By: Second Martyr, Sheikh Zayn ad-Din Ali ibn Muhammad al-Jabil Amili
Translated from the Arabic by Yasin T. al-Jibouri
Be informed that weeping by itself does not clash with perseverance or with accepting destiny; rather, it is a human norm of behavior, an indication of one's humanity, an expression of affection towards kinsfolk or a loved one; so, there is no harm in demonstrating it, nor is there any harm in getting out to the open as long as it does not contain conditions which bring about Wrath or show alarm and thus take away rewards, such as one tearing his garment or beating his face or beating on the thigh, etc.
It has been reported about the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be with him and his progeny, weeping during tragic times, and before him about Adam, peace be with him, and after him about his progeny and companions despite their acceptance, perseverance and firmness.
The first to weep was Adam, peace be with him, over his son Able whom he eulogized in well known verses of poetry, grieving for him a great deal. If anything is hidden, there is nothing hidden about Jacob (Ya'qoub), peace be with him, who wept over Joseph (Yousuf) till his eyes turned white out of grief for Yousuf, Joseph, peace be with him.
Among famous narratives are those quoting Imam al-Sadiq, peace be with him, as saying, "[Imam] Zainul-Aabidin, peace be with him, wept over his father for forty years, fasting during the day and standing for prayers during the night. When it was time for him to break his fast, his servant would bring him food and drink, placing it in front of him as he would say, 'Eat, Master.'
He (ع) would say, 'The [grand]son of the Messenger of Allah (ص) was hungry when he was killed. The [grand]son of the Messenger of Allah (ص) was thirsty when he was killed.' He would keep repeating these statements and weeps till his food becomes wet from his tears. He continued to do so till he joined Allah, the most Exalted One, the most Great."[1][188]
One of his slaves reported saying, "He [Imam Zainul-Aabidin] went out to the desert, so I followed him. I found him prostrating on a rough rock.
I stood as I kept hearing his inhalation and weeping. I counted one thousand times his repeating this statement: ' لا اله الا الله حقا حقا، لا اله الا الله تعبدا و رقا، لا اله الا الله ايمانا و صدقا There is no god save Allah, truly it is true; There is no god save Allah, I worship Him and I am His slave; There is no god save Allah, I believe in it and it is true.'
Then he raised his head from his prostration; his beard and face were awash by his tears. I, therefore, said, 'Master! Is it not time yet for your grief to come to an end and to your weeping to be less?' He said to me, 'Woe on you! Jacob son of Isaac son of Abraham, peace be with them, was a prophet the son of a prophet and the grandson of a prophet.
He had twelve sons. Allah kept one of them away from him, so he grew grey hair on account of his grief, his back was bent due to his sadness and his eyesight was gone because of his weeping even while his son was alive in the life of this world. And I saw my father, brother and seventeen of my family members slain; so, how can my grief come to an end, and how can my weeping decrease?!"[2][189]
Anas ibn Malik said once, "I went in the company of the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be with him and his progeny, to visit Abu Saif al-Qayn who was foster-father of Ibrahim [Abraham, son of the Prophet by his wife Mary the Copt]. The Messenger of Allah (ص) took Ibrahim and kept kissing and smelling him.
Then he went after that to visit him [Abu Saif al-Qayn] when Ibrahim, peace be with him, was drawing his last breath. The eyes of the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be with him and his progeny, kept shedding tears. Abdul-Rahman ibn Awf said to him, 'Even you, O Messenger of Allah [cry]?!'
He (ص) said, 'O son of Awf! It is mercy,' repeating his statement. Then the Messenger of Allah (ص) said, 'The eye is tearful, the heart grieves, and we do not say anything but whatever pleases our Lord. We, on account of your parting, O Ibrahim, are grieved."[3][190]
Asmaa daughter of Zaid is quoted as having said that when the son of the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be with him and his progeny, namely Ibrahim, peace be with him, passed away, the Messenger of Allah (ص) wept. Someone consoling him said to him, "You are the greatest in magnifying Allah's right, the most Exalted One, the most Great."
The Messenger of Allah (ص) said, "The eye sheds its tears, the heart grieves, and we do not say anything that brings the Wrath of the Lord. Had it not been a just destined promise, one that includes everyone [death], and the last one will follow the very first, we would have grieved for you in a way better than we already have and we, O Ibrahim, are grieved because of you."[4][191]
Jabir ibn Abdullah al-Ansari, may Allah be pleased with him, has said that the Messenger of Allah (ص) took the hand of Abdul-Rahman ibn Awf and went to see Ibrahim as the latter was drawing his last breath. He placed Ibrahim in his lap and said to him, "O son! I cannot help you against the will of Allah in anything at all," shedding his tears.
Abdul-Rahman said to him, "O Messenger of Allah! Do you weep?! Did you not prohibit weeping?" He (ص) said, "I prohibited lamenting in two foolish and licentious sounds: the sound made on hearing a sporting tone, merry-making and Satan's windpipes, and the sound made on a calamity befalling: the scratching of cheeks, the tearing asunder of shirts, and the tone of Satan.
