Question 102
We have seen and heard about many accidents that have happened during wedding ceremonies and changed them into ceremonies of sorrows. Would you please guide us as to how we can avoid such bad accidents in order to make the ceremonies of joy the best moments in the lives of spouses?
The answer: The ceremonies of marriage, especially those which take place during the night of wedding, are based on joyous traditions that leave sweet memories in man's life. Therefore, spouses care a lot for these ceremonies. They take pictures to remain with them until the last days of their lives and to remind them of those special hours, which are different from any other hours of their life.
How nice are those moments and especially the influence left in spouses' hearts by the words of this supplication, which is read by the marriage official in the midst of the songs of the relatives who gather around the bride and bridegroom:
"O Allah, bless their marriage, unite their hearts, make their offspring good and their life happy, send Your blessings on us and them! O Allah, support whoever supports Your religion and disappoint whoever disappoints the Muslims! O Allah, make them (these spouses) among those who support Your religion and the people of Your religion and make them successful in receiving Your contentment! O Allah, satisfy our and their needs in this life and the afterlife by virtue of Muhammad and the pure progeny of Muhammad!"
Such a beautiful scene from amongst all the scenes of life deserves the best efforts and cooperation of relatives so that these ceremonies are carried out with joy and delight in the best way. However, unfortunately, in some of these weddings, quarrels take place by some irresponsible persons that do away with the joy of the young spouses who will not experience this
[1] Urwatul Wuthqa, chap. Awliya' al-Aqd.
occasion again with the same pleasure.
Such quarrels take place due to ignorance, bad education, whims, drunkenness, mixing of sexes which provokes lusts, and making passes on others that leads to disputes and suspicions, and consequently many troubles are caused.
Blessings and happiness do not come to marriages that begin with unlawful acts or encourage opportunities to commit unlawful acts. Handicaps in newborn children and disagreements that lead to divorce or griefs and distresses are the results of such unlawful actions during weddings. Exciting songs, transparent clothes that display women's charms, bare faces with flagrant makeup before non-mahram men…all of these will extinguish the marital happiness sooner or later. Let people not think that it is harmless to celebrate the joys of a night or two in one year! Everything has its enduring effects, and how often it is that a simple matter troubles the situation and frustrates a marriage whereas its beginning was simple and trivial.
Hence, since religion and its moral teachings are very important, we continuously insist on and invite all classes of society to revive themselves in a modern and attractive way and in a language that is understandable by the youth.
Besides all that, the wedding ceremonies should be carried out accurately. Supplications and charity to the poor should not be ignored because they ward off misfortunes.
Question 103
My husband has good characteristics, but nevertheless he also has some extreme bad conducts. I do not know how to advise him without causing his anger against me and throwing my marital life into troubles.
The answer: Dear sister, criticizing and advising are like surgical operations but are not conducted on the body; rather, they are done on the spirit and the soul. Therefore it is a very difficult operation requiring accuracy besides the following
points:
1. Criticism must be preceded by love and a close relationship on both sides because without these, criticism becomes more a cause of disagreement and reluctance between spouses.
2. You should begin your talk with him by praising his good characteristics and then proceed little by little to criticize his bad behaviors. Praising him will make him trust in your love for him and will strengthen his morale, and then you will find he will accept your criticism sincerely.
3. After professing his fault, you should encourage him and give him hope and confidence. For example, you could say to him "I think you are able to change" or "It is not like you to say 'I cannot'" or "I trust in your will and I admire your personality", etc.
4. You should not repeat criticisms on the same subject too often, because repetition causes obduracy and anger.
5. Sometimes it would be better to criticize indirectly such as, for example, by a hint, mentioning a tradition, mentioning a story that has something to do with the matter, or playing a cassette of a lecture discussing that specific problem.
6. Let your criticism be free of insult and mockery, because the goal is to reform and rescue and not to destroy or avenge.
7. You should ask him for his criticisms about you, and when he tells them, you should accept them and thank him. This will make it easier for him to accept your criticisms about him, for humbleness brings humbleness.
8. You should limit your criticism to the matter of the fault itself and not generalize it to other sides of your husband's personality.
9. Your criticism against your husband should be done when you are alone with him and not in the presence of anyone else. It has been mentioned in one of the traditions that "he who advises his brother secretly does him good, and he who advises his brother openly does him wrong."
Here, I have to mention an advice aimed at myself first and then to this husband and those like him. It is a saying by the greatest of the wise and the master of the pious, Imam Ali (s): "He who advises you, fears for you, does good to you, thinks of your ends, and reforms your defects, in obeying him lies your guidance and in disobeying him lies your corruption."[1]
Imam Zaynol Aabideen (s) said, 'The right of the one who asks you for advice on you is that you have to give him sincere advice and be kind and pitiful to him. And the right of the advisor on you is that you have to be lenient with him and listen to him carefully…"[2].
Question 104
My wife is often nervous and angry. She scolds my children for anything they do that she does not like. I fear for their education and future if she continues in this state. In fact, I fear for my sincerity to her and the remainder of my life with her. What would you advise me to do?
The answer: Anger, as stated in the traditions, is a soldier of the Satan and a flame of Fire like any other destructive means. If your wife continues in her state and you also lose your patience, you both will in fact arrive at the end that you fear, and the first losers will be your children except if the stepmother will act towards them as a sincere and real mother, and such stepmothers are few.
Hence, I advise this wife to be prudent and patient and I advise you also to be more patient and to give her enough
[1] Mizan al-Hikma, vol.10 p.57.
[2] Ibid.
opportunities to ponder on the outcome of anger, which has destructive results in the family. You also have to think about the outcome of your patience because a day will come where your wife will awake out of her errors, and then she will appreciate your patience and compensate you for your previous days with her. And a day will come to you when you will find your great reward near Allah, and then your eyes will be delighted on (the day when wealth and sons avail not (any man, except him who comes to Allah with a heart free (from evil)). You must try to identify the reasons for her anger and when you are able to remove the causes of her anger, you will be happy with her. You have to be patient with her, advise her, and pray to Allah for her.
Question 105
I have been married for six years now to a husband who speaks little with me. He always keeps silent. Would you please tell me how I can bring happiness to my marital life with this silent husband, though he provides me with all I need for living? Sometimes the Satan whispers to me that my husband hates me. Am I normal?
