His supplication for his children

Question 186

My brother and his wife work in some offices. Their three children are brought up by a foreign maid in their home. She is very fanatic. She sticks to her own habits and traditions. I have another elder brother who sends his children to an Indian school, which is thought to be a suspicious missionary school. My family has objected to the actions of both of my brothers and explained to them the dangers of these matters, but they do not change their situations. One claims that English lessons will bring a good future, and the other says that his salary will not meet their needs if his wife remains at home without a job. This state of my brother reminds me of a wise saying I once heard in one of your lectures, 'How ignorant man is! He spends his health to get money and then he spends his money to get health!'

The answer: This problem has specific causes and consequences. As for the causes, they are:

1. The foreign cultures and values that have replaced our Islamic culture and values; your brother and his wife, as an example, have taken those cultures and values from school, university, and the media, which are supported by big companies and centers of finance and trade in general and which determine the way of living for people everywhere.

2. The absence of the goal of the afterlife from the lives of such people; they do not care with which face they will meet Allah on the Day of Resurrection.

3. The preference of material interests to moral and religious interests.

As for the consequences, they will result in a bad education of the children. A child who grows up away from morals will be as a curse on his parents who will ultimately spend all their wealth, which they have exerted themselves to collect, on his problems and troubles. It will suffice for such people to read about the horrible accidents published in newspapers and magazines everyday. Such accidents are not committed by religious persons who are educated by religious families.

The dangerous influence of a foreign governess on the future of

the growing generation is like the influence of the satellite stations that play with the minds of parents and children according to the will of their managers, who are away from Allah.

I have read an article in al-Ra'iy al-Aam Kuwaiti Newspaper[1] saying:

"I wonder how our children will be in this century! Will the satellite stations control them? Or will the networks of the internet direct their conducts? Will our children learn morals and values from those shining satellites?

We fathers have been busy away from them either in looking for a job to increase our incomes or in building a new house, whereas mothers also have become busy running here and there to meet the unending requirements of schools from the kindergarten until the university.

If the father and mother are busy…it is not an excuse. Where is the role of the grandfather and grandmother in teaching our children our true morals and habits?

Where is the role of the mosque and the public meetings in planting values and completing the role of the home?

Where is the role of the teacher and the educationist? I think his name alone is "teacher" while his role is limited to just giving lectures, and thanks to the programs of the Ministry of Education and the modern methods of teaching…!

Yes! We have been in a merry-go-round that does not stop at all! Is it the rule of life? Or it is we who have made this our way of life?

A cry from the heart of a father to every father and everyone in charge: Save our children!"

This is the disease and with it is the call! But as for the solution, it lies in a harmonious expedition to find the Islamic understanding with its active spirit and attractive method for

[1] In Safar, 1421 AH.

the man of this age. The responsibility of this expedition falls upon all due to the call of the Prophet (s): "Each one of you is a guardian and each one of you is responsible for his subjects".

The government with all its bodies must set about to undertake the great task of deliverance. Clergymen, speakers, imams of the mosques, teachers of schools and universities, and officials of the media also have great roles in this task.

The task begins by inviting the experts and specialists of each one of these classes to a meeting where this subject will be discussed thoroughly, and then the meeting should present its reports to executive authorities in the government, in the centers of teaching and education, and in the religious establishments.

All the factors that make people desist from religion must be avoided, such as unjustifiable disagreements, manifestations of underdevelopment, and presentations of the religion in old methods; otherwise, the disaster will sit heavily on every family. A poet says,

"Let him whose neighbor's beard is shaved

pour water on his beard."

It is related that Imam Ali (s) has said, 'How many are the examples, but how little is the taking of lessons from them!'

I would like to invite these two brothers and those like them to know the real value of children, to know the role of intellect and culture in determining their futures, and to know how much love and kindness children need from their parents to live straightforwardly and confidently. If they know the real value of their children, they will not leave them with those who will inject poisons into them. Their example is like the one who draws in darkness and then laughs at his drawing when he looks at it in the light. Except, I fear he will cry bitterly instead of laughing at himself!

It is reported that once a man came with his son to the Prophet (s) and asked him, 'What is the right of my son on me?'

The Prophet (s) said to him, 'You should give him a good name, bring him up with good morals, and educate him well.'[1]

O Muslims, have you named your children with good names, brought them up righteously, and educated them well?

