The Arabic word "Um" which means mother and is extensively used in the Quran and the traditions essentially means root and source. This is because a child is in the womb for six to nine months and extracts his/her physical and spiritual needs from the body of the mother. Also, the baby constantly extracts his/her needs from the mother’s physical and nervous system. In fact a mother is the root or source of the existence of a child, and a child is the product of his/her mother and a reflection of the mother's physical and spiritual existence. The duration of stay of the child in the father's loins is very short, but the duration of his/her stay in the mother's womb is nearly 270 days. For this reason, the child is mostly affected by the mother, and Islam has paid especial consideration to the mother and no one else. The mother's physical and spiritual states appear in the child, and the child's substance will knowingly or unknowingly be based on his mother.

Before a girl marries she should either realize herself, or be told that she will become a mother later. She must then be careful about the feeding, training, educating, and socializing of her children, so that we can have a good future generation. I read this sentence quoted from the French Emperor Napoleon in a book about women. When asked which was the most valuable nation in his opinion he said: The one with the most mothers. The dignity of motherhood should always remain constant in the mind of women, else we will not have a good future generation. A mother should honor her motherhood to raise her children. She should mother her children so that they do not develop any spiritual or emotional deficiencies.

A woman who abandons the attributes of a mother, lets herself on the loose as a Western woman does, flirts and associates with strange men, ignores herself, her husband and her children to derive material and physical pleasure, is no longer then a real mother. She is similar to a wild beast attacking her own family, or a dangerous wolf that will harm the nobility and honor of her family. To raise wise, strong, polite and good children, a mother must be pure with a healthy mind, and humane ethics.

The following is a part of Vareth's pilgrimage prayers addressing Imam Husayn, the Master of the Martyrs: I witness that, in fact, you were a light in lofty loins and pure wombs. A light which illuminated the world with knowledge, justice, wisdom and leadership during his life, and lit up the Hereafter after his martyrdom. In the same pilgrimage prayer, he is called as related to Fatimah and Khadijah: ”Greetings and peace be upon you the son of Fatimah Zahra, Greetings to you the son of the great Khadijah”.

The reason the Prophet of Islam (Pbuh) has recommended that young men who want to marry, should marry a girl from a noble, strong and religious family is to prevent corruption in the future generation. A girl who is flirtish, impolite, light-headed, untidy, lustful and a show-off with several boy friends is not suitable for marriage. She has lost her nobility, her qualifications to be a mother and her abilities to raise good children. Regarding such women, the Prophet (Pbuh) has said in a tradition: If they deliver snakes and scorpions it is better than babies, since they have corrupted their mind and soul seeking pleasure, and as such are unable to produce healthy children. Notice the following words of Noah:

 And Noah said: "O my Lord! Leave not of the unbelievers, a single one on Earth! For, if Thou dost leave (any of) them, they will but mislead Thy devotees, and they will breed none but wicked ungrateful ones”. [Holy Quran: Nuh: 71:26-27]

If there were many mothers among the people of Noah, women who were faithful, grateful, polite and chaste, then God would not have said that none but unbelievers can be produced from them. As the Prophet (Pbuh) has said: If a woman is similar to vegetation grown on garbage, then you cannot expect her to produce humane, divine, and sweet products. A mother should not attend any parties, even if it be at the house of their relatives. Some of these parties are given for sinning. This will affect her spirit and she may even lose her identity as a mother. A mother should not eat whatever she pleases. She should only eat food that is obtained lawfully; which is harmless to herself and her children. She should be concerned about issues related to cleanliness, insist on the performance of religious duties and moral issues. Then she will be overcome with light and can become illuminating. We have been informed through the Immaculate Imams that they have used Hazrat Faimah Zahra as their model and followed her in all matters whether it be related to intellectual, spiritual, moral or belief ones. Fatimah is an exemplary model in all Creation. She is an example of a perfect mother. Our daughters and wives should use her as a model to follow, since a mother is the source of the creation of a child. Children will be influenced by their mother while they are in the womb. When they are born they will be solely looking at and listening to their mother. Thus, mothers who follow Islamic ethics are polite, are centers of love and affection , and will positively affect their children. When Imam Husayn (Pbuh) put the head of Hur the son of Yazeed on his lap, he declared Hur’s freedom from the rule of the Ummayad clan, and lust. This was a credit to his mother. He said: You are free, and you have earned this freedom from your mother. Also when Omr-i-Saed insisted that Imam Husayn(Pbuh) should swear allegiance to Yazeed, the Imam declared his and his followers unwillingness to swear such an allegiance to him because of their having pure and holy mothers.

The Fruit of the Garden of Purity

Abdullah Mubarak, who was a wise, mystic, scholarly man, was hired by a garden owner as a gardener. During the time when pomegranates ripen, the owner of the garden invited a few guests to the garden, and asked Mubarak to bring them some pomegranates. Mubarak brought a basket of pomegranates, but they were all sour. The garden owner asked again for sweet pomegranates. Mubarak brought some more, but they were all sour, too. Again he asked Mubarak: Didn't I ask you to bring sweet pomegranates? You have been working here for six months, but you do not know which tree has sweet pomegranates? Mubarak answered no. The owner asked why and Mubarak said we had signed a contract stating I would be a gardener, not someone to eat the fruits in the garden. Indeed a pure sperm, a pure womb and good training will raise a person who will protect people's property, not one who will devour the people's wealth.

My Mother Ruined My Life

It has been recorded that a young man was sentenced to death. They asked him to write out his will. He said he did not have a will, but he wished to see his mother before he died. They brought his mother to him. When saying good-bye he bit his mother’s lips and tongue so hard that she fainted from the pain. They attacked him asking why he did that evil oppressive act. He said my mother was an oppressor. My mother ruined my life and caused me to be sentenced to death. I stole an egg from our neighbor when I was a child. She encouraged me so much so that I became a thief, so then I committed homicide. Indeed, Heaven is under the mother's feet, but she can also be the main cause of eternal torture in the Hereafter.

After Fatimah Zahra (Pbuh) passed away Imam Ali (Pbuh) told his brother Agheel who was familiar with Arab kinship: Choose me a wife who is born of one of the brave Arab mothers. After a while, Agheel told Imam Ali to marry Fatimah Kalabieh since there were no fathers among the Arabs who were braver than he was. Imam Ali (Pbuh) married her, and had four brave strong sons including Abulfazl al-Abbas.

 After Malik Ashtar's martyrdom, the Commander of the Faithful went to the top of the minaret of Kufa’s mosque and said: I see no other mother who can deliver a child like Malik. What a man he was! He was like a lofty mountain and strong rock. He is in the same position in regards to me that I am in regards to the Prophet (Pbuh).

Sometimes Worshipping Diminishes

A young fellow went to his mother and said sometimes the strength of his worshipping diminishes although he does not eat unlawfully earned food, does not associate with bad people, and avoids anything that might make him lazy about worshipping. He said at times he felt a strand of darkness shadowing his spiritual light. Then he said after having studied about this problem, he came to the conclusion that this must be a problem transferred from his mother to him. He asked for the truth to try to solve this problem. The mother told him that his father was on a trip when she was pregnant with the boy and she said: There were lots of plums on the market, but I could not leave the house and could not buy any. Once when I went to the roof to spread the clothes on the line to dry, I saw the plums that the neighbors had spread out to dry. I ate just one plum to taste it, but then I became sorry and I was too shy to tell the neighbor to ask for their consent. The young man told his mother that he had found the problem. He asked for her permission to go to the neighbor’s house and solve the issue, so that he could continue God's worship without any attacks from Satan.

A Bright Marriage

When I was young, I heard the following from one of the religious authorities in the main city mosque called Jameh. When the father of that great religious authority, Moqadas Ardebili, went to ask one of his fellow citizens if he could marry his daughter, he said: My daughter is blind, deaf, dumb and crippled. Marry her if you wish. The man said: How can I live with such woman? Then her father replied: When I say she is blind, I mean she cannot see whoever is not intimate; when I say she is deaf I mean she cannot hear the sound of whoever is not intimate; when I say she is crippled, I mean her hands have not touched anyone who is not intimate or gone to a forbidden party. Then the man married that lady, and the product of that marriage was a noble scholar.

Sheik Shooshtary's Mother

Sheik Jafar Shooshtary reached a high position in knowledge and practice. He had a great influence in guiding the people. they once asked his mother if she is pleased with having such a child. She replied no. They asked her why? She said: during the two years of breast feeding, once I did not do my ablution before breast feeding, and did not hug him. I wished him to grow up and become Imam Sadiq but he turned out to be Jafar Shooshtary.

The Effect of Physical and Spiritual Purity in Upbringing

Once I traveled to Boroojerd to preach for ten nights. I wished to get more informed about the great Muslim scholar Ayatullah Boroojerdy. A ninety-year old man explained to me that his mother really tried to always perform her ablutions before breast-feeding him. On a cold night when she wanted to cleanse her body but could not leave the house (to go to a public bath-house) she washed herself with cold water, then fed the baby. The mother's spiritual attention, and the father's sincere efforts yielded a man which brought about vast changes in the Shiite religious schools in scientific, practical and moral issues.

