexual matters that our fathers might have understood when they became thirty years old, and simply somehow. In this age, everything excites. The means of 66 practicing sex, in most countries, are available even to children. What is the view of Islam concerning satisfying this pressing lust that our fathers do not understand?
The answer: We understand this feeling with all its details, and there is no shyness in religion. Thank you for your daring question and your search for the view of Islam about this important subject.
The natural inclination between man and woman has deep roots and is connected with the creation of man and woman, because Allah has made it as a bridge for the life of humankind to continue by reproduction on the earth. On the other hand, if this inclination is not satisfied, excited nerves become tired, and this is a continuous torture for both man and woman.
Looking, laughing, flirting, gestures, and soft tones excite and move the fiery sexual lust and cause torture for both the excited and the exciter. Every one understands this fact.
Such excitements make some husbands unsatisfied with their wives, and this leads to divorce and the destruction of families. The same is said about some wives who look at men, who are more handsome than their husbands, for the sake of pleasure and lust.
This is in our societies that are aloof from their Islam, but as for the western societies and their cultures of libertinism, sexual inclination has had an ardent color for the past century and then has developed into a scientific method through profound researches and studies in the fields of education and psychological medicine.
There is no doubt that politicians and businessmen, who have great capitals in the world, have played their malicious roles in exploiting the sexual lusts to bind peoples and societies and
draw them towards their financial benefits.
Islam has its own view towards this natural instinct and its unique method in responding to it. Islam has established teachings and principles to achieve a balanced conduct in satisfying the sexual instinct and to arrive at the best method, which protects man from deviation and problems that can destroy families and their happiness.
Islam does not suppress the sexual lust, but it rectifies it and offers it to be satisfied with the best educational manners to save the entity of family from dissolution and destruction. A good family that follows Islam produces good children, who stand against the corruptions surrounding them in society.
Islam does not neglect the requirements of the sexual instinct, but instead Islam makes it submissive to man instead of subjecting man to the Satan and degrading his dignity and honor to make him as a worthless beast.
O young men, whoever submits to his lusts without limits is not free but is in fact a slave to his lusts. Free people are those who control their lusts that they could satisfy in any way but they do not do so.
Imam Ali (s) said, 'Whoever leaves lusts is free.'
He also said, 'The worst enemies of man are his anger and lust. Whoever controls them is exalted and he reaches his aims.'
Since woman, as a whole, is beauty and excitement in her voice and doings, Islam has ordered her not to show her beauty, not to soften her voice, and not to do exciting gestures except for her husband.
We read in the Qur'an that Allah the Almighty has forbidden the Prophet's wives from talking to foreigners with exciting tones that might move their lusts and then those with diseased hearts might covet them.
(O wives of the Prophet! you are not like any other of the women; If you will be on your guard, then be not soft in (your) speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease yearn;
but speak a good word). [1]
Softening in speech, exciting gestures, joking, and jesting or any thing that is lawful only between a wife and her husband or a woman and her mahram, are not lawful to take place between a woman and a foreign man[2] in order to not be as the beginning towards something else.
The Qur'an also teaches us the manners of family and social relations between men and women in this way, (And when you ask of them (the wives of the Prophet) anything, ask it of them from behind a curtain. That is purer for your hearts and for their hearts). [3]
These are the Islamic facts that the Muslims must pay attention to, but the reality that the society lives in is something else; and the question of the youth shows they are looking for an Islamic resolution according to the actual reality of the society.
Here, we advise of the following:
1. Early marriage; and if it is not possible due to a reasonable excuse, a young man should be patient and should fast, but if the lust overcomes him and he fears committing sin, he should practice temporary marriage until Allah makes him able to marry in eternal marriage.
2. Fathers and mothers have to understand these facts and comprehend the sexual needs of the youth in the lawful way; otherwise, parents unknowingly throw their children into corruption, and hence they will be punished on the Day of Resurrection with two punishments; one for prohibiting a lawful thing and the other for causing the youth to become involved in sin.
[1] Qur'an, 33:32.
[2] Foreign man here means man that is not (mahram) to a woman; and the mahram person is he with whom it is unlawful to get married.
[3] Qur'an, 33:53.
Question 39
What is the situation of Islam towards masturbation? Some youths say that doctors think it has no harm.
The answer: Not all of what doctors say is true. There are other doctors that say the opposite. What is important to us is what our Wise Creator says. He is more aware of His creatures. Islam, which is the speech of Allah, is clear in its verdicts. The Prophet (s) and his progeny have prohibited it.
Masturbation is a filthy doing. Some traditions have called it as "adultery with oneself". It does not fit the dignity of a respectable man. The clearest evidence on its ugliness is that the doer feels disgust with himself after finishing this act.
