What the youth need part 4

Question 50

I am a young man. I want to get married, but I fear that I may fall into the same predicament my brother fell in. In the beginning, his wife had good morals, but later on, her morals became bad. Many problems occurred between them until they became a bad example in the family. I do not know how to convince myself and pass over my difficult psychological state to get married and live happily!

The answer: Dear brother, with the scenes you have seen, your worry is very natural. However, you should be certain that problems are not always repeated because each person has his own independent personality if he has a will. Your will is stronger in the stage of youth, and you can take lessons from your brother's experience. Instead of being desperate about this experiment, you can read about the successful experiments of millions of people who have gotten married and lived happily. In order to attain this happiness, you should read books about the happy marital life to learn the qualities of a good wife who can help you lead a happy life. Do not place in your mind an imaginary picture of an infallible girl who has no defect, because first, you yourself are not so, and second, there is no such a girl in this world at all. Yes, such a girl is in Paradise and her name is "Houri".

When you determine to get married inshallah, please make note of the following points:

1. Man acquires most of his habits from the environment he lives in. Therefore, we have to excuse others as we would like others to excuse us.

[1] Jami' al-Akhbar, p.215.

2. Some disagreements that result from the differences in knowledge, beauty, health, and lineage do not harm marital happiness. This is like the differences between day and night or between the four seasons for example. One complements the other so that life continues with ultimate wisdom. Spouses, who want their life to continue happily, have to think in this way about their differences that are beyond their wills.

3. As for acquired habits that harm the marital relation, spouses have to try their best to get rid of them and to not be indifferent towards them.

Question 51

I have a friend who is good in all aspects. He is kind and our relationship is very good, but he has a bad quality that makes me turn away from him while I do not want that. I cannot speak out frankly to him about this bad deed which he often commits. I am confused as to how to tell him about it. This bad quality is called by the Holy Qur'an as treason of the eyes.

Yes! My friend knows well that looking at foreign women (not mahram) is unlawful, and when it is repeated, it changes into an arrow in his eye, heart, and soul. However, he looks at women stealthily and from the corners of his eyes. He casts his eyes and then looks again. What is bitterer than that is that when he visits me (at home) or when I go out with him to visit our friends (in their houses), he does not cast his eyes down towards the ground in the manner of faithful people, but he raises his head and looks here and there without caring that maybe the door of a room is open or that it might have mistakenly been opened by a child, and then his eyes come across women and honors. How often this thing has happened! He looked (at women), lowered his head and then he looked again (from under his eyes). He did not refrain from doing this!

I do not want to cut my relationship with him, and at the same time, I do not wish to continue my friendship with him much longer while he does this thing repeatedly. If I can learn the solution due to religion and reason, the problem will end. Would you please guide me to the most effective way to reform him?

The answer: If you can end your embarrassment by reminding him of the values and morals of the believers and the pious, you should do so without hesitation, otherwise you have to write your thoughts in a letter with a disguised handwriting. Then, you should send the letter by post without any sign indicating it is from you so that Allah may make this way the solution that pleases you and saves him from his plight.

Man, sometimes, becomes accustomed to a bad quality, and then it becomes difficult to remove it from him in a short period of time. Therefore, you should try to advise him, in the same way, after some time if you find that he has not changed.

Write to him, in your letters, about the values he believes in and warn him of the evil end of continuing this bad quality. Mention to him the torment of the treason of the eyes on the Day of Resurrection. Speak, in your letters, to his conscience and tell him that his personality will become degraded before his friends if he continues this bad behavior.

This is what you should tell him in your unsigned letters, but what I want to say to him and to those like him in the following lines is:

Dear brother, what would your situation be if one of your friends looked at your wife, daughter, or sister, etc?

What would your situation be if someone said to you angrily and violently before others: do you not feel shame to look at my wife?!

What would your situation be if your close friends turned away from you and you were exposed before all?

Imagine that your bad quality was in others besides you! Would you not become angry with them and try to advise them? And if they did not refrain, would you not cut your relation with them? But before all that, remember this saying of one of the poets:

"Do not forbid (others) from a behavior while you practice it,

It is a great shame if you do it."

Imam al-Hasan al-Askari (s) has said, 'It suffices you as politeness that you do not do what you dislikes others to do.'

Here, I invite this friend to ponder on the traditions of these infallible ones who want good for him.

The Prophet (s) said, '(Unlawful) looking is an arrow from the Satan's. Whoever avoids it for fear of Allah, Allah gives him faith, the sweetness of which he can feel in his heart.'[1]

He also said, 'Whoever fills his eyes with unlawfulness, Allah will fill them with nails of fire on the Day of Resurrection.'

Ameerul Mo'mineen (Imam Ali) (s) said, 'Beware of treason, because it is the worst of disobedience. A traitor will be tortured in Fire for his treason.'[2]

He also said, 'He, who sets his eyes free, tires out his mind. He, whose looks follow one after another, his sighs continue.'[3]

Question 52

We have heard before that boys molested girls in the streets and via the telephone, but nowadays we see the opposite. My only son, whom I wish to study at the university and graduate with a high degree, is chased by the ringer of the telephone, which rings five, six, or seven times every day even at the times of rest, though the caller (girl) neither speaks nor does she refrain even after all my abuses. I asked my son if he had a relation with some girl and he denied it. I am sure he was truthful. We agreed that he would pick up the telephone and attract her so that we might know who she was. The telephone rang and my son lifted the telephone. I came near him to hear. She said softly, 'I have admired you and my life is like hell without you. I only want your love. Do you appreciate love?'