Young girls should prepare themselves to become mothers. Equip yourselves with the divine, human and moral necessities of motherhood. And noble mothers should maintain their motherhood identity. Only God knows how rewarding it is to bring up such good children. Among the people who can intercede on one’s behalf in the Hereafter are believers, religious scholars and martyrs. There is no set limit on how many people they can intercede for. They can intercede on behalf of whoever deserves it. Of course, the first and foremost person who shall benefit from this intercession is their mother. The Prophet ‌(Pbuh) said:

Three groups of people can intercede on one's behalf in God’s presence, and their intercession shall be accepted by God. They are the Prophets, then the scholars, then the martyrs. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.8, p.34]

Imam Baqir said:

Indeed believers intercede like the two tribes of Rabiah and Mozaer. Believers intercede even on behalf of their servants.

Why should daughters and mothers be such as to benefit from your scholar, martyr or believing children's intercession in the Hereafter? Is it not bad to lose your motherhood identity for the few days of this temporal life? Is not too terrible for you to ruin the spiritual foundation of your children, who are entrusted to you by God. Is it not awful for you to raise them up like Eastern devils?

The Role of the Father in Child Rearing

O sister of Aaron! Thy father was not a man of evil, nor thy mother a woman unchaste! " [Holy Quran: Maryam: 19:28]

Consider the Following Four Facts

It is understood from verses 33-37 of the Chapter Al-i-Imran and verse 28 of Chapter Maryam that man's development and perfection depend upon the following four factors.

1- A believing father

2- A believing mother

3- A good and sympathetic teacher

4- Lawfully obtained food

When the Jews saw Jesus in the hands of Mary who was a girl without a husband, they told her out of their surprise:

O sister of Aaron! Thy father was not a man of evil, nor thy mother a woman unchaste! [Holy Quran: Maryam: 19:28]

They were not aware of the truth that Jesus was God's word induced into the womb of the noble, chaste Mary. They thought she had done wrong. Knowing that her father was a noble, believing man who followed divine etiquette and her mother was a chaste, believing woman, they could not believe that such a child of such parents would commit such an act. The people knew that a child was a reflection of the spiritual, behavioral and physical realities of his or her parents. It was only when baby Jesus spoke in the cradle that it became clear that such a child as Mary, with such a high position as to become the mother of a Prophet, will result from such parents. You note that the people expected her chastity primarily due to her father's pure character. For this reason they told her: Your father was not bad.

O sister of Aaron! Thy father was not a man of evil, nor thy mother a woman unchaste! " [Holy Quran: Maryam: 19:28]

They also considered her mother's character, That is why they told her: We know your mother she is chaste.

O sister of Aaron! Thy father was not a man of evil, nor thy mother a woman unchaste! [Holy Quran: Maryam: 19:28]

In the previous chapter, the role of the mother in child-rearing and a mother's duties were discussed, and there is no need to discuss it here any more. The importance of eating legally obtained food was already discussed, too. Also, no one is unaware of the importance of the role of teachers and their character and behavior of their students. In this chapter, the role of the father, and his character concerning the up-bringing, morality and actions of the child is discussed. A father must at first pay close attention to the religious moral and scientific training of the child. Secondly, he should treat his wife in such a way that the children's life is not bitter. Thirdly, he should be careful not to feed his wife and children with any unlawfully obtained food. It is recorded in traditions from the Household of the Prophet (Pbuh) that several groups of people will be tortured in the Hereafter without any reckoning. One of these groups are fathers who do not attend to the religious and moral training of their children. God the Almighty has created all the people to say prayers so as to reach the position of God's Caliph on Earth, to attain guidance, knowledge, wisdom, and to finally enter Heaven. The people themselves prepare the grounds for their torture.

The Commander of the Faithful Cried

When the Command of the Faithful won the war of Jamal, and things cooled down, he went amongst the dead and cried. This was an unprecedented event in the history of man for a military man who has won the war. They asked him the reason. He said: These people had accepted Islam. They prayed, fasted and worshipped God. They should have gone to Heaven. I feel sad that they came to wrongfully fight with an Immaculate Imam. They followed their selfish desires and have to suffer eternal torture.

People of Torture

The people of torture shall ask God to be saved five times, but they are turned down five times. Then they shut their mouths up forever. The following verse is regarding one of these times.

Therein will they cry aloud (for assistance): "Our Lord! Bring us out: We shall work righteousness, not the (deeds) we used to do! "-" Did We not give you long enough life so that he that would should receive admonition? And (moreover) the warner came to you. So taste ye (the fruits of your deeds): for the wrong-doers there is no helper." [Holy Quran: Fatir: 35:37]

Fathers should note to paying close attention to the growth, development and perfection of their children. Do not be indifferent to your children. Keep the house clean for them. Give them lawfully obtained food to eat. Be considerate with your wives. This way your good deeds and behavior will influence your children, and they too will learn to be good parents for their children in the future. Remember that all your actions and plans are being observed by God, the Prophet (Pbuh) and the noble Imams.

Work (righteousness): Soon will God observe your work, and His Apostle, and the Believers: [Holy Quran: Tauba: 9:105]

So be careful about how you live, what you say, and how you behave, since all your actions affect your family members. The Prophet (Pbuh) has informed fathers of their important role. The noble Imams have made many recommendations for fathers. At home the father is like the ruler of a country. He is responsible for his wife and children and will be questioned about his deeds in the Hereafter. Adorn your children with pure intentions. Encourage them to do good deeds. Develop the love for knowledge and sciences in their hearts. Take them along to religious gatherings. Teach them their obligatory religious duties before they reach puberty. Be friends with them and treat them kindly. The Prophet (Pbuh) and the Commander of the Faithful are the best models for fathers to follow. Study their life, and adopt their ways and manners in your own life. Let your children adopt the Prophet and the Master of the Mystics (Ali) as their life model instead of adopting corrupt foreign or local people. Try to provide the means for your house to be filled with the scent of Prophethood and leadership of the Imams, then you shall prosper in this world and the Hereafter.

An Amazing Point Regarding the Mother of HajjSheik Fazlollah Noory

That noble man who was a fighter in God's way, a religious authority and sympathetic for the nation was born from a noble father and a pure mother who tried hard to educate him. His father devoted all his effects to his growth, development and education and when he noticed that he loved knowledge and religious practices, he sent him to Najaf. He had many great teachers there. He gained much benefit from the teachings of Haj-Mirza Husayn Noory, Mirza Shirazi, Sheik Ansari and the enlightment of the Immaculate Imam. He returned to Tehran with a strong background in knowledge, wisdom, religious practices, ethics and piety and became the leader of the great scholars. He initiated the struggle against oppression through the Mashrootheh, a revolution which had succeeded. However, some selfish polluted folks got into the government and changed the direction of this revolution in such a way as to receive orders from London. Amongst the religious scholars, he was the one who objected to this the most, yelled, immigrated, made public announcements, etc. However, he couldn't succeed. Then he was arrested and condemned. He was condemned to death because he wanted the Mashrootheh Government and an Islamic Parliament, one which relies on the Quran the traditions, Nahj ul-Balaghah and Shiite jurisprudence. He had good and divine intentions. He was wise and sympathetic. He had learned all this from his father and his teachers and had acquired his perseverance from his mother and had mingled it all together with the lawfully obtained daily bread he had eaten. He was executed on the thirteenth of Rajab, the birthday of the Commander of the Faithful. He was killed for his rightful desires by the freemasons who thought his intentions were also executed, but they were unaware of the following Holy verse: Their intention is to extinguish God's Light (by blowing) with their mouths:

But God will complete (the revelation of) His Light, even though the Unbelievers may detest (it). [Holy Quran: Saff: 61:8]

Nearly eighty years later on the thirteenth of Rajab at 10 AM near the same place that he was killed the Islamic parliament was opened up as a result of the revolution of the Iranian nation under the leadership of Imam Khomeini. Thus, Sheik Fazlollah’s intentions were realized. On that day I was one of the invitees to the parliament. I wasn't surprised at all since I knew God is the helper to the believers and has realized his care intentions although he was martyred. Prosperous be his father who will be honored in the Hereafter and win the presents of God, the Prophets and the Imams for having such a child.

Youth Beware

O' dear youth, Muslim children, and followers of the Prophet (Pbuh): I have an important recommendation for you. Attain the qualities of a good father before you get married. It is too late to do so when you get married. Try to cleanse yourselves of evil traits, try to improve your behavior and your associations and food, since genes transfer your traits to your next generation. This is not just one of the research findings of Western scientists which some might ignore or even consider to be invalidated in the future. It is a natural phenomenon which has been outlined by Islam from the very beginning. Note the following important tradition in this regard: A young man rushed in to see the Prophet (Pbuh) and told him worriedly that both his wife and he himself had white skin but their baby was dark-colored. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: Indeed genes transfer traits. Thus, he relieved the young man from his burden. The fact that father's traits transfer to their children as stated by the Prophet (Pbuh) is also proven by scientists today.

Therefore, try to attain the qualities that Islam requires of a father before you get married. Do not get married just for lust and material life. Then your children will not be useful for you and the society. The Prophet (Pbuh) and the noble Imams were pleased of being from the line of Abraham, the idol breaker, whose traits were transferred to his future generations. In the authentic Vareth supplication, we read that Husayn is the inheritor of Adam, Noah, Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Muhammad and the Commander of the Faithful. This inheritance is not material wealth; rather it is the spiritual states, religious knowledge, good behavior, honor and nobility. Why should we not benefit from all these spiritual assets, so that children too can inherit them?