Islam does not prohibit a thing unless it has a great harm. In this concern, masturbation weakens the sexual ability at the time when it is needed in marriage. This weakness appears in the sudden ejaculation or that the penis does not stand erect during making love, and this mortifies sexual pleasure and kills marital happiness, which, consequently excites the nerves of the wife and the husband and then their lives enter into the tunnel of problems and troubles.
Doctors think that one of the causes for itching in the genitals and the area around them is masturbation. This makes one who practices masturbation rub his genitals even before others. Among the harms of this bad habit are leanness, headache, sudden exhaustion, and fatigue.
These harms cause a dangerous psychological state that leads one to worry, melancholy, loneliness, and complexes, which are the factors of final failure.
Incidentally, I remember that in 1984 in India, Bombay, a young man from the Arab Gulf countries committed suicide by throwing himself from the window of a hotel, and the reason, as it was said, was that he became angry at his sexual failure (and that his sword could not stretch in his bitter sexual fighting) with an Indian prostitute. He took a knife, cut his genitals, and threw himself into Hell and the evil destination!
I do not think that colonialists, the producers of sex films, and
the doctors, who are bound by these circles, want something for the youth besides this failure and collapse!
Dear young man, do you understand now why Islam has prohibited this bad habit?
The Prophet (s) has said, 'He who makes love with his hand is cursed.'[1]
Imam as-Sadiq (s) has said, 'There are three persons, whom Allah will not talk to, look at, or purify and who will get painful torment on the Day of Resurrection; one who plucks out his white hairs (shaves his beard), one who makes love with himself (practices masturbation), and one who is sodomized on.'[2]
We must mention here that the prohibition of masturbation does not concern males only, but females also are not permitted to practice it.
How great the situation of Imam Ali (s) was towards someone who had been accused of practicing masturbation! Imam Ali (s) would beat him on his hand until it turned red and them he would make him marry by giving him money from the treasury.[3]
Dear brother, I feel that you wish you were in an Islamic state which was ruled by someone like Imam Ali (s) who would marry you from the revenue of the treasury that was specified for the welfare of the Muslims!
I say: take me with you in your wishes! Ali and his Islamic state remain as two orphaned examples on the page of history!
Question 40
I am a young man. I want to get married according to the Sunna of Allah and His messenger (s). I do not want to be involved in the unlawful relations that are customary in our society, which follows
[1] Mustadrak al-Wassa'il, vol.2 p.570.
[2] Al-Hikam adh-Dhahira, p.30.
[3] Wassa'il ash-Shia, vol.18 p.574, vol.14 p.267.
the corrupt cultures of the West in all fields. However, the obstacles before me are many: my family, who says that I am still young and that I have to complete my university studies and find a job before all, besides the expensive dowries and high costs of weddings that young men like me cannot bear.
The difficulties for a lawful marriage cause many youths to become involved in sin, which is easier and hidden from the eyes of parents, who are the main cause for the sins by placing obstacles before lawfulness and opening the door of unlawfulness.
I, who cannot lawfully get married to the girl I want, can commit sin with her if I want, but I fear Allah. Do others fear Allah too?
This problem, as you know, causes psychological complexes, makes the youth absent-minded in their studies, and unable to comprehend knowledge because of their being busy thinking of lusts and being away from religion and obligations, and consequently they fall into family troubles, moral scandals and… Then, what is the solution?
The answer: Dear faithful brother, what you suffer is a part of the tragedy that has afflicted our society in all fields. Concerning the matter of marriage and the indifference of parents towards it, the tragedy is something disgraceful.
The solution is not something easy because the war is general against all the umma. Globalization with its technical tools via the internet and satellites has entered into the closed rooms and most parents do not know what these tools do to their sons and daughters; in fact they cannot believe or imagine the dangers!
Our misfortune is not one. Corruption has appeared in the land and the sea because of the evil that people have done. Great corruption has become evident due to refraining from getting married to good and faithful persons as Islam wishes.
I do not want to offer theoretical solutions to you or others like you. The reality is painful and just words are unsatisfactory. There are some solutions in both frames of protection and cure.
As for protection, first, try to overlook sexual incitements such as unveiled girls in the streets, films, magazines, and books
concerning stories of love and lusts! And second, practice fasting for the sake of Allah and busy yourself with studying, reading, practicing sports, and planning for your future!
As for cure, if you cannot bear it, you are to practice temporary marriage according to the legal limits that have been explained by the religious authorities in their books of jurisprudence, besides the moral limits that the pure nature imposes on the faithful youth like you.