My son, whose face reddened and whose voice hesitated, said to her, 'Alright! But, how can I see you? What is your name and address?'

When she felt assured, she introduced herself. She was the daughter

[1] Bihar al-Anear, vol.104 p.38.

[2] Mustadrak al-Wassa'il, vol.2 p.506.

[3] Jami' al-Akhbar, p.245.

of our neighbor, with whom we had no relation at all.

I am astonished at fathers and mothers that they do not watch their children. Where have shyness and abstinence gone? Where are religion and protectiveness? Is this the value of a Muslim girl? Please, tell me, is there no conscience bearing purity and dignity?

The answer: In this question, there is a complete answer for him who has a heart or lends his ear with full intelligence.

Yes! The problem set forth in this painful question reveals the educational looseness and religious weakness. The crisis is knocking at the doors, if it has not already entered some houses!

I know many who suffer from these bad things that have come to us via foreign movies. Bitterer than this are some Arabic movies that have played a great corruptive role since the fifties. The satellite TV stations in our countries are still showing these movies whereas their actors are being burnt in the fire of Hell.

Alas! A Muslim country, Muslim artists, and great monies from the treasury of the Muslims are spent in disobeying Allah and taking Islam away from the life of the Muslims for generations after generations!

The curse of Allah be on the first one who has established the basis of injustice, corruption, and deviation among the Muslims and on the last one of his followers!

Those fathers who are careless as to the honor of their daughters are often victims of those misleading films and media. Then, what do you expect their daughters to be?

As for the cure of this problem, I think it lies in talking with the family of the girl to marry her early, because when a ripe apple is not picked, it will decay and fall to the ground, and then it is trodden on or is eaten by animals. So is a (lover) girl. She should be married; otherwise, she will be like the fallen apple.

This is not understood by most parents in this bad age. The

reason is that they have driven religion away from their lives.

Dear sister, as for your son, you have to speak to him frankly. If he can continue his studies without thinking of the other sex, this is better for him, but if he suffers from the pressure of incitements, he would be better off getting married to devote himself to his study; otherwise, he will neither succeed in his study nor will he be in a good psychological and physical health.

Yes! It is somehow difficult to compromise between study and the requirements of marriage, but this will be easy with a strong will, a will of the men who defeat difficulties and conduct their marriages contentedly with simple procedures and avoid high and expensive costs.

Let the reasonable one put the advantages of this kind of marriage in a scale, and the disadvantages of the pressing lust in another scale, and then follow what his reason and religion guide him to.

Question 53

I am a young woman from a religious family and all my interests are religious, thanks be to Allah! I have a friend in school who often sits with me, but she is not religious. All the time, she is interested in news of singers, athletes, issues of teenagers, molestations, and exchanging letters with young men, though she is still too young. She is sixteen years old. Would you please warn the youth, fathers, and mothers with the necessary Islamic advices? Many thanks for your interest in guiding us to what will make us happy in this life and the afterlife.

The answer: Thank you very much O daughter of faith and abstinence! Your feelings to save your friend and your care for your religion show your true upbringing. I hope that you continue on this path until you arrive at the eternal bliss.

The problem you have mentioned is a fact from the bitter reality that fathers and mothers try to ignore, thinking that they can cover the behaviors of those teenage girls. I think that

indifference towards such girls encourages them to continue in corruption and covering up this concern is stupidity because such girls are exposed before others and scandal moves from mouth to mouth.

Let me say frankly that the problem firstly belongs to fathers and mothers, for they, in bringing up their children away from religion and love, have thrown the children into the way of corruption, and then when the tragedy takes place, they hurry to look for solutions but they will not find any even if they shed tears of sorrow and regret.

If only those fathers and mothers, who have turned their backs on religion and slept on the pillow of irresponsibility and have failed to satisfy their children with love and sympathy, would read the sayings of even Western scholars.

Dr. Raymond Page says, 'The first picture a child draws in his mind about Allah comes out of his relation with his parents. Also, the first concept that comes to his mind about obedience, forgiveness, and straightforwardness is connected strongly with the behavior of his family…parents may not have a suitable opportunity to educate their child and develop his thinking, so they have to introduce Allah to their children in the best way with strong determination, will, and watchfulness. In this concern, they can depend on two good sources: religion and nature.'[1]

Dear daughter, as for your situation towards your deviant friend:

First, deal with her as if she is sick, and she really is sick but she does not know. A sick one needs care, and you, with your faith, morals, and patience, can offer her religious advice and talk to her with the language of nature and conscience. You should tell her that the purpose of her existence is to arrive at the pleasures of Paradise. Islam does not prohibit the pleasures of this life provided that they are obtained lawfully.

[1] The secret of Success in your Personality, p.243.

Second, if she can get married, you can arrange the procedures of this by consulting with other religious women who understand such matters.

Third, when advising and warning her, depend on the frightening aspects of Islamic teachings - I mean what concerns death: the pressing of grave, its loneliness, and darkness for those who disobey Allah. It is mentioned in traditions that "he, who fears Fire, avoids unlawful things". Tell her that Allah the Almighty will stand man in the difficulties and horrors of the Day of Resurrection to punish him for all his doings. Allah says in the Qur'an, (Surely, the hearing, the sight, and the heart, all of these, shall be questioned about that). [1]

There are many stories that affect one's conscience that you can use to guide her to the right path and surely you will be rewarded by Allah.

Stories of accidents in our present time show that most of those who die are unsuspecting youths. Death is a sudden visitor and defeating comer. Isn't it?