The answer: As spouses have to follow an appropriate program to run the economical affairs of their joint life, they also have to follow an appropriate program to achieve the most balanced sentiment possible, because when love becomes firm between a husband and a wife, it gives them tranquility, liveliness, and interest in their shared fate, and then little talking between them does not affect their life.
Dear sister, what is important is that you have to do your best to strengthen the love and the feeling of interest in your mutual fate with your husband. Do not let your husband's silence deprive you of his love to you, because when love dries up, the train of your life will enter into a tunnel of problems that will lead to a bad end. I think that talking little is not an excuse for you to throw your life into dangerous problems.
Your behaving lovingly towards him will defeat his hatred for you, if he has any hatred towards you. In fact, not every silence
of a husband means that there is a hatred towards the wife. It may be a habit in the husband since his childhood. However, if it is a new habit, you can talk to him about it openly. Perhaps he may have suffered a psychological shock, and this can be cured by your wisdom or that of other wise people or specialists.
Question 106
I am overcome with despair for my marital life to proceed happily. This is because, as I think, of the difference between my husband and me in intellect, culture, and understanding affairs of living. I am a university graduate while he has not even finished elementary school. I have a scientific position while he is weak and he stammers when he wants to show what he intends to say. Therefore, I feel that we do not understand each other. Do you think that divorce will guarantee happiness for both of us?
The answer: Dear sister, there are three choices before you:
The first: you may choose to be satisfied with the situation you are in and to not compare your life with the lives of others. This requires you, first, to not think of others besides your husband, and second, you should try your best to make him understand what you understand. You should be aware that the basis of success in this life is sincerity in love and looking forward to the reward of Allah and the good end of patience.
The second: you may continue feeling dissatisfied and continue worrying about your life and relationship, which definitely means eliminating marital happiness.
The third, you may choose divorce, which is lawful but Allah hates it and His Throne shakes for it except when the joint life of spouses reaches a dead end.
If you ask me, I will not hesitate to advise you to follow the first way. Mutual understanding most of the time means submitting to the lawful wish of the husband and neglecting your personal wishes, but with making him feel that this is only for the love of Allah and for the continuity of a happy marital
life.
Beware of being proud of the elements of preference you have, such as a university diploma and the like, because this is a way leading to a bad end and is a defect that does not befit a learned Muslim girl. Your intellect requires you to know that happiness is gained through morals and faith while university diplomas and scientific information alone do not produce happiness and ease.
Dear sister, I hope that you pay attention to this fact before you are filled with regret. This is my opinion if the reason for your despair is as you have mentioned. However, if your husband is in a state that makes him unsuccessful and unfit for you, the solution will be to follow the third way. May Allah be with you!
Question 107
I am a mother of seven children. I suffer from physical troubles because I do too much work in the house that is beyond my ability. My husband is a hard-hearted man who does not appreciate my efforts and this increases my exhaustion. Would you please tell me what to do?
The answer: Distributing tasks in the marital life should be done fairly and consensually. If you have children, they should be entrusted with some tasks according to their ages and abilities while instilling sincere motives inside them to do those tasks willingly and with interest.
This is what should be done, but when the opposite takes place, it means that there is a defect in someone's mentality and this defect can be cured by a sound mntality.
Dear sister, what you suffer can be cured by patience while expecting your reward from Allah and showing love and respect towards your husband so that he may someday awake out of his severity towards you. Besides these steps, you should encourage him to attend the meetings of good ulama and scholars and listen to the speeches of good preachers so that he may be affected by a word from those ulama and preachers and
then he may be rescued from his injustice, for the true religion has brought man solutions to all problems if he believes in religion.
Question 108
Why am I so forgetful? My wife is angry at my state, and my dignity does not permit for her to raise her voice against me. This is the focal point of our problems.
The answer: Forgetfulness has several causes, such as worry, problems that press on one's nerves, psychological troubles, fright, melancholy, and sins, especially the hidden major sins. From among these reasons, there are also some diseases and accidents.
These things are like black clouds lying heavily on a man's memory. In order to cure this case, you have to organize your life. For example, you should assign a certain time for sleeping, follow a healthy diet, practice sports, and strengthen your relation with Allah the Almighty by performing the obligations and avoiding all kinds of sins.
There are some tested things that strengthen one's memory such as memorizing Qur'anic verses, always being with wudu', reciting supplications, and avoiding quarreling with others.
Question 109
Between my wife and me there are several differences in intellect, physique, and wealth. These things often cause disagreements and quarrels between us. Sometimes, these quarrels break out before our children. We are well aware that these disagreements and quarrels have bad effects on the children's mentality and education, but our violent anger is uncontrollable. How can we get rid of this state and live tranquilly to build the future of our children?
The answer: There is no doubt that religious beliefs, cultures, arts, traditions, and good habits have good effects on the manner of the relationship between spouses, their views on life, and their way of making use of the abilities they have. However, reason and wisdom lead us to the knowledge that
these differences between spouses do not mandate disagreements and quarrels. In fact, a reasonable person should deal with these natural differences wisely. He should look at them from these five viewpoints:
First, these differences complement each other. The existence around us is composed of different elements, but they all complement each other in the best way. Spouses should not let their natural differences destroy the bridges of love and understanding between them.
Second, spouses should try their best to change the cultures and habits that Islam does not accept. How many habits and ideas have families planted into their children who grow up with them without pondering on whether they are right or wrong, and how many habits have the social milieu (school, friends, the media, etc.) planted into children while these habits and ideas are far removed from the pure Islamic culture. Therefore, spouses should change the ideas and bad habits that trouble them.
Third, to make the mutual understanding between spouses easy and to decrease disagreements between them, each of them should give the other side the right to show his\her opinion freely without suppressing or interrupting him\her before completing his\her speech and clarifying his\her opinion.
Fourth, we should know that the differences between people in general, and between spouses in particular, are trials that people are tried with. Instead of thinking of running away from these differences or sinking into melancholy and psychological distresses, we should know how to deal with this divine decree, which is inevitable. It is a trial for man in this life, and Allah will accordingly determine for him the reward and Paradise or the punishment and Hell. Therefore, let man think deeply of where he wants to be!
Fifth, life is too short to comprehend problems and troubles that are trivial. Hence, a reasonable person should overlook problems and live his life, which he does not know when it
shall end, happily with good fame and honor.