Deviated Fathers and the Children's Duties

In some families, it may be the case that the father does not abide by the religion and does not perform his religious duties. He may not be interested in or accept divine facts. The children who have matured should politely invite him to accept God's way, and tell him about the losses he shall suffer in this world and the Hereafter. If he does not accept this, they should try to guard themselves from corruption while living with him. Take Musab ibn Amir as a model. He was a believing, faithful warrior in God's way who fought along with the Prophet (Pbuh) in the Battle of Uhad and was martyred. His parents were atheists, and they really loved him. He accepted the Prophethood due to his pure nature, and went to Medina to preach the people before the Prophet's immigration to Medina. He prepared the means for many of the people of Medina to accept Islam and thus Medina became prepared for the immigration of the Prophet. When the Prophet (Pbuh) saw him once in Medina wearing a shirt made of unprepared sheep skin, he showed him to his companions and said: Look at a man whose heart has been enlightened by God, I saw him in Mecca with his parents. They provided the best food and clothes for him, but the love for God and His Prophet has driven him to live as you see. [Mizan al-Hikmat, v10, p232]

O young fellows whose fathers live a life void of spirituality, and do not want you to be adorned with ethics, religion and spirituality: Their main effort is for you to either reach a position in material sciences, or attain wealth. Be kind with them. Do not quarrel with them, since this is against the orders of God and his Prophet. Do not follow them, and do not give up God, the Imams and the Hereafter for the sake of accepting their vain invitations. Follow Muhammad, the son of Abu Bakr, who was a pious, religious, noble and worshipping man in this regard. Live like him who lived with love of Ali, following the Quran, and the Prophets way of life, and was finally martyred in God's way and in order to help establish God's religion. Also coordinate your activities with morality and your behavior with divine order.

A Noble Father

I heard the following from the nephew of the late Ayatullah Hajj Sheik Abdulkarim Haeri, who was the founder of the great seminary in Qum, when I went to preach in Mehrgerd for a few nights. The Sheik's father could not have a child for fifteen years. He was sad. He was a butcher, which is a boring job. His wife thought that she may have a problem getting pregnant, so she told him that she would find him a good second wife so he may have a child. After a while she found a widow a few miles away and proposed his husband to marry her. They were married as usual, and on the wedding night the three-year-old daughter of the widow. would not leave her mother. The child's aunt picked her up, but she cried. The noble man was moved and told her that he could not bear to hear an orphan cry. Additionally he said their marriage and having a child might harm the orphan even more.

So he gave the nuptial gift to her and returned to Mehrgerd to be with his first wife. For this reason, on the same night his wife got pregnant with Hajj Sheik Abdulkarim, who later founded the seminary in Qum and taught nearly a thousand scholars and future religious authorities. One of the men he trained was Imam Khomeini, the reader of the Islamic revolution, who influenced both the East and the West and also saved Islam. So Khomeini was the product of Hajj Sheik Abdulkarim Haeri who himself was the son of a noble, divine and sincere butcher. Only God knows the reward of this butcher in the Hereafter next to his son, and his son's students and the Islamic Revolution of Iran.

Bad Fathers and Good Children

Hajaj, the son of Yusef Saqafi, was an evil, wicked, oppressor and criminal man with bad children. However, a noble, wise, poetic, knowledgeable, mystic, lover of the Household of the Prophet, and a singer of songs for the Immaculate Imams, specifically the Commander of the Faithful and the Master of Martyrs (Imam Husayn) was born in Hajaj’s line during the time that Seyed Morteza was the religious authority. His name was Abu Abdullah Katib. He was totally different from his forefathers. He did not have their traits, and accepted God using the power of the intellect and his nature. He became divinely oriented and was especially paid attention to by the Household of the Prophet.

It has been said that Mirza Abdullah Afandi stated the following in Riaz al-Ulama: For some reason, Seyed Morteza spoke harsh words with Abu Abdullah Katib. Then he dreamt the same night and saw the Prophet (Pbuh) and the noble Imams. The Prophet (Pbuh) gave him a cold shoulder. He asked the Prophet (Pbuh) what he had done wrong? The Prophet (Pbuh) told him that he must apologize to the Shiite poet since he had not treated him well. When the sun rose, the noble Seyed walked all the way to Abu Abdullah Katib's house, apologized and asked for forgiveness. Then our noble young folks should realize that God has given them power to maintain their independence and not follow the impious ones, even if they be their own fathers. Therefore you should not be influenced by such fathers, but remain on the straight path, steadfastly.

A Distinguished Father

Sadr Al-Muteahalin Shirazi was an unprecedented philosopher, a wise scholar and a pious mystic. He brought about a major change in philosophy and wrote many scientific books in this field. He was the son of a rich and famous man in Shiraz. His father had a high government position, and was also a pearl and antiques dealers. His father was really interested in his son following the same job and working with him. So he stayed with his father for some time, and he stayed in Bushehr and Basra with the same job. He returned to Shiraz after a couple of years. He politely asked his father for permission to quit this job and go to study in the religious schools in Shiraz. The lofty father replied positively. Then he quit the business, and deprived himself of the comfort of the house, happiness and material pleasures. Shortly after he became a renown scientist when he was still young. This he owed to the sacrifice and love of his father. Then he found no one who could teach him anything else. Thus he asked for permission to go to Isfahan. This request too was instantly accepted. He then went to Isfahan and continued his studies under the guidance of Sheik Bahayee, Mirdamad and Mirfindereski, and he reached the position of Sadr al-Muteahelin after a while. Indeed a father's good character turned a shopkeeper into a professor of philosophy. Therefore it is true that a noble, wise, knowledgeable and sympathetic father can raise good offspring for humanity and science.

Ali Akbar Will Not be Raised With Forbidden Food

When I was a child, there used to live a noble old man who was pious and disciplined in our neighborhood. He was a dealer in the Bazaar in Tehran. Since he was polite, religious and trustworthy, he was respected by the business men. He used to attend the congregational prayers three times a day. He was very attractive to young kids. I was one who attended even the morning prayers at the mosque. He used to tell us various amazing stories. Once he said: A young religious fellow lived with his parents in the Naser Khosrow region. His father did not follow religious decrees. Since he was familiar with religious issues through his associations, he would advise his father, but it was of no use. Then he left his father and went to sell things on the streets in the city of Ray next to the shrine of Hazrat Abdul Azim Hassany, and instructed the people on religious issues.

On the dawn of Ashura, he came to Tehran to visit his parents. They had gone to attend the religious ceremonies. He too went there. By chance, the man who was supposed to enact the role of Shimr had become sick. They did not know him, so they asked him to perform the ceremonies. He accepted the role, and entered the theater and successfully played the role. His father recognized him, and became upset. When they all returned home after the ceremonies, his father asked him if he had had anything to eat. He answered no. His father told him there was jam and yogurt in the house, he could go and have some. When he went to the jam jar, there he saw a dead rat in the jar. He brought some yogurt to eat. His father asked him why he did not bring the jam. He responded that there was a dead rat in the jar and it was forbidden to eat the jam. His father yelled at him and asked why he had not quit being religious after one year. Then he asked why he enacted the role of the Shimr and not the role of Ali Akbar? The son replied that a father who eats some jam in a jar with a dead rat in it, which is forbidden to eat, should not expect to have a child who will become Ali Akbar; since the result of eating forbidden food is Shimr. O' young fellows. Try to become good fathers and have good children. O' fathers. If you have any problems which may harm your children's spirit, then try to remove that flaw. Indeed the Hereafter is a strange day for all.

The Rights of the Children

Imam Ali said:

A child's right over his/her parents is to choose him a good name, to give him the proper upbringing and to teach him the Quran. [Nahj ul-Balaghah, Hikmat, p399]

The Path to Prosperity

At first we will mention the following words from the Commander of the Faithful about prosperity. These divine and wise words have risen out of his heavenly heart to guide man towards prosperity. In response to one who asked what prosperity is he said: Prosperity does not depend on having more wealth, children, but it depends on having more knowledge, patience and perseverance; and on being proud of your worshipping of God. Thank God if you have good behavior. Ask God for forgiveness, if you do bad deeds. There is no property in this world for anyone except those who have committed sins and repented; and those who have striven to do good deeds. Deeds which are done with piety are not trivial. How can such deeds be so small if they are accepted? [Nahj ul-Balaghah, Commented on by Ibn Abel Hadid, v.18, p.250]

In these divine sayings three facts have been pointed out: being knowledge; perseverance; and the application of both which is God's worship. It is also mentioned that knowledge, perseverance and their application should be void of sin to be accepted by God. Knowledge of an impious one, perseverance mixed with sin, and worship without piety are all sources of harm or a waste of time. Those who achieved something in this world achieved it through knowledge and wisdom, worship and repentance, and piety and abstinence. The uninformed and the unwise; the weak and the impatient; the slaves of lust and carnal desires; the ones who delve in sin; and the refugees from good deeds are all useless folks who are a source of harm.