Finally, if she does not listen to you and you find that she may influence you or do wrong to your good reputation, you have to cut your relation with her bravely and without any kind of courtesy for "a strong believer is better than a weak believer," as the Prophet (s) has said.

Question 54

I am a twenty year-old girl. I live on my nerves to a degree that I have no confidence in my abilities to lead a happy life. Our house is like a wrestling ring full of crying and shouting amongst my sisters and brothers. We do not agree with each other on most things. We stand against each other in every situation and always frown at each other. None of us respects the other. All of us know that this is bad morale, but we do not know how and why we have been so! What is the way to change our state? Please, do you have a solution to our

[1] Qur'an, 17:36.

complicated problem?

The answer: Disagreement between people is somewhat natural because each of them thinks independently and consciously. However, if this independence does not submit to moral teachings, it gets to what you now see in your house, which is similar to a jungle or a zoo. It is too natural that this state makes you live on your nerves and causes failure to all, you being one of them.

The reason often is because of:

The lack of a religious atmosphere in the house, such as recitation of the Qur'an, supplications, religious meetings, and reading Islamic and historical books

Carelessness of parents to plant love and spirit of cooperation in their children

The feeling of children that there is no justice or fairness in dealing with them (by parents)

Excessive interference in their affairs which makes them accustomed to laziness and dependence, whereas children should be taught to be self-confident to solve their problems and to achieve their needs

Wishing and looking forward to what is not possible except by hard toils

Narrowness of the house and the lack of requirements that are common between the members of the family

The way to deliverance is in the following steps:

A strained person should relax.

He should be away from the place of disagreement or quarrel when it is beginning.

He should associate with good neighbors, make friends with good persons, and visit them from time to time.

He should go for lawful amusement and spend some time in watching beautiful scenes of nature.

He should mention Allah, recite the Qur'an and

supplications, and read good books.

He should read some comic books when feeling tired or exhausted, because how often it is that a quarrel melts away because of a joke or a laugh.

Here, I mention a situation that once happened in front of me in the home of one of my relatives. We were in the sitting room and the remote control of the TV was in my hand. Whenever a sound of singing or music appeared, I changed the channel or I muted the sound. At that time, one of the boys asked me about the view of Islam about music and I replied to him that it was unlawful. He argued with me and I explained to him the many harms of listening to music. He argued with me again. His father became angry at him. Then, before his father could increase his insults towards him, I directed the remote control towards the father's mouth as a way of turning the sound down! I made him laugh and then they all laughed with him. It was a moment of delight and joy instead of being a moment of quarrel and disagreement. After that, I explained in greater detail about music and its harms.

Question 55

Would you please tell me how to save myself from worry, distraction, absent-mindedness, and forgetfulness? I will be grateful to you.

The answer: Here are twenty points; if you follow them, I myself will be grateful to you:

Wake up early enough to give yourself sufficient time to go about your appointments or tasks without hurrying!

Have a good breakfast and do not eat in a rush!

Do not put off the work of today until tomorrow, for every day has its work!

Make friends with those who do not live in psychological troubles!

Assign a time everyday to, while in solitude, ponder over moral matters and worships and think deeply

about The answer:to these questions: Where have I come from? What am I now? Where shall I go after death?

Everyday, practice some physical exercises even if it is for just half an hour!

Thank Allah for the blessings you have and do not exaggerate your problems!

Write down what you want to do everyday!

Before talking, think deeply about the consequences of your talks!

Give your body some relaxation and rest and practice swimming!

Breathe as deeply as possible!

Do not worry about what you cannot get!

Live your life truly and think of your state and your surroundings!

Laugh little, and when you cry, cry much! Let your laughter and cries be for the delight of your heart and the comfort of your nerves.

Do not eat more than your needs!

Do not promise anyone that which you cannot fulfill, and when you make promises, say "Inshallah"!

Do not feel shy to say: "I am sorry, I cannot…I do not know" when you really cannot or do not know!

Be a good listener most of the time, and when you talk, talk as little as necessary to convey the concept you want to declare! Try to make your speech eloquent and nice!

Read and look for political, scientific, and cultural news as much as you possibly can!

Think of Paradise and its pleasures and bliss and imagine that you will stay in it forever, but always

remember that you pay its price (in cash) at the present!

Question 56

My father is always angry with us at home, but he is very good with others elsewhere. How do you explain this duality?

The answer: This feature stems from his dissatisfaction with himself and his marital life. This means that he had hoped for something in his life but he was disappointed, whether with himself or with his family. This matter causes a great pressure on his heart, mentality, and nerves. Whenever he remembers his ambition, his nerves become tense and he becomes upset, and because he is so, he becomes angry at anything even if it is trivial. Therefore, he pours his anger on the ones closest to him because he knows that they will not leave him, whereas others would turn away from him if he were angry with them. He pours his anger on those in the house lest he lose his friends outside the house.

Man, in his nature, likes good morals; therefore, by his good manners with others, he tries to cover his failure, which continues to sting him. Anyway, whatever the reason is, I recommend you to be patient with him, bear his behavior, and treat him with respect because he is psychologically sick and a sick one needs a lot of care. If it is possible, you should try to help him in achieving his ambition, if it is lawful, and then he will become calm and you will all be at ease.

Question 57

For quite some time, my mother has become a sharp criticizer. She cannot bear to see a bit of wrong in anyone. In this state, she has become a point of tittle-tattle and the source of family disagreements. My friends do not visit me because of her. We do not dare to speak up frankly against her, especially since she became angry with my sister who tried to do that once. We do not know how to deal with her. She is correct in her criticism of others, but we do not want to become involved in troubles because most people

nowadays do not accept criticism, much less that of my mother's which is without courtesy and is sharp and stinging. We hope to benefit from your opinion in this concern.