But this [weeping is a sign of] mercy: One who is not merciful to others will not receive mercy [from the Almighty]. Had it not been a just matter, a true promise, a path which we all tread upon, our last will catch up with our first, we would have grieved more intensely than this; we are on your account [O Ibrahim] grieved; the eye is tearful, the heart is sad, and we do not say what angers the Lord, the most Exalted One, the most Great."[5][192]
Abu Umamah is quoted as having said that a man visited the Prophet (ص) when his son [Ibrahim] had died and saw his eyes filled with tears, so he said, "O Prophet of Allah! Do you shed tears for this child?! I swear by the One Who sent you with the truth, I buried twelve sons during the time of Jahiliyya each and every one of them was younger than him. I tossed each one in the ground."
The Prophet (ص) said, "So what if mercy departed from you?! The heart is grieved, the eye is tearful, and we do not say anything that angers the Lord; we are over Ibrahim grieved."
Mahmoud ibn Labeed has said that an eclipse of the sun took place when Ibrahim son of the Messenger of Allah (ص) died, so people said, "The sun has eclipsed for Ibrahim's death." The Messenger of Allah (ص), he went on, came out when he heard about it.
He praised Allah and lauded him then said, "O people! The sun and the moon are two of the signs of Allah, the most Exalted One, the most Great, and they do not eclipse for the death or the life of anyone. If you see them eclipse, you must rush to the mosques to pray."
Then his eyes were filled with tears. People said, "O Messenger of Allah! Do you weep while you are the Messenger of Allah?!" He (ص) said, "I am only human; the eye sheds its tears; the heart senses the tragedy, and we do not say anything that angers the Lord. By Allah, O Ibrahim, we are grieved on your account."[6][193]
Khalid ibn Ma'dan is quoted as having said that when Ibrahim son of the Prophet (ص) died, the Prophet (ص) wept, so it was said to him, "O Messenger of Allah! Do you weep?!" He (ص) said, "A fragrant flower which Allah gifted to me, and I used to smell it."
On the day when Ibrahim died, he (ص) said, "Any grief in the heart or in the eye is mercy; grieving with the tongue or hand is an act of Satan."[7][194]
Al-Zubayr ibn Bakkar narrated saying that the Prophet (ص) went out to bury [his son] Ibrahim. Then he sat on his grave. When he was taken down into the grave, the Messenger of Allah (ص) saw him, so he wept. When the sahaba (companions) saw that, they, too, wept, so much so that their voices rose.
Abu Bakr went to him and said, "O Messenger of Allah! Do you weep while prohibiting us from weeping?!" The Prophet (ص) said, "The Prophet (ص) said, "The eye sheds its tears, the heart is in pain, and we do not say anything that angers the Lord, the most Exalted One, the most Great."
Al-Saaib ibn Yazid is quoted as having said that when al-Tahir son of the Prophet (ص) passed away, the Prophet (ص) wept, so it was said to him, "O Messenger of Allah! Have you really wept?!" He (ص) said, "The eye purs, the tear subdues, and the heart grieves; we do not disobey Allah, the most Exalted One, the most Great."[8][195]
In his Sahih, Muslim narrates saying that the Prophet (ص) visited his mother's grave, so he wept and all those around him wept, too.[9][196]
It has also been narrated that when ‘Uthman ibn Maz'un died, the Prophet (ص) uncovered the sheet to see his face; he kissed him on the forehead then wept for a long time. When the coffin was raised, he (ص) said, "Congratulations to you, O ‘Uthman! The world did not confuse you, nor did you confuse it."[10][197]
Sa`d ibn Abadah complained once [about being sick], so the Messenger of Allah (ص) went to visit him. When he entered his room, he saw him in a coma. He (ص) asked, "Has he died?" They said, "No, O Messenger of Allah." The Messenger of Allah (ص) wept. When people saw how he wept, they, too, wept. He (ص) said, "Do you not hear [me say this]? Allah does not torment one because of his eyes' tears, nor because his heart grieves. Rather, He torments because of this—pointing to his tongue—or He may show mercy."[11][198]
It has been narrated that the Messenger of Allah (ص) received a message once about his granddaughter being sick. He (ص) said, "To Allah belongs whatever He takes, and to Allah belongs whatever He gives." He (ص) went to see her accompanied by some of his companions.
The mother took out a little girl to him whose breath was irregular, so he (ص) felt pity for her and his eyes poured down their tears. His companions looked at him [critically], so he (ص) said, "What is wrong with you so you look at me like that? This is mercy [feeling of pity] which Allah places wherever He wills; Allah is merciful to those among His servants who are merciful to others."[12][199]
Usamah ibn Zaid is quoted as having said that Umama daughter of Zainab [daughter of Jahsh, cousin of the Prophet and later his wife] was brought to the Prophet (ص) as her breath was quite irregular. He (ص) said, "Whatever Allah takes belongs to Him, and whatever Allah gives is His; everyone is destined to see his day," then he wept. Sa`d ibn Abadah said, "Do you weep while you prohibited weeping?!" The Messenger of Allah (ص) said, "It is mercy which Allah places in the heart of His servants; Allah is merciful unto those from among His servants who are merciful to each other."[13][200]
When Ja`far ibn Abu Talib, may Allah be pleased with him, was martyred, the Messenger of Allah (ص) went to see Asmaa, may Allah be pleased with her. He said to her, "Get the children of Ja`far out for me." They came out, whereupon he (ص) hugged and smelled them then shed tears. Asmaa asked him, "O Messenger of Allah! Has Ja`far been killed?" He (ص) said, "Yes, he has been martyred today."[14][201]
Abdullah ibn Ja`far has said, "I recollect how the Messenger of Allah (ص) visited my mother and eulogized to her the death of my father. She looked at him as he kept rubbing on my head and on that of my brother while his eyes were shedding their tears, so much so that his beard started dripping.