We can conclude from these divine words that parents must first realize their Islamic duties towards their children, and then patiently perform their duties. They should be happy and proud of doing these duties, and thank God for enabling them to attend to the needs of their children, and respect their rights. If they have had some shortcomings in performing their duties, they should ask God to forgive them. They should be pious in all aspects so that their efforts are not wasted. There is no doubt that attending to the needs of the children, and striving to provide for them is a great form of worship and a good deed which will be rewarded both here and in the Hereafter.

Children’s Rights

The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

The rights of the child over the father consist of teaching him/her writing, swimming and shooting, and should only feed him/her clean and lawfully-earned food.

Of course, one need not directly perform these duties. If the father just sends his child to school, and swimming and shooting classes, he has done his job. The duty of feeding them only lawfully earned food is really important, and one must be very careful about this so that no problems arise here or in the Hereafter. How good it would be if there were sports clubs and mosques next to all our schools so that our children could go to learn how to swim or shoot after their studies, or could go to the mosque to learn religious matters. Thus, in addition to physical and mental development, they would receive spiritual training too. Literacy, swimming, shooting and eating lawfully earned food are four sources of power for the children. Once they are equipped with these, they will be safe from many dangers. Pursuit of such activities shall fill the free time of the youth, and is very effective in balancing out their instincts and sexual energy. In the book entitled "Mukhlat", Sheik Bahayee has narrated that a man called Hassan said:

Should I find a bit of lawfully earned bread, I will dry it; grind it firmly until it turns into powder, and keep it. Then whenever someone comes to me with an illness being difficult to cure, I will feed him with a bit of it so that he gets cured.

The Effects of Lawfully or Unlawfully Obtained Food

I heard the following from one of the great religious scholars: When I studied in Qum as a student of Imam Khomeini, I used to go to the villages for preaching during the first ten days of the month of Muharram. I went to Imam Khomeini and asked him for permission to go to a new village to preach for which I had been invited to do so. The Imam prayed for me and advised me on how to treat the people and preach. I went to that village.

When I entered that village which had no more than two to three thousand residents, I saw a religious-looking farmer who asked if I had come there to preach. When I replied positively, he told me to only preach about the lawful and the unlawful as ordained by God. This, he said, is what they need to know the most about since they do not care about it. Then he asked me not to go to anyone's house except his since he is the only one who strictly watches out for the divinely ordained lawful and unlawful. He added that I would be more enlightened and preach better if I dined at his house. So I went to stay at his house, and everything was fine just as he had predicted. I could deliver a good speech whenever I wanted to preach in the mosque. He used to leave the house early each morning to go to the field, and I left the house with him. He would come to the mosque for evening prayers, and we returned to his house together after the preaching.

One day I accepted someone else's invitation to go to his house. I did not inform my host. When I wanted to preach that night I was not at ease. The audience did not notice anything but I had a hard time getting words out of my mouth! My host who was among the audience noticed my unusual state, and gave me a few bad looks which implied his objection to what I had done. When we went back to his house that night, he asked me why I went to someone else's house to eat that day. He stated that he realized this from the way I preached. He ordered me not to go to anyone else's house to eat for the rest of the duration of my stay there. He also advised me never again to eat unlawfully obtained food and be careful about whom I associate with. Once again I shall remind you about what to feed your children by stating the divine words of the Prophet:

Do not take home anything but what is lawfully earned for your family's daily bread.

Sheik Zahed

Sheik Muhammad Husayn Zahed was a noble scholar in Tehran. He was a real mystic who attracted many young fellows to the mosque or religious ceremonies and gave them religious training. He once told me that he was invited to a place where he should not have gone. He had only one ice cream there. When he got up at night to perform his ablutions in preparation for prayers, and then he fell down the stairs. He got injured and his wife treated the wound on his forehead. He could not pray due to the pain, and fell asleep. Then he heard a voice asking him why he had eaten that ice cream. He woke up and realized that his injured head was a penalty for committing that sin. The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

The child's right over his/her father is that a good name be chosen for him/her, the provision of the means for his/her marriage when the time comes, and teaching him/her how to read and write. [Mizan al-Hikmat, v.10, p.720].

A man asked the Prophet (Pbuh) what rights do his children have over him? He replied:

Coose good names for them, teach them proper behavior and place them in good position. [Ibid]

He also said:

If a child grows up and gets ready for marriage, and the father can provide for his/her marriage but does not do so, then the father is responsible for any sin committed by the child. [Ibid].

The Commander of the Faithful said: The rights of a child over his/her father include the choice of a good name, good upbringing and teaching him/her the Quran. One of the men from the Ansar asked Imam Sadiq whom should he treat kindly? He replied: Your parents. He said they have perished. The Imam said: Treat your children kindly. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.104, p.98]

The Prophet (Pbuh) said: Adorn your children with the following three characteristics: Love for your Prophet, love for the Household of the Prophet, and reading the Quran. It is the duty of the father to acquaint the children with the Prophet (Pbuh) and the pure Household of the Prophet. This should start from childhood so that the child grows up with their love and recognition. The child can also coordinate all his/her life affairs with them, and adopt no other model to follow. This is because love of the Prophet, of the Imams, and following them are the best sources of prosperity for man.

A Good Memory

The first time I was invited to preach in Tabriz, I asked those who invited me to get me a moderate-priced place to stay in the poor areas of town. They accepted my condition. When I reached Tabriz, I was housed in a two-story building. The house owner lived in one story and the other story was used for religious meetings. He was a common man with a moderate income. He was religious. He asked me if I knew the reason why I was housed there? I told him that I had set up such a condition. He then told me that was not so. He said that he had attended one of the religious meetings I had held in Mashhad on the day of Arafeh. At the end of that day, he had gone to the shrine of Imam Reza and prayed to house me if I should ever come to preach in Tabriz. He believed that Imam Reza had planned this.

He said that he and his family are all dedicated to serve the Household of the Prophet, and those who serve them. He then told me the following which was related to his father. He said his father used to say prayers at night throughout his whole life. He would kindly wake up his son since the age of thirteen and tell him that at night when everybody is sleeping, it is the best time to cry for the oppressions done to Imam Husayn. He told me that they are loyal to Imam Husayn and will not quit serving him until they die and join him in the Hereafter to serve him again. Imam Sadiq said:

A child should play for seven years, then study the book for another seven years, and then learn about lawfully and unlawfully obtained goods during the next seven years. [Mizan al-Hikmat, v.10, p.222]

The Commander of the Faithful said:

Ask your children to seek knowledge. [Ibid]

He also said:

Teach your children the prayer, and be serious about their prayers when they mature.

We read in three important Prophetic traditions that the parents may be cursed by the children if they do not honor their rights, and the same holds for the children. Both sides are required to honor each other's rights. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.74, p.70; Mizan al-Hikmat, v.10, p.723]

A Note to Parents

The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

 A good deed is recorded for whoever kisses his/her child. God will be pleased in the Hereafter with whoever pleases his/her child. The parents who teach their children the Quran shall be called in the Hereafter and given two dresses which are so shiny that will illuminate the residents of Heaven. [Furu al-Kafi, v.6, p.49]

The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

Whoever has a small child, should play childish games with him. [Vasa'il, v.15, p.203]

The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

Whoever kindly raises his daughter, kindly trains her, and feeds her from whatever God has bestowed upon him, shall have prepared himself a shelter from the Fire of Hell. [Mizan al-Hikmat, v.10, pp.705-707].

The Prophet (Pbuh) has made the following recommendations regarding children:

Fear God and treat your children equally.[Ibid]

Do not treat your children differently in terms of gifts, just as you like to be treated fairly. [Ibid]

God likes you to treat your children equally even when kissing them.[Ibid]

The Prophet (Pbuh) saw a man with two kids. He was kissing one and ignoring the other. He told him he should treat them equally, and kiss both of them if he wants to kiss them. [Ibid]

The Rights of the Parents

Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, And that ye be kind to parents. [Holy Quran: BaniIsrail: 17:23, p.700.]

A Heavy Burden

Honoring the rights of the parents is a really heavy burden which only those who truly believe in God and the Hereafter can bear. The Holy Quran has stated the characters of a believer in:

 The answer of the Believers, when summoned to God and His Apostle, in order that He may judge between them, is no other than this: They say, "We hear and we obey": It is such as these that will attain felicity. [Holy Quran: Nur: 24:51-52]

Note the following verse regarding the rights of the parents: Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, And that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, But address them in terms of honor. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say:

My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood. [Holy Quran: BaniIsrail: 17:23-24]

The fact that the rights of the parents are placed right after the rights of God shows the importance of these rights. This has been discussed in detail in the highly valuable book "Kafi", v.2, p.157. A tradition from Imam Sadiq has been written there. Usul al-Kafi is an authentic book due to the author being the noble, late Kolayni who lived during the period of the short absence of the twelfth Imam, its contents, and their narrators being close to the times of the Immaculate Imams. Its order and the attention it has received make it one of the most important sources of religious principles. Then no one's excuse shall be accepted after the interpretation of this important verse narrated from Imam Sadiq regarding the rights of parents. When Imam Sadiq was asked about the meaning of this verse, he said: When it is said treat your parents kindly it is meant that you should associate with them patiently and treat them kindly; do not encounter them with a bad attitude; provide for them whatever they may need without their having to ask for it, even if they are rich; and take them something whenever you go to visit them. Has not God said:

By no means shall ye attain righteousness unless ye give (freely) of that which ye love; [Holy Quran: Al-i-Imran: 3:92]

Imam Sadiq said:

If one of your parents or both of them were old, impatient and weak so much so that it bothers you, do not say the least thing to them. Do not raise your voice even if they hit you. Speak with them kindly, using only noble words. If they try to hit you again, just tell them may God forgive both of you.

