A BEAUTIFUL SPECIMEN OF SIMPLE LIVING
Once in the era of Salman's (r.a) governorship and rule in Madayen, a flood came and the water gushed into people's house, so they rushed to the mountains and the height to seek shelter and refuge. Those who had
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more luggages to carry were faced with a lot of trouble in taking them up the height; so that a few even lost their lives carrying their household effects.
Hazrat Salman's(r.a) personal effect were small, including a volume of the Quran, a sword, a water pot, and a goat skin which was his carpet. He took them and climbed up the hiss without any difficulty. Then he said: "Suck is the way that those who are light gain salvation and those with a heavy load (of sin) are annihilated and perish."
For the sake of God, what is the difference if you own a rug instead of a precious and expensive carpet? What difference would it make if your house does not have decorations? What stops us from having a simple meal instead of various costly foods? If honour is in these formalities, then these personalities are artificial, unimpressive and worthless.
Compare the simple mud house of Ali (who is the chief of the believers and leader of all human beings - a universal personality) and Fatima ( the chief of the free and honourable women of human history). A house where Hassan (a.s), Hussain (a.s) and Zainab Kubra (s.a) were brought up, to the green palace of Moawiyah (Allah's curse be upon him). Which one do you love more?
And compare the various and numerous palaces of the shah of Iran (Allah's curse be upon him) with the simple, small, rented house of Imam Khomeini (r.a) (Allah bless him). Which one is dearer, worthier and more sublime in your view?
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"Refer to your souls and address them." 1
Economic difficulties are decreasing the formalities and ceremonies, rites and additional expenditures.
"Oh Allah, help the youth in this important matter."
SECOND DIFFICULTY:
CONTINUATION OF EDUCATION
It is quite fortunate that the majority of our youth wish to continue their studies and do not content themselves with a low level education. But it should be borne in mind that this positive and lovely practice may not be followed by negative, disagreeable and displeasing point. Unfortunately, this nice and pleasing practice has raised disagreeable, damaging and sometimes tragic problems in our society. This is not due to the actual matter -that is, continuing education - but it is the consequence and result of our own faults and wrong styles. It is we ourselves that have deviated from the useful and sublime phenomenon of science and education.
THE REAL PROBLEM:
To reach higher education, it is necessary for boys and girls to seek education up to the age of 25 or even beyond. Receiving an education is considered a constraint to marriage and accepting marital responsibility and thus is impracticable.
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1- Imam Hussain (a.s).
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CONTEMPLATING THIS DIFFICULTY
Like most of the other hindrance on the way to marriage, this difficulty or hurdle is also not a real one, rather, it is artificial and man- made. And it can very easily be removed by proper planning and working in a calculated manner. Furthermore, marriage can be turned into stairs and ladders to reach the aim of getting a higher education and touching the loftier grades of knowledge.
Just as we described in the preface , men and women are the complements of each other. There has been a capable woman beside every successful man, and every prosperous woman has had a talented man beside her.
This principle applies to education as well. Many scholars and wise men achieved success reaching the higher level of education on account of the sacrifices, co-operation and co-working of their spouses.
The Prophet (a.s) visited the house of Ali (a.s) and Fatima (s.a) after they were married. He congratulated the bride and the bridegroom. Then he addressed Ali(a.s) and said:
"How did you find your wife?" The bridegroom lowered his head and replied with an innocent modesty:
äÚã ÇáÚæä Úáí ØÇÚÉ Çááå.
"My wife is a good companion and helper on the way to Allah's obedience."
Then he (a.s) asked Fatima (s.a) the same question; and she too gave the same answer, which her husband had given. (Allah's blessing and peace be upon this noble family).
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Getting an education is among the most noble duties and serviced of Allah in which spouses can help an assist each other and provoke, stimulate and extend the warmth of hopefulness and can even be, as the student of theology say, discussion partners of each other!
A peace, tranquillity, spiritual and mental balance is materialized in the shadow of marriage, which has a positive effect in achieving success in getting an education.
Some students say: 'Let us be patient till the time we reach somewhere in our studies and get our degree. Then we can work to become wealthy and put our life on track before we marry". They must take into view this important point - that they may face spiritual and physical inconveniences, and after crossing over all those phases, may not have the health, freshness and fortitude to organise and establish a prosperous life and enjoy it.
The students of Islamic teachings face this difficulty to a lesser extent. Most students, although their economical condition is usually lower than other students, marry nearly on time and continue their studies as well.