Then he said, 'Lord! Ja`far went to receive the best reward; so, bestow Your blessing on his sons in the very best way in which You have done for any of Your servants.' Then he (ص) said, 'O Asmaa! Shall I give you some glad tiding?" She said, "Yes, please, may both my parents be sacrificed for your sake!' He said, 'Allah Almighty has made two wings for Ja`far whereby he flies in Paradise.'"
Abi-Abdillah (The father of Abdullah: Imam Hussein), peace be with him, quotes his father who quotes the Prophet (ص) saying that when he came to know that Ja`far ibn Abu Talib, may Allah be pleased with him, and Zaid ibn Harithah were martyred, he mourned them both whenever he entered his home. He said, "They both used to talk to me and entertain me, then death took them away."[15][202]
Khalid ibn Salamah has said that when the Prophet (ص) came to know about the death of Zaid ibn Harithah, he went to Zaid's house where a small daughter of Zaid came out to him. When she saw the Messenger of Allah (ص), she scratched her face [in grief], whereupon the Messenger of Allah (ص) wept and sobbed, so he was asked, "What is this [that you are doing], O Messenger of Allah?!" He said, "It is the [crying of a] lover feeling anxious about the one he loves."[16][203]
When Sa`d ibn Mu`adh, may Allah be pleased with him, died, the Messenger of Allah (ص) wept a great deal.
He (ص) once said the following to the mother of Sa`d ibn Mu'adh: "Will your tears dry and your grief subside, for the Arsh (Allah’s throne) has shaken on account of your son?"
It is said that the Messenger of Allah (ص) would weep, and he would wipe his face but no sound would come out of him."[17][204]
Al-Baraa ibn `Azib is quoted as having said, "While we were in the company of the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah with him and his progeny, he saw a group of people, so he said, 'Why have these folks gathered together like that?' He was told that they were digging a grave.
The Messenger of Allah (ص) immediately went out from among his companions in a hurry and knelt down on the grave. I faced him in order to see what he would do. He wept till the ground became wet from his tears, then he addressed us saying, 'Brothers! It is for the like of this that you should be prepared.'"[18][205]
He (ص) has also said, "Nobody has control over his grief; it is an expression of affection for one's brother."[19][206]
When the Prophet (ص) returned from Uhud to Medina, he was met by Hamna daughter of Jahsh. People offered condolences to her on the occasion of the martyrdom of her brother Abdullah ibn Jahsh. She said, "Inna Lillahi wa Inna Ilayhi Raji'oon (We belong to Allah, and to Him shall we return)."
She prayed the Almighty to forgive him. Then people consoled her on the martyrdom of her uncle Hamzah, so she said, "Inna Lillahi wa Inna Ilayhi Raji'oon (We belong to Allah, and to Him shall we return)." She prayed the Almighty to forgive him, too. Then she was consoled on the martyrdom of her husband Mus`ab ibn `Umayr, whereupon she cried and wailed; therefore, the Messenger of Allah (ص) said, "A woman's husband surely has a special status with her" due to his having witnessed how she persevered about the death of her brother and uncle and how she cried over her husband.[20][207]
Then the Messenger of Allah (ص) passed by the homes of the Ansar from among Banu Abd al-Ashhal. He heard weeping and wailing over those who had been killed [during the battle of Uhud], so his eyes were immediately tearful, and he wept. Then he said, "But Hamzah has none to weep over him…"
When Sa`d ibn Mu`adh and Aseed ibn Hudair returned to the homes of Banu al-Ashhal, they both ordered their women to go and mourn the uncle of the Prophet (ص) [Hamzah]. When the Prophet (ص) heard their weeping over Hamzah, he came out to them as they were at the mosque's gate crying. He (ص) said to them, "Go back, may Allah have mercy on you; you have indeed consoled in person."
