ظَلَمْتُ نَفْسي، وَتَجَرَّأْتُ بِجَهْلي وَسَكَنْتُ إِلى قَديمِ ذِكْرِكَ لي وَمَنِّكَ عَلَيَّ
I have wronged myself, I have been audacious in my ignorance and I have depended upon Your constant remembrance of me and Your favor toward me.
Wronging Oneself
Though I recognized You well by watching and contemplating on Your wonderful creation signs in the world, hearing the facts about You from the researchers, and reading books on You, I did not come toward You, did not obey Your rules, did not worship You, did not ask You requests, and got ignorant of you. This was a mistake I always committed and wronged myself.
I recognized Your prophets by reading the history and knew them as the guides to salvation, sympathetic to human beings, deliverers of people from Satanic temptations, and advisers. As I was a Muslim this recognition of mine was deeper in case of the Prophet of Islam (s.a); however, I ignored them, resorted to sources other than them, followed stranger traditions, and did not appreciate the prophets. I was not grateful for this blessing of You, insisted on my miserable way of life and followed the misguidance path. This way, I always wronged myself.
I got familiar with Your Holy Book, Qur’¡n, through participating in religious gatherings and reading Islamic books and divine teachings. I found out that Qur’¡n has been revealed from You to the Prophet of Islam (s.a) in order to guide all Your servants. I knew that this Book is the most comprehensive one including the most fruitful topics, wise rules, useful teachings, startling advises, and the most excellent instructions. Nevertheless, I neglected its signs and facts and lived a negligent life, hence I wronged myself severely.
I got to know the noble Imams via various ways and realized that they are Your proof among people, and guides to the truth. Being perfect humans, they are the successors of the Prophet (s.a) in his nation. The Prophet (s.a) has introduced them as the leaders of the people after himself, who would teach people the Islamic teachings, differentiate between the truth and the futile, and explain the Qur’¡nic verses. Though they faced many difficulties, hostilities and calamities, and were all martyred by the enemies of Islam, the Infallible Imams did not neglect their great responsibility of guiding the people even for a moment. They stated divine rules and religious orders for the people, which were collected in four hundred strong books for the future generations. But I ignored all these facts, disobeyed my Imams, the guidance sources, and went astray. I insisted on my misguidance and deviance, resorted to worldly sources, and preferred the ignorant people, who have misguided from the east to the west of the earth, to my infallible and benevolent Imams (a.s). This was the wrong I committed.
I knew well that the great book of Nahj al-Bal¡ghah is but a ting of Imam `Al¢'s knowledge, in which there is everything necessary for the guidance of humans to Allah, salvation and a purified life. Its sermons, letters, and maxims are replete with Divine teachings, to the extent that it is called Qur’¡n's counterpart. I knew too well al-¯a¦¢fah al-Sajj¡diyyah, including fifty four supplications of Imam al-Sajj¡d (a.s), in which all the human responsibilities before the Almighty have been stated. All the Shi'a Imams have recommended attending to this invaluable book.
I was aware that the Divine rules and the Islamic teachings are stated in the precious books such as Al-K¡f¢, Tahdh¢b al-A¦k¡m, al-Istib¥¡r, man-l¡-ya¦¤aruhu’l-faq¢h, Tu¦af al-`Uq£l, Raw¤at al-W¡`i¨¢n, al-W¡f¢, al-Sh¡f¢, Bi¦¡r al-Anw¡r, Was¡'il al-Sh¢`ah, Raw¤at al-Muttaq¢n, and J¡mi` A¦¡d¢th al-Sh¢`ah and a thousand more, but did not bother myself reading them for my bliss in this world and the Hereafter. Instead I spent my days and nights reading useless and irreligious magazines, wasted my valuable time, and only harmed myself. I always was audaciously ignorant.
Audacity in Ignorance
Since I did not follow the path of knowledge and remained deprived of religious cognition, I continued life ignorantly and got entangled in sins. I could not think of my ultimate position, the account of my deeds, the Hell and the Paradise, hence I began opposing You. My ignorance made me audacious in wrongdoing.
