What the youth need part 2

Question 19

Narcotics…the beast that kills man and destroys families and society. They have spread everywhere and their target is our youth. Colonialism, Zionism, and their secret gangs in our countries are behind this.

We want you to discuss this dangerous subject. I am twenty years old. My sister has died because of an injection (of narcotics), my father is in prison because of narcotics trade, and my elder brother is a drug addict. My mother suffers from all these distresses, and I am angry about everything. About the future, I do not know what to say.

The answer: O dear brother, may Allah assist your heart and help your mother with patience! I pray to Allah to make your future better than your past, to guide your brother, forgive your sister, and reform your father.

It is clear to all that drug addiction is one of the most dangerous problems in a society. It has great and terrible effects on individuals and society, especially the psychological, physical, and economical harms. And the most important thing is the severe punishment of Allah that begins from the first moment of death and the night of burial. We do not think that the problems of narcotics can be solved only by legislating laws or rules or imposing severe punishments; rather, we must make an effort to ascertain the psychological and social motives that make the youth use narcotics and then try to find a comprehensive cure for this problem.

Good education, keeping the youth away from bad friends, showing them the dangers of narcotics and explaining their destructive effects, spreading religious teachings, and caring deeply for psychological and physical health will have great results in saving the youth from this plague, for protection is better than cure.

Parents have to know the reasons that make the youth liable to

fall in the plague of narcotics. Here are the most important reasons:

1. The inclination of the youth to look for pleasures and amusements, especially with the absence of a good Islamic education

2. The wish to imitate others and to break the traditions of the family and the society. Especially when the youth are mistreated at home, they are bound to look for bad friends.

3. Incorrect propagandas and wrong ideas that narcotics traders promote

4. Imitating bad friends and being under their pressure

We say that the best resolution lies in protection. The most important ways of protection are the following:

1. Making people understand the dangers of narcotics via the media and through cultural and educational programs in order to avoid them

2. Showing documental films about the lives of drug addicts to show their distress and wretchedness

3. Keeping children and teenagers away from the bad habits of adults, like smoking for example, and this is the beginning of the way

4. Encouraging programs of amusement for the youth and encouraging the youth to establish local meetings and organizations

5. Improving the cultural, social, economical, and physical levels of the youth

6. Fighting against narcotics trade by all possible means

7. Encouraging scientific researches that help in solving this problem

As for the cure, after being involved in this problem, there are some ponts:

1. Medical cure: it depends on the kind of narcotics, the person himself, and his age. A person can be saved from the effects of

narcotics by undergoing treatment to remove the effects gradually.

2. Psychological cure: it aims at strengthening one's spirit and morale so that he may be able to stand against the problems he faces, and it helps him to solve them so that he may not look for wrong paths. This cure concentrates on strengthening one's morals and forcing oneself to participate in the treatment.

3. Social cure: it aims at establishing social organizations or projects to help drug addicts become liberated from narcotics. This cure concentrates on the social environment in which drug addicts live and which has a great effect on making one go towards or away from narcotics. Encouraging one towards social association and mixing causes him to believe in the values of the society he lives in and keeps him away from deviation.[1]

Question 20

I am a young man studying in the first stages of the university. My father says that all happiness lies in studying until I obtain a doctorate degree and then I shall earn lots of money. He is not at all concerned about my religious affairs. He does not ask me about my prayer, fasting, or faith at all. I know that his mindset is incorrect, but I cannot say the truth to him. What should I do?

The answer: You should study and learn so you can be high in this life as your father wishes. If he sees you do so, he will not deny your prayer, fasting, or faith. The Holy Qur'an says, (And seek, by means of what Allah has given you, the future abode, and do not neglect your portion of this world). [2]

Do not give your father an excuse to persecute you in your religion as long as you can do both studying and performing your religious obligations. If there is a suitable occasion, try to explain to your father the meaning of this tradition when once

[1] Quoted from an article by Sayyid Ibrahim al-Musawi, published in Al-Shaheed newspaper, vol.654 Tehran.

[2] Qur'an, 28:77.

Imam Ali (s) was asked about goodness and he replied, 'Goodness is not to have much money and many children, but goodness is to have much knowledge, to be magnanimous, and to be proud among the people of worshipping your Lord.'[1]

If you see your father deny your religion, even though you should do what he wants from you, do not submit to him because there is "no obedience to a creature if it means disobeying the Creator".[2]

In any case, you should be very polite in dealing with your father for Allah has ordered in His Book to worship Him first and to be dutiful and kind to parents second. You may, with Islamic morals, guide your father and save him from his moral poverty; and thus good morals are the best means to achieve success after success.

I have nothing more to say about your father and his likes except to offer this tradition of the Prophet (s) when he once looked at some children and said, 'Woe unto the children of the last time (on earth) from their fathers!' It was said, 'O messenger of Allah, from their polytheist fathers?' The Prophet (s) said, 'No, from their faithful fathers. They do not teach them anything of obligations, and if their children learn, they prevent them and they become satisfied with them for little material things of the worldly life. I am free from them and they are free from me.'[3]

Question 21

As you know, youthfulness is a great power that is full of vigor and activity. If we do not use it in a constructive way, it will explode to destroy what others have constructed of advantageous establishments. Most of us live idly and sleep more than required. We go out of our homes just to waste time in trivial things or boyish

[1] Nahjol Balagha, short maxim.

[2] (Do not obey anyone if he orders you to disobey the Creator) a Prophetic tradition.