The Prophet (s) has asked husbands to forgive their wives' mistakes even if they are seventy in one day. Once a man asked the Prophet (s) about a wife's right on her husband and the Prophet (s) said, 'He covers her body with clothes, satisfies her stomach with food, and forgives her if she commits mistakes.' The man asked, 'How many times does he forgive her?' The Prophet (s) said, 'seventy times a day.'[1]
Question 110
My husband is a rich, young man and because I am not from a rich family, the mother and the sisters of my husband gibe at me at every occasion and even before the guests sometimes. Would you please tell me what to do with this problem, which has begun to deprive me of my happiness with my husband, who does not defend me before them?
The answer: Material poverty is not a defect; rather the defect lies in lack of morals. You are actually rich while they are the real poor ones. Your faith, good morals, and patience will make you defeat your problem and these are the strongest weapons in defeating unjust situations against yourself.
Dear sister, try to be a strong wife who seizes her success from the depths of her suffering to enjoy real happiness! Even if your husband does not defend you, it does not mean that he agrees with his family's being unjust towards you. He may not know the proper way of defending or he may think that his defending you shall complicate the problem further; therefore, he is trying to keep the stability of the family. Waiting for a suitable time of defending and in a wise way will be better.
Thus, you would be better off appreciating the situation of your husband and being more patient. Be sure that the right side will win at the end of any crisis. Beware of pride when one day you shall feel your success, because pride then shall make you as blamable as those who gibe you today!
[1] Makarim al-Akhlaq, p.216.
Besides that, you should try to be more humble and kind towards them, and especially to the ones who gibe you, so that they may feel ashamed and regretful when they are alone with their consciences and when they find your good morals and kindness in return for their bad doings. Do not hesitate, whenever the opportunity comes to you, to say good sayings with smiles to those who do you wrong that they may be more reasonable and stop their injustice towards you!
Question 111
Fifteen years have passed since I got married. These years have been like a countdown of the love between my husband and myself. What should I do to go back to the love that was between us at the beginning of our marriage?
The answer: Sometimes the seed of love exists inside the spouses' hearts, but accidents of life and discovering the defects and deficiencies of each other throw some dust on that seed and prevent it from growing in the marital life.
If your husband suffers from this, as I believe, then following these steps may restore your love as it was:
First, love will blossom if spouses try to water it sincerely with positive acts and if they overlook the negative acts.
Second, the goal of love is not controlling the beloved, possessing or monopolizing him as some women think. If love comes out of heart, it will undoubtedly enter into the other heart. Nothing will disturb it except selfishness and attempts to control the other, which has been referred to in traditions as "the jealousy of women". In men, this jealousy is opposite to that of women, because when a man becomes jealous for his wife, he will protect her from bad men, whereas if a woman becomes jealous for her husband, she will practice mastery, possession, suspicion, and watching him. This will lead her husband to an aversion for her and then what she does not like will take place.
Third, do not expect much from your husband; for example, do
not expect him to speak the same words of love that he used to speak during the period of engagement or the first days of marriage. If he forgets to offer you something that he used to offer on certain occasion, you should not be angry with him. You should know that these things do away with the love between you. Be discerning, easy, and humble because when a husband sees his wife is inflexible, often angry, and complicated, he will begin thinking of another wife or he will treat his wife likewise or he may submit to her unwillingly and then no place for happiness will remain in these cases.
Fourth, do not blame your husband too much because too much blame hurts one's dignity and causes disputes and quarrels, which destroy the marital relationship. Try to understand his circumstances, appreciate his efforts, and praise the positive sides of his personality, and then refer to what deserves to be blamed in a lenient way, implicitly and smilingly.
Question 112
Islam has emphasized much on pondering and thinking, as you know. I, like other people, have my own ambitions in my marital and family life in the midst of hundreds of obstacles and frustrations. Would you please show me practical steps based on the right thinking in order to solve these problems and push the obstacles out of my way?
The answer: You should know that thinking, like breathing, is a vital operation for man. Just as you live through breathing, you enjoy the pleasures of life through thinking because you can defeat problems one after another without exhausting yourself, and then you can feel the ecstasy of victory.
Do not think that there exists a life without problems. The problems for a person who does not ponder and think keep accumulating until that person perishes while his accumulated problems remain.
The difference is that you, with the right thinking, feel, as you should, that you can conquer a problem and are ready to conquer the next one, without thinking you will be defeated or will suffer until you die without achieving any success or
gaining any benefit in your life.
As for the practical steps you have asked about, they are as follows:
1. Devote your heart to Allah the Almighty and ask Him for success!
2. Give charity as much as you possibly can to the poor without letting any human being know about it!
3. Explain the problem you face to yourself and try to understand it well!
4. Obtain as much information as you can to solve the problem!
5. Make a real estimation of your actual state!
6. Think of several solutions and consult with reasonable persons about your problem!
7. Compare the advantages and disadvantages of each one of those solutions, and then choose the best of them based on your actual abilities!
8. When thinking of a certain matter, do not occupy your mind with another one!
9. Concentrate all your abilities on solving your problems according to the level of their importance!
10. Before beginning (to solve the problem), think well of the things you need for the solution!
11. Carry out each step in its time!
12. Let your wife participate with you in these steps and cooperate with her at all times!
Question 113
The state in my house is not as I would like. I am tired when I come back from my work, I find my wife tired of the housework and my children let loose and noisy, I beat them but with no use, etc. I feel that my marital and family life is disorderly. I hope that you can guide me with what may illuminate my way and save my life from
this disorderliness.
The answer: There are five educational facts you have to comprehend in order to get out of your troubles:
First, whereas when any one of us exhausts his powers in the problems of life and then looks for comfort in peace and quiet away from noises, children, on the contrary, feel pleasure and joy with disorderly movements and with making noises that annoy adults, though children do not mean to annoy others of course.
You expend your energies in working outside the house, but have you ever asked yourself where your child expends his energies?
In the past, houses were big with wide yards where children would spend their energies while their noises and cries would not reach their parents' resting places. But nowadays, since houses are small with narrow yards, children should not be blamed for disturbing parents.
Second, a man, throughout the week, works outside the house while his wife works inside the house. On days off, the man likes to rest in the house after being tired outside it all week, whereas his wife likes to go out on her husband's days off after being tired of remaining in the corners of her house all week.
This difference, if it is not treated with leniency by the two spouses and especially the husband, may become a cause for disputes and quarrels that also bring pain and boredom, of which children pay the costs.
Here, it would be better for the two spouses, who are different in their wishes, to understand and agree with each other, and then they can teach their children how to understand each other and agree with each other when their wishes are different.