Let young men and young women be certain that Islam has not left its followers to fend for themselves in times of crisis. Islam has given us successful solutions for both protection and cure, always and forever. Islam has wisdom in every verdict, and it does not say anything in vain. Far be it from Allah, the Aware, the Wise to reveal a religion without wisdom and then order people to follow it so they will all be in Hell! Allah is more Exalted than vanity and injustice.
Question 41
What is the viewpoint of Islam about the love between a young man and a young woman before the legal agreement of marriage, where they exchange their feelings via the telephone and letters or by going together to the park for example - of course without any touching with the hand or body? Some (religious) people say that this is lawful as long as it is as the initial step towards marriage. What do you think about the matter?
The answer: In the steps that precede marriage, it is sufficient to obtain information from relatives first, and then, as a second step, have a public meeting with family and without gestures or words that may excite lust. There is no objection if a young man looks at a young woman without her veil when there is a serious intention of marriage. But, if a young man intends to be deceitful just to get pleasure, the company and the meeting will be unlawful. It has been noticed in the cases of love between the youth in our present age that they are of the second kind, in which love relation continues until it reaches touching of the hands and body, because after the premises mentioned in the
questions, lust overcomes both the young man and the young woman until they sleep together to satisfy their furious lust. Then, the young man goes to look for another victim and so on. As experience has proven, girls who are deceived by the words of love become the losers at the end.
The Islamic Sharia has prohibited these premises because it knows the consequences, which we witness in real life. Also Islam prohibits these things in order to protect the dignity of young women and to close the door before the youth who try to take advantage of the honor of young women and then leave them to look for a second victim to deceive and then a third, and so on…!
I do not think that Islam agrees with the present day love relations at all. Religious men and women have to be absolutely careful, for a reasonable person is one who takes lessons from the experiences of others.
Question 42
I am a young man at the beginning of adulthood. I suffer from a fierce pressure of lust. As you know, Islam encourages early marriage lest the youth commit sins and disobediences in this critical age, but I do not know how I should venture into my future and from what point I should begin. Please, explain to me what I should understand in this age, and I have determined to get married Inshallah.
The answer: Dear brother, there are some things I would like to advise you of:
1. You should know that you are about to establish a joint life that has new concepts and manners. It is mixed with sweetness and bitterness, but its sweetness prevails if you choose the partner of your life according to reasonable steps, and its bitterness prevails if you choose due to the passion of lust and sentimental motives. Therefore, Islam teaches us, 'If you want to get married, ask Allah for proper guidance and determination, and then offer two-rak'as prayer, and raise your hands and say, "O Allah, I want to get married. Prepare for me
from the women the best of them in shape and morals, the most chaste, the best in keeping my honor and wealth, the most beautiful, and the most productive."[1] Thus, you encompass your desires and your religious values and spiritual honesty.
2. Know well that a new life, which is connected with your fate, is worth reading about before falling into its problems.
It is necessary for those who want to get married to read one book, at least, about the matters they will face at the time of marriage because after marriage, time is spent on sentimental relations, and then the joint life would be based on ignorance of the basis of happiness; therefore problems after problems will take place that may destroy the real pleasure of marriage which is happiness, calmness, love, and joy.
3. Try not to be rash in getting married! Make all preparations and secure your material ability as much as possible for the traditional requirements, but within the limits of reason! Beware of wasting or thinking of play and amusement in the wedding, because a marriage that begins with unlawful things will not have a good end because Allah will not bless it, and the Satan does not have any blessings to give!
Question 43
I am from a poor family; therefore, I cannot think of marriage at any time in the near future. What shall I do with my pressing lust? I am religious, and I do not want to become polluted with the sins that invite me towards them everyday. Please, give me a scientific solution, for theories neither nourish nor do they release one from hunger!
The answer: The Prophet (s) has said, 'O youth, whoever of you is able to get married, let him get married, for it is better to protect his eyes from unlawful looking and his genitals from sins; and whoever is unable, let him fast, because fasting is as a
[1] Said by Imam ar-Redha (s), as in Wassa'il ash-Shia, vol.14 p.79.
protection to him (stops his lust).'[1]
Based on this Prophetic tradition, I say, dear brother, there is no way before you except to either get married or to fast. There are two kinds of marriage. One is permanent marriage, which is required firstly and lastly. I advise you to this kind of marriage in spite of your financial difficulties. Look for a young woman who accepts your weak financial condition and tell her: Allah has promised to enrich us with His favor after marriage. Let us believe in Him and His promise and rely on Him. He has said in His Book, (And marry those among you who are single and those who are virtuous among your male slaves and your female slaves; if they are needy, Allah will enrich them out of His grace; and Allah is Ample-giving, Knowing). [2]
Once, a young man from the Prophet's companions came to the Prophet (s) and said to him, 'My mother and I have had nothing at all for lunch today.' He expected that the Prophet (s) would give him something, but the Prophet (s) said to him,
'Get marred!'
