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HOW DOES ISLAM BUILD THE FAMILY (1)
- Publication date: 2009-09-11 11:28:43
- Number of views: 375
Looking up the lexical meanings of the Arabic words of "husband",
`marriage' and `matrimony', we may understand the psychological,
spiritual, social and organic implications of marriage in the Islamic
religion, and the reason why the Qur'an uses the word `Spouse' (زوج)
for both the man and the woman bound together with a legal tie, and
the word `Marriage' (
نكاح) for the coupling process, and the lawful
enjoyment between husband and wife.
In the Arabic language, to marry means to consort and mix.
" The rain married the earth" means that it mixed with the soil of
the earth.
"The trees married" means that the trees consorted or got closer to
each other.
Going back to the lexicon, and looking up the meaning of `mixing',
which implies the concepts of both the words `Spouse' and `Marriage',
we realize that the meaning of "to mix one thing with another" is to
gather and mingle them together. `Mixing' is gathering, mingling and
consummating.
`To consort', implied by the word `to marriage', means: to tie and
connect, as is seen in the lexicon.
Thus, through lexical understanding of the meanings of `spouse' and
`marriage' used in religious terms, we come to discover the great
human implications contained in the relation between man and woman
from Islam's viewpoint: joining, mixing, tying and connecting.
Thus, to Islam, marriage is an interaction, a mixing, a psychological
and spiritual connection, and a tying of two individuals (a man and a
woman) together to become "a married pair". A pair consists of two who
are similar to one another. Without this similarity none of us would
have found his half to make a pair, but would have remained a single,
feeling lonely and away from his spouse, and would have continued his
natural search and longing to join his half with the other half that
would take him out of the dreary prison of singleness, and fill up the
gaps of love, affection and yearning in his inside.
The Glorious Qur'an has beautifully illustrated the love and relation
between the couple by drawing a verbal picture, in a wonderful style
expressing the human truth implied in this relation:
"And of His signs in this: He created mates for you from yourselves
that you may find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and
mercy. Most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect."
Holy Qur'an (30:21)
It has illustrated marriage as a relationship of `rest', `love' and
`mercy', which are desired by the individual when he is away from his
other half, because he (she) would not enjoy the happiness of
affection, love, mercy and sympathy, unless he (she) joins his (her)
spouse and get together. This makes us understand that `coupling' to
the Qur'an, does not refer to a mathematical figure resulting from
adding a man to a woman. Actually it is a process of omitting the
singleness - in its psychological and organic meaning, and in its
specific and social aim - through the natural meeting and perfection
and biological connections and feelings may mix, react, communicate
and unite, In this way the psychological and biological perfection
between them and their split personalities is cohesively united, so
that they may form the base for the continuation of existence and
preservation of the human species. The humanity which grows,
fertilizes and practices its lively activities, is the perfectly
natural humanity would disintegrate and would not be able to survive.
"He it is Who did create you from a single being, and of the same
(kind) did He make his mate that he might incline to her. So when he
covers her she bears a light burden, and she move about with it, but
when it becomes heavy they call upon Allah, their Lord, saying: If you
give to us a good one we shall be of the grateful ones".
Holy Qur'an (7:189)
It is, thus, obvious that Islam's advocation of marriage and the
building of the family is a legislative and cultural one, to attain
the natural and social aims of the human life.
The one who carefully follows Islam's invitation to marriage, and
scrutinizes the relevant texts and concepts, would realize the
importance of this human relationship, Islam's great emphasis on it,
and its sacredness to human life.
Numerous verses in the Glorious Qur'an deal with this relationship
between man and woman, and define the rights and the duties of both
the spouses.
There are more than eighty verses which speak of marriage,
matrimonial enjoyment, loving and respecting women and having
relations with them.
Speaking about marriage, the Qur'an regards it as a general
relationship of the creation which runs through the entire universe,
and covers everything therein, an atom, a plant, an animal, a human
being, etc, since it is a relationship of attraction, yearning and
connection between every two parts of a `pair' in this universe,
perfecting its system and keeping it one its right course.