Third, beating children without certain rules and criteria encourages them to commit crimes and repeat the same act they were beaten for. Let us be very careful not to lead our children to commit crimes in their childhood and adulthood
through excessive scolding or severe beating.
Fourth, the father may say something harsh to the mother in front of the children, and this word may leave bad effects on their mentality and life while he is unaware of where these effects may have come from. For example, one day the wife might cook some extra food and then the husband would shout at her loudly in front of the children, "you have not tasted poverty to know the value of my efforts and the money I bring you!"
These words, which can be said in other ways and in private to the wife, can plant a fear of the future inside the hearts of the children and cause them mental disturbance and anxiety of the unknown. There is no doubt that this matter will be an obstacle that stops the progress of the children's learning and affects their efforts to build their futures besides the fact that it will make them desperate and absent-minded all their lives. All this leads to disorderliness in life.
Fifth, try not to tire yourself with work outside the house, for your duty towards your wife and children is not only to satisfy their material needs. Psychological, educational, and spiritual needs are also important. These aspects require you to sit with them, look after their different affairs, and make them feel that you love and pay a lot of attention to them. It is reported that Imam Hasan (s) said, 'I wonder at how one who thinks of his foods does not think of his mentalities!'
Dear brother, man is a compound of body and spirit, the material and immaterial, the outward and inward. The food he eats satisfies the two elements, but the spiritual side may be the most important. Therefore, you should assign a certain time for your family. You should sit with them, enter their life, play, laugh, and be indulgent with them. The happiness and delight that you will get in this side, you will not get in the material side regardless of how much you tire yourself and regardless of what money and material needs you offer to your family.
Question 114
I want to be a successful wife. With what would you advise me to achieve my goal? Of course, this is the feeling of all married women. I hope they will benefit from your apposite advices.
The answer: Thank you for your noble feelings, and as for The answer: First, assign an hour of your time every day to review and ponder over your qualities. Get rid of your bad qualities and strengthen the good ones. You should, first and foremost, get rid of the ones that invite you towards disobedience and sin because these will destroy your happiness and throw your life into torment.
Second, assign some hours for worship! In order to make your worship fruitful, recite the Holy Qur'an meditatively and read some good Islamic books, especially those that concern your life directly.
Third, for the sake of the goal to which you aspire, you should observe the following values:
mutual understanding and using nice words and fine comments when talking with your husband
pardoning and overlooking trivial things
not following the husband and watching his goings and comings
caring for the cleanliness of the house and clothes and putting everything in its place especially that which belongs to the husband
using good perfumes and wearing nice clothes
showing love for him and for the life with him and for everything he likes if it pleases Allah
asking him about his worries and griefs and asking him to uncover to you whatever is in his heart if he wants to reveal it but without insisting on it or being angry if he refuses to reveal his secrets
being kind and humble in treating his relatives
relying on Allah in any case and not being angry or upset when facing difficulties
You should always remember that practicing these values will bear fruit if you behave naturally without pretence, though artificiality of manner is the beginning of learning.
Question 115
My husband was a rich man, but later on his wealth was lost in a terrible economical crisis. After that his morals, mentality, and conducts changed. His face became angry, and his tongue uttered bad words. He threatened anyone and anything at any excitement. Our house became like hell, and our relatives and people decreased their visits to us and some of them stopped visiting us at all. I cannot help him except through speech, which does not change or reform him. Please, what would you advise me to do in order to save him and my children from the effects of this crisis?
The answer: In order to recover, your husband has to:
1. believe in asceticism and subject himself to it. It has been mentioned in a tradition that "he, who renounces the worldly pleasures, makes little of misfortunes". Imam Ali (s) has said, 'All asceticism is between two words in the Qur'an. Allah has said, (So that you may not grieve for what has escaped you, nor be exultant at what He has given you). [1] He who does not grieve for the past nor becomes glad at the future practices asceticism from its two sides.'
2. strengthen his belief in the will and fate of Allah. Imam as-Sajjad (s) is reported to have said, 'O my Lord… delight my soul through Thy decree, expand my breast through the instances of Thy wisdom, give to me a trust through which I admit that Thy decree runs only to the best…'.
3. ponder over the dimensions of this tradition narrated by Imam al-Baqir (s), 'whoever keeps people safe from his anger Allah will keep him safe from the torment of the Day of
[1] Qur'an, 57:23.
Resurrection.'[1] He who ponders on this tradition will not throw himself into the torment of the afterlife after getting out of the torment of this life in order to not lose both.
4. know that the Giver is Allah and the Withholder is Allah too and know that a part of material losses belongs to man himself. Many times the losses come after having disobeyed Allah by lying, cheating, doing wrong, wasting, excessive misspending, and abstaining from giving the deserving people their legal dues. I do not ascribe these qualities to your husband, but I invite him to review the reasons of which he is aware and then try to reform himself first. If he truly reforms himself, Allah will grant him great livelihood again and abundantly.
Imam Zayn al-Aabideen (as-Sajjad) (s) said, 'good saying increases one's wealth, grows livelihood, delays death, makes one beloved to relatives, and enters him into Paradise.'[2]
6. convince himself that losing wealth is much easier than losing one's children or family and the loss of wealth is easier than the loss of health. Nothing is more precious than good morals and comfortable nerves, by which wealth and glory can be regained.
I pray to Allah to grant us a happy life with lawful wealth, even if it is little, and to keep us away from unlawful wealth, even if it is a lot, because it increases grief and distress and does away with the sweetness of living with loved ones and close relatives.
Question 116
What is the cure for sexual impotence, and what are its causes? My wife has begun thinking of divorce because I am frigid and impotent.
The answer: There are many causes behind sexual impotence:
1. neurotic fatigue
2. addiction to alcohol, drugs, and smoking
3. practicing masturbation during the period before
[1] Usool al-Kafi, vol.2 p.305.
[2] Al-Amali by as-Sadooq, the first tradition.
204
marriage
4. absent-mindedness
5. a defect in the testicles
6. practicing excessive businesses and interests like trade, reading, watching films, and offering excessive individual worships
7. misunderstanding the woman's sexual need or being indifferent to her need
8. the wife's weak sexual culture or her lack of beauty or exciting body
9. certain kind of foods
As for the cure, each cause has its own particular cure. Before all, one who is sexually impotent must discern the cause of his case, and then he should try to cure it. Neurotic fatigue, for example, can be cured by strengthening one's faith in Allah. It is not right to utilize tranquillizers because most of the time they leave dangerous effects on man's health.