The mentor narrates in his Tahdhib, through isnad traced back to Imam al-Sadiq, peace be with him, saying that "Ibrahim (Abraham), Friend of the most Merciful One, pleaded to his Lord to grant him a daughter who would mourn him after his death."[21][208]
Ibn Mas`u-d is quoted as having said that the Messenger of Allah (ص) said, "One who slaps cheeks and tears garments does not belong to us."[22][209]
Abu Umamah has said that the Messenger of Allah (ص) said, "May the Almighty curse one who scratches her face, who tears her garment, who wails and laments."[23][210]
He (ص) is quoted as having prohibited people from walking behind a coffin while wailing and weeping.[24][211]
Amr ibn Shu'ayb quotes his father quoting his grandfather saying that it is very much held in contempt by the Almighty when one eats while not being hungry, sleeps without having stayed late at night, laughs without having seen something unusual, makes a noise of wailing when calamity falls, and blows a windpipe when prosperous."[25][212]
Yahya ibn Khalid has said that a man went to see the Prophet (ص). He asked him, "What voids rewards at the time when calamity befalls someone?" The Prophet (ص) said, "It is when someone slaps one hand with the other; when one is first afflicted, if he accepts it, he, too, will be accepted [by the Almighty], and if he is wrathful, wrath shall fall upon him."[26][213]
Umm Salamah, may Allah be pleased with her, has said, "When Abu Salamah, may Allah be pleased with him, died a stranger in a strange land, I said that I would cry over him in a way which people will talk about. I was about to cry when a woman came with the intention to entertain me, so the Messenger of Allah (ص) welcomed her and said, 'Do you want to permit Satan to enter a house from which Allah kicked him out?' I, therefore, did not proceed with crying."
Imam al-Baqir (ع) is quoted as having said, "The severest form of one's alarm status is screaming while weeping and wailing, slapping the face and chest, pulling the hair. When one resorts to wailing, he abandons patience; one who demonstrates patience, says 'Inna Lillahi wa Inna Ilayhi Raji'oon' (We belong to Allah, and to Him is our return), praising Allah, Great is His Mention and accepts what Allah does, his rewards will be with Allah, the most Exalted, the most Great One. One who does not do that will be subjected to destiny while being held in contempt, and Allah, the most Exalted, the most Great, will void his rewards."[27][214]
Imam al-Sadiq (ع) has said that the Messenger of Allah (ص) said, "If one beats with his hand his thigh, he voids his rewards."[28][215]
Significance of saying "Inna Lillahi wa Inna Ilayhi Raji'oon”
It is recommended, when calamity befalls someone, that the latter should say: Inna Lillahi wa Inna Ilayhi Raji'oon (We belong to Allah, and to Him shall we return).
Allah Almighty has said: "… [Those] who say, when afflicted with calamity, 'To Allah do we belong, and to Him do we return' are the ones on whom God's blessings and mercy (descend), and they are the ones who receive guidance" (Qur'an, 2:156-7).
The Prophet (ص) has said, "If one has four merits, the greatest noor of Allah will be in him: one who sets his reliance on his testimony that There is no god save Allah and that I am the Messenger of Allah, one who, when afflicted with a calamity, says Inna Lillahi wa Inna Ilayhi Raji'oon (We belong to Allah, and to Him shall we return), one who, when he earns something good, says Alhamdu-Lillah (Praise belongs to Allah), and one who, on committing a sin, says Astaghfirullaha wa Atoobo Ilayh (I seek Allah's forgiveness, and I repent to Him)."[29][216]
Imam al-Baqir (ع) is quoted as having said, "Whenever a believer is afflicted with a calamity in the life of this world and says Inna Lillahi wa Inna Ilayhi Raji'oon (We belong to Allah, and to Him shall we return) when overwhelmed by the calamity, if he perseveres upon being hit by the calamity…, Allah will forgive his past sins except major ones for which Allah Almighty mandated the penalty of the fire.
Whenever in the future he remembers a calamity that had befallen him and he says Inna Lillahi wa Inna Ilayhi Raji'oon (We belong to Allah, and to Him shall we return) at that time, praises Allah, the most Exalted and the most Great, Allah will forgive every sin which he had committed between the first time and the latter time of saying the mentioned supplication, except major sins."[30][217]
Both these traditions have been narrated by al-Sadu-q. Al-Kulaini II has rendered their isnad to Ma`ruf ibn Kharbudh citing Imam al-Baqir (ع) without mentioning the exception referred to above with regard to major sins.[31][218]
Al-Kulaini, through his isnad to Dawud ibn Zirbi cites al-Sadiq (ع) as saying, "If one remembers his sin, even after a long while, and says انا لله و انا اليه راجعون، و الحمد لله رب العالمين؛ اللهم أجرني على مصيبتي، و أخلف علي أفضل منها Inna Lillahi wa Inna Ilayhi Raji'oon, Alhamdu-Lillahi Rabbil `Aalamin, Allahomma Ajirni ala Musibati wa Akhlif Alayya Afdala Minha (We belong to Allah, and to Him shall we return, praise belongs to Allah, Lord of the Worlds; Lord! Grant me rewards for my calamity and compensate me with something better than it), he will have the same reward which he had received when he was first afflicted."[32][219]
Muslim has quoted Umm Salamah, may Allah be pleased with her, saying that the Messenger of Allah (ص) enjoined saying, "Any Muslim who is afflicted by a calamity and who says as he has been commanded by Allah: اللهم أجرني على مصيبتي، و أخلف علي أفضل منها Inna Lillahi wa Inna Ilayhi Raji'oon, Alhamdu-Lillahi Rabbil `Aalamin, Allahomma Ajirni ala Musibati wa Akhlif Alayya Afdala Minha (We belong to Allah, and to Him shall we return, praise belongs to Allah, Lord of the Worlds; Lord! Grant me rewards for my calamity and compensate me with something better than it), Allah will surely compensate me for that calamity with something good.
