HOW DOES ISLAM BUILD THE FAMILY
By studying the Islamic religion, and analyzing its ideas, laws and
values concerning the building and organizing of this great cultural
project, `The Family', one may broadly classify its measures as
follows:-
1. The call to build the family:
2. Organizing the family relations:
To complete our study we shall explain these two steps for the
readers' benefit.
1- The Call to Build The Family:
"And of His signs is this: He created mates for you from yourselves
that you may find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and
mercy. Most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect."
Holy Qur'an (30:21)
"He it is Who did create you from a single being, and of the same
(kind) did He make his mate that he might incline to her."
Holy Qur'an (7:189)
"...Marry such women as seem good to you."
Holy Qur'an (4:3)
Looking up the lexical meanings of the Arabic words of "husband",
`marriage' and `matrimony', we may understand the psychological,
spiritual, social and organic implications of marriage in the Islamic
religion, and the reason why the Qur'an uses the word `Spouse' (زوج)
for both the man and the woman bound together with a legal tie, and
the word `Marriage' (نكاح) for the coupling process, and the lawful
enjoyment between husband and wife.
In the Arabic language, to marry means to consort and mix.
" The rain married the earth" means that it mixed with the soil of
the earth.
"The trees married" means that the trees consorted or got closer to
each other.
Going back to the lexicon, and looking up the meaning of `mixing',
which implies the concepts of both the words `Spouse' and `Marriage',
we realize that the meaning of "to mix one thing with another" is to
gather and mingle them together. `Mixing' is gathering, mingling and
consummating.
`To consort', implied by the word `to marriage', means: to tie and
connect, as is seen in the lexicon.
Thus, through lexical understanding of the meanings of `spouse' and
`marriage' used in religious terms, we come to discover the great
human implications contained in the relation between man and woman
from Islam's viewpoint: joining, mixing, tying and connecting.
Thus, to Islam, marriage is an interaction, a mixing, a psychological
and spiritual connection, and a tying of two individuals (a man and a
woman) together to become "a married pair". A pair consists of two who
are similar to one another. Without this similarity none of us would
have found his half to make a pair, but would have remained a single,
feeling lonely and away from his spouse, and would have continued his
natural search and longing to join his half with the other half that
would take him out of the dreary prison of singleness, and fill up the
gaps of love, affection and yearning in his inside.
The Glorious Qur'an has beautifully illustrated the love and relation
between the couple by drawing a verbal picture, in a wonderful style
expressing the human truth implied in this relation:
"And of His signs in this: He created mates for you from yourselves
that you may find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and
mercy. Most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect."
Holy Qur'an (30:21)
It has illustrated marriage as a relationship of `rest', `love' and
`mercy', which are desired by the individual when he is away from his
other half, because he (she) would not enjoy the happiness of
affection, love, mercy and sympathy, unless he (she) joins his (her)
spouse and get together. This makes us understand that `coupling' to
the Qur'an, does not refer to a mathematical figure resulting from
adding a man to a woman. Actually it is a process of omitting the
singleness - in its psychological and organic meaning, and in its
specific and social aim - through the natural meeting and perfection
and biological connections and feelings may mix, react, communicate
and unite, In this way the psychological and biological perfection
between them and their split personalities is cohesively united, so
that they may form the base for the continuation of existence and
preservation of the human species. The humanity which grows,
fertilizes and practices its lively activities, is the perfectly
natural humanity would disintegrate and would not be able to survive.
"He it is Who did create you from a single being, and of the same
(kind) did He make his mate that he might incline to her. So when he
covers her she bears a light burden, and she move about with it, but
when it becomes heavy they call upon Allah, their Lord, saying: If you
give to us a good one we shall be of the grateful ones".
Holy Qur'an (7:189)
It is, thus, obvious that Islam's advocation of marriage and the
building of the family is a legislative and cultural one, to attain
the natural and social aims of the human life.
The one who carefully follows Islam's invitation to marriage, and
scrutinizes the relevant texts and concepts, would realize the
importance of this human relationship, Islam's great emphasis on it,
and its sacredness to human life.
Numerous verses in the Glorious Qur'an deal with this relationship
between man and woman, and define the rights and the duties of both
the spouses.
There are more than eighty verses which speak of marriage,
matrimonial enjoyment, loving and respecting women and having
relations with them.
Speaking about marriage, the Qur'an regards it as a general
relationship of the creation which runs through the entire universe,
and covers everything therein, an atom, a plant, an animal, a human
being, etc, since it is a relationship of attraction, yearning and
connection between every two parts of a `pair' in this universe,
perfecting its system and keeping it one its right course.
This general and universal system of couplement it put in a nutshell
by the Qur'an:
"And of everything We have created pairs, that happily you may
reflect."