The following foods have great effects in strengthening the nerves: honey with ginger, pepper, saffron, the cooked head of a cow or sheep, beets cooked in milk, mulberries, bananas, eggs with onion, mutton, carrots, pears, grapes, liver, sweet pomegranates, and endives.
As for the cure for addiction, abstaining from its causes can cure it. There are certain methods to assist in this, the key of which is first and foremost the will and determination of the addict himself.
As for masturbation, if a person practices it excessively during his youth, it will be difficult for him to restore his sexual power quickly, unless if he begins practicing morning sports, climbing mountains, and taking cold baths.
Some doctors think that those persons who have practiced masturbation deprive themselves of sexual pleasure in the marital relationship.
As for the rest of the causes, we say that a person should care for himself and cure his state before his problems grow and their complications destroy him.
The wife has to help her husband cure himself because the train of the marital life will not arrive at the stations of happiness and bliss without participation, cooperation, and mutual understanding.
As for thinking about divorce, it is a sign of selfishness and lack of morals, and this does not befit a Muslim woman except when the motives of divorce are legal, like when the husband neglects to cure himself while he is able to do it. Then, divorce is excusable and it is a just recompense for this husband.
Question 117
Is temporary marriage lawful or unlawful? If it is lawful, then why do people dislike it? And if it is unlawful, then why is it unlawful? Would you please answer frankly? Thanks a lot.
The answer: Permanent marriage is the basis for this answer. The sexual instinct is the strongest in man after the instinct of living. This instinct must be satisfied in the below-mentioned cases; otherwise, it will cause bad complications. Temporary marriage can be practiced under the following conditions:
1. the inability to secure a permanent marriage because of financial difficulties or not finding a qualified spouse
2. the impossibility of making love with the wife because of her illness or something else
3. traveling or being away from one's homeland
Since the view of Islam of the needs of man is a real, curative, and purposeful view, Islam therefore has made temporary marriage lawful according to this clear Qur'anic verse, (And those of whom you seek content (by marrying them temporarily), give unto them their portions as a duty. And there is no blame on you in what you do by mutual agreement after the duty (hath been done). Lo! Allah is ever Knower,
Wise). [1]
It suffices us to ponder on the two words "Knower, Wise" to see that there is a wisdom behind the lawfulness of temporary marriage in Islam, for Allah is aware of the actual need of man and He is wise in making things lawful or unlawful.
The end of the next verse confirms what we have said. The verse reads, (This is for him among you who fears to commit sin).[2] He who fears to fall into sin because of his lust should practice temporary marriage though patience is better for one who can be patient.
The next two verses confirm this meaning where Allah shows His great mercy and accurate wisdom on the one hand, and on the other hand, He uncovers the mean goals of those who prohibit the lawful blessings of Allah.
Allah says, (And Allah desires that He should turn to you (mercifully), and those who follow (their) lusts desire that you should deviate (with) a great deviation. Allah desires that He should make light your burdens, and man is created weak). [3]
Man has been created weak when it comes to his lusts and desires. It has been declared by the Creator, Who is aware of what benefits man and what corrupts him when He makes one thing lawful and prohibits another. Things are declared lawful to satisfy man's weakness before those lusts and desires, and things are declared unlawful to protect him from what weakens him and destroy his happiness.
Umar bin al-Khattab has confirmed the lawfulness of temporary marriage at the time of the Prophet (s) when he prohibited it according to his personal opinion. He has announced, as mentioned in the sources of our Sunni brothers, 'Two pleasures were permitted at the time of the messenger of
[1] Qur'an, 4:24.
[2] Qur'an, 4:25.
[3] Qur'an, 4:27-28.
Allah, but I prohibit them and will beat people for practicing them.'[1]
In our sources, his saying has been mentioned as the following: 'Two pleasures were lawful at the time of the messenger of Allah, but I prohibit them and will punish for them.'[2]
Jabir bin Abdullah al-Ansari, the great companion of the Prophet, in the Sunni sources likewise, has said, 'we practiced temporary marriage at the time of the Prophet (s), of Abu Bakr, and Umar, and then Umar prohibited it.'[3]
Imam Ali (s) has commented on Umar's decision by saying, 'If Umar had not prohibited temporary marriage, no one would have committed adultery except a scoundrel.'[4]
This is an accurate social analysis, which every researcher in sociology and psychology arrives at. Because of these proofs, the followers of Imam Ali (s) did not pay attention to Umar's decision in order to not fall into adultery, wretchedness, and psychological and physical diseases of suppression, while most of those who heeded Umar's decision and disliked practicing temporary marriage, whether from the Sunni or the Shia, fell into those sins and diseases. Consequently, the result of prohibiting and disliking temporary marriage is that the sexual lust forces some people to commit adultery and forces others to suppress their lust and face psychological diseases, except those whom Allah has protected and they are very few.
How odd it is to see that in Muslim societies, people do not consider adultery, ballrooms of the naked, scandals of the hotels, cabarets, and buildings in whose rooms are practiced all kinds of perversion as ugly while they consider temporary marriage, which Allah has made lawful and which Muslims have practiced during the time of the Prophet (s), Abu Bakr, and a period of Umar's caliphate and which the Muslims who
[1] Kanzol Ummal, vol.16 p.521.
[2] Tafsir Majma' al-Bayan, vol.3 p.32.
[3] Kanzol Ummal, vol.16 p.523.
[4] Tafsir Majma' al-Bayan, vol.3 p.32.
disregarded Umar's prohibition have practiced, as ugly!
Who do you think is behind this silence or this encouragement of corruption and open debauchery? Who is behind denying the lawful blessing that Allah has determined as a mercy for Muslims and as a protection from falling into sins?
Is it not shameful recklessness and mockery at the Qur'an and the Sunna? Who is responsible for that and who should defend the Qur'an and the Sunna?
"It would be better for those who look for the welfare of man to have had freedom as ibn Umar has had. Ibn Umar often practiced temporary marriage. He was blamed for that. It was mentioned to him that his father (Umar bin al-Khattab) had prohibited it. He said, 'I just have followed the saying of my father because he has said, 'Two pleasures were lawful at the time of the Prophet (s), but I prohibit them and punish for them.' I abide by his tradition and leave his own opinion to him."