Question 187

My daughter chews on her nails and she is often absent-minded. What are the causes of this and what is the solution?

The answer: This bad habit shows that either she is worried or she is overstressed in thinking about something that she is hesitant to determine or she suffers from something that she wants to conceal.

You should know the harms of chewing on one's nails with the teeth. The microbes stick to the tongue and sneak into the body, the stomach, and the intestines and cause troubles and diseases to the digestive system. You should also know that this bad habit shows to others your daughter's mental state that she wants to hide, and this is a sign of weakness in personality.

The mother has to befriend her daughter until she reveals to her what is hidden in her heart and shares her personal problems. Then, the mother should try to find successful solutions and give effective advices to her daughter.

Question 188

The train of our present age has entered into a tunnel of corruption of all kinds. This is because of the satellite stations that appear on television in every house, every room, and every hall. These satellite stations have destroyed the minds, the families, and the youth and have turned morals upside-down. On top of this, globalization and internet multiply these distresses. We do not know how to deal with these terrible dangers!

Do the clergymen have any practical and civilizational projects in mind to face this destructive monster?

[1] Wassa'il ash-Shia, vol. 15 p.124.

The answer: I have read such a thing in a project presented by the religious authority Great Ayatollah Sayyid Muhammad ash-Shirazi, but I could not obtain the Arabic copy that was published in 1415 AH. However, I will translate for you some selections from the Persian copy that have recently been published under the title "What Do We Do With The Satellite Stations?"

Ayatollah ash-Shirazi says,

1. The Islamic Conference Organization must ask the United Nations Organization to prevent the corruptive western satellite stations from being broadcasted into the Islamic countries because they affect the morals of our societies.

2.In order to force the Muslim governments to execute this task, we should make use of different media, Human Rigts organizations, and international laws.

3. Public pressure on governments in peaceful ways and by different classes of the society should transpire.

4. Participation of all of the foundations and establishments in society, like the cultural centers, religious societies, political parties, and all local and national blocs, is required to achieve this goal.

5. Exposing the companies that produce corruptive films and distribute them among all peoples is very necessary in this concern. Those companies belong to Zionism, the Mafia, freemasonry, and whomever their agents may be in the Islamic countries.

6. Preachers and good authors and journalists should be encouraged to spread the religious and humane cultures among people and to warn them against becoming involved in corruption.

7. Protests, marches, and demonstrations should be organized without destroying or attacking anything but rather acting according to the saying of Imam Ali (s), 'The messenger of

Allah has ordered us to meet sinners with gloomy faces.'[1]

8. Protective programs should be created in the mosques, houses, and libraries.

9. TV and radio stations should be established only to be run by religious peopl.

10. Serious and practical thinking should be employed by charitable committees and governmental departments to solve the problems of the youth concerning career, residence, marriage, and sports.

11. Good morals and virtues should be emphasized in society, and many lectures on piety and the good end should be given regularly.

12. The ulama and preachers should pay great attention to these matters and regard them seriously because they concern the religion, beliefs, morals, family, nation, and high position of man in general.

13. Muslim experts have to devise an electronic means to block the corruptive satellite stations.

14. Alternative satellite stations for Muslims should be established and attractive Islamic films with high technology should be produced. Such stations can be established by cooperation between the governments and the private sectors, investors, scientists, scholars, and technicians.

I would like to say in addition to that: the religious authorities should issue fatwas in this concern and the ulama, preachers, wealthy people, and the religious youth should found committees to implement those fatwas and suggestions.

Question 189

I am a teacher in an intermediate school. The girls whom I teach are in the stage of adolescence, the stage that determines the coming stages of their lives. Would you please tell me how and in what way I should talk with my students so that they will be influenced by my

[1] Wassa'il ash-Shia, vol. 11 p.413.

advices?

The answer: First, I would like to pray to Allah for you and everyone who is sincere like you. Your question shows your feeling of responsibility and love towards others' welfare. As for the answer, here are some points:

1. You should think deeply about the subject you want to explain to your students.

2. You should make use of nice words and in attractive phrases with a voice full of love, kindness, and sympathy.

3. When your students are in a state where they do not want to hear preaching and advising, you should stop advising them until a suitable opportunity arises where they can perceive the goal of your speech, except if you are so eloquent that you can treat their state and make them accept your advices and instructions.