The answer: Old people often suffer from weak nerves; therefore, they cannot bear things that annoy them. If they are religious, sins and disobediences make them angry; if they are not, things that are contrary to their thinking and desires make them angry; if they are sick, loud sounds and noises make them angry…and so on.

As for your mother, one of these reasons leads her to such criticism that causes troubles. As a cure, I suggest:

You have to keep her away from what may excite her nerves, and thus, nothing that leads her to criticism will take place before her.

You can tell the persons that meet her often to not do anything that will excite her criticism and nerves.

You have to excuse her and think of her as if she were psychologically sick and realize that she needs your care, tolerance, and patience.

Let most of her food be that which is cold in its nature, such as yogurt, fruits, vegetables, and the like.

You have to look for some person who will have influence over her through friendship and wisdom, for however much a man is fanatic, he may change and become more moderate due to a friendship.

You have to take her to meetings where preaching takes place. You can agree with the preacher to talk about what may reform her thinking. The preacher may discuss three main points:

First, making mistakes is natural in man's life. Man is neither an angel nor a beast; he is some of this and some of that. The Prophets, who were sent to reform people, were ordered to be kind to them.

Incidentally, it is mentioned that one day the screens were

removed from the sight of one of the Prophets for sometime. Whenever he saw unlawful acts inside people's homes, he damned them and prayed to Allah to afflict them with torment. Allah revealed to him, 'I am more aware of them than you are and I am worthier of damning and torturing them than you are, but My mercy has preceded my wrath. I have sent you to them in order to invite them to My mercy and not to invoke My wrath against them'.

Talking about the Divine Mercy may cure cases of extremism and censure in people like your mother, as talking about the Divine Torment may cure cases of excess in committing sins.

Second, enjoining the right and forbidding the wrong should be in a kind and acceptable way; otherwise it itself becomes wrong.

A good preacher is he who explains to people like your mother that criticism must be offered in a frame of courtesy, smile, wisdom and attractiveness; otherwise its purpose is not realized, and then the problem becomes complicated and this is a mistake worse than the first mistake.

Third, the conducts of the Prophet (s) and the infallible Imams (s) in dealing with wrongdoers should be mentioned to her. Allah has said, (Call to the way of your Lord with wisdom and goodly exhortation, and reason with them in the best manner). [1]

Regarding these points, I want to say that advising, enjoining the right, and forbidding the wrong are required because they are religious obligations, moral necessities, social needs, and civil behaviors. However, wisdom, good manners, and the skill of argumentation are required in this concern. He, who does not possess these three means, would be better off in keeping silent because he may complicate the situation and spoil the purpose of criticism. Islam does not want an archer without a bow or a scholar without knowledge.

[1] Qur'an, 16:125.

Question 58

As you know, melancholy is the disease of this age. Psychological clinics are full of sick persons whom melancholy has thrown out of the circle of life.

I have a melancholy, introvert father. He is forty years old but he seems to be seventy years old. This matter has troubled our family life. I am fifteen years old but I do not know the reasons that have made my father so. Does Islam have solutions that can be depended on to save such sick people? Would you please answer in details, because there are many people like me who wait for this answer?

The answer: Islam has solutions for everything. It has declared the cure of melancholy and its like and emphasized, before that, on prevention. Here, I summarize The answer:in five points:

First, the traditions of the Prophet (s) and the infallible Imams (s) have referred to "melancholy" as "grief" and "distress". They have warned the Muslims of it by saying, 'He, whose grief increases, his body becomes sick', 'Grief is half of senility', and 'Grief is the disease of mentality'.

Boredom, distemper, lack of appetite for food, physical and psychological weaknesses, insomnia, instability, absentmindedness, pessimism, fatigue, feeling of guilt, inactivity, not feeling joy in the beautiful scenes of nature or other material pleasures, neglecting one's health, and paying no attention to life, which are qualities found in melancholy people, have been mentioned in the traditions with certain expressions.

Second, there is a close relationship between melancholy and the culture of the individual and that of the society. Some religious and social cultures lead to melancholy through their tragic literary works, sad music, and crying as it is widespread in the Eastern countries. As for the Western societies, the culture of disengagement from family connections leads one towards melancholy when he finds himself alone with no one to participate with him in his joys and sorrows. Therefore, we find

that suicide rates are on an increase in the Western countries, which do not care for family connections, while in Japan, where family relations and connections are strong, the ratio of suicide is very low, whereas religious and rural societies are the least afflicted with melancholy and acts of suicide.

As for religious societies, it is so because religion prohibits suicide and considers it as a crime of murder, whose recompense is being in Hell forever. Moreover, religion satisfies man's sentiments and his spiritual needs, which give him a power to adapt himself to changes and stimulates in him positive motives that resist melancholy.

Third, the reasons for melancholy must be understood. These reasons are not the same for all people. Each one is different from the other. For example, the reason for melancholy of someone may be the lack of love and sympathy and for another may be the accumulation of psychological pains, remorse after committing a sin, disappointment, the death of a lover, emigration and being away from one's family and relatives, a great financial loss, or poverty and neediness.

Fourth, what is the successful cure for this disease?

