The philosophy behind the fact that a virgin girl must not or at least should not marry a man without the agreement of her father is not because a girl is considered to be deficient in some respect or is counted as inferior to a man as regards social maturity. If it were so what could be the difference between a widow and a virgin by which a widow aged sixteen year is not in need of the agreement of her father while a virgin aged eighteen years is according to this opinion? Furthermore if in the view of Islam women were considered incapable of managing their own affairs why should Islam acknowledge the freedom of a grown up woman past puberty to manage her own economic affairs and accept transactions involving say hundreds of millions under- taken independently of the agreement of her father brother or husband? There is some other philosophy behind this matter apart from the aspect of the reasons of fiqh (Islamic law). One cannot afford to ignore this philosophy and for that those who drew up the civil Law deserve a tribute.
This matter has no connection with any deficiency or lack of intellectual or mental development. It is related to an aspect of male and female psychology. It relates specifically to the predatory side of man’s character on the one hand and to woman’s trust in the loyalty and sincerity of man.
Man is a slave of his basic urges and woman is a captive of her love. What cause man to stumble and lose his footing is his basic motivational urge? According to psychologists woman has more patience and endurance in the control of her passions. However that which imbalances woman and enslaves her is the sweet voice of affection sincerity fidelity and love from man. It is here that she is trusting.
A woman as long as she is a virgin and has not come into direct touch with man very readily believes in the soft whisperings of his affections.
I do not know whether my readers read the views of Professor Reek (?) the American psychologist in issue No.90 of Zan-e ruz magazine under the title “The world is not the same for men and women” or not. He says that the best sentence a man can say to a woman is: “my dear: I love you” and he also says “It is happiness for a woman; I mean to win the heart of a man and maintain it for her whole life.”
The Prophet (s.a.w.a.) the divine psychologist clearly stated this truth fourteen centuries ago He said “A woman will never let go from her hearts the words of a man to her: ‘I love you ’ ”
Predatory males always make use of this sensibility of women. The trap of “My dear: I am dying from love of you” is the traps for hunting down girls who have no experience of man.
Recently the story of a woman Afsar by name who attempted to commit suicide and a man named Jawad who deceived her received much publicity and their case reached the law courts. This man employed the above-mentioned formula to deceive Afsar and Afsar according to Zan-e ruzmagazine said:
Though I did not speak with him my heart wanted to look at him every day and every hour.”
“I did not fall in love with him but with an affection that cried out I had a psychological need for him. All women are like this; before they fall in love they have an affection for the lover.
For all girls and women after they find a lover love comes into existence. I was exception to this rule.”
What we see here is a woman who was a widow and had had experience. Woe befall inexperienced girls!
That is why it is necessary for a girl who is “inexperienced” with men to have the agreement of her father who knows the sentiments of men better and who with a few qualifications wishes good and happiness for his daughter.
The law has not in any way humiliated women in this matter. Rather it has extended the hand of protection over them. It would not be wholly illogical if sons were to protest as to why the law did not make it binding upon them also to get the agreement of their fathers or mothers and complain about daughters being at an advantage in having to get the agreement of their fathers.
I wonder how people who are daily confronted by the stories of Buyuk Zohreh Adil and Nasrin who see and hear them can advise their daughters to rebel against their guardians and not take any notice of them.
Such actions in my opinion are a sort of contemporary conspiracy between the persons who claim sympathy with women and those who hunt and chase women. The former prepare the prey make the arrows ready and then beat the victims towards the latter.
source : http://www.maaref-foundation.com