Confessing to sins
Lord! When I was inside my mother's womb, I was wholly under Your Mercy. Your Mercy turned the impure semen into a perfect human, with every necessary organ. Then You enabled my mother to bear me healthily, and prepared my food in her breasts. You also endeared me to my parents, so that I could grow up gradually by their protection. Then You organized the rest of my life.
Lord! This much compassion of You made me proud. It made me think I would still benefit from Your Mercy if I began wrongdoing, without any punishment. I should not have become proud because of Your blessings; I should not have committed sins.
Now that I have got aware of my miserable life and terrible condition, I have turned to You wholeheartedly. I confess to my sins and my audacity in wronging myself. Based on the Qur’¡nic teachings and Prophet's traditions, I know that this confession of me to sins is in fact my repentance and returning to salvation.
It is narrated from Imam al-B¡qir (a.s):
وَاللهِ لاَ يَنْجُو مِنَ الذَّنْبِ إلاّ مَنْ أقَرَّ بِهِ.
By Allah (I swear), no one would be saved from sins, unless he confesses to sins.[1]
He also said:
لاَ وَاللهِ، مَا أرَادَ اللهُ مِنَ النَّاسِ إلاّ خِصْلَتَيْنِ: أنْ يُقِرُّوا لَـُه بِالنِّعَمِ فَيَزِيدُهُمْ، وَبِالذُّنُوبِ فَيَغْفِرُهَا لَهُمْ.
By Allah, He doest not expect but two attributes from His servants; that they confess to His blessings so that He would increase them, and that they confess to their sins so that He would forgive them.[2]
The Commander of the Believers, Imam `Al¢ (a.s) has stated:
اَلمُقِرُّ بِالذَّنْبِ تَائِبٌ.
One who confesses to his sins is considered as the one who repents.[3]
شَافِعُ الذَّنْبِ إقْرَارُهُ وَتَوْبَتُهُ اعْتِذَارُهُ.
The intercessor of a sinner is his confession to sins, and his repentance is as his apology.[4]
It is narrated from Imam ¯¡diq (a.s) in Tadhkirat al-Awliy¡':
Any sin whose beginning is fear and whose end is apology makes the servant close to the Almighty. And any worship whose beginning is pride and whose end is egotism makes him far from Allah.
Confession of the Young Sinner
Mansur Ibn Ammar says: One night I went out and crossed a house from which I heard the weeping and beseeching of a young man, who called his God this way: “Lord! When I committed sins it was not for opposing or disobeying you. My carnal soul overcame me; Satan deceived me, so I wronged myself and made myself subject to Your wrath.” Hearing this, I recited this verse through the door:
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلائِكَةٌ غِلاظٌ شِدَادٌ لا يَعْصُونَ اللَّهَ مَا أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ.
O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones; over it are angels stern and strong, they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them, and do as they are commanded. (66:6)
When I read this verse the young man cried out and I went away. The next morning I passed that house again and saw an old woman who was weeping and said: “I had a son who cried at nights from Allah's fear. Last night someone came and recited a punishment verse before the door. Then my son cried out and passed away.” I told her: “I recited that verse last night. May I wash his body before being buried?” She allowed me, so I saw him wearing a piece of cloth around his neck. When I opened the cloth, I saw on his neck written in green: “We have washed this young man with repentance water!”[5]
Regretful Sinner's End
`Abd al-W¡¦id Ibn Zayd, who was among the corrupted wrongdoers, passed the preaching circle of Y£suf Ibn °usayn one day, who was saying at the moment: “The Compassionate Allah has invited the sinners toward Himself, out of Mercy, as if He needs them.” Hearing this statement, `Abd al-W¡¦id put off clothes and ran to the cemetery. On the first night, Y£suf Ibn °usayn dreamed a herald, calling on behalf of Allah: “Go find the sinner young man!” That is Give him the tidings of Our forgiveness! Y£suf began looking for the young man until he found him in the cemetery on the third day. The young man had his head on the ground and was weeping and beseeching Allah. When he saw Y£suf beside himself, he said: “You have been sent three days ago, but you only came today.” He then passed away.