Modern psychological clinics have depended, in curing this disease, on the tranquilizing tablets of Valume or other gladdening drugs, while some other clinics prefer electrical shocks. All these cures are rejected by the Islamic clinic, which depends on prevention initially and then on cure.[1]

For curing this disease, Islam prescribes the following:

1. Take a bath with cool water, and especially pour it over the head; Imam Ali (s) says, 'Whoever has grief that he is unable to identify, let him wash his head.'[2]

2. Wash the clothes and remove bad smells, which means cleanliness in general; Imam Ali (s) says, 'Washing one's

[1] Quoted from (Islam and psychological health) by Ahmad al-Qabbantchi.

[2] Bihar al-Anwar, vol.76 p.84.

clothes takes away grief and sorrow.'[1]

3. Mention Allah a lot, especially by saying "there is no power save in Allah"; the Prophet (s) says, 'saying "there is no power save in Allah" has a cure for ninety-nine illnesses, the least of which is grief.'[2] Imam as-Sadiq (s) says, 'If griefs increases, you should mention "there is no power save in Allah."'[3]

4. Eat grapes, as mentioned in the traditions of the Prophet (s) and the infallible imams (s).[4]

Fifth, protection is the most important way to prevent melancholy and introversion. Islam has established constructive teachings to prevent any negative state that may destroy man's comfort and happiness. Islam first establishes belief inside man and then strengthens that faith inside him to reach a degree where he becomes certain of the wisdom of Allah and becomes satisfied with the fate Allah has determined.

The Prophet (s) says, 'Allah, with His wisdom and favor, has made comfort and joy in certainty and satisfaction, and made grief and sorrow in suspicion and dissatisfaction.'[5]

A real believer sees the causes of melancholy trivial especially when he recites this Qur'anic verse, (it may be that you dislike a thing while Allah has placed abundant good in it).[6]

A real believer does not envy others because he knows that "envy eats faith as fire eats firewood". Imam Ali (s) says, 'I have not seen an unjust one who is more similar to the wronged than one who envies: continuous panting, upset heart, and endless sorrow.'[7] A real believer dose not look for the material pleasures of this life because he has read the Islamic concept

[1] Ibid.

[2] Ibid., vol.74 p.88.

[3] Ibid., vol.76 p.323.

[4] Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 67 p.323.

[5] Ibid., vol.77 p.61.

[6] Qur'an, 4:19.

[7] Bihar al-Anwar, vol.73 p.256.

about this worldly life as "it deceives, destroys, and passes away.'[1]

A real believer has to submit to the saying of Imam as-Sadiq (s), 'Loving the worldly life causes grief and sorrow, and abstaining from it causes comfort of the heart and the body.'[2]

A real believer does not pant after the lust that is in the back of his mind and refrains from pondering over it because he has read the warning of the Prophet (s), 'A lust of a moment may bring a long sorrow'.[3]

Hence, a real believer protects himself lest he fall into melancholy. This is the vigilance of faith that leads to protection and safety from melancholy and its like.

Dear brother, you have to read this answer to your father and tell him:

Believe in Allah and work with the hope of arriving at the bliss of Paradise because this makes man patient with the difficulties of life!

Be active and do not be lazy!

Not committing a mistake is not a reason for great pride; rather, great pride lies in getting out of the mistake.

Dear father, stand on your feet to light your way and the way of others because an inverted candle does not light!

Have you pondered on flowers and smelt their fragrances? If there are no flowers in life, the scenes of beauty will be incomplete!

Happiness is a gift from Allah. Why do you not raise your hands towards the Heaven to receive this gift?

Finally, tell him frankly that worry, upset, fear and melancholy take him away from Allah; therefore, he has to do remembrance

[1] From a short letter by Imam Ali (s) to Mo'awiya.

[2] Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 78 p.240.

[3] Bihar al-Anwar, vol.77 p.82.

of Allah and be close to Him to be free from all those psychological diseases! Tell him: Come on! Forget the past and change your state and our state for the best by the assistance of Allah!

Question 59

Weakness of faith and beliefs has become widespread in our age. Our aged fathers and mothers say that faith in the past was stronger. Do you think it is possible to spread faith nowadays alongside this great corruption and means of deviation which have entered everywhere, even inside our homes via the TV, video, and internet?

The answer: When one knows that believing in Allah brings tranquility and ease to the heart, which in return cause success and happiness, one's life becomes pleasant and happy.

When one sincerely and definitely believes that Allah protects and assists him, and when he knows that belief in Allah invites him to mention Allah and that the words of remembrance bring tranquility to his heart, which is the basis of every success, then he knows the worth of religion and keeps away from corruption. He will ask himself: if living under the shadow of faith makes me, my family, and my society happy and makes love and cooperation spread amongst us, then why should I choose to live under the opposite shadow

Yes! Being religious in the irreligious atmosphere that is widespread is difficult. A religious person faces contempt and insults and suffers much in resisting them and continuing on the straight path. He feels pain and sorrow for the deviants and scorners. However, he becomes more resistant whenever he wins a fight, and this is what delights him and encourages him to continue on the straight path, especially when he remembers the blessings, pleasures, and rewards he will have in Paradise.

When one plants a seed into soil, it does not grow and bear fruits except after much care. Such is said about the sperm. When a father puts his sperm into the womb of the mother, a healthy child is not produced except after attending to all conditions.

A seed needs care and patience, and a sperm also requires care and patience. Does not a believer also need patience so that his faith will bear fruits? However, his faith bears fruits every day in this life in one way or another.

I say the same thing concerning your child. His heart will not open for faith except after efforts, patience, and care.