4. Let them find in you a practical example of all that you say to them, and let them feel in you truthfulness and sincerity.

5. When they talk, you should be a good listener and not interrupt them.

6. You should strengthen your friendship with them and through that you will assure the effectiveness of your advices on them.

Through these points, and with an easy and calm manner, you can have a great influence on them. Since you are a teacher, these manners are not limited to giving advices in the school only, but you can also follow them with your children if you are a mother, and you can make use of them in society for the sake of Allah and in the way of goodness and benevolence.

Question 190

How can we face the mutinous conduct of juveniles and prevent them from making friends with deviants outside the house?

The answer: A youthful person likes for his parents to stop regarding him as they did during childhood. If parents change

their view towards him, the relations between them will be normal; otherwise, he will behave in a way that will not please his parents. He may not mean by his mutinous behavior anything else than to prove to his parents that he has passed the stage of childhood and that they have to stop considering him as a child.

This matter forms the basis of the behavioral contradiction between the young and the old. Parents, before their children arrive at this critical stage, should make them understand the concept of adulthood, which is reason, equanimity, and discipline. For example, some youths may think that smoking, shouting loudly, haughtiness, accompanying older youths, and returning home late are the signs of adulthood and independence!

If parents notice these incorrect concepts and try to correct them in their children's minds before they reach the stage of adolescence, they will clear the way for mutual understanding between them and their children after that stage. But, by being ignorant and indifferent to this, they should not wonder if their obedient children turn upside-down and become mutinous, obstinate, and disobedient.

A mistake may have a prior cause and that cause may lead to one mistake after another. However, standing against the youth is just a mistake resulting from the prior cause.

For example, it is wrong when parents treat their children unequally by preferring their daughters to their sons or vice versa or when they punish their children immediately as soon as they commit a mistake without having warned or advised them before. Parents may abuse their children and call them names because of some defects in the children such as unattractiveness, weakness in study, or a handicap. Some parents may call their children bad names full of hatred and suspicion, such as "liar", "stupid", "donkey", etc. These names and those manners are the first steps in making the youth rebel against Islamic values and their parents. Thus, in fact, parents themselves are the ones who lead their children to be undutiful

towards them and to turn their backs on religion as well.

It is very important for parents to show sincere love for their children. They should make their children feel their care by being merry, active, and careful towards their children at home. They should sit with their children, talk about and discuss different subjects with them, and consult with them on their affairs. When the children's opinions are right, they should be praised, and when their opinions are wrong, they should be taught the right in a pleasant manner that does not demean them or degrade their personalities before others. This conduct can protect the youth from becoming mutinous, going astray, and befriending deviants.

Question 191

My son used to be very religious. He used to offer his prayers in the mosque and recite the Qur'an and other books of supplications. But when he became twenty years old, he changed little by little, and now finally, he has given up these rituals and mocks at them. How do you justify this case, and why has he become like this? Do you have any suggestions to save him?

The answer: If actions of worship are done out of understanding and satisfaction, they will not die away. Rather, they will take one to the highest degrees of nearness to Allah the Almighty, to spiritual and material happiness, and then to the eternal bliss of Paradise.

However, as for the opposite effect that appears in your son, it shows that his practicing of worships was without any apprehension of their essence. Before the age of twenty, circumstances might have taken him towards prayers, the mosque, the Qur'an, and supplications, and then at the age of twenty, other circumstances might have taken him towards the opposite side. Usually man slips into bad spheres through bad friends.

If the worships of your son were done with understanding and apprehension of the real meaning and goal of worship, he would influence those with whom he correlated and would

guide them towards the right path and so would earn more reward for his afterlife, but since he was not so, he failed in the test and went towards the opposite direction.

I think reforming him will not be difficult. The one who can reform him should be wise in dealing with and advising him and should discuss the matter with him in a proper way. You have to look for someone with these qualities to associate, in a clever way, with your son.

Question 192

There is no doubt that we, due to the effects of foreign cultures, unknowingly live with educational fallacies. Would you please point out the most important of these?

The answer: Yes, there are many widespread errors that people do not notice, not even educationists. Here are some of them:

1. It is wrong to believe that education means habituating the child to a certain behavior without making him understand the goal of that behavior.