اللّهُمَّ مَوْلاي كَمْ مِنْ قَبيح سَتَرْتَهُ، وَكَمْ مِنْ فادِح مِنَ الْبَلاءِ أَقَلْتَهُ، وَكَمْ مِنْ عِثار وَقَيْتَهُ، وَكَمْ مِنْ مَكْرُوه دَفَعْتَهُ، وَكَمْ مِنْ ثَناء جَميل لَسْتُ أَهْلاً لَهُ نَشَرْتَهُ
O Allah! O my Protector! How many ugly things You have concealed! How many tribulations You have warded off! How many stumbles You have removed! How many ordeals You have averted! And how much beautiful praise, for which I was unworthy, You have spread about me.
In uttering the phrase “my Protector” in the middle of a Thursday night, the supplicant feels an enjoyment which is unique in the world. That is why Prophet Moses (a.s) states in his prayer to Allah:
I have something in my poverty that does not exist in all Your Property. Allah addressed him: What is that thing, Moses? He replied: I have a Lord like You.[6]
Concealing the ugly deeds is one of the greatest blessings and a unique mercy of Allah’s toward His servant. When Allah hides the ugly things of His believer servant in this world, He would certainly pay more attention to His repented servant in the Hereafter, concealing his sins more than before. It is narrated from the Messenger of Allah (s.a):
مَا سُتِرَ عَلَى عَبْدٍ فِي الدُّنْيَا إلاّ سُتِرَ عَلَيْهِ فِي الآخِرَةِ.
No deed or ugly thing of a servant is concealed in this world except that it is concealed in the Last Day too.[7]
In the supplications quoted and recommended by the Prophet (s.a) and his infallible Household (a.s), there is continuous reference to Allah’s being the Concealer of Faults. In these supplications, there are always good tidings for the repented sinner that the Merciful Allah would avoid letting his face down in this world and the Hereafter, hide his faults and sins, and inform no one of his wrongdoing.
As an instance, a tradition is quoted here from the closing section of the valuable book `Uddat al-D¡`¢ by Ibn Fahad al-°ill¢:
Once Gabriel, the trustee angel, was descended to the Prophet of Islam (s.a), smilingly and with good tidings. He greeted the Prophet (s.a) who responded to his greeting. Then Gabriel said: “The Almighty has sent a gift for you.”
The Messenger of Allah asked: “What is that gift?”
He replied: “There are some words of Empyrean’s treasures by which Allah has endeared and made specialized the Empyrean.”
Prophet Mu¦ammad (s.a) asked again: “What are those words?”
Gabriel then said:
يَا مَنْ أَظْهَر الْجَمِيلَ، وَسَتَرَ الْقَبِيحَ، يَا مَنْ لَمْ يُؤْاخِذْ بِالْجَرِيرَةِ، وَلَمْ يَهْتِكِ السّتْرَ، يَا عَظِيمَ الْعَفْوِ، يَا حَسَنَ التّجَاوُزِ، يَا وَاسِعَ الْمَغْفِرَةِ، يَا بَاسِطَ الْيَدَيْنِ بِالرّحْمَةِ، يَا صَاحِبَ كُلّ نَجْوَى، يَا مُنْتَهَى كُلّ شَكْوَى، يَا كَرِيمَ الصّفْحِ، يَا عَظِيمَ الرّجَاءِ، يَا مُبْتَدِئاً بِالنّعَمِ قَبْلَ اسْتِحْقَاقِهَا، يَا رَبّنَا وَسَيّدَنَا وَمَوْلانَا، يَا غَايَةَ رَغْبَتِنَا، أَسْأَلُكَ يَا اَللهُ أنْ لاَ تُشَوِّهَ خَلْقِي بِالنَّارِ.
O the One who revealed the goodness and concealed the badness. O the One who reprimanded no one for wrongdoing and let no one’s face down. O the One whose forgiveness is great, whose pardon is good, and whose Mercy is extended. O the one who has applied his Power in Mercy. O the Owner of any secret and the ultimate source of any complaint. O the one whose forbearance is magnanimous and whose blessings are great. O the Bestower of blessings before the necessary deserve for them. O my Lord, my Protector, and the end of my tendency! O Allah! I ask You not to destroy my creation by the Fire.
The Messenger of Allah asked Gabriel: “What is the recompense of these words?”
