The Quran's just logic in this regard:
الخبيثات للخبيثين والخبيثون للخبيثات و الطيبات للطيبين و الطيبون للطيبات
"The impure women are for the impure men, and the impure men are for the impure women,
and the pure women are for the pure men, and the pure men are for the pure women."
This is the genetic and divine law and legislation made by Allah that the pure ones attract the pure ones like themselves, and the impure ones attract their likes.
'Similarity is the cause of attraction.'
2- With reference to what has been described in the section 'Care yes! Obsession no!', another portion of this question has been answred; since we said it is not necessary that spouse be complete and perfectly ideal, but rather an average fairness and completion is sufficient and enough.
3- We explained certain virtues and attributes that are the condition of perfection, not the foundation of it. Consequently, one must not be very severe and strict about the attributes of completion (i.e., beauty, education and wealth, etc.)
4- There are certain individuals who have the power, tolerance,and endurance to accept some weaknesses, whereas others do not have it. For instance, some accept and endure the physical disability of certain organs of the spouse.1
5- Keeping in view above four answers and the exceptional cases which were described before, as well as the points which we will discuss in the chapter 'Sacrificial Marriage', there would only be a few who might remain spouseless.
But there is a small group in society, which do not have the capability and capacity of marriage. These people can be categorised as followes:
(A) The patient whose ailments are not curable and can be hazardous and damaging to the life of the next generation. For instance, psychologically disturbed individulas and the insane and leprosy patients, etc.
Of course, if they are treated and the specialist doctors
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1- We will discuss this in the chapter "sacrificial marriage."
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certify that they are healthy and perfect, then marriage with them will have no hindrance.
(B) Those addicted to dangerous addictions.
Until such time as they abandon their addiction and correct their morality, conduct,and spirit, they must not marry in any case.
(C) Careless, deviated, corrupt and persons of bad character.
Their remedy is to boycott them. Never must the coming generation be corrupted by taking pity upon these sharp-toothed leopards. If they do not get married, they would have to think about remedying their habits, making amends,and making up their deficiencies. We, in the section 'Morality' of this chapter (the second virtue and attribute), described a hadith where Imam Reza (a.s) wrote a letter in response to a father who said: "The person who has some to ask the hand of my daughter in marriage is ill-natured. Shall I marry her to him or not?..." Imam (a.s) distinctly and vividly answered "Do not marry her to him if he is an ill-tempered and bad-natured one." This word from Imam Reza (a.s) is a form of boycott. This rejection and refusal is an effective warning to the corrupt and ill-natured ones to rectify themselves. If they rectify and remedy themselves, they are suitabe for marriage, otherwise they must be rejected (whether a boy or a girl). We do not have any right to drag the next generation toward corruption and destruction just to take pity on them.
The interest and welfare of society has priority over the interest of the indvidual. Both must be protected as fas as possible. But if co-existence between the two is not possible and it becomes necessary to sacrifice one of the two over the other, then certainly the individual must be sacrificed over the society and no the society over the individual. This is what Islam and intellect commands us to do.
The thought and beleif among some people that if such and such a person is married, he could be set right and correct is not true always and for everyone. This is a famous saying with no basis. It is not true that every corrupt and evil person is corrected and rectified by him marrying. Yes, certain individuals do. But the exceptions cannot be extended to all and include everyone.
There is o guarantee that an evil person will be corrected by marriage. Instead, there is a strong chance and probability that he might evern corrupt his spouse as well: not only does he not conform to her, but he causes her to conform to himself.
AVOIDING NEGLIGENCE
At the end of this chapter, it is essential to give a necessary warning; that is, negligence and carelessness is the source and origin of many human miseries and troubles. It is harmful in all the matters, but as for marriage, it is more harmful. A moment of negligence may be followend by life-long repentance and sorrow. We see many of the people who say that their failures in marital life occured on account of one moment of negligence in the selection of the spouse.
One of them said: "I was quite aware of the problems of marriage before I married. I knew the standards of spouse selection and had sufficient information about the necessity of harmony between the spouses. Even to the extent that I used to recommend it to others. But I do not know what happened that I became negligent when I selected a spouse I forgot all those things which I used to suggest to others and ultimately what I was afraid of, did occur to me."
Usually we know many things, but overlook them at the time of practising.
We must be very cautions in connection with spouse selection and remind ourselves to avoid becoming careless in this issue.
O Allah! Be the helper and guide of the youth and guide them in this vitally important issue.
LOVE;
THE PIVOT OF LIFE
Just as the human body needs spirit to continue living and a spiritless body is cold, frigid, and withered, marital life, too, stands in need of spirit to become prosperous, fruitful, and dynamic; and that spirit is love. A life short of love is like a lifeless and spiritless body.
similarly, as a building needs some binding material (cement, etc) and the page of a book requires glue to remain organised, the institution of the family also needs a cement and glue as the binding force to strengthen and continue its fruitful life; that is to say love and affection between the husband and the wife.