2. It is also wrong to think that the best education is the one that subdues and subjects the child to the parents' will.

3. It is wrong to think that the correct education is manifested by the apparent behaviors without paying attention to the inward purity.

4. It is wrong to prevent a child from undertaking some tasks that befit his age and powers because if he does not become acquainted with difficulties, he will not be successful in undertaking his actual responsibilities in life.

5. It is a popular fallacy that when a child falls to the ground or collides with the wall and feels pain or cries, his parents hasten to him blaming the ground or the wall, and, in order to calm him, they beat the ground or the wall with their hands as a kind of punishment.

Here, the child learns false justification, unreality, and blaming of things instead of being shown the truth to recognize his

actual mistake that caused him to fall to the ground or collide with the wall. If he is shown this fact, he will know how to avoid the same mistake again and will know that life means seriousness and not mockery.

6. It is wrong when a child falls to the ground for others around him to hasten to lift him from the ground. Thus, he learns dependency and loses the sense of independency and self-confidence.

7.It is wrong to frighten and threaten a child, and the worst of that is to frighten him by illusions or imaginary ghosts. For example, parents will describe to their child a monster coming from the darkness, or they will imitate a sound and tell the child it is the voice of the jinn, etc. In this way, parents make their child weak, cowardly, and illusive. Parents may mean, by frightening their child in this incorrect way, to calm him and make him stop crying, but they ignore the bad effects that will linger in the child's mentality throughout his life. This is a crime that is unknowingly committed against the child.

8. Some people say bad and severe words full of debasement and humiliation to a lazy or an introvert child. This is another crime committed against a child suffering from a temporary psychological trouble that can be better solved by some lenient words, a warm kiss, or an embrace full of love and kindness.

In fact, the child who is tense at home, unsuccessful in school, and strained in society reveals the defects of his family or the deprivation his family has imposed on him. This is what educationists and psychologists notice in the personalities of the parents and close relatives of that child. Therefore, we find among the educational principles in Islam that it is prohibited to call one another by bad nicknames. Parents and others are not permitted to call the child with bad names that demean and humiliate him. Unfortunately, this is widespread in our Muslim societies!

We hear many bad words from the old when they call the young as if they were calling beasts! What would you expect from the

young after that?

What is odd is that the old punish the young when they hear them uttering the same words they have learned from the old themselves! Children become confused before the contradictions of the old. On the one hand, they find their parents using such words, and on the other hand, they are punished when they themselves use these words. Children think that if these words are bad, then why do the adults use them, and if these words are good, then why are they punished for using them. It is not odd when we realize these parents, whom we call adults, have acquired this wrong education from other preceding adults, whether at home, in society, in school, or from the media. So, the problem is deeper than deep!

Question 193

I am a father and a teacher in a school. Would you please show me the causes of the good and bad phenomena I find in children? With great thanks.

The answer: There are correlations between the methods of education used and their consequences. Parents and those in charge of education should realize this fact. For example, on the negative side, the child who often hears criticism learns to criticize bitterly. The child who lives among enmities learns spites and grudges. The child who is often punished without being taught what he should or should not do learns injustice and aggression. The child who lives with fears learns cowardice. The child who lives with excessive kindness and pity learns humility and regression. The child who is often mocked at learns to live with a weak personality.

On the positive side, we find the child who is often encouraged learns self-confidence. The child who is accepted by others learns to love them. The child who is given knowledge learns purposefulness in life. The child who lives under cooperation learns generosity and liberality. The child who is treated truthfully and fairly learns truthfulness and sincerity. The child who is treated with love and kindness learns that life is

beautiful. The child who is taught to bear sufferings becomes patient in life.

Since you are a father and a teacher in a school, your responsibility increases before Allah and the people. I hope that you live among your family with comfort and satisfaction with what Allah has given you. Thus, you will teach your children and your pupils how they can live without troubles. This is a firm basis in education. Paying attention to this basis and other bases of the task of education is a continuous necessity that will bring for you the delight of your heart with your children, your future, and the future of your religion and society. If you are successful in this life, you will be successful in your afterlife too.