Parents are responsible for planting faith in their children's hearts through making friends with them, showing them love and kindness, kissing them, embracing them, playing with them, listening to their speech, and explaining to them what is right and what is wrong. Parents will harvest what they sow in their children. If there is any mistake, parents should blame no one but themselves.

If these facts and their advantages are known, obstacles in the way of true faith can be removed by man himself. Then, he will dislike anything that takes him away from these facts and their advantages. A real believer does not let the television, video, or internet - if they are means of corruption and vices that may weaken his faith and lead him to the path of wretchedness and grief - destroy his future or his children's future.

Is it acceptable for a reasonable person to leave his children, who he loves more than himself, in the middle of diseases that will afflict their souls and bodies and lead them to the fire of Hell?

Hence, parents have to plant religion in their children from their early years in a wise and successful way lest they deviate later on.

The pure nature in children remains pure if parents undertake their responsibility from the first day. Nature was and is still the object, on which prophets, reformers, and all good people depend in their tasks of reform. Without the divine nature in man, no one can take people from the darkness of deviation into the light of faith. It is a great mistake to be desperate of guiding people. If the prophets and the saints were desperate, faith would never move to people after them. Whatever

corruption prevails, it disappears because it is the falsehood that vanishes when the truth comes. Let us bear the mission of the truth and trust in the assistance of Allah. It is the test by which the faithful are tried.

The injustice and corruption we see in our time are not exclusive to our age only. The ancient ages had worse than this as we read in the Qur'an and the books of history, but Allah always supports His faithful people. In fact, our age is better than most of the past ages in many ways such as the spread of faith and faithful people all over the world, the establishment of mosques, Islamic centers, libraries, and presses, and also the increase of religious people and clergymen. Hence, despair has no place inside the souls of faithful people who carry out their legal duties and who whenever they rely on Allah, Allah supplies them with courage and power with which they defeat the means of corruption and deviation and use this power and courage in guiding people and reforming defects.

Although we acknowledge the corruption that has appeared in the land and sea because of corruptive means, which are the modern hands of corrupt people and enemies of religion, we do not acknowledge the impossibility of reform and education, and we do not give in. Man has to act sincerely and then Allah will support him to achieve success. If we are sincere to Allah, we plant guidance firmly in our children's hearts, and then we carry out our legal duty for which Allah rewards us. Allah says, (And nothing devolves on us but a clear deliverance (of the message)). [1]

Question 60

My mother always acts opposite to my father's wishes. She always likes to change the decoration of the house, the furniture, and the like. In fact, she likes to change the house itself, the car, and so on.

This matter has become a cause of daily quarrels between my father and mother. We have been victims of these clamors. We are tired of

[1] Qur'an, 36:17.

this state. Would you please show us a solution to this problem? We will be grateful!

The answer: It is necessary, before showing our practical suggestions, to emphasize that solving some problems is done by adapting oneself to them until time puts ends to them. It is important for a person to protect himself from being affected by the harms of a problem until it disappears. This is the patience that Islam has recommended and for which Allah has promised a reward.

As for the solutions to such a problem, they are of two kinds: the first kind is directed to the cause of the problem (that is your father and mother here) and the other is directed to those affected by the problem in the house (that is you and those with you).

As for the first kind, we would like to say to parents that a joint life requires carrying out the desires of the partner, if it has no harm. And even if it is a harmful desire, it should be compared with the harms of selfishness and insistence of one's opinion, and then the less harmful of the two is preferred. On the other hand, the one who wants to change, or not to change, the decoration has to show his/her motives and convince the other partner as long as the matter concerns him/her too. This one has to declare the advantages of his/her idea and the disadvantages if it is not carried out, while keeping in mind that these advantages or disadvantages concern all of the members of the family.

This method of concern for the beliefs of others produces mutual respect between them, strengthens family relations, and increases their closeness and love to each other. This leads to an increase in the level of success in study and work, and consequently it brings happiness.

As for the second kind, I recommend you to discuss the matter with your mother instead of resisting her or ignoring her desires. Try to discuss with her the disadvantages of continuous changes (of decorations and furniture), which can

cause fatigue and illness.

Moreover, you have to keep her interested in some thing else in order to not do what will disturb the members of the family. Also you have to convince your father to permit some required changes from time to time, as long as they are without excess or waste.

Question 61

We are seven brothers and sisters. Our father and mother are religious and we are like them. Praise be to Allah! A few days ago, I was listening to a lecture by one of the ulama, in which he divided people into four classifications:

Some are religious in their youth and they continue so until the end of their lives. These are the happiest of people.

Some are dissolute in their youth and then they are guided until the end of their lives. These people are happy, but less than the first ones.

Some are religious in their youth but then they become dissolute and spend their lives in debauchery and deviations. These are the losers.

Some are dissolute from the beginning until the end of their lives. These are wretched and the worst of losers.

It is a nice speech, but how can I preserve my and my brothers' and sisters' religiousness so we can be from the first kind and not let the Satan deprive us of our religion?

The answer: Blessed be you and blessed be your parents who have fed you with faith and guidance!

Know that you are among those on whom Allah prides Himself before the angels and says to them, 'Look at my slave! He has abstained from his lust for the sake of Me.'[1]

It is sufficient for you that Allah is proud of you. Continue on your way to get the eternal bliss of Paradise!

I remember a family I was acquainted with in Denmark in 1991

[1] A prophetic tradition.

AD. They had emigrated from Iran fifty years ago, and they still continued their religiousness there. The father told me that he, his wives, and children continually offered the Night Prayer. This conduct, in the midst of corruption in Denmark, is quite difficult to attain. Blessed be they and their likes everywhere!