The solution to this difficulty, like the economical problem has two ways: long term and short term. The long-term solution does not concern us now; thus let's turn to the short term one.
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SOLUTIONS TO THIS PROBLEM
1- TO DRIVE THE THOUGHT OUT OF ONE'S MIND THAT
EDUCATION IS NOT HARMONIOUS WITH MARRIAGE.
Thought is followed by practice. Thinking that marriage is not possible whilst continuing education is our fundamental and basic problem in this regard.
Before anything else, this wrong notion must be driven out of our minds. If we do that, only then would a suitable solution come to our mind, and the ground for the solution of this problem be provided.
There does not exist any logical reason or argument to support the fact that getting education is not concordant with marriage. Instead, if a correct and right marriage takes place and an equal, matching and suitable spouse is selected, then it would be a good support for the continuation of studies, which could help one reach one's educational aims. We have observed and experienced this in the lives of many students of theology and a few others.
Yes, if the spouse of the student (of both sexes,and in all fields of knowledge) is not equal and well matched, and mental and spiritual co-ordination does not exist between them, and they do not go well together so to speak, undoubtedly, difficulties will come into existence.
This problem, too, can be solved by minute attentiveness in the selection of a spouse and observance of its standards and terms, which shall be described later on.
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2- THE RELIGIOUS AND LAWFUL ENGAGEMENT
Boy and girl student can, through simple preludes, few ceremonies and less expenditure, lawfully, legally and officially become the spouse of each other, delaying the ceremonial marriage. They can have mutual visits and social contacts, and at the same time, continue their studies and then marry at a suitable time and unite their lives.
In this way, they should remain safe and secure from the deviations and losses of being single,and also benefit from the peace, comfort amid merits of marital life.
Some people say that when a boy and a girl get engaged, their minds become distracted and their attention are diverted from their studies. This is merely an error.
Instead, if they are engaged, their minds would be more focused, since the scattered and deviated thoughts would leave their minds. Their minds and hearts and eyes would be detached and separated from other places and concentrate and focus upon each other.
On the other side, the enhancement of responsibility about their future life would make them study better and set up their lives swiftly and shape and independent life. Of course, we assert and emphasize that the preliminaries of engagement and marriage must not be very expense incurring, so as to create a headache. Even if a celebration is to be held, it must be simple and short of great expense.
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Fathers and mothers and elder must be the helpers of the youth, and try to set the life of the dear ones on track. They should try not to load their shoulders with any burden and not create hurdles on their way , on the pretext and with the label of "rites and ceremonies".
3- PARENTS' HELP TO THE SON AND THE DAUGHTER
Fathers and mothers can play a major role in the marriage of students. They should help their sons and daughters not only in getting an education, but also in getting married and in achieving the merits and profits of the blessing of marriage, thereby remaining safe and secure from the demerits, loss, damage and risks and corruption of single life. In this way, parents must thing sagaciously and put it this way "What difference does it make if we, who are bearing the expenses of our son and daughter, also bear the expenditure of their spouses for a few years more until the time they complete their education , settle down and start an independent, separate, self sufficient life? It would be better. So our dear children would not be lonely and spouseless and become deprived of the spring of youth and marriage or God forbid, become involved in deviation, corruption and spiritual and physical diseases."
If the parents think this way, they would certainly reach the required result.
Any damage and loss faced by the children would directly affect the parents who would be responsible for it. And any of their success, fortune and happiness would be shared by parents. So how nice would it be
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for them to help them out in this important matter for the sake of Allah's pleasure and their children's prosperity and well-being that is also their own.
Mothers and fathers and elders of the boys and girls should sit and talk and reach a common decision by mutual agreement and understanding and provide a simple respectful life for their children, thus helping and assisting them to live together and simultaneously continue their education. So great reward does this have, that it cannot be put in black and white.
4- BIRTH CONTROL
One of the difficulties of marrying during the age of education is the bearing of children and looking after them.
It is quite easy to solve this problem. One can put constraints upon bearing a child until the end of one's educational life with the other's consent. There are many easy methods within the scope of religion and law to stop it. So this cannot also be a hindrance in marriage.
5-CONTENTMENT
"Contentment is an unending treasure"1 and a strong support for all the people, especially married students.
Students and the learned and educated ones who strive and fight to free themselves and others from the prison and bonds of ignorance and fables and receive an
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1- Nahjul Balagha, Sobhi Saleh, Wisdom 57.