The young man thought that the Prophet (s) did not hear him properly, so he said again, 'O messenger of Allah, I have had nothing even for lunch today. How can I get married?'
The Prophet (s) said again, 'Get married!'
The young man repeated his saying and the Prophet (s) said to him, 'Get married!'
The young man was astonished that the Prophet (s) did not give him anything, though the generous Prophet (s) would give his clothes and food even to his enemies.
The young man went back to his mother and told her what the Prophet (s) had said.
The mother said, 'Surely, the Prophet (s) sees a wisdom in that.' She asked for her son's permission to ask for their
[1] Mustadrak Wassa'il ash-Shia, vol.2 p.531.
[2] Qur'an, 24:32.
neighbor's hand. He agreed and the girl came to her husband's house so simply and with no cost that the wedding was on the same day.
The young man thought to himself that he could not leave his wife with no means of livelihood. Therefore, he went out of the town to collect some firewood. He sold the firewood for two dirhams. He bought some food with one dirham and saved the other to buy an axe. When he had collected four dirhams, he could afford to buy an axe to cut firewood with, in order to not hurt his hands with thorns.
After some days, he could afford to buy a camel to carry the firewood on to the market. Every morning, he went to the desert to collect firewood with his axe and then carried it on his camel to the market to sell it. On the fortieth day of his marriage, the Prophet (s) saw him in Medina leading his camel. The Prophet (s) asked him about the camel. The young man told the Prophet (s) his story. The Prophet (s) said to him, 'Did I not tell you to get married?' Later on, this young man became one of the wealthiest people of Medina.[1]
Dear brother, do not fear poverty, because fearing poverty will keep you in it! Rely on Allah sincerely and try your best to find how the promise of Allah will shine in your joint life with your wife!
However, if you cannot get married and your lust is furious as you say, you can extinguish it through fasting and worshipping. If this cannot extinguish your lust, you have to practice the last solution: temporary marriage, which Allah has made lawful but some ignorant people have prohibited and therefore, they have involved themselves and their followers in adultery and psychological complexes that result from suppressing this instinct.
Temporary marriage, if you obtain the acceptance of the other side (a divorced woman or a widow), is a preferable solution in certain cases. Do not trouble yourself since Allah has permitted
[1] Quoted from "Crises and their Solutions" by Imam ash-Shirazi, p.16.
this thing! The wording of the agreement of this type of marriage, after agreeing with the other side on the dowry and the period of marriage, is that she should say first (I marry myself to you on the specified dowry and for the specified period) and then you reply by saying (I agree). Then, you both have to adhere to the legal conditions of this marriage. The most important condition is that she must, after the period of your temporary marriage ends, undergo the idda[1] and then divorce between you takes place automatically. You can remarry again if you want but with agreeing on another period and dowry. The idda of temporary marriage is the passing of two menstruation cycles if the woman intends to get married with another man, but with the same man, there is no need for the idda. I advise you not to let a child be formed, because it will be your legal child and then you must undertake its rights as your and her child, and hence, this requires you, due to morals, to get married in a permanent marriage and live happily.
Question 44
I am a young woman at the university and I observe the veil. I notice certain things in my classmates that are closer to unlawfulness than to lawfulness. Some of them justify their relations with young men in the university as they will be their future husbands. It is clear that they deceive themselves with this speech. Many of them are in love with some youths and then after some time they decide to be in love with others according to their youthful fancies. Frankly, I say that the Satan whispers to me in these environments and he is about to defeat me. I do not know how to match my religion with the pressing physical needs in such an exciting environment! Would you plese
[1] The period of abstention from sexual relations imposed on a widow or a divorced woman, or a woman whose marriage has been annulled before re-marrying.
suggest a solution for me? It is worth mentioning that there are many other girls like myself but they are too shy to express themselves.
The answer: I will begin answering from the end of your question and say: dear sister, shyness is the strongest fort that protects chastity. A girl is precious due to her chastity, gravity, shyness, and veil. If these noble qualities are lost, the value of a girl is lost and she becomes a worthless thing even in the eyes of deceitful men. Who can accept that the partner of his life should be a girl whom the hands of other men have touched or whose charms their suspicious eyes have seen?
This thought is stronger in faithful men who have jealousy and dignity. Allah has honored woman, given her a high position, protected her with veil, and planted in her shyness to resist those who consider her as a cheap good. The corruption, which has spread everywhere and which has been planned by Zionism and its followers, has deprived girls of their shyness and made them the main source of deviation, family problems, and spouse troubles.
