THIRD: NOBILITY OF THE FAMILY
(A FUNDAMENTAL AND UNAVOIDABLE CONDITION FOR BOTH SIDES)
Family nobility does not mean fame, wealth,and social status. Rather it means modesty, purity and religiousness. Marriage with someone is equal to a bond with a family, tribe, and a race.
It is not logical that in connection with marriage one says:"I desire to marry this person and have notion do with his or her family, relation, and tribe", since:
1- This person is part of the same family and tribe and is the branch of the same tree. This branch has received its nutrition and growth from the roots of the same tree. It is certain that most the moral, spiritual, intellectual and physical qualities and specifications of that family have been transferred through heritage, training, environment, habits, etc to this person.
The prophet of Islam (a.s) said in this regard:
تزوجوا في الحجر الصالح فإن العرق دساس
"Marry from a decent family, for genealogy affect very much."
At another place he (a.s) said:
أنظر في إي شيء تضع ولدك فإن العرق دساس
"investigate very carefully and minutely as to where you will place your place your child, for genealogy affects very much."
2- Even if you do not have anything to do with them, they would have something to do with you!
Never can you detach your spouse from them. Neither can you yourself cut off your link with them. You must be associated and linked to them for a whole lifetime. If the spouse's family are a wicked and corrupt people, they will agonize the person. And one cannot totally refrain and put and absolute constraint upon their interference in one's life, and on the bonds with them.
3- Their good or bad name and reputation remains attached to a person for the whole of his life and does have effects upon it. It will be much too difficult for you to endure and withstand their bad name.
4- Their qualities and peculiarities have effect upon the future of the children.
The Prophet (a.s) said in this connection:
إختاروا لنطفكم فإن الأبناء تشبه الأخوال
"Choose a proper and suitable place for your semen, because children become similar to their maternal uncles." 1
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1- Jawahir, vol. 29,p 37.
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Brother and sister! You must never be subjected to sentiments and emotions and take decision in that condition regarding important matters.
If 'spouse selection' is excluded from the influence and hold of intellect and reason and is placed into the realm of sentiments and superficial views, it would be followed by misery and misfortune.
Now you are positioned and stationed on the threshold and doorway of a great change. Minutely think and contemplate what you are doing. Now you with to connect your future with a family. The result of this linkage should be progress, completion and prosperity, not downfall, retrogression, and misery. See the glorious prophet of Islam (a.s) with the eyes of your heart, addressing you, and hear his alarming and warning message with the ears of your soul, as he said:
"The prophet of Islam (a.s) stood to deliver a speech and said,
"Oh people, beware of the greenery (growing) upon a dung hill. He was asked "Oh prophet of Allah (a.s), what is the greenery on the dung hill?"
he replied, "A beautiful woman raised and brought up in a bad nursery (family)."1
We have seen many youth who have been deceived by the apparent and outward show and have thrown themselves into sewers and marshes from where the exit has become impossible.
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1- Wasail al-Shia, vol. 14, p 29.
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QUESTION AND ANSWER
Question: We have observed that sometimes decent, nice children come of bad families and indecent and wicked children come from good families. Why?
Answer: Yes it is as you say, but this happens only sometimes and is an exceptional event. Sometimes a flower blooms in a bad place and a thorn does in a good place. But laws cannot be based upon exceptions. What we describe is on the basis of majority.
Secondly, these exception have common roots with their principle. Without doubt, the effect of these common roots are there in their existence , which may not appear in normal situations and circumstances, but do become apparent in turbulent and abnormal conditions.
Thirdly, if somebody is sure that this branch is different from the main tree, and similarly he may be able to separate and detach this branch from the origin, and does not permit that his or her family have any role to play, interfere in his or her future, and so on, then he or she can marry. But it is not everyone's job.
ANOTHER QUESTION:
So what should the children of corrupt, impure an immoral families do? Shall they remain unmarried?
ANSWER:
The detailed answer to this question will come at the end of this chapter.
FORTH: REASON
(BASIC CONDITION FOR BOTH PARTIES)
A sound and healthy mind is need for the sake of bringing about a prosperous life. Intellect is like a flashlight, which illuminates the avenue of life and projects and shows the ups and downs of it, so that one can take suitable decisions about them. Intellect is the medium of distinguishing between goodness, wrong and evil. Spouses must be equipped with the power of mind and reason for the sake of administrating and managing a correct life and bringing up and raising decent children.
The commander of the believers Ali (a.s) staunchly and strongly forbade marriage with a foolish and insane person.
إياكم و تزويج الحمقاء فإن صحبتها بلاء و ولدها ضياع
"Avoid marrying a stupid person, since her company is a woe (calamity or distress) and her children are also wasted."
1
Imam described two important point in this Hadith; one is that the company of a foolish spouse is distress and woe which makes a wise man miserable, and the other one is that of the waste and loss of her offspring, since genes affect them by way of heritage and simultaneously, their training, conduct, and character to are lost.
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1- Wasail a-Shia, vol. 14, p 56.
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NOTICE !
It is possible that a person is educated but not wise an sagacious, or wise but not educated. That is to say, being educated does not necessarily mean being sage and wise, just as intelligence is not the same as being educated. Of course, knowledge and mind mutually affect each other. Many a time, a person may be educated but lacks reason and insight into life. At the same time, another one may be uneducated but have the reason and wits to organize and run one's life. And if these two (reason and education) get together, it is so much better. Similarly, some of the craftiness and and cunningness must not be taken for intellect, and the doer of those be named intelligent ad sagacious.
MEANING OF REASON AS DEFINED BY IMAM SADIQ (A.S)
He was asked, "What is mind?"
He said:
ما عبد به الرحمن واكتسب به الجنان
"It is a ting by which Allah is worshiped and paradise is achieved."
The questions asked: "So what was it that Moawiyah (Allah's curse be upon him) possessed?"
Imam said:
تلك النكراءو تلك الشيطنة, و هي شبيهة بالعقل و ليست بالعقل
"What he had was deception (trickery) and craftiness and that has a resemblance with reason but is not the reason itself." 1