When Abu Salamah died, I said, 'Who among the Muslims is better than Abu Salamah?! His was the first family that migrated to the Messenger of Allah; I made the statement, so Allah compensated me with the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be with him and his progeny."[33][220]
Al-Tirmidhi has narrated through his isnad to the Messenger of Allah (ص) saying, "When the son of a servant of Allah dies, Allah Almighty would say to His angels, 'Have you taken the soul away of the son of My servant?' They would answer in the affirmative. He would say, 'Have you taken away the fruit of his heart?'
They would again answer in the affirmative. He would then say, 'What did My servant say?' They would answer by saying, 'He praised You, said Inna Lillahi wa Inna Ilayhi Raji'oon (We belong to Allah, and to Him is our return).' The Almighty would then say, 'Build My servant a home in Paradise and call it بيت الحمد Bayt al-Hamd, Home of the Praise."[34][221]
A similar tradition is narrated by al-Kulaini from Imam al-Sadiq (ع) who quotes the Prophet (ص).[35][222]
On Mourning
Mourning is permissible with good praise, the enumeration of one's virtues while employing truthfulness because Fatima al-Zahra, peace be with her, did so when she said, " يا أبتاه، من ربه ما أدناه! يا أبتاه، الى جبرائيل أنعاه! يا أبتاه! أجاب ربا دعاه O father! How close he is to his Lord! O father! To Gabriel do I mourn him. O father! One who responded when his Lord called on him."[36][223]
It is narrated that she took a handful of the dust of his grave, peace and blessings of Allah with him and his progeny, and placed it on her eyes then composed this poetry:
ماذا على من شم تربة أحمد أن لا يشم مدى الزمان غواليا؟
صبت علي مصائب لو أنها صبت على الأيام صرن لياليا
What harm is there if one sniffs Ahmad's soil That he forever never smells dear ones at all?
Calamities were poured on me had they been Poured on days, they would have been turned into nights.[37][224]
It has already been stated how the Prophet (ص) ordered [his uncle] Hamzah to be eulogized.
Abu Hamzah quotes Imam al-Baqir (ع) saying, "The son of al-Mughirah died, so Umm Salamah asked the Prophet (ص) to permit her to go to mourn him, and he (ص) did so; he was her cousin. She said these lines:
أنعى الوليد بن الوليد أبا الوليد، فتى العشيرة
حامي الحقيقة ماجدا يسمو الى طلب الوتيرة
قد كان غيثا للسنين و جعفرا غدقا و ميرة
I mourn the son of his father, the father of his son, the youth of the tribe, Protector of the truth, glorious, one who aspires to reach the peak.
He was the relief during bad years, the brimful river, the rations.
The narrative continues to say that the Messenger of Allah (ص) did not find anything wrong with what she did, nor did he make any comment.[38][225]
Ibn Babawayh has narrated saying that Imam al-Baqir (ع) stated in his will that he should be mourned during the pilgrimage season for ten years.[39][226]
Younus ibn Ya`qub quotes Imam al-Sadiq (ع) as saying, "[Imam] Abu Ja`far, peace be with him, has said to me, 'Take out of my wealth such-and-such for female mourners who should mourn me for ten years at Mina during the time when pilgrims stay there.'"[40][227]
The companions said, the reason is to attract people's attention to the Imam’s merits and raise the status of such merits so that people may emulate them and so people may know the status of the members of this Household, peace and blessings be with them, in order to follow in their footsteps especially since taqiyyah (hiding beliefs in fear) is removed after death…, mourning someone by attributing what is wrong is prohibitive. Such mourning will be counting merits which do not exist.
Also prohibitive is stranger men hearing the voice of women mourning, and so is slapping and scratching the cheeks, hair pulling and such behavior. It is on this premise that wailing is prohibited.
The Prophet (ص) has said, "I dissociate myself from anyone who shaves [his moustache and beard] and who pulls his/her hair and raises his/her voice (during mourning)."[41][228]
Speaking to Fatima, peace be with her, when [her cousin] Ja`far ibn Abu Talib was killed, he (ص) said, "Do not wail or lament, and whatever I have said, I have articulated nothing but the truth."[42][229]
Abu Malik al-Ash`ari quotes the Prophet (ص) as saying, "If the wailing woman does not repent, she will be resurrected on the Judgment Day wearing a shawl of tar."[43][230]
Abu Sa'eed al-Khudri is quoted as having said that the Messenger of Allah (ص) condemned the wailing woman and the one who listens to her."[44][231]
He (ص) is also quoted as having said, "One who slaps the cheeks [in agony] and tears clothes is none of us."[45][232]
This prohibition is understood to apply to what is regarded as wrongdoing, and this is the common denominator between it and the previous reports.