Is the worldly life not the farm of the afterlife? Be careful of what you should plant in your children and the children of other people in the school, and you and we both shall see what you and they will harvest. And tomorrow is near for those who wait; therefore, take lessons, O you who have eyes! Dear teacher, may Allah make you successful in making pious people!

Question 194

My daughter is nineteen years old. My problem with her is that I cannot tolerate her arguing with me, though I know that she is right most of the time, but I still contend with her proudly. I remember her childhood and my efforts for her until she reached this age. I do not know how to persuade myself that she has become an adult. Now, she is not a child that I can impose my opinion on her.

The answer: This feature is a result of some or all of the following reasons:

1. Each one belittling the other

2. Not comprehending the development of man and life

3. Being proud and haughty

4. Being impatient and intolerant because of the difficulties that affect one's nerves

5. Not knowing the subjects of discussions and disputes

6. Having an inferiority complex that leads to stubbornness and confrontation

7. The difference of intellects and cultures between the two generations

As for the solution, you should realize that your daughter has an independent personality in her understanding and existence, and this should make you proud and delighted. In order to realize that man is a developing creature, you yourself have to develop by reading continuously and by learning new ideas and news to enlighten yourself with that knowledge that concerns your life and your role as a mother who is still responsible in life.

Besides this, you have to have good manners as much as you possibly can in order to be the example that your daughter will imitate. You should know that your daughter is a part of you; what makes you happy makes her happy, and what makes her sad makes you sad. You should look at her through yourself, for you are the mother who gives all favors to her daughter, and she is the daughter who will be a mother some day and will then, practically, understand your favors and appreciate your efforts. Consequently, she must respect you and be dutiful to you if she wants her daughter, in the future, to respect her and be dutiful to her.

The problem between you and your daughter is the opposition between your ego and her ego. As long as you are still within the circle of your ego, you should not expect her to love you from the depths of her ego because selfish people often clash with each other while altruists harmonize with each other. So you have to be altruistic and give up selfishness.

When you change, your daughter will change her behaviors towards you. But if she does not change, you have to continue your new manner of dealing with her, expecting Allah the Almighty to reward you and, as a part of this reward, Allah may rouse your daughter's conscience and she may then change for

the better inshallah.

Here, I would like to give the following advices to your daughter:

1. You have to be humble; the sun with all its greatness becomes humble and sends its light and warmth to the little earth and makes it fresh and lively. We, also, are required to be humble and to descend from our pride to the warmth of life. Beware of pride, because the first eclipse of one's soul is when he sees himself only.

2. You should regard the dignity and position of your mother in your heart, because your daughter may do to you tomorrow what you are doing to your mother today!

3. You should try to make your mother understand your opinions in a way that is full of love and respect.

Question 195

My husband often promises my children to buy them some presents, take them to the park, or something of that nature, but then he does not carry out his promises either because he is busy or because of an indifference I have noticed in him since we were married. I have been patient with him, but regarding the children, they are learning from him the bad habit of breaking promises. Would you please tell me how to deal with this problem?

The answer: The moral negativities in persons' conducts cause many problems and pave the way for other negativities to come. However, Islam has treated these negativities with its great teachings concerning education, self-purification, and good deeds, but people, for the sake of their caprices and material pleasures, often harm themselves.

From among these teachings is the saying of Allah in this Qur'anic verse, (…and fulfill the promise; surely (every) promise shall be questioned about), [1] and the saying of Imam al-Kadhim (s), 'If you promise children (of something), carry

[1] Qur'an, 17:34.

out your promise because they see that you are the givers of their livelihood. Allah does not become angry for anything like He does for women and children.'[1]

Muslim jurisprudents say that carrying out promises is obligatory and breaking them is unlawful. Rather, the traditions have considered breaking promises as one of the signs of hypocrites.

We also find a strong warning in this tradition reported from Imam as-Sadiq (s): 'The promise of a believer to his brother (believer) is a vow having no expiation. He who breaks his promise begins opposing Allah and becomes liable to His wrath, for Allah has said, (O you who believe! why do you say that which you do not do. It is most hateful to Allah that you should say that which you do not do) [2].'[3]

Imam as-Sadiq (s) has also said, 'Do not promise your brother of anything that you cannot carry out!'[4]

I hope that your husband and those like him will ponder over these moral teachings in order to become happy by them and make you all happy with him.