[3] Jami'ul Akhbar, p.285.

adventures. I hope that you can explain to us the correct way to use this great power in a manner that will please Allah and will benefit people, our society, and ourselves.

The answer: You know that when a driver loses control of his car, he throws himself and others into a bloody disaster. Do you know what prevents him from this disaster?

They are his knowledge of the art of driving and his will. Two things: one is knowledge and the other is will.

The same can be said about a young man who puts himself in a situation without knowledge or will. He will involve himself in a disaster the end of which is failure and fruitlessness.

Physical power and activeness is a Divine blessing that Allah has given to man in his youth to help him build the basis for his future ease, for a day when his power will weaken, his activeness will disappear, and diseases will attack him, and then the knowledge, wealth, position, family, friends and followers he has spared from his youth will benefit him.

You ask how to make use of the blessings of youth. It is a good and important question regarding building one's future. The answers, as we said, are useful knowledge and will. The first is a light that luminates one's way and the other is a force that controls one's power and prevents it from deviation and the occurrence of disasters.

The youth are in need of peace and not violence. This is the best fruit (patience) and patience is the best fruit of knowledge.

Imam Ali (s) has said, 'Good patience is a proof of abundant knowledge.'[1]

The youth have to seek out knowledge and sciences that will benefit them. They should not throw themselves into the laps of bad people from this material life because then they would become slaves in the circle of untruth.

Imam as-Sadiq (s) says, 'I do not like (to see) a young man

[1] Ghurar al-Hikam, vol.2 p.385.

from you unless he is in one of two sates: either a teacher or a learner. If he does not do so, he wastes; if he wastes, he loses; if he loses, he is sinful; and if he is sinful, he will be in Hell, I swear by Him Who has sent Muhammad with the truth.'

The youth should seize opportunities to learn means of developing their powers in order to establish the first bases of future success. Who are the failed people in life but those who did not learn during their youth?

Then, what is the required knowledge?

It is to begin learning the Islamic beliefs, the legal laws, and the moral principles. Our scholars have written very good books about these three fields which you can read or ask one of the virtuous ulama to discuss, or you can attend the lectures that are held in mosques, religious centers, houses, and the like.

Please, ponder on this word in which Imam Ali (s) has described pious people by saying, 'The Creator has become so great before their eyes, and therefore, everything else has become so trivial before them.'

If the youth learn the beliefs of Islam, legal laws, and morals, and reach the degree of piety in their faith, they will never pant after the material life or fight for its transient pleasures. They will never feel sorry if they miss one of its pleasures. They will never make troubles for this and that. They will never think of destruction or violence as a solution if fate deprives them of a blessing or prevents them from reaching it.

Dear brother, in order to walk in this upright way, you have to do the following:

1. Know yourself well, promise yourself to be sincere in achieving happiness, and watch your fancy lest it troubles your sincerity. Nevertheless, you may fall into the trap of fancy, but in this case hasten to get out of it by repenting and asking Allah to forgive you. Then review the causes of your fall and be careful that they are not repeated.

2. Fill your mind with knowledge and true historical views! Let

your first source be the Holy Qur'an, which has explained everything, and keep away from the Satan and his followers!

3. Be steadfast before difficulties and be patient in any case!

4. Open your heart to your high goal, for you have been created for Paradise!

5. Make your personality respectable and try to have positive effects on others!

6. Keep a thick curtain between you and material, reactionary, shallow, anarchic, selfish, and submissive ideas!

7. Take the Qur'anic intellect, as been interpreted by the Prophet (s), Ahlul Bayt (s), and the virtuous ulama, to be the example of your intellect and conduct!

8. Read a lot about religious culture and concentrate on what you read!

9. Organize your time, order your daily tasks, and write down your appointments in your pocket notebook!

10. Trust in your own abilities and talents and complete them by cooperating with the abilities and talents of others who are like you in belief!

11. Learn how to speak appropriately with people and have influence over them!

12. Carry out the needs of whoever may ask you for help, and do not remind him of your favor to him someday!

13. Be ascetic in life! Do not wish for what there is in other people's hands of wealth and beauty!

14. Find a job that brings lawful livelihood!

15. Hate idleness and laziness because Allah hates them, especially for the youth!

16. Take care of your physical and psychological health and do not ignore your share of amusement!

17. Get married early and always advise the youth to do so!

18. Do not stop at a certain limit in your good ambition because

the way towards Paradise is open before you!

19. Be calm and plan for your future while thinking of good deeds and good rewards!

20. Do not forget the remembrance of Allah, supplication, and the love of those who have showed us the way to deliverance who are the Prophet (s) and his progeny first, and second all those who have followed them![26]

Question 22

We, at home, are not ruled by the Sharia. Lawful and unlawful rulings are disregarded, especially on Fridays when the whole family gathers together and my brothers' wives come. Every one shakes hands with each other. They exchange jokes and loud laughter while the wives are in their domestic clothes without veils as if they are all mahram.[1]

As for my father and mother, they do not speak out to repair this state, which, undoubtedly, must displease the Lord of the worlds.

I do not know whether my speaking to them will have any influence or if they will just mock and scorn me! I am confused. Would you please guide me to a situation that will please Allah the Almighty?

The answer: As for them, they have turned in the disobedience of Allah; but as for you, you should either forbid them if you think that your speech will have any influence over them, even after some time, and then never mind if they mock you, for the prophets also have been mocked but they said their words and had great influences later on, or if you think that there is no benefit at all or that they may greatly harm you besides mocking, then you have to do one of two things for the family's sake: either sit with them a little without participating in their unlawful behavior, or get out and leave their meeting.