These are noble words. Then Imam Sadiq instructs us to be most humble with them; to look at them with passion; to always honor them and to never walk in advance. He says you must pray for them to receive God’s Mercy since they raised you from childhood till now. In another verse God said:

 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command),"Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal. But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear their company in this life with justice (and consideration), and follow the way of those who turn to Me (in love): in the End the return of you all is to Me, and I will tell you the truth (and meaning) of all that ye did." [Holy Quran: Luqman: 31:14-15]

An Amazing Point

Once he was appointed to the Prophethood, Moses was ordered to use gentle speech when dealing with the Pharaoh. He asked the reason why and was told that Pharaoh had spent fifteen years of his life to raise him, and had suffered much hardship to raise him from when he was a baby until he matured. Then he had the rights of parents and Moses should not talk in harsh words with him.

A Delicate Issue

In the Quranic interpretation called Menhaj, we read the following regarding the verse.

 Did He not find thee an orphan and give thee shelter (and care)? [Holy Quran: Dhuha: 93:6]

God the Almighty told the Prophet (Pbuh) that He took away his father before his birth, and took away his mother when he was still a child. This was done because the Prophet (Pbuh) would have had a great difficulty in honoring the rights of his parents, given his especial circumstances as a Prophet of God.

Traditions Regarding Parent's Rights

A narrator asked Imam Sadiq: Which of our deeds are the best? He replied: Being punctual about praying, being kind to parents, and fighting in the way of God. [Kafi, v.2, p.158]

Imam Sadiq said:

What prevents you from treating your parents kindly whether they are living or have passed away. One asked the Imam what he should do for his parents who have passed away. He replied: Pray, give charity, go on the Hajj pilgrimage and fast on their behalf.[Kafi; v.2, p.159]

Zacharias Serves His Parents

Zacharias, the son of Abraham, said he was a strict Christian, and then became a Muslim. He said he was happy and went to Mecca to see Imam Sadiq. Imam Sadiq told him to ask any questions he wished to ask. Then he told Imam Sadiq that his family members were all Christian. His mother was blind, and he had to live with them since his father had no one else to rely on. He said his parents liked him to eat and drink from the same set of dishes. Imam Sadiq asked him if his parents ate any pork. He replied no. Then he asked if they touched any pigs? He answered no. Then Imam Sadiq ordered him not to leave their house; not to separate from his mother; to take care of her; to bathe her; to change her clothes; and to feed her.

He said he followed all these instructions upon his return to Kufa. Then his mother told him to tell her the truth about having become a Muslim. Then he told her yes, and said he had been ordered by his living leader, Imam Sadiq who was a descendant of the Prophet (Pbuh), to perform all these services. His mother asked him if he was the Prophet. He replied no. He is the sixth Imam and is the descendant of the Prophet. The mother replied no: The things you do for me are the decrees of the Prophets of God. I am blind, but I realize that your religion is better than mine. I want you to guide me towards your religion. Then he guided his mother to become a Muslim, and she performed her noon prayers with him. At eve, she asked to say his evening prayers and let her say her prayers with him. She did so, and passed away after she had finished her prayers.

Then he remembered that Imam Sadiq had instructed him to bury his mother by himself if she passed away. He invited the Shiites early the next morning. Then they told him to call in her priest. He told them that she was a Muslim, and they helped him to bury her. [Vasa'il, v.21, p.491]. Jaber Jafi said the following: I was in the presence of Imam Sadiq. A man came and said: My parents are Sunni and very strict in their ways so how should I treat them? Imam asked him how he treats real Shiites. He replied with love, and assist them in solving their problems. Imam said: Treat your parents likewise. [Ibid, p.490]

Imam Baqir said:

A young fellow served his parents well during their lifetime. However, his parents willed that he should repay a loan they could not. He refused to do so, and did not even ask God to forgive them. For this reason, God ordered that he be registered as one who is damned by his parents. Another child who was damned by his parents during his lifetime, paid back their debts after they passed away, and sought God's forgiveness for them, and was registered amongst those who treat their parents well. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.74, p.59].

Imam Sadiq has been narrated as saying the following in the book called "Amali":

Moses saw a beautiful face in the shade of heaven. He asked whose shadow was over him? He was told he was one who has really treated his parents well and had never gossiped or caused disunion.

The sixth Imam said:

If you desire death to be easy for you, visit your relatives and be kind to your parents. Then the angel of death will be told to take it easy on you, and you will not become poor during your lifetime.

Next to the Ka’aba a man asked Abuzar why he looked at Ali's face a lot. He replied that when he was next to the Prophet (Pbuh) and there was not any distance between him and the Imam, the Prophet, told him: Looking at Ali's face and kindly looking at one's parents is considered to be worship. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.38, p.196]

Imam Ali said:

Accept all your parents orders, except for sinning.

 The seventh Imam said:

A man asked the Prophet (Pbuh) to explain the rights of the father. He said: Do not call him by his name. Do not walk ahead of him. Do not sit down before he does, and do not swear at him. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.74, p.45]

Imam Sadiq said:

Three things are obligatory for children regarding their parents. They should always be grateful to them; they should accept their advice on all matters except sinning, and they should always wish them well. [Tuhaf ul-Uqool, v.47, p.238].

The Prophet (Pbuh) said that the following statement implies parents’ damnation:

Do whatever you wish, I will not forgive you. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.74, pp.61-74]

He also said:

Two things are quickly penalized in this world. They are being damned by one's parents and committing fornication. [Ibid]

He also said:

Anyone who makes his/her parents really sad, is damned by them. [Ibid]

The sixth Imam said:

Looking meanly at parents causes damnation.

A man told the Prophet: There is no evil deed which I have not done. Is there any way for me to repent? The Prophet (Pbuh) asked him if his parents were alive. He replied that his mother had passed away, but his father was alive. He told him to go and treat his father kindly so that his sins be forgiven. When the man left the mosque, the Prophet (Pbuh) said: He would have been closer to forgiveness by God, if his mother was still alive. Moses asked God for some recommendations three times. Then he was twice recommended to treat his mother well, and once to treat his father well. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.13, p.330]

Imam Baqir said:

One is not free in the following three cases: He is not free to do as he pleases in regards to what he is entrusted with, his promise, and being kind to his parents. [Vasa'il, v.21, p.490].

Sheik Ansari and His Mother

The great jurisprudent, and noble scholar called Sheik Ansari used to carry his mother on his back to the public bath house, and would then take her back home after her bath was finished. He used to come to kiss her hands at night, and would not leave the house without her permission. After she died, he cried a lot saying that he cries because he is now deprived of the great blessing of serving her. He compensated for all of her missed prayers by praying even though he was really busy teaching and had many who came to visit him. Although his mother was one of the most religious women at that time, he performed all those duties.

Mother's Damnation

A young man was about to die. The Prophet (Pbuh) came to visit him, and told him to profess to God's unity and his Prophethood. He turned away his face and refused to profess. The Prophet (Pbuh) asked if he had a mother. He replied positively. He called her in and asked if she was not pleased with him. She replied positively. The Prophet (Pbuh) asked her to forgive him since he could not profess to God's unity. She said he had hurt her and she was upset with him. The Prophet (Pbuh) asked her to forgive him for the sake of the Prophet. She agreed and forgave her son. Then the Prophet (Pbuh) asked the young man to profess to God's unity and his Prophethood. The man uttered the words. Then the Prophet (Pbuh) asked him why he had not uttered it the first time. The man said a scary dragon would attack him and he could not talk. He added that now it had left and he could talk.[Manazel al-Akherat, Mohades Qumi].

 Imam Sajjad said:

Note the following regarding your mother. She carried you for nearly nine months in her womb, no one else could do so. She dedicated her love to you, no one else would do so; she protected you with all her existence, fed you and was hungry herself; gave you things to drink; and she remained thirsty herself; she clothed you, and did not care for her own clothing; she felt hot, but protected you from heat; she stayed up to care for you at night; and protected you in all circumstances so that she may have a child like you. You cannot be grateful enough for all she did unless God helps you. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.14, p.6]

Hakam Nami said that he told the sixth Imam: My father had donated a house to me, and he now plans to move back into it. The Imam said: Your father's deed is not good, but do not fight back if he fights with you; and talk calmly with him, if he yells at you. [Vasa'il, v.18, p.224]

A Couple’s Duties to Their Relatives

Say: Whatever ye spend that is good, is for parents and kindred... [Holy Quran: Baqara: 2:215]

Relatives

Each husband and wife has some relatives. Neither one is allowed to force the other to stop seeing them. Each one has parents, brothers and sisters, uncles, aunts, nieces and nephews, grandparents, etc. Visiting them is considered worship, and associating with them is an excellent deed and can help resolve many difficulties. A wife should not be so unreasonable not to let her husband's relatives come to visit them, or be rude with them when they come for a visit. She should not stop her husband from associating with his relatives. The house is the husband's property, and God has granted him authority over the wealth and property. A woman is religiously required to obey her husband. Bothering him is also religiously forbidden. Preventing him from associating with his parents, brothers and sisters, or other relatives is totally immoral, inhumane and against man's nature. A man should not prevent his wife from associating with her parents and relatives either. This too is against human passion and love. The wife and children who prevent one from performing good deeds, worshipping, and associating with relatives are considered man's enemies by the Quran. They are not enemies whose hearts are filled with hatred. Rather they are enemies who want to prevent us from attaining prosperity in this world and the Hereafter.

