Religion Verses ill Manners
The Holy Qur`an manifests the reality of slander in one short but eloquent verse:
“Does one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? But you abhor it,”
Therefore, in the same way that it is natural for a human to reject eating the flesh of a dead person, his reason should resent slander. The religious, leaders gave as much attention to correcting the feelings and psychological characteristics of people as they gave to their struggle to eradicate polytheism and atheism.
The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W.) said:
“I have not been sent save to perfect noble manners.
People have been guided to morality by the great Islamic school, backed by strong and logical understanding. Islam considers any encroachment on the borders of morality a great and reprehensible sin.
In fact, Islam did not stop at categorizing slander as a grave sin, but has made it the duty of all Muslims to defend the honor of one who is being slandered.
“If a man is slandered while you are present, be a helper to the man, reprehend the slanderer, and depart the group.”
Nahj al- Fasahah p. 48
The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W.) said:
“He who defends his brother’s honor in his absence, then it is his right upon Allah to safeguard him from the Fire.”
Nahj al- Fasahah p. 613
The Messenger (S.A.W.) also said:
“He who slanders a Muslim during the month of Ramadan, will not be awarded for his fasting.”
Bihãr al- Anwar v.16, p. 179
The Messenger (S.A.W.) also described the Muslim as follows:
“A Muslim is one who from whose hands and tongues other Muslims are safe.”
It is clear that if an individual allows his tongue to slander his Muslim brother, then he has certainly violated the rules of morality, and becomes a criminal in the eyes of humanity and Islam. All Islamic schools have unanimously agreed that slander is a major sin; for the slanderer violates the Divine commands and crouches upon the rights of others, heedless of the Creator’s commands.
Just as an absent person cannot defend his honor and dignity, a dead person is unable to defend himself; therefore, it is the duty of every one to respect the rules concerning the dignity of the dead.
Slander and backbiting are one sort of spiritual pressure. Imam Ali (A.S.) said:
“Slander is the strain of the weak”.
Ghurar al-Hikam p.36
Dr. H. Shakhter said:
“Disappointment in obtaining one’s needs results in spiritual torture. This spiritual torture instigates us to depict a form of defense. People differ in the kind of action they take in such situations. If a man feels that others do not give him the kind of attention he expects, for fear of being rejected, he chooses isolation and loneliness over socialization. He may sit in the corner of a gathering silent and secluded, not speaking to anyone, criticizing them; or laughing by himself for nor reason. Or he may argue with others, slander the absent, and criticize the rest until he proves his presence in this manner.”
Rushde Shaksiyyat
Dr. Mann, in his book entitled, The Fundamentals of Psychology writes:
“In order to preserve our honor, we may try to substitute our defeats or shortcomings by blaming others for them. For instance, if we fail an exam we blame the teacher for the questions given; or if we cannot get promoted to a position, we put the position down or slander those who occupy it. Or we may hold others responsible for our inability while in fact they are not.”
In conclusion, in order to develop good traits, we must observe ourselves and maintain pure intentions. We should start with ourselves, so that we can obtain appropriate grounds for our happiness and the happiness of our society in all fields.
7. FAULT-FINDING
ignorance of ones own Faults
The Sarcastic and the insulters
Religious Teachings Verses Sarcasm
Ignorance of One’s Own Faults
One of the greatest behavioral weaknesses of man is the ignorance of his own faults. In many instances the soul ignores an unwanted quality which results in the subconscious adopting of such a trait as a basis of misery. When a person becomes the slave of his ignorance, he kills the spirit of morality in himself. Thus becoming the victim of his inclinations and various lusts, which isolate him from happiness and comfort. Under such conditions, neither guidance nor constructive advice can be productive.
The first requirement for the salvation of oneself is to realize your shortcomings. The only way man can eradicate ill manners and rescue himself from the dangers of his personality that may lead him to misery, is if he recognizes these manners.
A careful study of the characteristics of the human psyche, so as to educate mankind, is a vital step toward leading to both spiritual and behavioral integrity. Reflecting on oneself allows the individual to realize his shortcomings and positive points, eradicate the unwanted tr, and purify the mirror of his soul from the filth of sins by conducting a basic purification of his manners.