This general and universal system of couplement it put in a nutshell
by the Qur'an:
"And of everything We have created pairs, that happily you may
reflect."
Holy Qur'an (51:49)
Let every man and woman understand that their relations with their
spouses should be based on a universal consciousness, beyond the
limits of pleasure and passing instinctive feelings, and reach the
depths of the general matrimonial and legal understanding of this
relationship as mentioned in the Qur'an.
If we move from the Qur'an to the Prophets' Traditions, we shall see
that they are full of sayings about diverse aspects of marriage, and
matrimonial relations, including even what happens between the couple
in their privacy and during enjoying moments of sexual intercourse.
Here are some examples concerning marriage and forming a family: The
Imam Ja'far Al-Sadiq quoted The Prophet as follows:-
"Marry (yourselves) and marry (your sons and daughters). Fortunate is
the Muslim who can afford to pay for an unmarried woman. Nothing is
more loved by Allah the Exalted in Islam than a home set up by
marriage, and nothing is more hated by Allah the Exalted in Islam than
a home pulled down by divorce"
The Imam further explained this by saying, "Allah the Exalted did
emphasize his words about divorce because He strongly hates
separation."
The Commander of the Faithful, the Imam, Ali bin Abi Talib (a.s.),
quoted the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) saying:
Whoever wants to follow my Tradition, then marriage is my
Tradition."
The Imam Al-Sadiq (a.s.) also quoted the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) to
have said:
"The lowest of your deeds are the bachelors."
It is narrated, too:
"Whoever marries, safeguards half his religion. Let him take care of
his duty to the other half.”
It is also narrated from Imam Al-Sadiq (a.s.):
"The wife of Uthman bin Maz'un, a companion of the Prophet, came to
the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) and said:
"O Messenger of Allah, Uthman fasts during daytime and spends the
night in prayer". The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) got angry, and
immediately hurried out until he came to where Uthman was praying. On
seeing Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) he stopped praying. The Messenger of
Allah (s.a.w.) said to him: "O Uthman, Allah has not sent me with
monasticism, but with a simple and merciful monotheistic religion. I
fast, pray and touch my wife (i.e. to have sexual intercourse with her). So, whoever likes my nature, let him follow my traditions and to marry is of my Tradition.”
So, this collection of ideas, concepts and regulations, found in the
Glorious Qur'an and in the prophet's Traditions, enlighten us, with
pure clarity, humane values, a sound understanding of marriage, and an
invitation to build a family, the nest of happiness, the cradle of
love, and the lap of affection which embraces all its members and
floods them - husband, wife, children and relatives - with feelings
of love and mercy.
This lofty cultural building, the family, is the expression of a
natural feeling, an inner longing, and one's innate desire to be
sociable, amicable, and taken care of thus, the Messenger of Allah
(s.a.w.) was angry with Uthman because he neglected his wife, and
explained to him Islam's attitude, and positively told him that he is
against cloistral life which ruins marriage, destroys humanity and
contradicts human nature and life's order. That is why we hear the
Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.), on many other occasions, confirm that
marriage is of his divine and tolerant religion is an upright one -
that is, far from being abnormal or deviated. It is in perfect harmony
with the logic of universal existence and the innate natural order.
So, singleness is regarded as an evil, and marriage is regarded as
completing half of one's religion, since it regulates the instincts,
inclinations, activities and practices which affect half of the
conduct, instinctively, psychologically, socially, economically and
morally in general.
In order to accomplish its objectives harmoniously and without
contradiction, Islam disapproves the obstacles and barriers forged by
a society deviated from the principles of faith. By removing the
psychological or social hindrances in the way of building family and
establishing matrimonial relations, it prevents a clash between
different social values and the natural law of life. It breaks up
class discrimination, racialism and other differences of ignorance;
and changes them into humane values and lawful objective
considerations.
It also modifies the customs concerning marriage portion and dowry so
that it should not be too overstated and be a materialistic barrier in
the way of marriage and forming of families.