A lesson must be taken from this saying of ibn Umar. The Ulama should not emulate anyone having an opinion opposed to the Qur'an or the sayings of the Prophet (s). Fanaticism should not lead them to turn their backs on the Book of Allah and the Sunna of the Prophet (s), for they will spoil the general welfare and cause corruption. This does not befit any one, especially not the people of knowledge. If some people of the Middle Ages were so, the people of this age, in which freedom of speech is of the highest value, must be far above such conducts.
They should not be like the judge Yahya bin Aktham, about whom Ibn Khillikan has cited in his book (Wafiyyat al-A'an) some verses of poetry that were composed to censure the Abbasids for their employment of Yahya as their judge:
"I do not think oppression will end
as long as there is a ruler from the Abbasids for the umma.
They bring Yahya to run their politics,
while Yahya is not a politician.
He determines punishment for adultery,
while he considers a sodomite as not to be blamed."
It has been reported that once al-Ma'moon (the Abbasid caliph) saw Yahya play with a beautiful young Turk boy, insert his hand between the boy's clothes and body, and do other things to him saying, 'Had you not been there, we would have been faithful.'
Then al-Ma'moon commented on this event by reciting:
"I wished I saw justice spread everywhere,
but after my hope, I became desperate.
When shall the world and its people be good,
while the judge of the judges of the Muslims commits sodomy?"
Yahya was so bad and was infamous for committing sodomy. However, when al-Ma'moon announced that temporary marriage was lawful and addressed Umar by saying, 'Who are you…to prohibit what the messenger of Allah has made lawful?', Yahya bin Aktham resisted him (al-Ma'moon) and began roving in the countries to incite people against him and to criticize him because he had permitted what Umar had prohibited. This dullness and blind fanaticism lose sight of the general welfare, bring corruption, and deny the mission of Prophet Muhammad (s) as the last of missions, because belief in the last prophethood and last mission of Prophet Muhammad (s) means believing that it is a sufficient Sharia to rule human beings and to satisfy all their needs however much they and their lives change. Thus, the ulama should be like ibn Umar. They should not emulate just anything. They should give fatwas according to the Qur'an and the Sunna of the Prophet (s), even if they have to oppose their fathers. They should not be like those who say, (We found our fathers on a course, and surely we are guided by their footsteps). [1] The rulers of the
[1] Qur'an, 43:22.0
Muslims should also be brave like al-Ma'moon for the sake of the general welfare. They should legislate laws according to the Qur'an and the Sunna, even if they contradict the laws of those who have preceded them. Thus, goodness will spread and corruption will be denied."[1]
Hence, we have confidently confirmed our clear opinion:
1. Temporary marriage is lawful according to the Qur'an and the Sunna and according to the confession of Umar that it was lawful at the time of the Prophet (s) but it was he who had prohibited it. Perhaps, he might have meant to prohibit it during his rule only, and so it was a temporary prohibition. Then, for what is this insistence on following this prohibition while the Qur'an and the Sunna have declared the lawfulness of temporary marriage? Is it to keep the doors of adultery wide open before furious lusts?
Many faithful men and faithful women live suppressed between their natural lusts and the suffering of difficulties and pains in order for it to not be said that they have practiced temporary marriage! Is this not ignorance that the believing men and women have been afflicted with?
For us, the Shia, temporary marriage is lawful. Once, Imam al-Baqir (s) was asked about temporary marriage and he said, 'Allah has made it lawful in His Book and through His prophet (s). It is lawful until the Day of Resurrection.'[2] And this refutes the false sense of its unlawfulness.
2. Temporary marriage is recommendable. It is reported that Imam as-Sadiq (s) said, 'It is recommended for a man to practice temporary marriage. I do not like for any man of you to leave this world without having practiced temporary marriage at least once.'[3] This also refutes the false impermissibility of temporary marriage.
[1] Islam is the way of Happiness and Peace, by Sheikh Muhammad al-Khalisi, p.186-188.
[2] Usool al-Kafi, vol.5 p.449.
[3] Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 103 p.305.
To confirm the recommendations of temporary marriage, it has been narrated in traditions that the fall of the drops of water with which one performs ghusl[1] after having slept with his wife in a temporary marriage is an excuse for his sins to be forgiven. It is also mentioned that Allah has prohibited alcohol for this Umma and has instead permitted temporary marriage.[2]
3. The abuse of temporary marriage by some people is possible, but this does not justify prohibiting it or considering it ugly. Because there are many legal verdicts that people of weak faith can exploit for the sake of their bad personal benefits, is it right to annul these verdicts just because of this reason? Certainly not! These verdicts must be practiced according to their Islamic rules and morals to be lawful in the full sense of the word.
4. As for the one who has a wife in a permanent marriage, it is hated for him to omit her rights for the sake of the wife of a temporary marriage. It may be unlawful in this case if temporary marriage causes him to neglect his wife of permanent marriage and usurp her rights.
Therefore, Imam ar-Redha (s) said, 'It (temporary marriage) is absolutely lawful and permissible thing for one who is unable to get married. Let him protect himself through temporary marriage. If he is able to get married, it (temporary marriage) is permissible to him when he is absent from his permanent wife.'[3]
In short, temporary marriage is legally and rationally permissible in all cases unless it leads to disregard for the permanent wife, which means ignoring her sexual rights.
Though temporary marriage is permissible, it is not appropriate for one to practice it excessively until he becomes famous for it among people. One should pay careful attention
[1] Ghusl is ritual ablution required after making love or having a wet dream.
[2] Safeenat al-Najat, chap. MATA'A.
[3] Usool al-Kafi, vol.5 p.45, Wassa'il ash-Shia, vol.14 p.449.
to the moral aspects. He should be moderate and avoid indecency.
Let us be realistic and not follow our fancies to establish verdicts against the verdicts of Allah. A pious one never does that. I ask the readers, who are protective of their religion, to follow what Allah and His messenger have permitted because we are in an age where adultery is desired by many people and where looking lustfully at girls and women by non-mahrams has become the adultery of the eye, which causes problems of another kind.
However, even with all these recommendations and confirmations of the lawfulness of temporary marriage, I do not invite people to practice it except those who are in dire need of it, and then they must follow the juristic and moral conditions of it.
Question 118
Is there a sexual culture in Islam? In other words, does Islam teach its followers the practical way of practicing sexual intercourse between spouses?
My question stems from a discussion with one of my friends who says that Islam is far above such trivial matters!