Woman has been preferred to man with ninety-nine portions of pleasure but Allah has granted shyness to her, as it has been mentioned in a tradition narrated from Imam as-Sadiq (s). The media and the satellite TV stations, which resist the religion of Allah and fight moral values, have deprived woman of her shyness and then she has become excited, destroying the tranquility of families and bringing them numerous problems. Is it right for Muslim girls to cause this torment and destruction for the lives of young men and the lives of married men and married women?
When a university girl, from whom it is supposed that her scientific level will prevent her from doing wrong, puts off her veil and uncovers her charms, she does wrong against herself, people, and families. When she excites men's lusts and attracts their hearts towards her, they cannot get her or they feel shy to approach her and tell the truth; therefore, their wishes and desires accumulate inside themselves, and later on their
relations with their wives and children become strangled and then disagreements and quarrels take place that may end in divorce and the loss of children as often happens.
Let this unveiled girl, who does such wrongs to families, not forget that one day when she gets married to live tranquilly with her husband and children, another girl will come to influence her husband's reason and emotions and will bring her life storms of problems. It has been mentioned in traditions, 'As you condemn (others) you are condemned (by others).' And this is what the imperialists want when they spread debauchery, shameful fashions, nightclubs, ballrooms, and immoral songs.
Let these girls also not forget that they do wrong towards knowledge when they excite lust in the university and school by busying the youths' senses and their own senses and direct the attentions towards unlawful things, and then minds and hearts will have no inclination towards knowledge and its deep matters. Therefore, most university graduates are without good abilities.
Unveiledness, displaying of charms, and distracting hearts with immoralities - whether by young men or young women - are considered to be a great crime against man, family, society, religion, knowledge, and progress.
What do you think the punishment of this great crime will be on the Day of Resurrection?
The Prophet (s) of this umma, which has become detached from its religion, answers this question with his tears. Let every girl and woman who belongs to this religion ponder over the following tradition.
Imam Ali (s) has said, 'Once, Fatima and I went to the messenger of Allah (s) and found him crying bitterly. I asked, 'O messenger of Allah, may my father and mother be sacrificed for you! What makes you cry?'
He said, 'O Ali, on the night (of ascension) when I was ascended to the Heaven, I saw some women from my
community in great torment. I denied their affair. I cried when I saw the severe torment they suffered. I saw a woman hanging by her hair while her brain was boiling. I saw another one hanging by her tongue while boiling fluid was poured onto her back. I saw another woman hanging by her breasts and another one eating her own flesh while the fire was lit under her. I saw another one with her legs and hands tied together while snakes and scorpions were set against her. I saw a blind, deaf, and dumb woman in a coffin of fire while her brain came out of her nose and her body was cut because of leprosy. I saw a woman hung by her legs in an oven of fire. I saw a woman who was cutting her flesh from behind and in front of her with scissors of fire. I saw a woman with her face and hands being burned while she was eating her intestines. I saw a woman with a head of a pig and a body of a donkey suffering a million kinds of torments. I saw a woman who was like a dog while fire entered into her back and came out of her mouth while the angels beat her head and body with bats of fire.'
Fatima (s) said, 'O dear father, would you please tell me what those women have done so that Allah has placed them in such torments?'
The Prophet (s) said, 'Dear daughter, as for the one who was hanging by her hair, she did not cover her hair before men (in the worldly life). The one who was hanging by her tongue hurt her husband. The one who was hanging by her breasts refrained from sleeping with her husband. The one who was hanging by her legs went out of her house without her husband's permission. The one who ate her own flesh adorned herself for men other than her husband. The one whose hands and legs were tied together and snakes and scorpions were set against her was dirty (in the worldly life) with filthy clothes and she did not make ablution after janabah [1] and menstruation, did not cleanse herself, and paid no attention to her prayers. The one who was blind, deaf, and dumb gave birth
[1] The state of major ritual impurity that is caused by marital intercourse.
to children out of adultery and ascribed them to her husband. The one who cut her flesh with scissors of fire offered herself to men. The one whose face and body were burned while eating her intestines was a pimp. The one whose head resembled that of a pig and her body resembled that of a donkey was a talebearer and liar. The one who was like a dog and fire entered from her back and came out of her mouth was a singer, weeper, and envier.'
Then Imam Ali (s) said commenting on the Prophet's speech, 'Woe unto a woman who makes her husband angry and blessed is she who makes her husband pleased with her.'[1]
Following the Islamic rulings and good morals, reviving one's conscience, and thinking of death and the punishment on the Day of Resurrection are motivations to keep women, men, families, and societies safe from many dangers and corruptions.