Love is and elixir of prosperity, which gives hope to sad depressed hearts and turns coldness and frigidity into fervently warm emotions. Love turns thorns into fragrant flowers.
We turn to professor Mrartyr Mutahhari's worthy saying:
"The boy and girl who never thought of anything while single, except those things which were directly related to their own personalities, had no sooner attached their hearts to each other and set up the assembly of a family, that they find themselves, for the first time attached and associated with the destiny of another being. And when they have a child, their spirits are completely changed. That lazy, slow moving boy has now turned into a clever and fast moving one and the girl who would not leave her bed even by force, no sooner hears the voice of her baby in the cradle when she jumps like lightening."
What is that power that took away and removed that looseness, laxity, and slackness and made the youth so sensitive? It is nothing but love and attachment. Love awakens the dormant and sleeping organs and frees the tied up energies just like the breaking up of the atom, freeing the atomic energy. It is inspiring ad a hero maker. Love completes the soul and brings the amazing and astonishing interior potential talents into view. It is inspiring from the comprehensive and perceptive point of view and strengthens the intention and courage from the emotional aspect.1
If love governs family life and the wife and husband love each other from heartily, many difficulties are eased and solved, and are not even considered and counted to be difficulties, just like the hardships of a holy war on the way of Allah; for such hardships taste sweeter than hony for a mujahid. And similar to the odds and hardships that a researcher bears and endures on the way of knowledge and takes pleasure form them and enjoys them.
Be merry, oh our sweet love;
Oh the physician of all our ailments.2
But if love does not exist, then many of life's matters, even those which are simple and easy, become hard and tough and appear like the cumbersome toil of a prison annoying and molesting the soul and the body.
If love is there, then the husband and the wife put on the spectacles of beautification and whatever that they see it is good and beautiful to them. The may even consider each other's faults as beautiful. But if this life-giving element is lacking, then they put out the spectacles of misconception and view everything as ugly. Even to the extent that they might view each other's merits as demerits and dismaying.
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1- The attraction and repulsion of Ali (a.s), Sadra publication, sixth edition, p. 48-50.
2- Mathnawi Maulavi.
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Ali (a.s) the commander of believers said:
من أبغض شيْا أبعض أن ينظر إليه وأن يذكر عنده
"If a person does not like a thing, he does not like to look at it and hear about it."
It is part of human nature and instinct that when he dislikes a thing, even its name, sign and memory is disliked by him. And if he loves a thing, then everything, which leads to it and reminds him of it is likes by him. He enjoys everything attached and associated to it.
If one does not like one's spouse, and instead feels hate and scorn for him or her, then one would unconsciously and unknowingly wrong him or her. This would make one find faults and pick a quarrel and enter into contention and dispute. But if love is there, one never views the partial faults and even if one views them, one neglects them.
In an atmosphere and environment of purity where a couple has mutual affection and attraction, all life is beautiful. Even the walls and doors of the house reflect beauty, charm and freshness, and the atmosphere of the home is attractive, hopeful and refreshing. The two heart of the loving couple are full of sentiment and love, beating for each other. As if their heart beatings are harmonious and analogous. And those are not two hearts, but one heart in two chests - like a single soul in two bodies. They love everything pertinent to each other. They love each other's families, relatives, and associates. Everything belonging to the other one is lovely, sweet and pretty: the face, conduct, speech, pictures, clothes, dresses, letters, memories, etc.
If two spouses love each other, they would even get along with each other's deficiencies and lapses. The husband and the wife want to live together for the whole of life. They are supposed to meet hardships, odds and burdens during this time, as these are the musts of worldly life. They must have some kind of provision to traverse this lengthy way of life. And love is the best provision for this journey. If they have this energy right at the starting point of the journey of life, they would be able to carry on with it to the end and at each other's side, reachig the destination of prosperity. But if this energy is lacking, then they should fail to combat the odds of life and perform their heavy duties and carry this trust to the destination.
Frigidity and coolness turns into warmness, and bitterness into sweetness under the fascinating and charming shade of love. In this fragrant and enchanting atmosphere decent and trained children evolve.
We again refer to the words of professor Mutahhari, the sagacious philosopher and martyr of the way of love:
"The support and kindness of man's heart toward his wife is so worthy and valuable to the woman that marital life is not endurable for the women without it. The woman's life must take in emotions and sentiments from the man so as to be able to saturate sentiments from the man so as to be able to saturate her children from her full of tender spring and kind sentiments and emotions. The man is like a mountain and the woman like a spring and the children like flowers and plants. The spring should recieve the rain of the mountain and sprout it in the form of pure and clean water to make the plants, flowers and herbs green, fresh, and blooming. If rain does not fall upon the mountains or the mountains' form is such that nothing is absorbed by the soil, the spring will dry up and the plants and flowers wither. Thus, as the life of landscapes and deserts is dependent upon the mountain rain, similar is the case of the man's sentiments and feeling with regard to the woman. These sentiments make the lives of the woman and the children pure, sublime and felicitous."1