As regarding how to conclude such a loss, there are useful benefits in it which include the following: It is highly commendable to offer condolences to the family of the deceased, actually it is for certain commendable. It is offering a consolation and an advice to take to patience when afflicted by calamities. It is meant to distract one's attention from the calamity and persevere rather than surrender to grief and depression.
The way to do that is to surrender to the command of Allah, the most Sublime, the most Great, and to attribute what has happened to His justice and wisdom. And it is by remembering the rewards which Allah has promised those who persevere and praying for the deceased person and consoling the grieved person by taking his mind away from his calamity. There are many traditions about recommending it and urging the believers to do it: Amr ibn Shu'ayb quotes his father quoting his grandfather saying that the Messenger of Allah (ص) said once, "Do you know what rights a neighbor has on his neighbor? It is taking to assist him when he seeks help, to loan him when he asks for a loan, to visit him when impoverished, to console him when afflicted by a calamity, to congratulate him when something good happens to him, to visit him when he falls sick, to walk behind his coffin when he dies, not to build the house higher than his and thus block the movement of wind except with his permission, to give him a gift when you buy fruits, and if you do not do so, let it reach him discreetly. Do not let your children show it off to his children and thus cause them to be angry. Do not let him envy you for wealth coming your way except that you take a measure of it and give it to him."[46][233]
Bahz ibn Hakim ibn Mu'awiyah ibn Jidah al-Qushayri quotes his father quoting his grandfather saying, "I said [to the Messenger of Allah (ص)], 'O Messenger of Allah, what rights does my neighbor have on me?' He (ص) said, 'When he falls sick, you should visit him…,' and he kept counting the same as above."[47][234]
As the rewards for it, Ibn Mas`u-d quotes the Prophet (ص) as saying, "One who consoles someone afflicted by a calamity will receive the same rewards which the first receives."[48][235]
Jabir ibn Abdullah [al-Ansari], may Allah be pleased with him, has said that the Messenger of Allah (ص) said: "One who consoles someone who has been afflicted with a calamity will receive the same rewards which he receives without diminishing any of his rewards; [49][236] one who shrouds a Muslim will be outfitted by Allah with bracelets of gold, green garments of fine silk and heavy brocade (Qur'an, 18:31); Allah will build a house in Paradise for one who digs a grave for a Muslim, and when one brings about ease to one suffering from a hardship will be shaded by Allah on a Day when there will be no shade save His."
Jabir also quotes the Prophet (ص) as saying, "One who offers condolences to a bereaved person will be outfitted by Allah, the most Exalted One, the most Great, with outfits of piety, and He will bless his soul among the souls He blesses."[50][237]
The Prophet (ص) was asked about handshaking during offering condolences. He said, "It brings comfort to the believer; one who consoles an afflicted person will receive rewards equal to that of the afflicted person."
Abdullah ibn Abu Bakr ibn Muhammad ibn ‘Umar ibn Hazm quotes his father quoting his grandfather saying that he heard the Messenger of Allah (ص) saying, "One who visits a sick person remains in mercy, and when he sits by his side, he will be drenched into it.
When he stands up to return, he keeps wading in it till he reaches the place from which he had come out. If one consoles his believing brother on account of a calamity, Allah, the most Exalted One, the most Great, will outfit him of the outfits of dignity on the Judgment Day."[51][238]
Abu Barzah has said that the Messenger of Allah (ص) said, "One who consoles a widow will be outfitted with the outfits of Paradise."[52][239]
Anas [ibn Malik] has said that the Messenger of Allah (ص) said, "One who consoles his believing brother on a calamity will be outfitted by Allah, the most Exalted One, the most Great, with green outfits for which he will be envied on the Judgment Day."[53][240]
It has been narrated that Prophet Dawud (David), peace be with him, said, "Lord! What is the reward of one who consoles the grieved, the one who has been afflicted, seeking to please You?" He said, "His reward is that I outfit him with one of the outfits of iman(faith) with which I shield him from the Fire and get him to enter Paradise."
He said, "Lord! What then is the reward of one who walks behind coffins seeking Your pleasure?" He said, "His reward is that the angels will escort him on the day he dies to his grave, and I shall bless his soul among the souls I bless."[54][241]
It has been narrated that Prophet Musa (Moses), peace be with him, asked his Lord once, "What reward shall one who visits a sick person receive?" He said, "I shall send at the time of his death angels who escort him to his grave who entertain him till the Gathering Day."
He said, "Lord! What rewards does a person who consoles a woman who has lost her son receive?" He said, "I shall shade him with My shade—i.e. the shade of His Arsh—on the Day when there is no shade but Mine."[55][242]
It has also been reported that Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham) asked his Lord once, "Lord! What is the reward of one who wets his face with the tears of fearing You?" He said, "My blessings and Pleasure will be with him." He said, "Then what is the reward of one who commends a grieved person to take to patience seeking Your Pleasure?" He said, "I shall outfit him with the outfits of iman(faith) in which he enters Paradise and shuns the Fire." He said, "What then is the reward of one who supports a widow seeking Your Pleasure?" He said, "I shall keep him in My shade and lodge him in My Paradise." He said, "What is the reward of one who walks behind a coffin seeking to please You?" He said, "My angels shall bless his body and escort his soul."