Dear sister, what you see at the university, in material societies, in bad films, in the street, at the shores, or in any other place is to test your will and your faith in your religion. The value of a man becomes higher when being tried by difficulties in these areas. So you should be patient, stick to your studies, and continue on the way to success so that you will taste the sweetness of patience and straightforwardness throughout your life for Allah will not waste the reward of the patient.
This is what you notice in this tradition reported from Imam as-Sadiq (s), though it addresses males but it concerns women too. Imam as-Sadiq (s) says, 'Whoever looks at a woman and raises his sight towards the sky or closes his eyes, his sight will not come back to him until Allah will marry him to houris.'[2]
The tradition can be read in this way "whoever looks at a young man and raises her sight towards the sky or closes her eyes her sight will not come back to her until Allah will marry her to
[1] Uyoon Akhbar ar-Redha, vol. 2 p.65.
[2] Rawdhat al-Muttaqeen, vol.8 p.538.
immortal youths (who remain young).'
Of course, this will be in Paradise, which one sets out towards from the first night in the grave, but the results of that before death are comfort and peace of the heart that bring good and respect in this life whenever you remember your purity and strong will.
If we suppose that there is a faithful young woman who cannot put a moral veil between her and the young men around her, and she wants, in order to keep some things more important, to have an honest relationship with a faithful young man who can be her husband in the future, then she can agree with him to a temporary marriage agreement where they both can recite its specific formula and then they would be better satisfied with talking with each other, without being alone or sleeping together. In other words, lawful relations should be bound by a legal agreement within their pressing needs and without going farther than that, for a virgin girl may open her eyes to find that she has lost the most precious thing she has and then she will live with black memories, sadly and melancholy!
Because this possibility may also happen to a virgin girl in a temporary marriage, most of our jurisprudents have prohibited it strongly. Therefore, I do not advise you to do a temporary marriage unless you fear falling into sin, in which case some of our jurisprudents have permitted it.
Question 45
Our neighbor has a fifteen-year old daughter. She used to send me love songs and invited me to friendship and even to…
Whenever I turned away from her, she would increase seducing me in irresistible ways. At last, what was bound to happen happened and continued until "marriage" took place without a legal agreement of marriage. Now, she is regretful and so am I. Definitely, our families will not agree on our marriage if we tell them the truth because they will say that our ages do not fit the responsibility of marriage. I do not know where our secret relationship will lead us or what we will become! Please, judge our case and we will be grateful!
The answer: Since the beginning, you have stepped into the way of the Satan. The first thing that you must do is pray to Allah to forgive you your great sins, which will affect your life if you do not hasten to repent sincerely and suffer real regret. Nevertheless, your memories will still keep the ugly pictures of your sin to sting your consciences from time to time. This is first.
Second, you have to establish an agreement of temporary marriage secretly and decrease your meetings except at the time of need.
Third, you should prepare for the procedures of continuous marriage gradually and in a wise way that will not bring you troubles from your families.
Fourth, you should always think of this bad experiment and the outcome of sin and know that it obliterates moral happiness and mental tranquility. Others have to take a lesson from this vice.
Fifth, pray to Allah to forgive you whenever you remember your sin and ask Him to protect your offspring from the same sin and its like!
Question 46
In Islam, early marriage is preferred, but life nowadays does not assure the opportunity of early marriage. The marital life does not begin except after finishing university study, getting a job, and then saving enough money. This means that one becomes more than thirty years old. And this also means that the youth suffer from sexual lust and the wish to satisfy this lust for more than fifteen years. Some of the youth practice this lust during these years and then get married after practical experiments, and others remain patient while the effects of suppression and deprivation appear on them. I do not know how to accord the opinion of Islam, which is the right opinion without any doubt, with the reality and its requirements and obstacles!
The answer: Dear brother or dear sister, your question shows
the depth of the plot that the imperialists have planned against our Islamic community through imposing a system of living that is quite far from our religion and culture.
Our religion has become deserted and the culture of corrupters has controlled the behaviors of most Muslims. The Prophet (s) has said, 'O people, Gabriel has revealed to me from the Kind, the Wise that virgins are like fruits on trees. If the fruits ripen but are not picked, they will be damaged by the sun and become scattered by the wind. So are virgins. If they become adults, there will be no treatment for them except to get married; otherwise, they will not be safe from corruption because they are human'[1]. Then, are the youth safe from the waves of corruption?
In spite of that, it is possible to achieve early marriage to avoid slipping into corruption. This is done after the satisfaction of both sides, the young man and the young woman, away from competing over unnecessary things and ceremonies that are full of excess and pride.