Question 196

My three-year-old son asks too much about anything that he notices or that comes to his mind. Sometimes, his many questions make me bored and angry to the degree that I chide him severely or sometimes hit him on his back to make him stop questioning. Of course, this behavior is not right, but life has become so tiresome that I lose my patience and become irritable at once. I would be so grateful if you would offer your instructions in this concern.

The answer: Your son has the right to discover everything unknown to him. He wants a satisfactory answer to every

[1] Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 104 p.72.

[2] Qur'an, 61:2-3.

[3] Usool al-Kafi, vol.2 p.364.

[4] Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 78 p.250.

question that comes to his mind. This is a sign of sound mentality and intelligence. Your behavior, which you confess is not right, suppresses his intelligence and does away with his activeness, and this is a great wrong against him. You have to remember this whenever your boredom leads you to that wrong behavior. That is first.

Second, you should pave the way for him to learn because knowledge will bring both you and him goodness, glory, and happiness.

Imam as-Sajjad (s) said, 'and as for the right of child, you should know that he is from you and he belongs to you in this life with his good or evil, and you are responsible for whatever you entrust him with (whatever you teach him or make him to be).'[1]

Third, consider yourself in his position; if you were to ask one who was more aware than you but he chided you and insulted you, what would you feel inside yourself? How would your situation and love be towards him?

Fourth, you should know that children have a great ability to learn, and when they learn useful things, they will lead good futures. Imam Ali (s) said, 'He who does not learn in childhood will not progress when an adult.'

Dear brother, this blessing requires you to thank Allah by caring greatly for your son and being patient with him, because you are the closest one to him.

This is your golden opportunity to plant in your son moral concepts and the meanings of piety, wisdom, honor, and freedom, and then he shall enter into life from the correct and wide-open gate; otherwise, he shall enter into life from other gates unknown to you. In the first case, you will be delighted with his good education, and whenever you find him successful, you will be even more delighted. But, in the second case, you will be ashamed of him in society.

[1] Makarim al-Akhlaq, p.232.

Fifth, when you respond to your son's questions patiently, you assume a role like the role of the prophets and apostles in teaching man. Are you aware of this high position?!

Sixth, when your son asks an unexpected question and you do not know The answer:at that moment, you can apologize to him leniently and tell him in a language he understands that you do not know The answer:but you will bring him The answer:later on.

Seventh, in your circumstances with your son, you should remember that the best fruits are those that absorb the most amount of the sun's light. Ask yourself, are you the sun for your son?

Question 197

My son is a teenager. He does not care for the cleanliness or arrangement of his room. He does not put things, such as books and clothes, in their places. Sometimes, he sleeps in his clothes that he wears when he goes out and sometimes even with his shoes. Everything about his behaviors is overcome by absolute disorderliness. I go to his room and arrange it properly, but after a short time the situation becomes as it was before. I am tired of his state, and I fear that he will remain so all his life.

The answer: I do not think that all the blame is on this young man. There might have been prior incidents in the family from where he has acquired this disorderliness.

He might have been so in his childhood. You should review that period to ascertain from where he has originally learned this disorderliness. He might have learned it from the manners of his parents or brothers, or from school, or from the environment he lived in and then he took that with him when he entered his youth.

Sometimes, parents do not teach their children how to undertake responsibility. A pampered child, who is given everything without making any effort, remains the same when he becomes a young man. He expects others to serve him as

before. It is not right for a mother to say: "do not let my son be tired", "I fear for him", "let him rest", "I serve him", etc.

This way of education makes a child grow accustomed to irresponsibility, and when he grows older, he will not be able to manage his affairs, arrange his things, or organize his life, and this is the very failure.

The cause of disorderliness of the youth often stems from the kind of education they receive from their parents during childhood. So parents should not let their sentiments and excessive love for their children give them such a result later on.

Parents should teach their child that they will not undertake his responsibilities for him. Everyone has his own existence and duties in life. Cooperation is necessary, but it does not mean being lazy and burdening others with one's own duties and tasks because this is an injustice and does not befit one with dignity and honor.

One of the reasons behind disorderliness in a young man's life may be his discontent with his state for making him bored and aimless. Such a young man may be angry at something and so his disorderliness is a means of showing his anger and obstinacy to make others feel his suffering. Sometimes, the cause may be the state of adolescence and the change of instincts from which one suffers during the period of adulthood.