Dear faithful brother, if you feel that you are strange among

[1] Refer to the details of these titles in (The Secrets of Success in your Personality) by Ahmad al-Mulla.

[2] Mahram is one's kin who it is not lawful to get married to.

people, you should know well that you are close to Allah, and Allah is better than people!

Question 23

I am a sad young man. I live with worry and boredom. Sometimes, I tell myself that I am a mistake in this existence. Why have I come? Who has brought me? And why does no one respond to my opinions?

The answer: You should change your way of thinking and life by doing various things:

1. Busy yourself with something like walking in the garden, for example!

2. Relax in a calm place, even if for a few minutes!

3. Observe the beautiful scenes of nature and ponder on the greatness of their Creator!

4. Practice swimming or some other sportive exercises!

5.Read some comic books or whatever else you think befits your state!

6. Assign an hour everyday for supplication, with reflection on the meaning of your supplication, and let this hour be after midnight or before sunshine!

7. Go out with your good friends!

8. Go visit your relatives!

9. Write the letters B and G in a little notebook and try, from the moment you awake, to watch yourself. When you commit a bad deed, Allah forbid, place a mark under the letter B, and whenever you perform a good deed, place a mark under the letter G. This personal vigilance will make you delighted with your good deeds and then you will decide to increase what pleases you and decrease what displeases you.

Try to form some resolutions:

1. Decide to be humble in your life! Do you know that without humbleness, the clouds, the seas, the trees, the plants, and the flowers would not give us delight or pleasure?

2. Love knowledge and scholars, for knowledge is light, and without scholars, life would be dark!

3. Be pious! Do not approach sins for sinners expose themselves while unaware!

4. Always smile even if your smile is not real in the beginning!

5. Love goodness! Love was and is still the greatest excuse of a good life. Why do we not love what enlivens us? Are religion and faith not based on the love of good and the purity of heart?

When you decide to be humble, to love knowledge and scholars, to refrain from unlawful things, to smile at people, and to love goodness, surely you will be happy because you will then know the purpose of your existence.

Do not ignore the prayer with full concentration! If your heart is not awake while offering the prayer, your prayer will just be a series of meaningless movements. The heart is the greatest airport in your existence, so let the plane of faith land in it safely! The heart is a way to Allah; if you put other than Allah in it, it will get you nowhere.

You have to reach, with your attentive heart, a state where you feel what you say when you raise your hands and read this supplication, 'O my Lord, to You I offer my existence which is from You.'

After these steps, you will reach a degree where you will say in your supplication as Imam Ali (s) has said, 'O my Lord, it is enough honor for me to be Your slave and enough pride for me that You are my Lord. O my Lord, You are as I like, so make me as You like!'

Dear young man, your existence is not a mistake of any one. It is the gift of Allah, the One and Only. I hope you can, by the assistance of Allah, victoriously and happily resist your melancholy and leave behind your pains and boredom. When you win, please guide the people of melancholy with you because rescuing them is a good and great deed.

Question 24

I have a friend who is psychologically confused and absent-minded. I do not know how I can help him. I suffer a lot for his state. Would you please help me save him?

The answer: First of all, I want to tell you that I am pleased to see your love for your friend and your concern to save him. You have a quality that Allah loves for the believers to have. I suggest that in order to save your friend, after relying on Allah and asking His assistance, you should do the following:

1. Be gentle and kind to him that he may trust you!

2. Try, by means of his relatives, to discover his actual problem!

3. To make him trust in you, tell him about similar conditions that you have treated or read about and their treatments!

4. Explain to him the harms of disobedience and the merits of obedience of Allah the Almighty. Perhaps he is melancholy because of remorse for committing a hidden sin. If it is so, ask him to repent and pray to Allah to forgive him, because one who repents of his sin becomes as pure as at the moment when he was born.

5. Inspire in him the spirit of hope, aim, and activeness!

6. Arrange, with your friends, a trip and take him with you and skillfully try to make him participate in group activities and amusements!

Question 25

Most youth suffer from idleness, which is the source of corruption, melancholy, and boredom. What is the way to get out of this impasse?

The answer:

The case, in its first point, is connected with the economic state of countries and this is not in our hands. As for the remaining points, they are connected with the culture of the youth. In this concern, we say:

1. Everything can be subjected to man's will if he only knows how to do that.

2. The youth have to create opportunities of work by themselves to the extent that the law will permit them. This requires them to be acquainted with the law.

3. The youth have to reject laziness, extra sleeping, and living based on their desires.

4. They have to know the disadvantages of idleness and leisure for they bring man meanness, cause him to become involved in unlawful things, and lead him to failure in life.

5. A young man should know that life is a responsibility. First, he should be responsible for himself and then for his close relatives.

6. Man should be humble and not disdain to accept a lawful job with the excuse that it is an ordinary job or it does no befit his position or rank. Many are the people who have become wealthy whereas they were poor at the beginning of their lives; and many are the people who have become presidents and high chiefs whereas their beginnings were simple.

7. Creativity is a quality of successful people. Let the youth try to create jobs by which they will be prosperous and live well.

8. Thinking, reading, activeness, joyful spirit, optimism, satisfaction, supplication, and praying are among the main qualities that prepare for opportunities of work and then free time will be occupied and idleness will be treated.

Question 26

What would you suggest to cure my quick anger and emotion, which is called "stress" by psychologists?