A man should not give in to his wife or children in his attempts to do good deeds, solving the problems of the people, associating with relatives, aiding his parents, brothers or sisters. Of course, believing women who accept the Hereafter; feel responsible; want to prosper in the Hereafter; recognize that they must respect their husband's rights; adhere to divine etiquette and are in total agreement with their husbands. They even encourage their husbands to associate with and help his relatives, whenever they feel that their husbands are not serious enough in this regard. But women who oppose God, or children who demand things opposed to God's religion, are considered to be man's enemy by the Quran. Man is instructed to do the following in these situations:

 O ye who believe! Truly, among your wives and your children are (some that are) enemies to yourselves: so beware of them! But if ye forgive and overlook, and cover up (their faults), verily God is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.[Holy Quran: Tagabun: 64:14, p.1558.]

You should not fight, separate, or get angry in this case. Just let them insist on their views, and you yourself stay steadfast in obeying God and spending in his way. Some women are really unreasonable. They are deprived of God’s Mercy, and wish to deprive others of God’s Mercy too. Some men are also too strict, and do this unreasonably and without any gain but deprivation from God’s Mercy and favor. Why do some women refuse to let their husband's relatives come to their house, and not let their husband assist his relatives financially, while all their own relatives can come to their house and use the husband's property to serve them as they please. In these cases, many months or years go by and the husband aspires to see his relatives and visit him, but the wife's relatives are continually coming and going. Is this not a form of oppression against the husband and his relatives?

Is this not the same dangerous mental state which is damned by God and deprived of His Mercy. Such a woman will not have a good Hereafter. And why do some men prevent their wives from visiting their relatives. This is not liked by God, is a Satanic act and is certainly going to cause one to be deprived of God’s Mercy. In addition to the verses on visiting the next of kin, the Holy Quran has mentioned relatives twenty-three times, and has issued some very important decrees in this regard. A believing man is supposed to use the Prophet (Pbuh) as his model and abide by his decrees in all issues. One duty is to guide his relatives, since man always needs guidance.

And admonish thy nearest kinsmen, [Holy Quran: Shu'araa: 26:214]

How good is it for a man to gather his relatives and those of his wife in his house every once in a while; and advise them about the religiously forbidden and allowed things; and admonish them about the consequences of evil acts and bad behavior; and introduce jurisprudence and religious issues to them. Guiding the people towards divine issues is similar to the act of the Prophets of God and the Imams, and has an astonishing reward. It is said that Allameh Majlesi carried out this program for his wife, child and relatives every Thursday night; and he considered it a duty since scientific charity is similar to financial charity, and is liked by God. The Quran considers being kind to one’s relatives similar to being kind to one’s parents, thus showing the importance of having good family ties.

 And remember We took a covenant from the Children of Israel (to this effect): Worship none but God; treat with kindness your parents and kindred; and orphans and those in need; speak fair to the people; be steadfast in prayer; and practise regular charity. Then did ye turn back, except a few among you, and ye backslide (even now). [Holy Quran: Baqara 2:83]

Love for wealth and property is a part of human nature. Was it not for this love, no one would be motivated to go to work in industry, arts, business or agriculture. Man loves what he earns by hard work. The Glorious Quran asks man to use what he loves so much for solving the problems of his relatives. Doing so is one of the signs of the believers.

 To spend of your substance, out of love for Him, for your kin, for orphans [Holy Quran: Baqara: 2:177]

Relatives are so important in relation to one that they inherit one's property after his/her death. Note the following verse in this regard.

 But if at the time of division other relatives...[Holy Quran: Nisaa: 4:8]

The respect for relatives is very important. They are so honorable that God's book orders us to be just even when we talk to our relatives.

Whenever ye speak, speak justly, even if a near relative is concerned; [Holy Quran: An'am: 6:152]

Belittling, making fun of or vain talk about relatives are all against the religion and are immoral acts. God has ordered everyone to be kind and just, and has specifically mentioned relatives in this regard.

 God commands justice, the doing of good, and liberality to kith and kin [Holy Quran: Nahl: 16:90]

God does not like one who is rich to ignore those who need his charity. This is also unaccepted from the viewpoint of the intellect, logic, man's nature, ethics and the religion.

 Let not those among you who are endued with grace and amplitude of means resolve by oath against helping their kinsmen [Holy Quran: Nur: 24:22]

We are strictly ordered to be just when we witness in a court, and also avoid hiding what we know and can witness to even if it is against our interest and that of our parents and relatives.

O ye who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to God, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin [Holy Quran: Nisaa: 4:135]

Also we are instructed not to seek forgiveness for our relatives as long as they are polytheists.

It is not fitting, for the Prophet and those who believe, that they should pray for forgiveness for Pagans, even though they be of kin [Holy Quran: Tauba: 9:113]

We are also instructed not to be friends with our parents, children or relatives if they are enemies of God and his Prophet.

 Thou wilt not find any people who believe in God and the Last Day, loving those who resist God and His Apostle, even though they were their fathers or their sons, or their brothers, or their kindred. For such He has written Faith in their hearts, and strengthened them with a spirit from Himself. And He will admit them to Gardens beneath which Rivers flow, to dwell therein (forever). God will be well pleased with them, and they with Him. They are the Party of God. Truly it is the Party of God that will achieve Felicity.[Holy Quran Mujadila 58:22]

Except for these especial cases, relatives are considered as a unit. The husband or the wife do not have the right to forbid the other one from associating with his/her relatives. Women, especially, are not allowed to forbid their husbands from such highly rewarding acts. I recommend to couples to honor the twenty-three verses of the Quran about relatives, and respect their relatives, invite them over, and help them financially if they need so. As can be understood from the traditions, the woman should be careful not to make her husband angry, since his anger and unhappiness is similar to God's anger and unhappiness. None of the deeds of a woman whose husband is not pleased with her is accepted by God. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.244].

Imam Sadiq said:

Damned is a woman who bothers her husband and makes him sad. [Ibid, p.253].

This can be partly related to the husband's relatives. She may be unreasonable without any logical or religious reasons, and in this way she deprives herself of God’s Mercy.

Observing the Relations of the Womb

Those who join together those things which God hath commanded to be joined.[Holy Quran: Ra'd: 13:21]

The Quran and Visiting Relatives

Visiting relatives is one of the very good deeds that the Prophet, and the Imams have much insisted on. Mulla Husayn Fayz, who was a great philosopher, mystic and scholar spent his life with the Glorious Quran and Prophetic traditions. He considered visiting the relatives to include going to see them, and helping the relatives with their finances or business, or helping young couples to marry. This meaning can be understood from the Quranic verses and traditions, too. The Prophet and the Imams did exactly these things when they visited their relatives, too. This act is greatly stressed in the Quran. It is done by the wise, and cutting off relations with the relatives is considered to be an act of corruption. The Quran has instructed us to fear God when interacting with our relatives, and God has mentioned relatives just after Himself

Reverence God, through Whom ye demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (that bore you): [Holy Quran: Nisaa: 4:1]

The wise are considered to have some traits as mentioned in the Holy Chapter Ra'd. The benefits gained in the Hereafter are being greeted and welcomed by angels.

 Those who join together those things which God hath commanded to be joined.[Holy Quran: Ra'd: 13:21]

We read in the Chapter Baqara the following regarding cutting off of relations:

 And who sunder what God has ordered to be joined, and do mischief on earth: These cause loss (only) to themselves.[Holy Quran: Baqara: 2:27]

Yes, cutting off relations is a cause for a great loss. There is another alarming verse in the chapter Ra'd regarding this issue:

And cut asunder those things which God has commanded to be joined, and work mischief in the land;-- on them is the Curse; for them is the terrible Home! [Holy Quran: Ra'd: 13:25]

We read in chapter Muhammad:

Then, is it to be expected of you, if ye were put in authority, that ye will do mischief in the land, and break your ties of kith and kin? [Holy Quran: Muhammad: 47:22]

So we see that visiting relatives is so important that it yields prosperity and the greeting and welcoming of man by angels in the Hereafter. And the cutting off of relations with relatives will result in damnation, a bad ending and not being saved. Respectfully helping the relatives with their financial problems is highly rewarding.