What is required in all these cases is as follows:

1. You should explain to your son the advantages of orderliness and its important effect on success and happiness in life.

2. You should inspire in him the spirit of undertaking responsibilities and encourage him with nice words of thanks and appreciation whenever he achieves something by himself.

3. You should not make yourself his deputy; rather, you should assist him in the task that he has to carry out. You can help him to carry out his duties, but little by little you should leave him alone to do his duties by himself.

4. You should teach him how to carry out some deeds and actions as a supervisor, without interfering in his achievement of them.

5. Let the things demanded from him vary and be free from monotony. You should not ask him to do things insistingly or by threatening, shouting or begging.

6. You should not let him grow accustomed to stipulate certain things when you ask him to do something.

7. You should not punish him if he does not do what he promises to do.

8. You should be a practical example for him in all that you want from him, whether in orderliness, cleanliness, discipline, or any other good habits.

Question 198

My son talks with his friends on the telephone for an hour sometimes. He does not pay attention to the cost of it at all. He neither lets others use the telephone nor does he leave the line free for someone who may need to call us for something necessary. He does not think of the time that he wastes in nonsense and repeated talks of trivial things mostly. What should I do with him? I would like you to advise him and those like him and guide me to a solution for dealing with him.

The answer: First, I would like to ask you to be patient with him. Do not try to interrupt his calls with his friends by unplugging the telephone line as some fathers do, because this insult will leave a bad effect on him, and you shall pay the price!

Second, do not make him feel that you are spying on his calls!

Third, you can explain to him the negativities of busying the telephone for a long time and wasting the rights of the other members of the family in making or receiving telephone calls.

Fourth, you can give him some advices derived from the teachings of Islam, such as "when one's mind is perfect, his

speech becomes little", "the best of speech is that which is little but full in meaning", etc.

Question 199

Someone who is unable to educate his children may say, "What is the importance of education? Let us leave our children to be educated by the media, the schools, and the streets according to the requirements of the present age, for man is the son of his age." What do you think about this opinion?

The answer: I would say to such a person:

1. Your child is a divine blessing in your hand; if you neglect him, he will be a curse on you and on everyone having relations with you. Education is of the utmost importance, and it is not achieved properly if the people in charge (especially the parents) do not know its principles and successful manners.

2. "Your first child is a complete educational map to your other children…if you educate him properly, he will relieve you from half of your efforts in educating your other children."[1] "As you do not allow your children to go into water before you teach them the principles of swimming, do not allow them to go into the sea of life before you teach them the principles of dealing with others."[2]

3. Let your attitude towards education be: "the crying of your children today while you laugh and educate them properly is better than your crying tomorrow for their bad education and their laughing at their distresses" because "lenience at its time is like strictness at its time; both are required in education".[3]

4. Your children are your wealth in the future. The more you care for them today, the more fruits you will gain from them

[1] Turuq Mukhtasara ila al-Majd (short ways to glory) by Allama Sayyid Hadi al-Mudarrisi, vol.16 p.6.

[2] Ibid., p.7.

[3] Turuq Mukhtasara ila al-Majd by Allama Sayyid Hadi al-Mudarrisi, vol.16 p.26.

tomorrow, and the more you neglect them today, the more you shall suffer from their troubles and problems tomorrow.

5. Your children will be an evil over you in this life and torment in the afterlife if you do not educate them well.

After all this, would you say that education is not important?

Question 200

My children do not eat the useful food I serve at home. They like the foods of the restaurants, chocolates, and sweets. This harms their healths. What would you suggest for me to do?

The answer: In general, our societies have incorrect alimentary cultures. Even what mothers serve at home lacks the required elements of nutrition. Moneys and efforts are spent for the taste and pleasure of food in their mouths. Most people do not care how useful or harmful to their bodies the food that they eat is.

As for eating in restaurants, it is reprehensible, as in the Islamic traditions and as some ulama think. They consider it as eating in the roads or some other sort of suspicious eating. I think that this is not absolutely right, because there are restaurants whose owners care for the legal and health aspects. Besides, eating in restaurants cannot be said to be eating in the roads.

However, it is not recommended to have meals at restaurants often and always, as is customary in our present societies and (lazy) families.