How to Console
Reports about handshaking in this regard have already been stated above.
As regarding what is agreed about in reference to the statements made and the reports dealing with offering consolations, there is nothing better in this dissertation to state more than what is recorded here, for in the following there is healing for what is in the hearts and sufficient wisdom in achieving these matters: Imam Ali, peace be with him, has said, "Whenever the Messenger of Allah (ص) wanted to offer condolences to someone, he would say, 'آجركم الله و رحمكم May Allah reward and have mercy on you.' And whenever he wanted to congratulate someone, he would say, 'بارك الله لكم، و بارك عليكم May Allah bless it for you, and may He shower His blessings on you.'"
It has been narrated that when a son was lost to Mu`adh, the latter's grief intensified, so much so that the Prophet (ص) came to hear about it, so he wrote him saying, "In the Name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful. This is from Muhammad, the Messenger of Allah, to Mu'adh.
Peace be with you. I praise Allah, the One and only God; may Allah magnify your rewards, instill in you patience and bless us and yourself with thanking Him, for our lives, those of our families and masters, in addition to those of our sons…, are all among Allah's enjoyable gifts, the most Exalted One, the most Great, the treasured trusts which we enjoy for a known term, and they are taken away at a certain time.
He has enjoined us to thank Him when He grants us, to be patient when He tries us. Your son was one of the enjoyable gifts of Allah and treasured trusts. Allah permitted you to enjoy him gladly and happily, and He took him away from you in return for a great deal of rewards: prayers, mercy and guidance if you persevere and place your trust in Him; so, do not combine two calamities lest your reward will be voided and you will then regret what you have missed.
If you see the rewards for your calamity, you will come to know that the calamity dwarfs besides Allah's rewards; therefore, rest your hope on Allah fulfilling His promise [of rewarding you], and let your sorrow for what has afflicted you be gone, as if there was no affliction at all, and peace [be with you]."[56][243]
Abu Abdullah, Imam Ja`far son of Imam Muhammad al-Sadiq, peace be with them both, quotes his father quoting his grandfather saying, "When the Messenger of Allah (ص) died, Gabriel, peace be with him, came to him as the Prophet (ص) was lying in state on the ground. Ali, Fatima, al-Hassan and al-Hussain were in the house. Gabriel said to them: 'Assalamu Alaikum, Household of the Prophet;
Every soul shall have a taste of death: And only on the Day of Judgment shall you be paid your full recompense (Qur'an, 3:185).
Indeed, there is in Allah a solace from every calamity; everyone who dies shall be succeeded; everything that passes by shall be retracted; so, seek strength from Allah, the most Exalted One, the most Great; rest your hope on Him, for the true calamity is when one is deprived of the reward; this is the last time Gabriel descends to earth'."[57][244]
Jabir ibn Abdullah al-Ansari, Allah be pleased with him, has said, "When the Messenger of Allah (ص) passed away, the angels offered them [Prophet's family] condolences; they heard voices but could not see who were behind them.
They said, 'Assalamo Alaikom, O Ahl al-Bayt, wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh; indeed there is in Allah, the most Exalted One, the most Great, solace from every calamity and compensation for whatever is missed; so, seek strength from Allah, on Him should you rest your hope, for the depraved one is that who is deprived of the rewards, Wassalamo Alaikom wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.'"[58][245]
Al-Bayhaqi, in Al-Dalaa'il, has said that when the Messenger of Allah (ص) passed away, his companions looked at him and wept, having assembled around him. A man whose beard had more grey hair than black came in, and his bodily form was large and was good looking. He passed by them and wept.
Then he turned to the companions of the Messenger of Allah (ص) and said, "In Allah there is, indeed, consolation from every calamity and a recompense for whatever is left behind, and He succeeds whoever perishes; so, return to Allah, desire Him, for He looks at you when you are afflicted; therefore, you, too, look up to Him, for the true calamity is when one is not rewarded."
Then he went away. Companions asked each other if they knew who the man was. Imam Ali, peace be with him, said, "Yes; he is the Brother of the Messenger of Allah (ص), al-Khidhr, peace be with him."[59][246]
The Calamity of the Loss of the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.)
Ibn Abbas, may Allah be pleased with him, is quoted as having said that the Messenger of Allah (ص) said, "If any of you is afflicted by a calamity, let him remember the calamity that afflicted me, for it is the most serious of all calamities."[60][247]
He (ص) has also said, "One who sees his calamity as being great should remember his calamity in my regard, for his will then seem tolerable."
He (ص) has also said during his sickness which eventually led to his demise, "O people! Any servant of Allah who is afflicted after my death with a calamity, let him seek solace in my regard [with my own death] to divert himself from any other calamity, for no member of my nation will ever be afflicted with a calamity more hard on him than my own."[61][248]
Abdullah son of al-Walid, through his own isnad, says that "When Ali, peace be with him, was wounded, al-Hassan (ع) dispatched me to al-Hussain (ع), peace be with them, when al-Hussain (ع) was in the Madaain [as its provincial governor].
