Children are the fruits of marital relations. They are the adornment of the house, the beauty of the family, and the seeds guaranteeing the continuation of life. That is why Allah has made maternal affection the strongest of all other living instincts. Childbirth is linked to the desire to survive and be eternal and children represent the continuation of the parents' survival in life. Islam expresses and interprets these and innate human feelings through its laws and legislations, regulating marriage, parental relations and responsibilities, defining the parents' relations with their children and designing the rights and duties of each member in proportion to his role in the family. a. The father is responsible for providing sustenance for his children as well as meeting their other needs as long as they are below adulthood and even after it, should they be unable to earn their own livelihood due to reasons accepted by Islamic law, such as illness, disability, and the like. In this way this relationship and the principle of reciprocal undertakings continue. These relations have material and moral dimensions effective in the construction of the family and the society and in strengthening the ties among the members of the family. So the father is the one who is responsible for arrangements to bring up, nurse, suck and attend his children during their childhood. The mother is exempted from this task. Islam gives the mother the right to be paid for giving suck to her children and for nursing and bringing them up, as the mother is not responsible for that. But she is responsible for proper care and guidance for her children and to bring them up as best as she can, since her role at home is that of a teacher, educator and guide. But if she volunteers to take care of her children, give them the suck, nurse them, etc., it will be a deed Allah likes to see, and rewards her for it. Actually, Islam encourages her to do so but without any compulsion or obligation. b. The second right of the children upon their father is the latter duty in bringing them up with proper guidance, and treating them with the spirit of love and affection. Naturally a child needs paternal care, love and affection, much as it needs milk, medicine, clothes, etc. The following Traditions urge love and affection towards children:
"Love children and have mercy on them. When you promise them, keep
it, as they think it is you who support them."
"Whoever kisses his child, Allah the Exalted writes for him a reward; whoever pleases his child, Allah will please him on the Resurrection Day; and whoever teaches his child (how to read) the Qur'an, he and the mother (of the child) will be dressed in the hereafter in suits whose illumination will light the faces of the dwellers of paradise". "Allah will have mercy on the man who passionately loves his child".
It has scientifically been confirmed that children who live in an
environment of love, affection and parental care, grow up free from any complexities, psychopathics and symptoms of weak personality. Science has also proved that harmonious parental relations have positive effects on the behavior of the children and on their relations with the others, in childhood, adolescence and adulthood. On the contrary, the child who lacks affectionate treatment and grows up in an atmosphere of hatred, spite and negligence, acquires a loose and weak personality, irresponsible and aggressive behavior and suffers from inferiority complex. Consequently, Islam lays stress on the responsibility of fathers in bringing up the children with proper guidance. It says:
"O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones, over which are set angels strong and severe, who do not disobey Allah in what He commands them, but do as they are commanded." Holy Qur'an (66:6)
A man came to the Messenger of Allah and asked him: "What right has this son of mine upon me?" The Prophet replied: "Give him a good name
and a good education and place him in a good position". Thus, it is the responsibility of the father to guide his children and educate them so that they can lead a righteous life. Islam entrusts the father or the consanguineous grandfather, authority and control over the children. At the same time, it holds him responsible for his children's behavior to the rights of others in society
4. The Rights of Parents Upon Their Children:
"And We have enjoined man concerning his parents - his mother bears him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning takes two years - Be grateful to Me and to your parents. To Me is the eventual coming." Holy Qur'an (31:14)
"And your lord has decreed, that you worship none save Him and (you
show) kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them reach old age with you say not `Fie' to them nor repulse them, but speak to them a generous word. And make yourself submissively gentle with compassion to them, and say: O My Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little." Holy Qur'an (17:23-24)
Islam does not grant such great attention and respect to any others except the parents, nor is anybody else granted rights similar to those of the parents upon their children. Allah states their next to His upon man. As He commands man to acknowledge Allah's generosity and to thank and worship Him, likewise he commands man to thank his parents, obey them, show kindness to them, have mercy on them and be humble to them, as they are the means of man's existence and the source of life. The mother had borne him in her womb. nourished him with all her heart and love, tenderly whispered lullabies in his ears day and night, deprived herself from comfortable sleep in order to attend him, throughout her life surrounded him with feelings of love and care. She regards him as her soul and her heart beating in another body. So naturally she deserves to be treated with kindness. Is there anyone more deserving than her? There is a Tradition which says:
"Paradise lies at the feet of the mother."
How expressive was the Prophet's answer to a man who came to him and asked: "O Messenger of Allah! Whom should I be more dutiful to? The Prophet (s.a.w.) replied: "
To your mother
". The man asked: "Then to whom?"
He replied: "
To your mother.
" Once again the man asked: "Then to
whom?" The Prophet (s.a.w.) Said: "
To your father."