The answer: I am answering you with a full conviction that if you follow the answer, you will get the result; otherwise, you will remain as you are. The cure is a mixture of moral and practical matters. You should do the following:

1. Recite the fact of submission to Allah so that your heart feels

peaceful with the mention of Allah the Almighty and then you will see the things that provoke you as simple and easy!

2. Always be (legally) pure!

3. Do not commit any sin!

4. Keep away from anything that provokes your nerves!

5. Always keep your tongue busy with the remembrance of Allah and especially with certain glorifications like "La hawla wala quwwata illa billah al-alliy al-adheem (there is no power save in Allah, the Exalted, the Great)" and "Astaghfirullah (I pray to Allah to forgive me)".

6. Drink cold water whenever you are provoked, pour some on your head, and say salawat (peace and blessings be upon Muhammad and his progeny).

7. Go to an open place to breathe fresh air and to look as far as you can.

8. Be totally indifferent to the thing that causes your anger! Tell yourself that you are more precious than that and so it does not behoove you to exhaust your power and harm yourself!

Question 27

My mother and father disagree with each other over everything, no matter how big or small, and we, the children, become upset whenever their quarrels begin. We are afraid and worried about the future of our family. The question is: what should we do?

The answer:

When your parents are at peace, talk to them about the negative effects of quarrel, which may destroy everyone's future. But when they are quarreling, you have to be tolerant and indifferent towards what happens as long as there are no dangerous events. When you become impatient, go to a different place; for example, to another room or to the yard. When they begin quarreling, try to play a cassette of Qur'anic recitation or decide to exchange jokes amongst each other to

stop their quarreling by laughter.

It is necessary for you to know that this state, although it is dangerous for your future if it continues, can be solved if you undertake your responsibility as adult children in the house and as alternatives to the parents who are sunken in the fire of rage and selfishness. Do not worry, you will soon grow and live independently away from them. In order to not be like your parents, you should take lessons from their state, for as Imam Ali (s) has said, "a reasonable one is he who takes lessons from the experiments of others."

Question 28

The memories of my childhood and the problems of my family that led to the physical abuse and then to the divorce of my father and mother and the misfortunes that followed distress me. I do not know how to forget them. Whenever I remember them, I become so distressed that I lose my composure and I faint. There is no doubt that these things exhaust man's strength and abilities, which he needs for success in his future. Would you please tell me how to be rid of this state?

The answer: One of the most important bases of raising children is the relationship between parents, which is based on love, respect, mutual understanding, and cooperation. It gives children spiritual and mental stability, and this is what you have lost in your childhood. However, this does not mean that you should apply to your life what happened to your parents. Every one has an independent will and his punishment near Allah does not have anything to do with others' punishments. If you agree with me on this belief, which is a fact in our true religion, you should do the following:

1. Seize any opportunity to build your personality and gain the factors of success in your life!

2. Consider any success in your life as possible of being repeated and reproduced and do not stop after a certain point or satisfy yourself with what you have achieved!

3. Know well that man, whatever bitter memories may distress him or press on his nerves, is able to pass over them on condition that he trusts in his mental abilities and relies on his Lord.

4. Do not allow negative memories to overcome your heart! Try to omit them from your memory! Whenever they attack you, busy yourself with reciting the Holy Qur'an, reciting supplications, reading good books, and remembering your nice memories, or leave your place, perform ablution, and walk and ponder over nature, the sky and its stars, the sea and its wonders, the trees and their fruits, the flowers and their fragrances…

5. Read books that will help you build a faithful personality and learn the ways that the believers succeeded, and read about the great people in history! You will find that most of them have undergone in their childhood different family and social sufferings like orphanhood, homelessness, and injustice. Kerbala[1] of Imam Husayn (s) gave us great lessons which were completed by Imam Husayn's sister, Zaynab, who inspired the spirit of resistance in the orphans and captives until she turned the apparently victorious into the real defeated. On the other hand, successful discoveries and inventions have come after many failed experiments. Then, shake off the dust of your memories and extort from your parents' failure your success!

Question 29

Could you please explain to me the reasons for a young person's becoming corrupt and failed in life? My sister and I are close in age. I am thirty years old and she is twenty-eight years old, but in regards to faith, there is a great difference between us, even though our father and mother (may Allah have mercy on them) were very faithful. Please, tell me how to save my sister from what harms our reputation and family honor!

[1] Kerbala is a place in Iraq where Imam Husayn (s) was martyred on the famous day of Aashura.

The answer: Deviation from the right path begins when man feels that he is in not in need of anyone besides himself and when there he has no wise advisor. A young man or a young woman begin to establish relationships that may slowly lead him/her to serious problems because one's conduct develops via the relationships surrounding him, then his feeling of independence and his desire to be different from others grow, and he begins to prove his personality through resistance and mutiny. Here, parents and relatives should know that regret would be useless!

From the first moment that a youth feels that he is not in need of anyone else, there must be an advisor there to guide him to the right way. But, after he is snatched away from his kind nurturing family by bad persons, reforming him will be very difficult, except in special cases, and will require great efforts.

Social studies confirm that the disregard of parents, whether willingly or unwillingly, towards this fact is the basis of motivating children to go towards corruption. The methods used by parents or guardians in dealing with children (i.e., whether they grant children full freedom, treat them dictatorially, or treat them moderately) have the main role in forming the future conducts of children. Unfortunately, parents are negligent of their children in the initial stages of their lives, and then the children face problems when they grow up because they were trained to walk towards corruption and deviation. It is not right to give children full freedom or treat them dictatorially. To be safe from educational obstacles, one should treat his children moderately. This is what we ask those who are responsible for the future of children to do.