I think that the sexual culture, from which several marital matters arise besides the safety of the offspring, is not considered trivial. What is your opinion about the subject?
The answer: Islam has not ignored the issue of sexual education. In our traditions there are clear talks about this matter. Imam ar-Redha (s) said, 'Do not make love with a woman except after you have played with her a good deal and have played with her breasts. When you do that, her lust will be excited and her organs will secrete, because her secretion begins from her breasts and her lust appears on her face…'[1]
Imam Ali (s) said, 'If one of you wants to sleep with his wife, let
[1] Mustadrak wassa'il ash-Shia, vol.2 p.545.
him not hurry (in satisfying his lust) because women have some needs (to be satisfied).'[1]
The Prophet (s) said, 'If someone of you makes love with his wife, let him not withdraw until she satisfies her need just as he likes her to satisfy his need.'[2]
There was a situation with one of the Prophet's great companions, Uthman bin Madh'oon. Once, his wife came to the Prophet (s) and said to him, 'O messenger of Allah, Uthman fasts during the day and offers worships all night. (It was a metonymy that he did not meet her sexual rights).' The Prophet (s) went out angrily holding his shoes until he came to Uthman, who was offering prayers. Uthman finished his prayers and then saw the Prophet (s) who said, 'O Uthman, Allah has not sent me with monasticism, but He has sent me with an easy religion. I fast, offer prayers, and sleep with my wives. Whoever loves my nature let him follow my Sunna, and making love (lawfully) is from my Sunna.'[3]
The traditions reported from the Prophet (s) and Ahlul Bayt (s) show the necessity of separating the beds of boys and girls and for having everyone sleep in his/her own bed because contact between boys and girls incites the sexual lust and causes premature sexual ripeness.
The traditions also talk about the necessity of paying attention to the suitable age of kissing children. The Prophet (s) said, 'When a girl becomes six years old, she should not be kissed by a man, and a boy should not be kissed by a woman if he exceeds sevens years old.'
The traditions emphasize the importance of knocking on the door and asking permission before entering the room of two spouses. The spouses also must be careful when sleeping together that no adult or child hears their sighs or other sounds.
[1] Wassa'il ash-Shia, vol. 14 p.83.
[2] Kanzol Ummal, vol.16 p.344.
[3] Wassa'il ash-Shia, vol. 14 p.74.
Imam as-Sadiq (s) narrated that the Prophet (s) said, 'I swear by Him in Whose hand my soul is that if a man makes love with his wife while there is an alert boy or girl in the house who sees them or hears their speaking or sighing, he/she will not succeed at all. If it is a boy, he will become an adulterer, and if it is a girl, she will become an adulteress.'[1]
You notice that sexual education has been mentioned in the teachings of the Prophet (s) and the infallible Imams of Ahlul Bayt (s) but in polite words and purified phrases, away from indecorousness or incitement of one's imagination as we find in the Western cultures and books of sex, whose destructive effects are more than their advantages. In fact, what is intended by those cultures are those very destructive effects.
Question 119
My father has taken another wife. My mother is angry with him, and I am confused between them. From one side and according to my belief, I see that Islam does not permit anything unless there is a benefit in it, and from another side and according to the reality, I have pity on my mother though I do not approve of her anxiety, which may be the reason that led my father to get married to another wife. Would you please guide me with which of these views I should adopt?
, by permitting polygamy, want to solve problems whereas we find more problems in polygamy?
The answer: As you said, Islam does not permit anything unless there are advantages in it, but those advantages are not achieved except by studying the subject in a real and comprehensive way. If getting married to a second, third, or fourth wife is just to satisfy a sexual desire without other humane purposes, it will not achieve the sought after advantages besides the motive, which will languish after the
[1] Wassa'il ash-Shia, vol. 14 p.94.
sexual intercourse and will then be replaced by problems that will destroy everything even the pleasure of sex itself.
Islam is very wise in permitting polygamy, but as for the appropriate situations and times to practice it, they will only be realized by the man who has been brought up under the shadow of Islam itself, and the one who does not care for justice (in dealing with his wives) will face many difficulties and be in a critical situation.
The Prophet (s) said, 'He, who has two wives but does not treat them equally concerning sentiment and financial affairs, will come on the Day of Resurrection handcuffed and bent over, and then he will enter into the Fire.'[1]
Following Islam according to practical conditions definitely solves all psychological and social problems, whether those of individuals or families. But following Islam according to one's mood and worldly desires takes one to the forbidden division and complicates his problems.
An understanding Muslim woman would be better off submitting to the verdicts of the Sharia to emerge from the trial successfully; otherwise, she will be resurrected with those who deny the Sunna of the Prophet (s) and the verdicts of Islam.
Just as envy is a bad quality that one should drive away from his heart and conducts, so is the jealousy of women. When a wife harms her husband by doing something wrong out of jealousy, she violates the moral and legal limits.
Imam Ali (s) said, 'The jealousy of woman is unbelief and the jealousy of man is belief.'[2] Would a Muslim woman accept to bring herself unbelief?
Imam al-Baqir (s) explained the above-mentioned tradition by saying, 'The jealousy of women is envy and envy is the origin of unbelief. When women become jealous, they become angry, and when they become angry, they disbelieve except the faithful
[1] Mizan al-Hikma, vol. 4 p.291.
[2] Nahjol Balagha, short maxims.
ones of them.'[1]
Dear sister, do not live in confusion. For what is this confusion? Your father has chosen his way, and he is a part of you and you are a part of him. Your legal duty is clear. You have to be kind to both of your parents equally and with no difference, but with more help and respect for your mother because she is weaker and more tired as you say.
Give advice to your mother and father whenever you find a suitable opportunity. Tell them that a Muslim is one who submits to the verdicts of Islam and does not obey his desires and his personal opinions instead of obeying Allah.
Question 120
My husband hates me because he wants male children from me, but Allah gives me females. What is my guilt in this? Why are men so severe? I hope that you do not misunderstand me. I want to express my suffering and show the ignorance of some husbands who ignore the wisdom of Allah in His people. I offer my question so that you may show my husband and those like him the viewpoint of Islam in this concern. Thanks a lot.