The practical way of continuing in righteousness, about which you asked, is being continuously supplied with intellectual and spiritual energy besides being careful not to let the self slip here or there, through the following lights:

The first light is that you have to remember, always, these traditions with the questions that follow them:

1. The Prophet (s) said, 'Any young man who abstains from this life and its pleasures for the sake of Allah, and spends his youth in obeying (worshipping) Allah, Allah will give him a reward of seventy-two veracious persons'.[1]

Do you want to prevent yourself from this great reward?

2. The Prophet (s) said, 'The most beloved one to Allah the Almighty is a handsome young man who devotes his youth and beauty to the obedience of Allah. Of such a young man the Beneficent is proud before His angels and says: this is My real slave.'

Do you want to prevent yourself from this pride of the Beneficent?

3. The Prophet (s) says, 'Allah loves the young man who spends his youth in obeying Him.'

Do you want to prevent yourself from this love?

4. The Prophet (s) says, 'The preference of a young man who worships Allah in his youth to an old man who worships after he becomes old is like the preference of the prophets to the rest of people.'

Do you want to prevent yourself from this preference? Certainly not!

[1] Mizan al-Hikma, vol.5 .p.9.

With these motives, you can continue in your religiousness. Do not follow the steps of the Satan, do not approach them, and do not think of them even out of curiosity because this may incite you to a dangerous slip. In the first instance, the Satan invites to unlawful things by means of curiosity, and then after sometime, he invites you and says: 'all right, pray to Allah to forgive you after your sin! Does Allah not forgive all sins?' In these deceitful ways, the Satan induces man and then laughs at him.

The second light is that you have to read about the qualities of the pious. Imam Ali (s) has mentioned these qualities to his Companion Humam in one of his speeches. It is one of the most wonderful educational speeches, which is full of spirituality, encouragement, and energy towards righteousness.[1]

The third light is, besides regular worships, to hasten to do good deeds! Carrying out the needs of people and helping the poor and needy keep one firm in faith and certainty and this is the best thing Allah wants from His good people. Contrary to what some people believe, that religiousness and worshipping are realized in complete isolation, Islam believes "the best people are those who are the best to people and sincerest to all Muslims."[2]

The fourth light is to know righteousness has a special spirit that survives with the following items: "Knowing Allah and being humble before him, continuous pondering over the greatness of Allah, asking Allah for forgiveness, sincerity, abstinence, giving up bad habits, asceticism, jurisprudence, reason, prudence, giving the rights of people back to them, keeping silent, supplication, and abstaining from the unlawful looking".[3]

You have to establish these qualities inside your soul to

[1] Refer to Nahjol Balagha, the speech of "the Pious".

[2] Quoted from traditions mentioned in Mizan al-Hikma, vol.6 p.20-21.

[3] Contents of Prophetic traditions.

continue in the straight path.

The fifth light is, if you commit a sin, you have to immediately repent and pray to Allah to forgive you. You should well know that Allah loves young men who repent. In fact, there is nothing more beloved to Allah than a young man who repents, and nothing is more odious to Him than a man who becomes old while he still commits sins indifferently.

Finally, I pray to Allah to make you continue in your faith and not to let the blame of others weaken your determination. It is mentioned in the traditions that one day Prophet Abraham (s) saw a white hair in his beard and said, 'Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the worlds, Who has made me live till now while I have not disobeyed Him a bit.'[1]

Question 62

The death of my lover, who has left this world after a severe and painful struggle with cancer, has hurt me too much. I have been melancholy and desperate of life after the death of one of my friends. In your opinion, what are the reasons for this horrible disease?

The answer: It is said that the Greek doctor (Galen) two thousand years ago was the first one who tried to ascertain the relation between cancer and the qualities that cause man to become afflicted with this malignant disease.

In a research by some British doctors in 1802 A.D., this question was posed, 'Is there a relationship between man's morals and natures and this malignant disease?'

In 1864, Doctor Walter H. Walsh wrote in his response to the previous question, 'Sensitive persons, who suffer from spiritual pressures, prepare for themselves a ground for cancer.'

Thirteen years later, Doctor Grendon presented his theory by saying, 'Worry and griefs have a great effect in afflicting one

[1] A tradition narrated from Imam al-Baqir (s) in Mizan al-Hikma, vol.5 p.9 as quoted from Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 12 p.8.

with cancer.'

In 1870, Doctor Sir J. Pajet wrote, 'Despair and lack of hope help cancer to grow. There is no doubt that melancholy is the most serious cause of this disease.'

After some years, Doctor Penny Brhn performed some experiments and classified the patients of cancer into three classes:

1. Those who help others, but no one helps them or appreciates their efforts.

2. Those who find it difficult to reject needy people, and thus they become sad for not being able to satisfy the needs of people who ask them for help.

3. Those who feel meanness and do not have self-confidence.

Scientific centers conclude that failure in marital life, losing one's job, insolvency, heavy debts, and the like bring man worry and psychological upset and pave the way for cancer. However, it is not necessary that these things will definitely cause cancer, but in most cases, it is so.

Many times, one becomes afflicted with cancer because of a defect in his defensive cells from childhood, as Doctor Jung thinks. He adds that one who is psychologically suppressed in his childhood has a fertile ground for cancer.

The American doctor Lawarene Le Shan, who is a specialist in cancer, says, 'We must know what we want in life, and then we can carry out what we want with a strong will and determination. This requires us to know how to live healthily and enjoy our bodily powers to achieve what we want in life…cancer destroys life; therefore, we must learn how to protect ourselves from it. Then, let us avoid all that paves the way for cancer.'