Holy Qur'an (51:49)
Let every man and woman understand that their relations with their
spouses should be based on a universal consciousness, beyond the
limits of pleasure and passing instinctive feelings, and reach the
depths of the general matrimonial and legal understanding of this
relationship as mentioned in the Qur'an.
If we move from the Qur'an to the Prophets' Traditions, we shall see
that they are full of sayings about diverse aspects of marriage, and
matrimonial relations, including even what happens between the couple
in their privacy and during enjoying moments of sexual intercourse.
Here are some examples concerning marriage and forming a family: The
Imam Ja'far Al-Sadiq quoted The Prophet as follows:-
"Marry (yourselves) and marry (your sons and daughters). Fortunate is
the Muslim who can afford to pay for an unmarried woman. Nothing is
more loved by Allah the Exalted in Islam than a home set up by
marriage, and nothing is more hated by Allah the Exalted in Islam than
a home pulled down by divorce"
The Imam further explained this by saying, "Allah the Exalted did
emphasize his words about divorce because He strongly hates
separation."
The Commander of the Faithful, the Imam, Ali bin Abi Talib (a.s.),
quoted the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) saying:
Whoever wants to follow my Tradition, then marriage is my
Tradition."
The Imam Al-Sadiq (a.s.) also quoted the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) to
have said:
"The lowest of your deeds are the bachelors."
It is narrated, too:
"Whoever marries, safeguards half his religion. Let him take care of
his duty to the other half.”
It is also narrated from Imam Al-Sadiq (a.s.):
"The wife of Uthman bin Maz'un, a companion of the Prophet, came to
the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) and said:
"O Messenger of Allah, Uthman fasts during daytime and spends the
night in prayer". The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) got angry, and
immediately hurried out until he came to where Uthman was praying. On
seeing Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) he stopped praying. The Messenger of
Allah (s.a.w.) said to him: "O Uthman, Allah has not sent me with
monasticism, but with a simple and merciful monotheistic religion. I
fast, pray and touch my wife (i.e. to have sexual intercourse with her). So, whoever likes my nature, let him follow my traditions and to marry is of my Tradition.”
So, this collection of ideas, concepts and regulations, found in the
Glorious Qur'an and in the prophet's Traditions, enlighten us, with
pure clarity, humane values, a sound understanding of marriage, and an
invitation to build a family, the nest of happiness, the cradle of
love, and the lap of affection which embraces all its members and
floods them - husband, wife, children and relatives - with feelings
of love and mercy.
This lofty cultural building, the family, is the expression of a
natural feeling, an inner longing, and one's innate desire to be
sociable, amicable, and taken care of thus, the Messenger of Allah
(s.a.w.) was angry with Uthman because he neglected his wife, and
explained to him Islam's attitude, and positively told him that he is
against cloistral life which ruins marriage, destroys humanity and
contradicts human nature and life's order. That is why we hear the
Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.), on many other occasions, confirm that
marriage is of his divine and tolerant religion is an upright one -
that is, far from being abnormal or deviated. It is in perfect harmony
with the logic of universal existence and the innate natural order.
So, singleness is regarded as an evil, and marriage is regarded as
completing half of one's religion, since it regulates the instincts,
inclinations, activities and practices which affect half of the
conduct, instinctively, psychologically, socially, economically and
morally in general.
In order to accomplish its objectives harmoniously and without
contradiction, Islam disapproves the obstacles and barriers forged by
a society deviated from the principles of faith. By removing the
psychological or social hindrances in the way of building family and
establishing matrimonial relations, it prevents a clash between
different social values and the natural law of life. It breaks up
class discrimination, racialism and other differences of ignorance;
and changes them into humane values and lawful objective
considerations.
It also modifies the customs concerning marriage portion and dowry so
that it should not be too overstated and be a materialistic barrier in
the way of marriage and forming of families.
Let us read what the Glorious Qur'an says about these practical
principles and values in respect to marriage:
"And marry such of you who are single and the pious of your male
slaves and female slaves. If they be poor Allah will enrich them of
his bounty. Allah is of ample means, Knowing. And let those who do not
find means to marry keep chaste till Allah gives them independence by
his grace. And such of those who seek a writing (of emancipation) from
among those whom your right hands posses write it for them if you are aware
of any good in them, and bestow upon them of the wealth of Allah which
He has bestowed upon you. Force not your slave girls to whoredom that
you may seek enjoyment of the life of the world, if they would
preserve their chastity. And if one forces them, then, after their
compulsion, surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful."