Gabriel said: “Beware that the whole knowledge is exclusive in these words. If all the angels of the seven Heavens and the seven earths attempt to describe this supplication until the Resurrection Day, they can describe but one part out of one thousand parts of it.”
When the servant says: “O the One who revealed the goodness and concealed the badness,” Allah would conceal his sins, have mercy on him in the world, maintain his well-being in the next world, and cover him with thousand veils in the two worlds.
And when the servant says: “O the One who reprimanded no one for wrongdoing and let no one’s face down,” the Almighty would not account for his deeds in the Resurrection Day, not uncovering his secrets on that day.
When the servant says: “O the One whose forgiveness is great,” Allah would forgive his sins, even if they are as many as the sea waves.
When he says: “O the One whose pardon is good,” Allah would even forgive his wine-drinking, theft, and other major sins.
When he says: “O the One whose Mercy is extended,” the Merciful Allah would open seventy doors of Mercy on him, so he would be subject to Allah’s Mercy until the last day of his life.
When the servant says: “O the one who has applied his Power in Mercy,” Allah would extend his Power to him out of Mercy.
When the servant says: “O the Owner of any secret and the ultimate source of any complaint,” Allah would grant him the recompense of any grief-stricken, poverty-stricken, patient or blind man until the Resurrection Day.
If the servant says: “O the one whose forbearance is magnanimous and whose blessings are great,” the Almighty would fulfill all his wishes and the wishes of all other servants for him.
If the servant says: “O the Bestower of blessings before the necessary deserve for them,” Allah would recompense as if he is grateful of His blessings.
If the servant says: “O my Lord,” his Lord would says: “My angels! Beware that I forgave him, and I granted him recompense as the number of all My creatures, either in the Paradise or the Hell, in the heavens or the earth, the sun or the moon, the star and the raindrops, different kinds of beings in the mountains, on the soil, and on the Empyrean.”
And if he says: “O my Protector,” Allah would fill his heart with belief.
When the servant says: “O the end of my tendency!” the Almighty would grant him the wishes of all the other creatures.
And if the servant says: “O Allah! I ask You not to destroy my creation by the Fire,” Allah says: “My servant wants to become free from the Fire. O My angels! I delivered him, along with his parents, brothers, family, and neighbors from the Fire and accepted his intercession for a thousand of those who deserved to be put into Fire.”
So Gabriel said: “O Mu¦ammad! Teach these words to the believers and not to the hypocrites. This supplication is accepted for the supplicant and for those present in Allah’s House, when it is circumambulated.”[8]
It should be noted that this great recompense and wonderful reward is not rare of Allah’s extended Mercy, unlimited Beneficence, and infinite treasure of rewards.
Imam `Al¢ (a.s), following the phrase, “How many ugly things You have concealed,” states: “How many tribulations You have warded off; such as earthquake, storm, flood, fire, accident, famine, and calamities. How many stumbles You have removed, which could destroy my belief, my ethics, my benefactions, and my face among people. How many ordeals You have averted, which could destroy my calmness, bring anxiety in my life, and put pressure and difficulty in my heart and mind. How much beautiful praise, for which I was unworthy, You have spread about me, though I had committed so many sins; so my parents and my closed ones thought highly of me and praised me, while I did not deserve it.
[1] Bi¦¡r al-Anw¡r: 6/ 36, Bab 20, tradition 56.
[2] Al-K¡f¢: 2/ 426, Bab Al-'i'tiraf bil Zunub, tradition 2; M¢z¡n al-°ikmah: 2/ 642, Al-Tawba, tradition 2153.
[3] Mustadrak Al-Wasa'il: 12/ 116, Bab 82, tradition 13671; M¢z¡n al-°ikmah: 2/ 644, Al-Tawba, tradition 2155.
[4] Ghurar al-°ikam: 195, tradition 3811; M¢z¡n al-°ikmah: 2/ 644, Al-Tawba, tradition 2156.
[5] An¢s al-Layl: 233.
[6] An¢s al-Layl: 239.
[7] Wurr¡m Collection: 1/ 189.
[8] Uddat Al-Da’i: 337.
source : `Allamah Husayn Ansariyan