Consequently, what are the means of protection?

1. Let us learn self-confidence. When the body and the soul become strong with self-confidence, they give one the ability to resist diseases.

2. Let us be kind and friendly because a man's soul is thirsty for cordiality.

3. Let us assign certain times for (lawful) amusement

4. Let us toil for good aims and not waste our ages in trivialities.

5. Let us regard our feelings and the feelings of those around us. This is a bridge to mutual understanding.

6. Let us busy ourselves with what we like and stick to it.

7. Let us have good food, avoid too much oil, and eat a lot of vegetables and fruits.

8. Let us not ignore vitamins and minerals in our meals.

9. Let us have good morals, be merry and sportive, and submit to the Merciful Creator in all our affairs.

10. Let us hold religious meetings and participate in the meetings of others, whether meetings of joy or sorrow, because social relations take man out of fatal isolation.

Finally, O our Lord, we seek your protection from any disease…O You, Whose name is a remedy and Whose mention is a healing, send as many blessings on Muhammad and his progeny as there are diseases and remedies, recover our patients, and have mercy on our dead; You are able to do whatever You like!

Question 63

O sheikh, I am complaining about my life; my nerves are below zero and I am very worried about my end.

The answer: Dear brother, my reflections have taught me that the reason behind 90% of the cases of anger in people of all levels is disappointment in their ambitions and wishes. The opposite is true too. Most of the people who are interested in life are those who either have not been disappointed, have no hopes tickling their emotions, or they have believed in Allah sincerely and submitted to Him in everything, and so Allah has granted them satisfaction with everything, and this is the true

submission, which is the essence of Islam. Thus, I know how faith has lofty values and how Islam has many solutions for angry faces and furious souls. So we have to hasten towards the solutions of Islam before anger burns what remains of faith in us.

As a remedy, I suggest to you four things:

1. Prostration: it is the placing of the most honorable position of the body (forehead) on the soil. Do you know why? It is because one who prostrates himself ascends to the higher positions of Heaven with his loftiest spiritual beliefs.

2. You should know that if your moral sense is suspended, your five senses would never get you to the bliss of Paradise.

3. People are free. They choose either Paradise or Hell by themselves. The decision is yours.

4. Visit the graves, ponder on their inhabitants, and remember that their ambitions have ended with their ends. Take lessons from them and return to your life to make your end good!

Question 64

The idle youth waste their time in sleeping too much. They sleep with no alarm clock. What is the solution for such people?

The answer: They should read the following verses of poetry and come to a decision:

"O you, who sleep too much and are indifferent,

too much sleeping brings regret.

In the grave, when you enter into it,

there will be a long sleep after death,

and a bed of sins or good deeds you have done

will wait for you there."

The holy traditions warn of too much sleeping. The Prophet (s) said, 'Beware of too much sleeping, because it leaves its friend poor on the Day of Resurrection.'

Imam al-Baqir (s) said in a Qudsi[1] tradition that Prophet Moses (s) had said, 'O my Lord, which of Your people is the most odious to You? Allah said, 'Carrion (sleeping) in the night and idle in the day.'

Imam as-Sadiq (s) said, 'Allah hates much sleeping and much idleness.' He also said, 'Much sleeping wastes religion and life.'

The youth should create jobs for themselves or spend their spare time in reading and acquiring good information and memorizing the suras of the Holy Qur'an because the Qur'an lights the heart and life. Whoever learns in his youth will make use of his knowledge when he grows up. The old learn nothing if they missed leaning in their youth.

Islam has not left the need of sleeping to man without directing it with special manners that give man a comfortable sleep and make him active in getting up. Here are some of these manners to be observed before going to bed:

1. Man should go to bed after cleansing himself from sweat and unpleasant smells.

2. He should perform wudu'.

3. He should go to the W.C. and relieve himself.

4. He should recite some Qur'anic verses and some supplications, especially the sura of Ikhlas (112) or al-Hashr (59) or at-Takathur (102) or all of them, and say what the Prophet (s) used to say, 'O my Lord, if You take my soul in my sleep, forgive it, and if You set it free, keep it safe as You keep Your good people.'

5. He should not sleep on his face and abdomen because it is the sleep of the Satan and is harmful to the self and body. The believers sleep on their backs or right sides

[1] Qudsi tradition (Hadith Qudsi) is a class of traditions that give words spoken by Allah as distinguished from the Prophetic traditions that give the words spoken by the Prophet (s). The words of Allah in the Qudsi traditions are different from the Qur'an that was revealed through Gabriel.

except if there is an excuse.

6. When lying, instead of thinking of what is of no benefit, Islam invites man to criticize himself on what he has done during his day. Imam as-Sadiq (s) said, 'When you go to your bed, think of what you have done in your day and remember that you will die and will be resurrected to be punished.'

7. Huthayfa narrated, 'When the Prophet (s) went to bed, he said, 'In Your name O Allah, I die and live' and when he awoke, he said, 'Praise be to Allah, Who enlivened us after he has made us die, and to Him is the resurretion.'

Dear brother, go to bed early and avoid evenings full of play and amusement, and awake early to find all good before you; good health, livelihood, activity, and vitality. The moment you awaken from your sleep, you will understand what you have read in the previous lines about the disadvantages of too much sleeping and about the manners of sleeping. If you understand this, you will awake at the required time. Recite this supplication before you sleep to awake at the time you want: "O my Lord, do not make me forget Your mention, do not make me feel safe from Your affliction, and do not make me one of the indifferent!'