Holy Qur'an (24:32-33)
"Wed not idolatresses until they believe; and certainly a believing
bondwoman is better than an idolatress even though she should please
you; and give not (believing women) in marriage to idolaters until
they believe, and certainly a believing slave is better than an
idolater even though he should please you. These invite to the Fire,
and Allah invites to the Garden, and to forgiveness by His grace, and
expounds thus His revelations to mankind that they may be mindful."
Holy Qur'an (2:221)
These verses are explicit in their call for marriage and to abolish
class and financial differences and to fight against prostitution and
sexual liberties.
In Islam wealth, class, color or even beauty, should not be an
obstacle in the way of marriage. The only criterion is goodness, piety
and having good offspring. These are the values and principles of
Islam which are derived from its humane spirit and objective look at
mankind and at the reality of the social activities and phenomena.
In addition to the Qur'an, the Traditions also play an important role
in stressing and confirming these values and concepts:
"Ali bin Asbat wrote to the Imam Muhammad Al-Baqir bin Ali bin
Al-Husain bin Ali bin Abi Talib (a.s.) complaining that he could not
find anyone equal to him in status to marry his daughters. The Imam
replied to him and urged him not to look at it that way, as the
Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) had said: If someone of good character and conduct proposes to your daughters, marry them. If you do not, there will be mischief and great corruption on earth."
The Messenger (s.a.w.) himself gave a practical example by marrying Zaid
bin Hanitha -his freed slave- to Zainab bint Jahsh - the Prophet's
cousin, - one of the noblest and most beautiful women. Later on, when
Zaid divorced her, the Prophet (s.a.w.) himself married her.
The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) also married Diya'a bint Al-Zubait bin
Abd Al-Muttalib of Quraish - a cousin of the Prophet too - to
Al-Miqdad bin Al-Aswad - who was far below her in nobility and tribal
position according to the customs prevalent in those days.
Commenting on this marriage, the Imam Al-Sadiq says:
"By marrying Al-Miqdad bin Al-Aswad to Diya'a bint Al-Zubair bin Abd Al-Muttalib, the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) aimed at encouraging people to follow the path of the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) and simplify marriage and to remember that, `the noblest of you, in the sight of Allah, is the best in conduct' Al-Zubair was Abdullah's (the prophet's father) and Abu Talib's full brother."
The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) ordered Ziyad bin Labid Al-Ansari, a
nobleman of Bani Bayada to give his beautiful daughter, Al-Dhalfa', to
Juwaibir, the Prophet's poor companion. He used to live on charity,
with some other poor, familyless persons under a roof built for them
by The Messenger (s.a.w.) called "Al-Seffah."
The story of Juwaibir starts with a wonderful dialogue between the
Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) and his respectable companion: "O Juwaibir,"
the Prophet said, "how about your getting married, so that your wife
may keep you chaste and help you with your world and your hereafter?"
"O Messenger of Allah," replied Juwaibir, "my father and mother be
your ransom; who would like me? By Allah (I have) no ancestral
nobility, no wealth and no beauty, so what woman would want me?"
"O Juwaibir," the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) replied, "Allah, with
Islam, lowered him who had been arrogant during the Era of Ignorance
(Jahiliyah), made him respectable, with Islam, who had been humiliated
during the Era of Ignorance, and abolished, with Islam,
superciliousness, and taking pride in tribalism and ancestry. Today
all people, irrespective of being white, black, whether of Quraish,
Arabs or non-Arabs, are sons of Adam; whom Allah had created from
clay. The most beloved of people to Allah the Exalted, on the Day of
Resurrection, are the most pious and obedient to Him."
Then he told him to go to Ziyad bin Labid and, ask for his daughter's
hand. When Ziyad heard Juwaibir's proposal, he could not believe it,
and turned away Juwaibir at once. But his daughter, Al-Dhalfa',
protested against her father's haughty attitude towards the Prophet's
order. Finally, Ziyad relented, changed his mind and gave his daughter
in marriage to Juwaibir.
These principles and noble values are embodied in the practical live the
progeny of the Messenger (s.a.w.), who were Imam of the Muslims and the
noblest of the Arabs.
It is narrated that the Imam, Ali bin Al-Husain bin Abi Talib (a.s.)
had a wonderful ideological dialogue with the Ommayyad Caliph, Abdul
Malik bin Marwan, who used to oppose the Imam (a.s.), insult and
belittle him.
It is related that Abdul Malik bin Marwan appointed an agent in
Al-Madinah to spy upon its people and report the matter. One day the
Imam, Ali bin Al-Husayn emancipated a bondmaid then married her. The
spy informed Abdul Malik, who wrote to the Imam saying: "It has come
to me that you have married your bondmaid, while I know there are
women in Quraish who are your equal and would bring glory to you by
marriage, and would give you worthy sons. But you neither cared for
yourself, nor respected your children."