The respect for the mother does not mean that Islam has neglected the
father. In fact both the parents are to be obeyed and respected by the
children. A Tradition says:
"Allah's pleasure is in father's pleasure
and Allah's displeasure is in father's displeasure." The father is the beloved sustainer, the spender, and the one who exerts his efforts and bears hardships to provide for his children a happy and comfortable life. He sees his children as a reflection of his own existence and an extension of his life after his death. The letter which the Imam Ali (a.s.) sent to his son, the Imam Hasan, is an example for all fathers who believe in Ali's noble principles and endeavor to follow his lofty ideas:
"
...My dear son, you are a part of my body and soul and whenever I
look at you I feel as if I am looking at myself. If any calamity happens to you, I feel as if it has befallen me. Your death will make me feel as if it was my own death. Your affairs are to me like my own affairs..."
So, if these humane feelings and noble aspirations logic of morals and the conduct of conscience dictate to the children to respect their fathers and be kind and thankful towards them, since the children's offers and feelings are too meager to match those of their fathers. Therefore, the sons' duty is to be kind, thankful and grateful, as an acknowledgement and an attempt to feel content, never as a complete and full compensation, nor even a quittance. In order that the paternal rights may not be mere moral advices or recommendations, Islam has defined these rights as legal duties and obligatory legislations, imposed on the sons, and warns them of severe punishment for neglecting to carry them out. The sons must take care of their fathers when aged and in need. They have also to sustain them if they are incapable of working. in case of any deviation on the part of the son the judiciary has the right to force the son to obey. Islam regards negligence towards one's parents a capital sin, and prohibits even the slightest sign of such disobedience, even the utterance of such an expression as "fie", let alone showing the signs of hatred towards them. A Tradition says: "
The least disobeyance??? is to say `fie' [to the parents]. Had Allah
known anything less than that, He would have forbidden it." Thus, Islam enjoins the sons to be kind to their parents, even if the latters wronged them. So it keeps on emphasizing the necessity of being kind and lenient to the parents that it regards a look of love and mercy at the parents a kind of worship to Allah, as is evident from the following Tradition:
"Whoever looks at his parents with aversion, even if they have
wronged him, Allah would accept none of his prayers."
"An affectionate look by a son towards his parents is servitude to
Allah".
This is encouraged not only during their life-time, but this heartfelt and deep human relation of the sons to their parents is to continue even after their death, as a dead father is more in need of kindness than a living one. Life is the world of events and human activities, where man can manage his own affairs, or seek the help of others to accomplish or solve them. But a dead man can do nothing: "My power has gone from me." "And a barrier is set between them and that which they desire..." Holy Qur'an (34:54) They cannot make bequest nor can they return to their own families." Holy Qur'an (36:50) Therefore, a dead man is cut off from this world except for the causal relations created during his life. Good deeds done during lifetime are the only assets in the hereafter. So he needs a virtuous existence here, enriching and growing it with means of goodness, since his fate in the hereafter depends on what he has done in this world. He cannot go back, but he is still in need of help to set his misdeeds aright. So who can help him? Who can make up for the man's misdeeds in this world to which he cannot return? The Traditions of the Prophet (s.a.w.) answer these questions. They point out the extension that the man has left behind and which continues even after his death. This extension is part of him, a good harvest of the seeds the had sowed. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: "When a man dies, his acts stop, except for three: (In leaving) a running charity, a benefiting knowledge (for mankind) and a virtuous son who prays for him." Thus, as the prophet (s.a.w.) says, kindness towards parents does not stop at their death but should continue even after. A bedouin once asked the Prophet (s.a.w.): "O Messenger of Allah! Is
there any more kindness that I can do for my parents? "He answered:" Yes, pray and ask forgiveness for them, pay their debts which were left unpaid, keep the kinship bonds which may not be kept without them and honour their friends." Therefore, sons have to be kind to their parents, do good to them, pay their debts, perform their obligatory duties which they could not do during their lives, such as prayers, fasting and pilgrimage, and continually ask Allah to forgive them. These are the rights of parents upon their sons, as are clear from the following Tradition:
"If a man is obedient and kind to his parents during their lives, but
when they die neither he pays their debts nor he asks forgiveness for them, Allah would register him as a disobedient, And likewise if a son who is neither kind nor dutiful towards his parents but after their death he pays their debts ans asks forgiveness for them, Allah the Exalted would register him as an obedient son!”
So, Islam enjoins the eldest son to compensate for the prayers which his father could not perform during his life, in case the father had not paid somebody else to do so. Furthermore, the heirs are to pay for the deceased's pending Hajj pilgrimage, fasting and debts, as well as to re-compensate those who had been wronged by him, all out of his legacy before dividing it among the heirs.