The answer: Dear patient sister, I appreciate your feelings and I do not misunderstand you. In fact, I agree with you on what you say. Men are severe, but just some of them or maybe most of them. As for your husband and his like, they are unaware of the following points:
1. A husband should be happy with what Allah, Who knows the benefit of man, gives him. Let him read, for example, this saying of the Prophet (s), 'There is no house having girls in it except twelve blessings and mercies come down to it from Heaven every day. The visit of the angels to that house does not stop. They (the angels) write to the girls' father every day and night (the reward of) worships of a year.'[2]
[1] Wassa'il ash-Shia, vol. 14 p.110.
[2] Jami' al-Akhbar, p.285.
2. Doctors have proved that the semen of man determines the gender of the fetus, and the wife has nothing to do in this concern. She is just like a vessel, and the husband has to thank her because she protects his deposit in her vessel until she lays down this heavy burden. She suffers much pain and difficulties throughout the period of pregnancy.
Allah says in the Qur'an, (And We have enjoined on man doing of good to his parents; with trouble did his mother bear him and with trouble did she bring him forth; and the bearing of him and the weaning of him was thirty months; until when he attains his maturity and reaches forty years, he says: My Lord! grant me that I may give thanks for Thy favor which Thou hast bestowed on me and on my parents, and that I may do good which pleases Thee and do good to me in respect of my offspring; surely I turn to Thee, and surely I am of those who submit). [1] Thus, Allah appreciates the efforts of a woman; then why should the husband not appreciate them if he believes in Allah?
3. The roots of hating female children stem from the pre-Islamic era. A Muslim husband should protect himself from falling into the abyss of that age of ignorance.
4. The Creator is Allah the Almighty and the husband should feel ashamed of himself if his ignorance leads him to oppose his Creator.
5. The vigor and vitality of the wife bring happiness to the marital life and make the husband recover his senses. A nice story in this concern has been mentioned by al-Jahidh in his book al-Bayan (p.186). He says,
'Once, Abu Hamza ad-Dhabbiy left the tent of his wife and went to live with one of his neighbors when his wife gave birth to a girl. One day, he passed by his wife's tent while she was playing with her daughter and singing,
"what is the matter with Abu Hamza,
[1] Qur'an, 46:15.
that he does not come to us?
He stays in the house next to us,
angry that we don't give birth to boys.
By Allah, it is not in our hands.
We just take what we are given.
And we are like the farm to the farmers,
we grow what they have sowed in us!"
Then Abu Hamza came into his wife's tent and kissed his daughter's head and her mother.'
6. Nevertheless, to be given a male child, there are some scientific and religious ways and others of the unseen, which a man can follow without harming his poor wife.
It is reported that Imam as-Sadiq (s) has said, 'Whoever wants a male child to be born, let him place his right hand on his wife's navel on the right side (when making love), recite the Sura of al-Qadr (97) seven times, and then make love, and every day in the morning and evening he should recite (subhanallah: glory be to Allah) seventy times, (astaghfirullah: I ask Allah to forgive me) ten times, (subhanallah al-adheem: glory be to Allah the Great) nine times, and the tenth time he should say: (astaghfirullaha innallaha kaana ghaffara yursilis samaa'a 'alaykum midrara wa yumdidkum bi 'amwaalin wa baneena wa yaj'al lakum jannaatin wa yaj'al lakum anhaara: I ask Allah to forgive me because Allah (is the most Forgiving. He will send down upon you the cloud, pouring down abundance of rain, and help you with wealth and sons, and make for you gardens, and make for you rivers) [1]').[2]
Question 120
I am sterile and there is no hope for a cure for me. I want to know why I have been afflicted with this injustice, and what the guilt of my
[1] Qur'an, 71:10-12.
[2] Jami' al-Akhbar, p.281.
wife is that she will not have a child to call her "mama" all her life and be delighted like all other mothers!
O sheikh, please, excuse me for this question! I do not object to the wisdom of my Lord, but the Satan whispers into my heart.
The answer: Dear brother, since you know that the Satan whispers to you, you must seek the protection of Allah against him. You have to submit to the Lord of the worlds because He is aware of you, your wife, and millions of people like you. He is more aware of what benefits His people and what harms them. You do not know; perhaps when you are given a child, it may be born handicapped and then you and your wife will suffer difficulties and insomnia all your life, or when your child grows up, he may be a source of troubles to you and to your wife. Many accidents have happened in this life, any one of which is sufficient to give people big lessons. Many parents wished they had no child after being involved in great troubles because of him.
Then, why should you let the Satan affect your faith even a little? Thus, you will lose your faith and this loss is bitterer than your not having a child.
You should believe in the wisdom of Allah sincerely, adhere to your faith and certainty, shut out the whispers of the Satan who destroys you through your passion, and say, when the Satan begins whispering to you, 'Perhaps that I have not been given is better for me because my Lord is aware of the ends of things' and Allah is the Guardian of the believers.
Question 122
My wife is sick. In fact, she is handicapped, and I want to get married to another wife, but I am confused as to what the consequences of doing this will be. I cannot tolerate living with her forever. Whenever I think of my state of continuing to live with my wife versus getting married to another one, I find so many difficulties gather in my heart, which seems like it is about to stop beating. Please, guide me to the right way, and may Allah reward you with goodness!
The answer: Dear brother, take it easy! Let your mind think, and do not put dams of illusion before yourself! Every problem has a solution by the will of Allah the Almighty. This world, with all its defects, has good people yet; otherwise, it would have sunk with its people.
Things are not dark, and life is not melancholy as the Satan shows it to you. You asked me to guide you to the right way, and I say that it begins from the following:
all!
Second, consult with reasonable people about the steps you should take!
Third, treat your sick wife with kindness and mercifulness only whenever your circumstances allow you to do that!
Fourth, assure her that your marriage to another one does not mean that you will ignore her, and tell her that her cooperation in this matter will make you love and respect her even more!
Fifth, in your dealings with her, be understanding and lenient in all situations and expect your reward from Allah, Who rewards good-doers, and the reward of whoever does good will not be lost!
Finally, if you decide to get married while your first wife is unwilling in spite of all the previous steps, and your second marriage has legal reasons, try to get married without letting her know in order to not increase her sickness. If temporary marriage can solve your problem, you may prefer it to a permanent marriage. And then if she finds out about you and becomes angry, you should not reply to her angrily or harm her for it has been mentioned in traditions that it is not a habit of generous people to avenge immediately.
Nevertheless, I think that you would be better off being patient if observing patience is possible for you.
source : For A Better Future/By : Abdul Adheem al-Muhtadi al-Bahrani