The Prophet (s) has said, 'Whenever a young man gets married at early age, the Satan vociferates, 'Woe unto him! Woe unto him! He has preserved two thirds of his religion from me!' Let one fear Allah in the remaining third!'[2]
Responsibility lies with the clergy, writers, teachers, and instructors to guide society (fathers and mothers) to the Islamic values in facilitating and hastening marriage after explaining the principles of life and the marital responsibilities to the youth.
The matter should be explained with all its dangerous dimensions, especially the destructive effects on individuals, health, family, society, and religion when young men and young women are prevented from early marriage. What is known by all about the secret corruption of most teenagers of nowadays is just a small part of those destructive effects.
[1] Rawdhat al-Muttaqeen, vol.8 p.112.
[2] Bihar al-Anwar, vol.103 p.221.
Let all efforts be directed towards opening a lawful way in order to prevent secret, unlawful relations. Islam has shown the lawful way by facilitating marriage and making young spouses understand their joint responsibilities. If we suppose that permanent marriage is not possible and the choice remains between unlawful relations behind curtains, or suppressing the sexual lust and causing physical and psychological diseases, or secret relations authorized by an agreement of temporary marriage, definitely the last choice is preferred. With this kind of relation, the two young spouses can continue their individual lives until they graduate, get jobs, and prepare themselves for the requirements of permanent marriage. However, if someone can clear his way with fasting and worshipping without practicing temporary marriage, it will be better.
I hope that we all can understand these Islamic solutions and dare with them to get out of our crises and change the ways of the Western life, which are foreign to Muslims.
Question 47
I have a handsome friend who is twenty-two years old. He has had love relations with more than thirty girls since he became an adult, as he claims. Of course, they do not know that. He exchanges love affairs with each of them and promises to marry them in the future. He might even practice something unlawful with them; I am not sure, but I would not put that past him. He tells me that he, via the telephone, makes friends with them, deceives them, and then laughs at their naiveties. When he satisfies his desires, he fabricates an excuse to move on to his new quarry! He describes girls as an amusement and they are like toys in his hand.
I have advised him to give up these prohibited acts, but he often invites me to join his deceitful table saying: we have to enjoy our lives!!
Sometimes, he lifts the telephone and lets me hear the voice of a girl who has been deceived by his words of love. When I see this, I become so angry at the naivety of our girls. I myself know some of them who are from noble and honorable families, but I fear that
troubles may happen if I tell their families about this.
O Sheikh, please tell me how to deal with this friend so that Allah may be pleased with me and that my conscience may be at ease, and also tell how to protect the honor of our girls from such beastly human beings!
The answer: Dear faithful brother, may Allah bless your protectiveness! As for your friend, though he really is not a friend, you should ask him: how would you like to see a young man do with your sisters or nieces the same thing that you do with the daughters of other people? In the future, when you get married and have daughters, and when your daughters grow up and become teenagers, how would you feel if you saw a young man doing with your daughters as you do with the girls of your society today?
Continue guiding him with the aid of clergymen and religious people, and do not let him play with the honors of people and Muslim girls! Be certain that the girls will thank you, even later on, and thank whoever tries to protect their reputations.
As for those girls whom you know, send them unsigned letters in which you advise them due to religion and protectiveness. Tell them that they are being deceived by one who deceives other girls at the same time.
I have a word to say to the oblivious fathers and mothers of these girls: awake from torpor and loss! Where are your conscience and jealousy? Where are your honor and magnanimity? Where are your dignity and morality? Why have you sunk into the pleasures of this world to the degree of vice and scandal? Do you not see death, the grave, and torment? Are there no graveyards in your town to visit and from which to take lessons from the people in the graves and ponder on their states under the ground?
Alas for the loss of good morals!
O our Lord, we seek Your protection from misleading fancies and from following the mirage of the Satan. O Allah, awake us from the torpor of ignorance and take us peacefully to the
eternal abode near You!
Question 48
I want to get married, but I want you to advise me. How should I move to a life that I have not known before?
The answer: Dear young man, marriage is a great and important decision in one's life. When a reasonable man decides to take such an important decision, he has to think deeply and wisely.
Dear brother, first, you have to prepare for all the requirements of marriage, and then do not act, when choosing the partner of your life, as if you are buying something from a store. This is also said to a young woman when choosing the partner of her life. You have to be very precise in choosing the qualities of your future wife in order to be happy and successful and to win the good end.