 And the likeness of those who spend their substance, seeking to please God and to strengthen their souls, is as a garden, high and fertile: heavy rain falls on it but makes it yield a double increase of harvest, and if it receives not heavy rain, light moisture sufficeth it. God seeth well whatever ye do. [Holy Quran: Baqara: 2:265]

If ye disclose (acts of) charity, even so it is well, but if ye conceal them, and make them reach those (really) in need, that is best for you: It will remove from you some of your (stains of) evil. And God is well acquainted with what ye do. [Holy Quran: Baqara: 2:271]

Those who (in charity) spend of their goods by night and by day, in secret and in public, have their reward with their Lord: on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.[Holy Quran: Baqara: 2:274]

A Good Plan

Let’s invite all our relatives, and recite to the rich ones the verses and traditions on visiting and helping relatives and ask each one of them to donate some money regularly. Then we can open an account or give the money to a trustworthy member of the family. If a problem arises for a poor relative, we can respectfully give him a loan or a donation. Then he can use the money to buy a house, some needed furniture, a trousseau for his daughter or pay for marrying off his son. This is a very good act, it helps a lot of people and is highly rewarding as stated before. Let’s try to describe this plan to others and encourage them to implement it. If this is widely implemented in the country, then a heavy burden is lifted off of the government's budget, and the assisting relatives get a great reward. In the Quranic verses on charity, helping the relatives has the highest priority. Then the orphans, the disabled, the poor, and the bankrupt are mentioned.

To spend of your substance, out of love for Him, for your kin, for orphans. [Holy Quran: Baqara: 2:177]

An Amazing Story

Saduq has narrated Imam Sadiq as having said the following based on an authentic document:

Jonah was supplicating and praying inside the stomach of a fish. His voice was delivered to Korah's soul which was undergoing God's Punishment at the time of an eclipse. He asked whose voice it was. The Angel of Punishment said that it was the voice of one of the Israelite Prophets. He requested permission to have a brief talk with him. Permission was granted. He asked about Aaron and Moses. Then Jonah replied that they had both perished and he was living at a different time. Then Korah cried. God said His Punishment should be reduced due to feeling sorry for his relatives.

Traditions About Visiting Relatives

The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

Help your relatives, even if you give them a drink of water. The best form of helping relatives is not to bother them. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.74, p.103].

The relatives' feelings get injured when they are ignored or belittled. That is why the best form of helping relatives is not to injure their feelings. He also said: Visit your relatives in this world even if you just say hello. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.74, p.104]

The Prophet (Pbuh) has been narrated as saying: Walk one year to visit your relatives. He also has said the following in an important tradition: To the society at this time and the times to come, and those who are in their father's loin or their mother's womb, I advise you all to visit your relatives even if it takes a whole year. Indeed visiting your relatives is a part of your religion. [Ibid].

There are many important traditions which outline the benefits of visiting relatives. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.74, pp.111-126]. We will cite a few of these traditions here. Imam Baqir said:

Visiting relatives will purify your deeds, increase your wealth, remove any catastrophes, and delay the time of your death.

Imam Sadiq said:

Visiting relatives and doing good deeds will ease the accounting for our deeds in the Hereafter, and will protect us from committing sins. Then visit your relatives and be kind with your brethren, even if it is just limited to warm greetings.

The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

Visiting relatives will prolong your life and eliminate poverty. Visiting relatives will expand towns, and prolong the lives, even if those you visit are not good people. God shall grant the reward of one hundred martyrs to the one who visits his relatives and helps them with his life and property. For each step that you take to visit your relatives, God will record four thousand good deeds, and remove four thousand evil deeds, and provide four thousand raises in your status. It is just as if you have sincerely worshipped God for one-hundred years.

 The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

There is a heavenly status that only those who are just leaders, visit their relatives, or patiently take care of their wife and children shall attain. He told Abuzar to go to visit his relatives, even if they go mad when seeing him. He said if they did not accept you, go again. Finally you will succeed. If they do not follow God's orders, don't follow suit.

 A man told the Prophet (Pbuh) that he visited his relatives, but some of them bothered him, and he wanted to cut off his relations with them. The Prophet (Pbuh) told him that if he did that, God would abandon all of them. He asked what he should do. The Prophet (Pbuh) told him to visit those who cut off their relations, and forgive those who mistreated him. Then God will raise him higher in status over them.

Traditions About Cutting Off Relations

Abu Basir has narrated that when he asked Imam Sadiq about someone who wished to cut off his relations from those who oppose the Imam, the Imam replied this was not right. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.75, p.185].

Jahm, the son of Hamid said that he told Imam Sadiq the following: I have relatives who follow other religions. Do they have any rights over me? The Imam replied: Nothing can nullify the rights of relatives. If they were Muslim, then they had two rights: First being a relative and the second being a Muslim. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.74, p.131].

Imam Baqir said:

I found the following in the Prophet's book (the Quran): When the people cut off their ties from their relatives, the wicked people get a hold of their property.[Bihar al-Anwr, v.73, p.369.]

 The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

Three groups of people will not enter Heaven: alcoholics, those who believe in magic, and those who cut off their ties from their relatives. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.74, p.90]

The Commander of the Faithful said:

I seek refuge with God from sins which hasten death.

He was asked whether there existed sins that bring on death faster. He replied:

Yes. Woe to you! It is the sin of cutting off relations from your relatives. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.74, p.137]

He also said:

The worst of all sins are the cutting off of relations with relatives and being damned by parents. [Mizan al-Hikmat, v.4, p.89].

The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

God’s Mercy shall not be bestowed upon a nation in which these are some who cut off relations with their relatives. [Ibid]

The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

The angels will not descend upon those people among whom these are ones who cut off relations with their relatives. [Mizan al-Hikmat, v.4, p.89].

Mutevakel's son told Imam Hadi that his father deserved to be killed and asked for permission to do so. He was asked not to do so since he was his son. He was also warned that should he do so, he will not stay alive for more than six months.

Prosperity or Ruin of a Family

So fear God as much as ye can; listen and obey; and spend in charity for the benefit of your own souls. And those saved from the covetousness of their own souls, -- they are the ones that achieve prosperity.[Holy Quran: Tagabun: 64:16]

Prosperity or Ruin

Attaining prosperity or ruin is the result of one's acts, morals and beliefs. Good morals, righteous beliefs and good deeds will result in prosperity, while wrong belief, bad character and wicked deeds will result in one's life getting ruined. Prosperity implies happiness in this world and the Hereafter, while getting ruined implies a disastrous life here and loss in the Hereafter. The result of prosperity is God's Pleasure and Eternal Residence in Heaven, while the result of getting ruined is God's animosity and eternal torture. The Muslim families should remember these facts. A couple should try to gain what causes prosperity and avoid what causes their ruin by helping each other when they marry. Thus, they will have a healthy home environment for their children.

Profiting from faith, good deeds and good morality, the family should establish the basis of attaining God's Pleasure and an entrance ticket to God's Heaven. The subjects of prosperity and getting ruined, and the underlying causes have been extensively discussed in the Quran and Prophetic traditions. All people have been warned not to deprive themselves of their prosperity and ruin their lives. The families need to consider morality and watch out for bad deeds to gain prosperity. We shall leave the subjects of faith and actions to more detailed books.

Most families, especially the Iranian ones have faith in God and the Hereafter, Prophethood and Leadership of the Immaculate Imams, and perform their obligatory deeds such as prayer, fasting, pilgrimage, and charity. They also avoid what has been forbidden, such as having forbidden foods or drinks, and committing immoral lustful acts, etc. Most problems that the families have to be more concerned with are abiding by moral issues, and avoiding wicked desires. We shall suffice to describe just two issues here.

Justice

Justice implies being just, serving others, wanting for others what we want for ourselves, and not wanting for others what we do not wish for ourselves. This issue must be considered by both the husband, the wife and the children in regards to each other. Based on Islam, each person is bound to be just to others, and consider the rights of the people in all cases. Imam Sadiq has narrated the Prophet (Pbuh) as saying:

The most just person is one who wants for others what he wants for himself, and dislikes for others what he dislikes for himself. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.25].

The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

Whoever aids the poor, and is just to others is a true believer. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.25-28].

The Prophet (Pbuh) told the Commander of the Faithful that three things constitute faith:

Charity in times of poverty, being just to others, and bestowing knowledge to whoever needs it. [Ibid].

A man asked the Prophet:

Please teach me something to ease attaining Heaven for me.

The Prophet (Pbuh) replied:

Do not get angry, do not beg, and want for others whatever you want for yourself. [Ibid].

The Commander of the Faithful said:

Beware that God will increase the grandeur and majesty of those who are just to people. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.33].

How sweet will be the life of a family whose members are all concerned about each other and are just to one another. They do not wish for others what they do not like for themselves in all that they do. It should not be the case that the husband and the children do all the resting, and the wife does all the work, or the parents work hard, but the kids eat, drink and expect more. They should all be just to each other, and help in all the affairs of the house. This way they will become prosperous, and not get ruined.

Being Kind

It is important in Islam for the members of the family to be kind to each other, and treat each other with passion. This is a form of worship which is highly rewarding. The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

Being kind to each other is good and blessed while non-compliance and improper deeds are wicked. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.51-2]

He also said:

Should I inform you about people who will be safe from the fire of Hell?

They answered yes. He said:

Whoever takes it easy in life, and is kind and complaisant in one's life. [Ibid]

Moses told God:

What is the reward of one who does not bother others, and treats everybody kindly?

God said:

O' Moses, The Fire of Hell shall tell him/her that you cannot enter. [Ibid]

The Prophet (Pbuh) was asked:

What is the best thing for one.