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education must not themselves be entangled and involved in fables, rites, ceremonies, and senseless customs of ignorance.
Brother and sister, studey the lives of the learned and successful person and see that most of them have been leading simple, contented, and unceremonious, informal lives. It is not really possible that one who is involved in extravagance, overspending and formalities make progress in the fields of knowledge, science, research and industry. Since, as it has been already said, formalities and rites are like the spider's web, which entangles man and restrain his progress and success.
Take it easy.
6- COOPERATION
When both the husband and the wife are students, they must perfotm the housework together, to allowing it to be a burden on one person's shoulder. Allah has declared a big prize and reward for the husband and wife who help each other in life's affairs. The co-working enhances mutual love and warmth of relations. Of course, the husband and the wife busy receiving an education and knowledge can even help each other in that field.
How sweet, enjoyable and progressive it can be when two members of a common life, two partners who have uniformity of aim, objective and direction, are discussion partners of each other in their studies as well.
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A WORD WITH PARENTS IN THIS REGARD
It has become a fashion these days that when there is a talk about engagement and marriage, the parents (particularly those of the girl) say: "Our child is still studying, her time for marriage has not yet come!"
Dear parents, this is anti-Islamic and against intellect and even against the internal desire and wishes of your children. Did you forget the time of your own youth? Did you not desire and wish for a spouse when you were their age?
Principally, you should not have forgotten. So, now why do you oppose the marriage of these young ones?
Are you aware that any damage done to them will directly hurt you? Beware and bear in mind that our children, particularly the girls, are shy to say "We want a spouse".
They might even apparently refuse it and give negative answer, but inside them is a wild turmoil.
Do not put so many hindrances in their path. Do not make all these excuses. Do not sacrifices them for your own desires. They hold you in reverence and may say nothing, but this strictness and excuses annoy them and cause them to pick up a grudge against you. Help them so that they can marry when young and can achieve and reap the benefit of the spring of their age and simultaneously study.
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THIRD DIFFICULTY:
DIFFICULTY IN SPOUSE SELECTION
One of the difficulties on the way of youth marriage is the difficulty in selecting a spouse. That is to say, the girl and a boy do not know whom to select and with what kind of standards, virtues, and peculiarities.
This is a real and actual difficulty and is not an invented and false one. It is a big problem being faced by the youth, and, as has been said in the preface, they must be helped in this connection. If minute care is not exercised in this regard, many difficulties will come into existence in their future lives, some of which would be irreparable and without remedy.
THE SOLUTION
Brother and sister, do not worry, do not be apprehensive, since we will elaborately discuss this topic in the next chapter. Inshallah you will find th solution to it.
Mostly, the aim and objective of these discussion is studying and seeking solutions to this very difficulty. The real and actual stimulant of our proposing these discussions is to solve this problem.
FOURTH DIFFICULTY:
HURDLES AND HINDRANCES OF THE ELDERS AND FRIENDS
The respect for parents and obedience to them is obligatory for and binding upon children. It is one of the biggest obligations of Allah. Annoying, molesting
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and showing disrespect or disobeying parents is prohibited; especially in relation to the big prohibitions.
Parents have ample and plenty of experience and wish and desire the goodness and betterment of their children. Whatever they say about their offspring and whichever decision they take or whatever step they take,it is based on the same well-wishing, discernment, experience and sympathy. No one is more well-wishing and sympathetic towards children than parents.
It is obligatory for the young son and daughters to pay attention to the well-wishing, sympathy, discernment and opinions of the parents and to take advantage of and benefit from their experience. Possibly, what sagacious parents see in a brick, young children may not see in a mirror. This fact stands valid at its place.
In a few cases, there are unfortunately, fathers and mothers and some friends who due selfishness, egoistic desires or ignorance and foolishness axe the roots of their young children and create hurdles on the way. They do this with their inexperience, illogic and untrue excuses and by exercising wrong views and undue interventions, becoming the cause of their children's misery and destruction.
Such persons bring about abundant and ample difficulties for the youth in the matter of "marriage and spouse selection" and sometimes happen to cause misfortune and misery for a long life to them. For instance, they impose their own wrong views upon
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their children and compel them to mary someone whom they have selected, though the children may not be pleased or approve it.
They judge and consider marriage candidates according to their own set of standards and tastes without any attention even to the view and opinion of their children and so they approve or reject whomever they please.
When a proper and suitable spouse is proposed, they hinder and stop the relationship taking shape with excuses, conditions, and undue and illegal expectations.