When al-Hussain (ع) read the letter [sent to him by his revered wounded father (ع)], he said, 'What a calamity! How serious this calamity is! Yet the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be with him and his progeny, had said, 'If one of you is afflicted by a calamity, let him remember my calamity, for he shall never be afflicted with a calamity greater than it.'"[62][249]
Ishaq ibn Ammar quotes Imam al-Sadiq (ع) as saying to him, "O Ishaq! Do not count a calamity for which you are granted patience and deserved rewards from Allah, the most Exalted One, the most Great, as a calamity; rather, a true calamity is one the person afflicted by it is deprived of its rewards because he did not take to patience when it descended on him."[63][250]
Abu Maysarah (or al-Fudail ibn Maysar, according to Al-Kafi) has said, "We were in the company of [Imam al-Sadiq] Abu Abdullah, peace be with him, when a man came to him and complained about his calamity. The Imam (ع) said to him, "You have the option to either take to patience, so you will be rewarded, or you do not, so the decree of Allah, the most Exalted One, the most Great, affects you (while you are held in contempt)."[64][251]
Jabir [ibn Abdullah al-Ansari], may Allah be pleased with him, has said that the Messenger of Allah (ص said once, "Gabriel, peace be with him, has said to me, 'O Muhammad! Live as long as you like, for you shall die. Love whomsoever you wish, for you shall part with him. And do whatever you wish, for you shall meet your deeds.'"[65][252]
It has been narrated that there was a man among the Children of Israel who was a scholar, an adorer of his Lord, a man of knowledge who reached the degree of ijtihad(ability to extract law), and he had a wife of whom he was very fond. She died, so he grieved for her immensely, so much so that he took to seclusion at his house without leaving it, closing his door to the public and staying away from them; nobody could enter.
A woman from among the Children of Israel heard about what had happened to him, so she came and said that she needed to hear his judgment about a matter wherein direct communication is required. People went away as she remained at the door. He was told about her, so he permitted her to enter. She said, "Shall I ask you to issue a verdict about an issue?"
He said, "What is it?" She said, "I borrowed some pieces of jewelry from one of my neighbors and kept wearing them for quite some time, then the owners sent me a message asking for them back. Should I give them back?" He said, "Yes." She said, "But the jewelry has been with me for such a long period of time."
He said, "This is another reason why you should return it." It is then that she said to him, "May Allah have mercy on you! Do you feel sorrowful about what Allah, the most Exalted One, the most Great, had lent you then took it away from you, while He has more right to it than yourself?!" It was then that he saw the wisdom in what she said, and Allah made him benefit by it.[66][253]
Abu al-Dardaa' is quoted as having said that Prophet Sulayman (Solomon) son of Dawud (David), peace be with them both, had a son whom he used to love very much and who died, so he grieved immensely for him. Allah Almighty sent him two angels in human form. He asked them, "Who are you?" "Two opponents."
He said, "Sit as opponents sit." One of them said, "I planted something, then this person came and ruined it." Sulayman (ع) asked the other man, "What is this man talking about?" He said, "May Allah reform you; he planted it in the road; I passed by it and looked right and left and saw nothing but plants. I took the side of the road and this was the reason it was ruined."
Sulayman (ع) asked the other man, "What made you plant something in people's way? Did you not know that the way is a passage for people and people have to pass?" One of those two angels said to him, "Did you, O Sulayman, not know that death is people's passage and they have to go on their way?" It was as though the veil was removed for Sulayman (ع); therefore, he no longer grieved for his son. This has been narrated by Ibn Abu al-Dunya.[67][254]
It has also been reported that a judge from among the Children of Israel lost a son, so he grieved for him a great deal and went out aimlessly. Two men intercepted his way and asked him to judge in their dispute. He said to them, "It is from this that I fled away!"
One of them said, "This man brought his flock and passed over my plants, ruining them completely." The other said, "This man planted between the mountain and the river, and there was no other path besides it." The judge said, "When you planted between the mountain and the river, did you not know that it is people's passage?"
The man said to him, "What about yourself? When a son was born to you, did you not know that he will [eventually] die? Go back to your seat of judging between people." They ascended their way; they both were angels.[68][255]
It has also been narrated that there was a couple, both handicapped, in Mecca who had a young son. In the morning, their son would carry them to the Mosque, spending his day looking after them. In the evening, he would carry them back home. Once, the Prophet (ص) missed seeing them, so he asked about them. He was told that their son had died. The Messenger of Allah (ص) said, "Had anyone been left for anyone, the son of those two handicapped persons would have been left for them."[69][256]
The above has been narrated by al-Tabrani.
It is narrated that the son of Abu al-Dunya has said [quoting the Prophet (ص) commenting about the above incident], "Had anything been left because it is needed or to avoid want, that youth would have been left for his parents."
It has been reported about some ascetic woman that she said, "Whenever a calamity is mentioned to me, I remember the Fire [of hell]; so it becomes smaller in my eyes than the particles of dust."