He replied:

If all Muslims are safe from one's tongue and hands. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.53-54]

The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

No deed is better than faith, and kindness to others in the sight of God and his Prophet, and no deed is worse than atheism and treating others harshly. [Ibid]

Advice

Giving advice and wishing the best for people has a reward in this world and the Hereafter. Accepting advice is a cause of enlightenment of the heart, and awareness, too. Everyone should advise others as much as he/she can and wish them the best. The listener should take the advice and use it, too. One must not be too shy to advise, and not too haughty to accept advice. The Prophet (Pbuh) has considered shyness to be silly and haughtiness to be a satanic trait which prevent us from accepting advice. The head of the household should give advice to his wife and children every once in a while. He should remind them of their duties. Sometimes the wife should advise her husband, and at times the children should advise their parents. Each one is required to put haughtiness aside and accept the advice given. Imam Sadiq said:

Whoever notes that his brother is facing a loss- and can help him out but does not do so by warning him- has been disloyal to his friend. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.65]

Politeness

Being polite implies being respectful, talking properly, being a gentleman and respecting others. A husband, a wife, and the children should all be polite to each other. Being polite is a human value which is a source of one's respect; it improves one’s social status; increases the number of our friends. In addition, it causes one to obtain God’s Mercy and it is also a form of worship. The Commander of the Faithful said:

There is nothing better than politeness. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.67]

In some wise words he said:

As a sign of being polite, it is enough to dislike for others what you dislike for yourself. [Ibid]

 In other saying he said:

The good thing about being polite is that it is like being a gentleman.

Protection of the Family from Accusations

As viewed by Islam, all the members of the family should behave and associate with others in such a way that the family does not get accused. Any accusation may destroy the foundations of the family, and make it hard to live. One may feel that it is proper to meet someone, but others may think different and misjudge. This may be gradually misinterpreted, and then the people will think different about one and his/her honor will be endangered in the society. Then the family will be harmed. One may then try to engage in a business deal, or a social affair like getting a wife for his son, or marrying off his daughter, and this undue accusation may hinder him. Imam Sadiq said:

My father admonished me by saying the following: O' my son. Anyone who associates with bad people will not remain healthy. Whoever engages in a bad affair, will be accused and whoever does not watch what he says will be sorry. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.90].

The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

Those who associate with the accused will be the most proper candidates for accusation. [Ibid].

The Commander of the Faithful said:

Whoever gets in a situation whereby he/she may be accused, should not blame those who make accusations against him/her.[Ibid]

Imam Sadiq has been narrated as saying the following:

Avoid going to places where you may get accused. And do not stand in public places with your mother, since not all people know that the person you are with is your mother.[Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.91].

Indeed someone who does not know, or is ignorant spreads the word around that you are flirting with a strange woman. He may warn people against associating with you to protect the honor of his family. The man of the house, the woman and the children should seriously avoid going to places where they may get accused. This may harm the honor of the family, and Islam is really strict in this regard.

Honoring One's Oath

Religiously speaking it is obligatory to honor one's oath. The wedding contract between a couple is a divine contract to which both the husband and wife must remain loyal. This is an oath between the husband and wife, and to each other's families. Any kind of oath that the parents give to their children, is to be honored, too. The Quran states:

 And fulfill (every) engagement, for (every) engagement will be inquired into (on the Day of Reckoning).[Holy Quran: Bani Isra'il: 17:34]

Honoring one's oath is a sure sign of a believer.

Those who faithfully observe their trusts and their covenants;[Holy Quran: Mu-minun: 23:8]

Imam Sajjad has considered all religious decrees to be summarized in the following three things: Righteous words, acting justly, and honoring one's oath. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.92].

Imam Sadiq said:

No one's excuse shall be accepted in this world and the Hereafter regarding the following issues: Safeguarding what one has been entrusted with, whether it is from a good person or a bad one; honoring one's oath to a believer or a corrupt person; and treating one's parents; kindly whether they are good or bad. [Ibid].

The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

One who does not respect his own oath and does not do what he has promised to do is irreligious.

 Imam Reza said:

We are members of a Household who consider our oath as a debt just as the Prophet (Pbuh) said. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.97]

Consultation

A house should not be ruled by one who imposes whatever he/she wishes upon the family. There are many benefits in consultation, and the husband and wife will benefit if they consult with their elders who are more experienced, or consult with their grown-up children. Insist on consultation and respect the views of others. Do not think that you are the know it all. Allow everyone to participate in consultations, as this will help you a lot, and may at times help you out of disasters. The Quran has placed especial emphasis on consultation in verse 159 of Al-i-Imran, and verses 36-38 of Shura. Thus, consulting with others is a way of following the Quran, a way to solve one's problems and a guard against dangers. Imam Sadiq has said:

Consult with those who fear God about your life affairs. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.98].

He also said:

Three things are burdensome: Overestimating your deeds, forgetting your sins, and being stubborn.[Ibid]

 The Commander of the Faithful said:

Whoever is self-centered will be endangered [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, pp.98-99].

 One who is being consulted with should be considerate and provide the best possible guidance. Giving wrong advice on purpose is considered to be a great sin. Imam Ali said: I hate whoever is not sincere when he/she is being consulted by the Muslims.[Ibid].

Humbleness

Humbleness- which is the sweet by-product of self-recognition and an individual’s mysticism- is an Islamic, humans and moral state. A person who considers himself to be a servant of God, and recognizes that God is the source of all the blessings he has; considers others to be superior to him, considers the people to be God's servants and knows that he is nothing in this vast universe, is deeply involved in humbleness.

A man who considers his wife to be God's servant, and considers God to be the owner of his children, considers himself to be their servants. He who considers his wife and children to be what God has entrusted him with will be humble towards them. When a woman is not haughty, does not overestimate her family’s status when she faces her husband, and does not overestimate her knowledge or degree, will then be humble towards her husband and children. Also, wise children are humble towards their parents. Humbleness will result in nobility and honor, and will maintain a home sweet. It will bring love and strengthen the family bonds. A haughty person should know that no one, even his wife and children like him or respect him. Imam Hassan Askari said:

Anyone who is humble towards his religious brethren in this world will be considered righteous by God, and is a true follower of Imam Ali. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.117].

Imam Sadiq has narrated his grandfathers as saying:

Signs of humbleness are to sit wherever there is room when you enter a family or public meeting, to greet anyone you visit, to avoid quarreling even if you are right, not to like to be admired for piety and righteousness. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, pp.118-119]

When the Commander of the Faithful was about to pass away, he said:

I advise you to be humble as this is the best form of worship.[Ibid]

Kindness to Younger Ones and Respecting the Elders

Islam has instructed all men and women to be kind with the younger ones and respect the elders. The house must be a place to act upon the instructions of God, the Prophet and the Imams. Then you can prosper. It is a sin to get angry with, ignore, not kiss or not honor a promise given to a younger one. It is also a sin to disrespect the elders, give them a mean look, not fulfill their needs, or express that you get bored with them. We have brought the younger ones into this world, and we are responsible for them until they settle down. We should take care of them kindly. We have been raised by the elders, so we should respect them since we owe them a lot. When the Commander of the Faithful was about to pass away, he said:

Be kind with the young members of the family, and honor and respect the elders. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.136]

The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

Respect the elders as this is equal to respecting God. [Ibid].

The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

Whoever is not kind to the younger ones, or does not respect the elders is not from my nation. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.137]

Hospitality

Some families are really strict about accepting guests. This is either a sign of laziness or a sign of jealousy. Hospitality has been a way of the Prophets and the Imams, and is an example of divine and righteous men. Jealousy or laziness are not proper, in whatever form. The husband, the wife, and the children should all treat their guests warmly. This action which is according to the ethics of God's saints will please God and ease our affairs, bring God’s Mercy and Favor, and cast away any catastrophes from the members of the family. Hospitality is so encouraged in Islam that we believe the guest brings in his daily bread, and the host is the guest of his guests. It is highly praised to encourage hospitality. This will improve our morality, and the opposite is inhumane and despised by God. The sixth Imam said: There are ten characters that make up nobility. Try to attain them all. One is hospitality. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.458]

Imam Sadiq has said: Whenever guests enter your house, they bring God's forgiveness for you and your household, and when they leave, they take away your sins and those of your wife. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, pp.459-460].

Imam Baqir said: Feeding four Muslims is equivalent to freeing a slave from the descendants of Ismael. [Ibid].

Therefore being just, kind, wishing the best, politeness, staying away from accusations, honoring one's oath, humbleness, being kind to younger ones, and respecting the elders, and hospitality are all the basis of nobility and cause prosperity in this world and the Hereafter.

Cause of Getting Ruined

Families should avoid the following issues, each of which is described in many traditions and the Quranic verses: Not talking, separating, accusing the innocent, quarreling, finding faults, and gossiping, causing quarrels, deceit, wastefulness, haughtiness, jealousy, following sinners, being a burden and hostility. Families should avoid the above, since they are sins, some of which are great sins and will ruin the family and cause misfortune. In addition to the Quran, you can find a discussion of these issues in books like Kafi, v.2, Vasa'il, v.11, Shafi Fayz, Muhjat ul-Biyza, Jami al-Saadat Naraqi, and other moral or traditions books. These are beyond our scope.