Moderation, which is the Islamic method in dealing with everything, means caring for both the material and moral needs together. Providing clothes, food, shelter, and a superior education do not mean achieving moderation as some believers think, but it is also necessary to add moral education, religious teachings, and good manners.

O dear sister who is worried about the honor of her family, the

case of your sister, who has become different from the rest of the members of the family, is a result of a previous negligence of those who were in charge of the family when your sister began associating with bad girls and watching films and reading books and magazines that led girls away from veil, abstinence, and faith.

All this is in regards to before the problem occurs, but after it happens, I advise you to do the following:

1. Bring her good cassettes, films, and books and ask some good friends to try guiding her!

2. Do not distress yourself at all because some relatives of the Prophet (s) and of the infallible imams (s) have followed the Satan, but Allah has said to His kind Messenger, (Surely you cannot guide whom you love, but Allah guides whom He pleases). [1]

3. Do not cut your relation with her, because this would make her deviate even more!

4. Let her see in you the example of the Islamic morals! You should show her your love for her and help her in her affairs so that she may come closer to you and be influenced by your faith and morals!

Question 30

I am a young girl. I want to begin my life safe from obstacles. You know well that the mistakes in marital, family, and social relations are too many. How can we avoid falling into them?

The answer: There are four factors that lead one to fall into mistakes. The first is a psychological factor. It is when man follows his desire and loves himself, his kin, friends, party, or country in a way that his love does not submit to the Islamic values declared in the Holy Qur'an and the Prophetic Sunna.

The cure, here, is achieved by submitting this psychological factor to the true wisdom of religion. Submission to the will of

[1] Qur'an, 28:56.3

Allah and relying on Him in the lawful way of living cause the psychological factor to become defeated.

The second is a material factor that concerns the physical condition of body. It is clear that some mistakes occur due to some pressure caused by a pain that man cannot tolerate and so he does what he would not do if he were sound and healthy. Weather, noise, and fatigue are also among the material factors.

The cure lies in treating the diseases and getting rid of what troubles one's body and annoys his nerves.

The third is an intellectual factor, which concerns the shallow cultural level or the kind of culture that one receives. One must get his intellects and cultures from honest sources in order to not become involved in mistakes due to ignorance or wrong information.

The fourth is an environmental factor. Bad friends in the street and school or an unreligious family cause one to fall into mistakes.

As long as one is influenced by these factors, he will fall into mistakes and as long as he keeps away from them, he will remain safe.

Dear sister, you should follow the practical steps first by knowing Allah and being sincere to Him without flattering anyone. You should care much for your bodily health, think correctly, and then choose good persons to be your friends.

Question 31

I have a friend, who does not dislike religion but he finds it difficult to adhere to during his university study. When I invite him to religion, he says, 'I think it is better to spend my youth in studying until I attain a high degree in the medical field. When I graduate, open a clinic, get married, and arrange my material life in all sides, I shall begin thinking of my afterlife and keeping to religion.' I hope that you will guide him and those like him to the right path with what is easy for the youth.

The answer: All of the religious teachings are easy because Allah, Who is aware of what benefits us and what harms us, has said in the Qur'an, (Allah desires ease for you, and He does not desire for you difficulty). [1]

Dear ambitious brother, the problem has two dimensions:

The first is understanding this easy religion, about which the Prophet (s) often said proudly, 'I have been sent with an easy and lenient Sharia'. Many people and many scholars do not know the truth of this religion and the way of following its teachings.

The second dimension is disregarding the true meanings of "easy" and "difficult", which leads to mixing them up. Some people, for example, think that refraining from unlawful looking (at women) is difficult; therefore, they look because they consider that to be easier, but they do not know that this looking throws them into lustful imaginations when alone and then they fall into sin in different ways that weaken their concentration in study and work. Then the matter continues to get them to major sins and then problems fall on them one after the other. Their sufferings continue until they meet actual difficulties; whereas if they, from the very beginning, refrain from unlawful looking and do not consider it as a difficulty, they will not become involved in these difficulties, which they thought would be easy.

In this case, knowing religion correctly is the best way to practically distinguish between ease and difficulty. With this knowledge man can avoid difficulty and enjoy ease and then the way will become clear for him to achieve his material aims successfully. This is what religious people who act with reason and ambition experience. They have proven that there is no objection between true religion and modern science. In fact, the true religion complements modern science when it is used in its right place. There are many scientists in medicine, engineering, electronics, etc. who have put their abilities and

[1] Qur'an, 2:185.

talents at the service of injustice and corruption and harmed millions of people everywhere. However, if they were religious, they would have put their abilities in the way of justice and goodness, and so the societies would be safe from them, and people would pray to Allah to have mercy upon them, and besides that they would be happy in the afterlife.

Why does your friend think that it is difficult to adhere to religion and study in the university while he and we see, nowadays, religious young men studying in the European universities? Then, how about the universities in our own (Islamic) countries?

I fear for this university student the dangers of his reasoning, so I would like to draw his attention to the tradition narrated from Imam al-Baqir (s) when he said, 'This world is a market, in which some people profit and others lose.' Let this brother see from which people he wants to be! Let him too ponder on this saying of Allah, (And say: Work; so Allah will see your work and (so will) His Messenger and the believers). [1]

Question 32

I know that contentment is the cause of psychological ease and the way to attain happiness, but the question is: how can I be from the people of satisfaction and contentment?