We commit an unforgivable mistake when we carelessly ignore the real reflection of ourselves in the mirror of our actions. It is our responsibility to discover our own characteristics in order to pinpoint the unwanted traits which unwillingly have grown in us. Undoubtedly we will be able to eradicate the roots of such traits, even prevent them from appearing in our lives by constantly struggling against them. At any rate, achieving noble traits requires forbearance with long lasting hardships. It is not an easy matter to execute.
In order for us to eradicate the roots of dangerous and harmful habits, we not only have to recognize them but also must possess a strong will to do so. The more organization we can apply to our actions, the straighter and more productive our thoughts become. The advantages of every step in this process become manifest to us as we move on to the next stage.
Dr. Carl has written:
‘The most effective method to transform our daily program into an acceptable one is to examine it with scrutiny every morning and review the results every evening Thus, in the same manner that we anticipate to finish a certain job at a specific time, we should include in our schedule certain steps so others may benefit from our activities. We should be fair and just in Our conduct.
“Behavioral lowliness is just as repulsive as bodily dirt. Thus, it is just as important to cleanse our bodies form dirt as it is to purify our manners of filth. Some people exercise before and/or after sleeping; reflecting on our manners and thoughts is just as important as these exercises. By studying the way we should act and struggling to observe the borders of our designated limits, we can see our realities without any barrier. Our success in decision making is directly related to our inner-selves. It is incumbent upon every one whether young or old, rich or poor, learned or ignorant. to realize what he has done in daily expenditures and earnings, as scientists write down the results of their experiments. By applying such methods with scrutiny and patience, our souls and bodies change for the better.”
The Sarcastic and the Insulters
It is the nature of some people to search for the faults, mistakes, and secrets of others and to criticize and blame them for these shortcomings. Yet in most circumstances, these people’s faults and shortcomings greatly exceed their noble traits. They ignore this and occupy themselves with the misfortunes of of hers.
Insulting others is an evil trait which pollutes man’s life and degrades his behavioral characteristics.
The elements which motivate man to put others down become more dangerous when accompanied with conceit, arrogance and self-righteousness. These behavioral complexes instigate man to make false judgments while thinking that they are positively the right ones.
Those who constantly criticize others waste their efforts in manners unacceptable to reason or law. They give too much importance to observing their friends’ faults in order to insult and downgrade them, ignoring the fact that by doing so they deprive themselves of any opportunity to notice their own mistakes, thus leading themselves from the path of guidance and righteousness. Those who lack courage do not observe any rule or respect the honor of others; they cannot live in harmony with the closest people to them. When these people cannot find acquaintances to insult, they turn to relatives and friends; for this reason these people are unable to make real friends whose love and respect they can enjoy.
Men earn their honor throughout their lives; therefore, those who offend the honor of others, subject their own honor to insults and destruction.
Although those who constantly insult others may not realize the amount of damage they do to themselves, they cannot stop themselves from the social reaction to their wrongdoings. Wrongdoings which bring them nothing except hate, enmity and disgust. They feel sorry, but as it is said, “It is impossible to bring a bird back to its nest when it has flown away.”
He who wishes to socialize with others has to define his own duties and responsibilities, one of which is to always look for the virtuous traits and good deeds of others in order to be able to glorify them. He must also rid himself of the traits which insult the dignity of others and contradict the fundamentals of love, for love only survives if it lives within the exchanges of respect and observance of both parties. He, whose habit it is to conceal the shortcomings of his loved ones and friends will enjoy more stable relationships. It is also complimentary if one is able to bring the attention of those he loves to their weak points so the individual has a chance to change.
Of course, it is necessary for an individual wishing to bring his friend’s attention to an unpleasant trait to apply special skills so as not to insult or “hurt his feelings.”
According to one educator:
“It is possible to bring the attention of your listener to his mistakes by a glance or a gesture, it is usually unnecessary to speak directly. If you were to say to someone, ‘You made a mistake, he would never agree with you for you have insulted his reason, ability to think and self-confidence. Confronting him openly makes him resist your action without adjusting his views, even if you prove to him beyond doubt that you are right. When you bring a conversation do not open it with, ‘I will prove it to you.’ or ‘I will substantiate that,’ for this means that yon are smarter or more clever than the person to whom von are speaking. The act of correcting someone’s thinking is a difficult task so why add more trouble by the wrong procedure and creating an irreversible barrier.
“When you propose to prove a point it is important that others are not aware of von attention. You should proceed towards your goal with precise steps without allowing anyone the opportunity to discover your aim. Remember the following saying when working in this field: ‘Teach people without being teachers.”’
