Bloom and the flower of lust

It is a natural, human and vital affair for men to be attracted to women and vice versa, especially when the buds of the instincts bloom and the flower of lust with its intense degree and power appears at the time when one is marriageable. Marriage is an undeniable affair for anyone. The just desire of the youth, whether they be young women or men, concerning the future of establishing a married life is an obvious truth. This truth is as clear as the sun shining in the middle of the day for anyone, especially parents who have offspring of marriageable age.

The most important and the best way to prevent sinning and protect the society from falling into the whirlpool of corruption is to marry off young women and men when they need to be married. This is undeniable except by fools and the ignorant.

Based on the above discussion, during the first stage of this union, parents, other relations and anyone else concerned with the couple's marriage must be lenient in preparing facilities for this divine affair. They must make the wedding arrangements in the simplest way possible. At the next stage, it is necessary for the young man and woman planning to marry to avoid having inappropriate expectations from each other. And they should avoid creating strict conditions for marriage so that inclinations, instincts, lust and desires may easily follow their own natural path and the foundations of life would be laid on with prosperity. Thus, the building of success will be erected in this world and in the Hereafter.

According to the Quranic verses and the traditions, undoubtedly God the Benevolent will be lenient in this world and especially in the Hereafter regarding the deeds of those who are lenient about their own affairs; especially the ones concerning the marriage of their sons and daughters. On the other hand, men and women who are too strict will cause their offspring to suffer from nervous and psychic diseases; and become ill-tempered due to the pressure of instincts and lust. These innocent ones may commit sins and their hopes and desires be gone with the wind. In this world and especially in the Hereafter God will be strict and angry with them and they will burn in the fire of God’s Wrath.

Being too cautious about marriage will cause one to become too strict. The copulation of a couple in nature takes place extremely easily. This superior system undoubtedly could not exist now if the process of combining and copulation was difficult in nature.

O' you parents and offspring do not be too strict about the preparations for this divine and humane union; in determining the nuptial gift; in determining the marriage conditions; and in arranging the engagement party, the religious ceremony and the wedding party. Don't be too strict about performing local customs and do not propose plans which are beyond the financial abilities of the two families. Let the marriage take place easily as God the Benevolent will ease your affairs in this world and in the Hereafter.

Therefore, put into practice the ways of the pious ones and learn some lessons from this source of benefits and blessings. And establish your life based upon the characteristics of the pious ones, since happiness and the good of this world and the Hereafter are subject to following the example of the lovers of God the Eternal.

The Commander of the Faithful (Imam Ali) introduces the pious ones as follows::

"They are continually subject to self-control from any involvement in corruption. They require little and every good deed is expected from them. People feel safe and secure in their company."[Hedayat ul-Elm, p.651]

At any rate, those who are involved in the wedding preparations must avoid the following: inappropriate expectations; imposing various unbearable matters on those making preparations; following one's own carnal desires; getting entrapped in incorrect customs; being extremely envious of what others have; and finally being too strict in all of the wedding affairs.

From the very beginning, the foundation of the marriage must be founded upon piety, goodness, leniency, and only for the sake of acquiring God's satisfaction.

After the contract of marriage, the man who had seen the woman before the union and had approved of her, must start a new life with her and guarantee the continuance of the divine love and mercy established between the couple. And the woman, who had seen her husband before marriage and had accepted him, must be a complaisant wife easy to live with and respect his rights in all areas.

The following instances are not signs of dignity: excessively expensive nuptial gifts; expensive ceremonies; entertaining lots of guests; following illogical and inappropriate customs and traditions and imposing strict conditions. But the following are dignified acts: the couple must match each other in rank; both families should obey the Islamic ethics; both husband and wife must observe divine and human rights; both partners must continue to be loving and kind for the continuation of the marriage and to avoid arguments.

The life of a couple, such as that of the Commander of the Faithful[1] and Fatimah (Pbuh), is the best model for each Muslim man and woman. Fatimah was the source of peace for her husband making a peaceful home environment, and Ali (Pbuh) was an excellent model and teacher for the children and a sympathetic assistant in the house and family affairs. He would not hesitate to help in simple matters around the house such as: cleaning; preparing the bread dough and helping to take care of the children. He would not let his wife have a hard time in doing household duties and would not make her do everything around the house.

It is obligatory for a husband and wife to respect each other's rights and be each other's helper in all aspects of life. They should not think that oppression is limited to Pharaohs, the King Nimrood and other oppressors throughout history. Any unjust act that harms others is oppression and God does not like oppression and the oppressor. He dislikes any violation of other's rights no matter how insignificant.

God willing, all issues regarding the Islamic Family Structure will be discussed little by little in the following chapters. Here some important traditions concerning the value and significance of marriage and its benefits have been cited from authentic sources. It is hoped that you will realize the strength of divine issues and that no other culture has Islam's wise and fine plans.