The answer: 1. Thank Allah for every blessing especially for those that others do not have!

2. Do not yearn for the pleasures that other people have!

3. When someone criticizes you, accept his criticism and do not stickle or deny it while you know your state well! I do not mean that you should acknowledge whatever people tell you even if it is not true, but I mean that you have to accustom yourself to accept criticism from others and not to attack the advisors. The very acceptance of criticism and gratitude to a criticizer is a high moral value. In other words, you have to accustom

[1] Qur'an, 9:105.

yourself to accept criticism while indifferent to whether or not it is true because this is a civil feature and a practical invitation to reject violence and dictatorship which are the causes of most of our misfortunes.

4. Take lessons from your mistakes!

5. Adapt yourself to every problem you face! Accommodation is a successful way to get rid of problems or to limit their destructive effects.

6. Try to be truthful to yourself and kind to others, for a double-faced person is unsuccessful!

7. Offer your love, kindness, and help to even those who do not offer such things to you!

8. Always think of what you shall ultimately meet, whether willingly or unwillingly! I mean death and the afterlife because death divides man into two parts: one part remains in the earth until the Day of Resurrection, and the other part is sent to Heaven until the hour of Punishment.

9. Know well that the heart is a sacred sanctum; if you visit it at night and asked its Lord for your needs, He orders His angels: 'Give him! It is I, Who have promised him, and it is I, Who carry out My promise. Have I not said, (And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then surely I am very near; I answer the prayer of the supplicant when he calls on Me, so they should answer My call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way). [1]

10. Be certain and do not forget that if man possessed the entire earth, he would be greedy to possess the heaven too, but when death comes, he finds himself with neither the earth nor the heaven! Then, for what is this greediness?

11. Always, remember the advantages of contentment and the disadvantages of greed!

12. To acquire these qualities, read about them in books and

[1] Qur'an, 2:186.

associate with those who have these qualities in their conducts!

With these points, I hope that you will arrive at your aim; and do not forget me in your prayers!

Question 33

I suffer from suddenly becoming excited and angry. Please tell me, when I am angry, which way should I follow: should I suppress my anger or should I cast it on the ones who have caused it by shouting at and abusing them? Can you suggest to me a third alternative? I do not like the second way, though I follow it, and as for the first way, I fear that pangs may cause me to have heart failure or an apoplexy, and I do not want to die or become paralyzed. Please, show me the right way!

The answer: Up until twenty years ago, psychologists thought that it was better for man's physical health for him to cast his anger on others instead of suppressing it and suffering from its destructive psychological and physical effects. But nowadays, this theory has become weak before the evidences of the scientists who believe that worry, psychological turmoil, spite, and internal contradictions between mind and desires cause physical diseases and especially heart failure whether man suppresses his anger or casts it onto others. However, scientists do not deny the fatal effect of the suppression of anger.

But Islam has a third way. It is by following these steps:

1. Change your position or place when you become angry and excited by sitting if you are standing, standing if you are sitting, or leaving the place for another open place and breathing as deeply as possible while raising and lowering the hands slowly!

2. Think of the greatness of Allah and His ability to punish criminals and of His patience and forgiveness if they repent and do good!

3. If you can drive out your anger from yourself through a shout or some tears shed in private, it would be better for you.

4. Look forward to the reward of Allah and think of the good end that Allah has promised the patient!

5. Impartially study the problem that has caused you to become angry, and even if the cause isn't yours, confess your mistake and turn back to your reason. This will comfort you because sincerity is the way to deliverance!

6. In your study of your anger and melancholy, ask yourself the following questions and reflect deeply on the answers:

Is the matter so important that it justifies all this suffering?

Does the problem disappear with anger, anxiety, or pain?

Is your personality more important or responding to anger and taking revenge?

Does the one whom you become angry at and abuse have no dignity that he would defend himself by quarreling or does he suppress himself and suffer from pain like yours? Is this the cure?

Dear Muslim young man, put these points before you now and walk in your new way; it is a happy way.

Question 34

In my family, I have a nephew who has been psychologically shocked. Most of the time, he is silent and he likes to be alone. He speaks or reacts little in family meetings. His father says that he was not like that before. Please, tell us how we should deal with him and save him!

The answer: Melancholy, silence, introversion, and absent-mindedness are psychological diseases that begin with real reasons and then grow with illusions and imaginations. They are diseases of the societies that are subject to psychological shocks and material competitions. One who is afflicted may not understand the dangers of such diseases, but others can perceive the dangers in him through signs such as:

Feeling continuous fatigue

Low productivity if he is a worker or low comprehension

if he is a student

Insomnia

Pains in the stomach, the back, and muscles

Pessimism

Passing judgments based on assumptions, emotions, and anger

Feeling guilty

Tending to be alone

Being confused and hesitant

Keeping silent

As a cure, family members should, if they see these signs, do the following:

1. They should be aware of the problem of this afflicted one and what he feels so hat he may declare what he suffers. If he does not declare his suffering, they should try, through indirect means, to identify his mental pain.

2. If he begins to declare his sufferings, they should attend to him by listening to him so that he perceives they are responsive to and care for him.

3. They should suggest some new works for him to do.

4. They should take him, after receiving his permission, to a specialist doctor.

5. They should take him to parks and the like for amusement.

6. They should try to give him hope and self-confidence by respecting him, offering him presents, and being friendly with him.