It is mentioned that one day a young man, whose name was Ibrahim al-Karkhi, asked Imam as-Sadiq (s) a question like yours. Imam as-Sadiq (s) said to him, 'See where you will put yourself, who you will make a partner in your wealth, and to whom you will reveal your religion and secrets…'[1]
In another tradition, Imam as-Sadiq (s) has said, 'Woman is like a necklace. See what necklace you put on!'[2]
Then, advance to take the other steps and beware of aiming at just beauty or wealth, because these two things may disappear by accidents, which will not tell you before they take place. If you do not concentrate your choice on faith and morals, you will face a dark fate.
Do not misunderstand me and think that Islam does not pay attention to beauty and wealth, but Islam warns of making them the priority when choosing one's wife (or husband). The Prophet (s) has said, 'From the happiness of a Muslim man
[1] Wassa'il ash-Shia, vol.14 p.14, Bihar al-Anwar, vol.103 p.232.
[2] Bihar al-Anwar, vol.103 p.232.
is…a beautiful woman who is religious.'[1] He has also said, 'A Muslim man does not profit from anything, after Islam, better than a Muslim woman, who pleases him when he looks at her, obeys him when he orders her, and is devoted to him in keeping her honor and his wealth when he is absent.'[2]
Outward beauty may give pleasure, but religious and moral beauty gives more pleasure. Therefore, it is mentioned that one day a man asked Imam Hasan (s), 'To whom should I marry my daughter?' Imam Hasan (s) said to him, 'Marry her to a pious man, because if he loves her, he will honor her, and if he hates her, he will not do wrong towards her.'[3]
The beauty of morals and piety defeats the crises that throw marital life into melancholy. O dear young man who are about to get married, you have to read about these principles and values and then rely on Allah. We would like to say to you and to your wife: congratulations on your marriage!
Question 49
I am a young man in the university from a wealthy family. I have all the means of luxury, and, of course, most of them are unlawful. In my fight between reason and lust, I do not know how to make reason defeat lust. Would you please guide me to the right way?
The answer: First, strengthen your determination with sincere repentance to Allah, and then watch yourself according to the following method, which I have quoted from what Allama at-Tabataba'iy, the author of Tafsir al-Mizan, had written to a young man like you:
"First, in the morning, when you wake up, determine not to do anything that does not please Allah! Think well before deciding to do anything whether or not it benefits you in this life and afterlife! If it pleases Allah, do it; otherwise, leave it, regardless of whether or not you like it.
[1] Bihar al-Anwar, vol.103 p.217.
[2] Ibid., p.235.
[3] Makarim al-Akhlaq, p.204.
Second, do so until you go to bed at night, and then think of all you have done in the day, one by one. Thank Allah for your good deeds and pray to Him to forgive your bad deeds!
Third, continue doing this for several days. You may feel tired at the beginning, but then, it will gradually become easier for you and you will enjoy it morally and spiritually. Of course, the body follows the soul in comfort.
Fourth, before sleeping, perform wudu' and recite the following suras: al-Hadeed (57), al-Hashr (59), as-Saff (61), al-Jum'ah (62) and al-Taghabun (64). If you cannot, you should recite al-Hashr only. With this action, you shall find that the pleasure of lawful things is sweeter than the pleasure of unlawful things. Then, you will laugh at those who pant after unlawful pleasures, and feel sorry for them and the mirage they walk in towards Hell."
In the following tradition, Imam Ali (s) mentions the qualities of the faithful and pious people, who follow sound reason and walk in the right path. Imam Ali (s) says,
'A faithful one is truthful in the worldly life, with an insightful heart. He keeps to the (moral) limits. He is a vessel of knowledge, with perfect thinking. He is generous, good-hearted, patient, and openhanded. He spends liberally. He is charitable, honey-tongued, and smiling. He ponders much, sleeps little, and laughs little. He is with good manners, free from greediness, and away from fancy. He is ascetic in this life. He looks forward to the afterlife. He likes guests. He is merciful to the orphans. He is kind to the young. He has regard for the old. He helps the needy, visits the sick, and escorts the dead. He respects the holiness of the Qur'an, prays to the Lord, cries for sins, enjoins right, forbids wrong, eats little, drinks little, moves with politeness, speaks with advice, and preaches kindly. He does not fear any except Allah and expects no one save Him. He is busy in thanking and praising Allah. He is neither negligent nor is he proud. He is not proud of the properties of the worldly life. He is busy thinking of his own defects away from the defects of others. Prayer is the delight of
his eyes. Fasting is his job and occupation. Truthfulness is his habit. Gratefulness is his ship. Reason is his captain. Piety is his food. The worldly life is his prison. Patience is his home. The night and day are his capital. Paradise is his abode. The Qur'an is his speech. Muhammad is his intercessor and Allah the Almighty is his entertainer.'[1]