7. They should engage him in certain things and involve him in some works that he would gradually do willingly.

8. They should make him associate with a religious scholar who has a luminous spirit and bright morals.

Question 35

I have a religious brother, but he is too fanatic in his religiousness. With his behaviors, he does more wrong to religion than good. I am a victim of his extreme behaviors. I have committed a major sin, but instead of getting good advice from him, he chided, threatened, and insulted me. Therefore, pride carried me off to sin until I committed more sins, though I knew that I was mistaken. Now, where there is no relation between him and me, I feel regretful before Allah the Almighty, but I cannot give up the sins that I have become accustomed to. I want you to guide me to a way that I can save myself before my death comes. I have had enough of all this stubbornness and pride. I also want you to advise those like my brother, who are fanatic under the name of religion, in order to not be a cause for the youth to deviate and turn away from religion. By Allah, our religion is the best of religions if we follow it as it is.

The answer: Dear young man, O you with pure nature, allow me, first, to say a word to your brother that has been said by the guardian of religion, the master of the pious, the example of the faithful, Imam Ali (s). It has The answer:you want and the proper guidance for your brother and his like.

"Those who do not commit sins and have been gifted with safety (from sins) should have pity on sinners and other disobedient people. Gratefulness should be mostly their indulgence and it should prevent them from finding faults with others. So what about the backbiter who blames his brother and finds fault with him? Does he not remember that Allah has concealed the sins which he committed while they were bigger than his brother's sins pointed out by him? How can he vilify him about his sins when he himself has committed one like it? Even if he has not committed a similar sin he must have committed bigger ones. By Allah, even if he did not commit big sins but he committed only small sins, his exposing the sins of people is itself a big sin. O slave of Allah, do not be quick in exposing anyone's sin for he may be forgiven for it, and do not feel yourself safe even for a small sin because you may be punished for it. Therefore, every one of you who comes to know the faults of others should not expose them in view of what he

knows about his own faults, and he should remain busy in thanks that he has been saved from what others have been afflicted with".[1]

As for you dear brother, your despair of being able to get out of the circle of sins is itself a great sin. First, I want you to cast your despair away and pay attention to the rest of your life, which may be a year, a month, a week, a day, some minutes, or more or less. Allah, the Aware of what there is in the hearts, knows! In private, be sincere to yourself and think attentively that if you die while disobedient, will Allah accept your excuse for staying sinful?

You had better come back to your abilities that you have ignored because of your obstinacy to your brother and because of his mistake towards you. Activate these abilities and be active with them! Offer to those who consider themselves religious whereas religion is free from them a true example of religion and a beautiful picture of a religious man!

In this book and other books of ours and in those of other good scholars, you can find what lights your way. Get up! Paradise, with its eternal life and pleasures, is waiting for the pure repentant. If you turn to Allah sincerely with your repentance, you will find Him the best Helper Who will help you get out of the sins, which you think difficult to do.

Dear brother, know well that it is the Satan, who casts in your heart weakness and despair to make you follow him and remain in his camp that marches towards Hell. Do you want to accompany him to the Fire and the severe torment?

I pray to Allah to protect you and me from the Satan and the Fire. As for your situation with your brother, I ask you to delete the picture in your mind about him. Go and make up with him! This high morale gets you closer to Allah and suppresses your self to not take you towards evil. Be certain that with this behavior, great blessings from the Heaven will refresh your life, and this is my hope for you.

[1] Sharh Nahjol Balagha by Muhammad Abda, vol.2 p.23.

Question 36

I was one of the Mujahideen who fought in the way of Allah. Defeats and disagreements led me to the life of refugees. My family members were killed in the ill-fated Iraq. I was in a failed marriage that ended with divorce. I have a little daughter who kept crying during our emigration. I have become nervous. I cannot tolerate hearing any loud sound. Whenever I remember the misfortunes I have met with in my life, I feel the way to a normal life and comfortable mentality is closed for me. Sometimes I think of suicide, but because of my daughter, I have not committed this unlawful murder. I do not know what to do. I can tolerate neither people nor myself. Where shall I go? I do not know!

The answer: Dear brother, man's life is composed of hours; in some of them, he is glad, and in others he is distressed. In the first case, he should thank Allah for the blessings and in the second case, he must be patient and busy himself with supplicating to Allah instead of sinking into worry and melancholy because of disappointment. When man remembers the painful events that have happened to him, he should hasten to delete them from his mind, but he should take lessons from them so that they should not happen again. If it is the will of Allah, man must submit and be satisfied and content with what Allah has determined.

Dear brother, thinking negatively and sinking into the bitter past can destroy your future, which may be free of bitterness. This gloomy thinking exposes your spiritual and mental health to dangers, which, surely, you do not want.

You ask me how to overcome this destructive thinking and save yourself from the floods of negative ideas that keep you away from constructive thinking for a better future.

I say:

First, think of your hidden abilities and talents, because man is a spring of powers, and at any time, he can decide to get something out of this spring!

Second, do not think that you have reached a closed way and

that there is no solution for you except to be buried under the piles of misfortunes, bitter memories, and fatal pangs, because such thinking means despairing of the mercy of Allah. Perhaps, this thinking may be the very cause of your feeling that the way is closed before you.

Third, while alone, sit and remember your successful and good deeds in life! Ponder on the bright pages of your life, for no one is free from such pages! If you do not remember anything of that, it is enough for you to remember the blessing of breathing you have now. Thank Allah and rely on Him to use this blessing in gaining a success that may recompense what has gone!

Fourth, diagnose your state and know your position due to your ambition! Instead of remorse, blaming yourself, and repeating desperate interrogative words like (why, when, how, if…), diagnose the points of your weakness and determine to change them into points of strength, and instead of blaming others, perform your actual duties, and use your physical and spiritual powers in this way! In order to have good deeds, avoid the bad deed of destroying yourself or others!

Fifth, if it is necessary to talk to others about the misfortunes you have faced, find someone who is able to understand your sufferings and gives you a spiritual cure by relieving words. Do this, especially if you feel that not talking about your sufferings brings you another complex!

Sixth, if your problem is something like sin, know well that Allah has opened the door of repentance before sinners and said, (Surely Allah loves those who turn to Him).[1] Hasten to the shadow of His love, for Allah is sufficient for His servant when he turns to Him!

Seventh, improve your thinking and get new information about what you need in your life, because knowledge is a light that luminates one's way and takes him to a better condition! Thus was the Prophet (s), who was the most aware among all of the creatures in existence. He often supplicated to Allah by saying,

[1] Qur'an, 2:222.

'My Lord! Increase my knowledge'. Continuing a search for knowledge is necessary to help man out of his psychological distresses and bitter memories.

Eighth, forget the bitter past, pardon whoever has done you wrong, expect your reward from Allah tomorrow (on the Day of Resurrection), and ask Him to forgive you if you are mistaken or unjust while unaware of this! Pardoning and leniency make your life easy and relieve your heart, so why do you not pardon those with whom you have disagreed?

The Prophet (s) has said, 'Whoever casts spite out of his heart, Allah increases his livelihood.' Livelihood here is more encompassing than material and moral blessings.

Dear brother, it is a big mistake to trouble our lives and cause pain to those around us in our family or workplace because of the sufferings of our past or because of spite towards others.

Come on! Let us cast hatred, spite, and our failed experiments out of ourselves and live the rest of our lives peacefully and happily!

Dear brother, be merciful to the remaining hours of your age and do not burn them in the fire of your nervousness! Throw those painful scenes and sad memories away! You cannot change them, for they have already happened and are out of your control! However, you can change yourself for what remains of your future because it has not happened yet. Your future is still under your control and the change begins from the present, which is this moment and not a moment later!

Ninth, not all people are bad. Get married again and be more particular in choosing your wife! Tell her frankly about your past and that you have determined to lead a good and honest life! Tell her that you are looking for a helper with whom to spend your life, with love and mercy, and this is also the right of your innocent child!

Tenth, adhere to supplication and pondering over the words of the Ahlul Bayt (s), for mentioning Allah according to the way of those whom Allah has purified from uncleanness relieves the

heart. Then, you will drive the evil whispering of the Satan and your bad thoughts of suicide, which will throw you into the eternal Fire, away from your self. Patience with the problems of this life is much easier than patience with the fire of Hell. The first patience is possible and it leads you to Paradise and the eternal bliss, while the second is bitterer than bitterness and it keeps you in the eternal torment of Fire.

Eleventh, be certain that (Surely with difficulty is ease. Surely with difficulty is ease). [1] This repetition of the verse emphasize that distresses have ends.

Imam Ali (s) said to Qayss bin Sa'd, who had come to him from Egypt, 'O Qayss, distresses have ends that they must get to. A reasonable one must be patient with them until they end, because suffering from them when they come increases them.'[2]

Twelfth, always think of the reward you will get for your patience when you will come to Allah alone! Will the patient not enter into Paradise without reckoning?

Question 37

I have a friend who is lustful. Once, he asked me how he should suppress his lust lest he should become involved in even more sins. I told him, 'I do not know, but I shall bring you an answer that benefits you inshallah.'

O Sheikh, would you please explain to him and those like him what can save them from these dangers? I myself know that, in general, many young men secretly practice different kinds of unlawful lusts without thinking of their destructive ends.

The answer: The sexual lust is one of the most dangerous lusts in man. This does not mean that Islam wants to suppress or extinguish it. Islam has a moderate method in guiding this lust towards the aim that it has been created for, which is marriage and then reproduction in order to keep the existence of

[1] Qur'an, 94:5-6.

[2] Bihar al-Anwar, vol.78 p.79.

humankind continuous on the earth. Without this great aim, there would be no need for this lust to be created by Allah the Almighty and consequently there would be no continuance of life for man at all. The sexual lust is planted in man for the sake of this noble purpose.

As for your friend, his case may be irregular; therefore, he should:

1. visit a specialist doctor.

2. avoid looking at what excites his lust.

3. always remember the terrible end of unlawfulness and its perishing consequences.

4. know the value of himself as a human being and that he is not a beast and should know that panting after lusts degrades him.

5. prepare himself to get married at the first opportunity and without difficult material conditions and if he cannot, he should practice temporary marriage, but not make it as his basic aim.

6. practice sports that fit his wish and physical abilities.

7. starve himself (by fasting, for example) because hunger weakens lust, whereas food nourishes it.

8. ponder on the following Qur'anic verses and act according to them, (But there came after them an evil generation, who neglected prayers and followed lusts, so they will meet perdition. Save him who shall repent and believe and do right. Those will enter the Garden, and they will not be wronged in aught. Gardens of Eden, which the Beneficent hath promised to His slaves in the unseen. Lo! His promise is ever sure of fulfillment. They shall not hear therein any vain discourse, but only Peace, and they shall have their sustenance therein morning and evening. This is the Garden which We cause the devout among Our bondmen to inherit). [1]

[1] Qur'an, 59:63.