You should read books about serving healthy foods and consult with a specialist doctor to determine the proper diet for the family. You would be better off using a lot of legumes in your foods besides vegetable oils, especially olive oil.

You should replace chocolates and sweets with fresh fruits. Vegetables should always be eaten with the meals. Nuts, such as pistachios, hazelnuts, and almonds, are important for the body besides honey and milk, which are among the basic elements of food for the family.

You should follow attractive manners in inviting your children to the meals served at home. Explaining the advantages and disadvantages of foods has a great effect on children and makes them decide whether or not to accept those foods. Parents can play an important role in attracting their children towards the home-cooked foods when they themselves eat these foods. Of course, children always imitate their parents.

One should eat food only when he feels hungry, and he should not eat excessively more than his need. Allah says, (...eat and drink and be not extravagant) [1], and the Prophet (s) said, 'we are a people, who do not eat until we feel hungry, and when we eat, we do not satiate ourselves (we do not eat excessively).'

[1] Qur'an, 7:31

Supplication

The best things with which I would like to end my book are the suppli3cation of Imam Ali bin al-Husayn Zayn Aabideen (s) for his parents and his supplication for his children. In these supplications, Imam Zaynol Aabideen (s) has comprehensively shown the principles of moral and material education together. He has emphasized the importance of the relationship between the progenies and generations connected with each other in the light of the principles of the true religion of Islam. These principles are to be believed in the hearts and applied in the conducts. Let us read these unique themes ponderingly and reverently.

His supplication for his parents

O Allah, bless Muhammad, Thy slave and Thy messenger, and his household, the pure, and single them out for the bst of Thy blessings, Thy mercy, Thy benedictions, and Thy peace! And single out my parents, O Allah, with honor near Thee and blessings from Thee, O most Merciful of the merciful!

O Allah, bless Muhammad and his household, and inspire me with the knowledge of everything incumbent upon me towards them, and gather within me the knowledge of all that completely! Then make me act in accordance with what Thou hast inspired me and give me the success to put into practice the knowledge Thou hast shown to me, lest I fail to act according to something Thou hast taught me or my limbs feel too heavy to perform that which Thou hast inspired me!

O Allah, bless Muhammad and his progeny, as Thou hast honored us through him, and bless Muhammad and his

progeny, as Thou hast made our rights incumbent upon the creatures because of him! O Allah, make me fear my parents, as the fear of a tyrannical sovereign, and let me be devoted to them, with the devotion of a compassionate mother! Make my obedience and devotion to them more gladdening to my eyes than sleep to the drowsy, and more refreshing to my chest than drink to the thirsty, so that I may prefer their inclination to my inclination, set their satisfaction before my satisfaction, make much of their devotion to me though it be little, and make little of my devotion to them though it be great.

O Allah, lower before them my voice, make agreeable to them my words, make mild before them my temper, make tender towards them my heart, and make me their kind companion and their loving friend!

O Allah, thank them for raising me, reward them for honoring me, and guard them as they guarded me in my infancy! O Allah, whatever harm has touched them from me, detested thing has reached them from me, or a right of theirs that has been neglected by me, make it as forgiveness for their sins, and exaltations in their degrees, and addition to their good deeds! O Thou, Who change evil deeds into manifold good deeds!

O Allah, whatever saying through which they have transgressed against me, or action through which they have been immoderate to me, or a right of mine which they have wasted, or an obligation towards me in which they have fallen short, I grant it to them and bestow it upon them, and I beseech Thee to remove from them its ill consequence, for I do not accuse them concerning myself, or find them slow in their devotion toward me, or dislike the way they have attended to my affairs, my Lord! They have more incumbent rights on me, and precedence in favor on me that is greater than that I should settle accounts with justice or repay them with equivalents.

Where then, O my Lord, would be their long occupation with bringing me up? Where would be the hardship of their toil in taking care of me? Where would be the stinting of themselves to provide me with plenty? How far! I can never discharge their

right on me, or fulfill my obligations towards them, or accomplish the duty of serving them.

O Allah, bless Muhammad and his household and help me, O the Best of those Who are asked for help! Give me success, O the Most Guiding of those whom we beseech! Place me not among the people of undutifulness to fathers and mothers on the day when every soul will be repaid for what it has earned, and they shall not be wronged.

O Allah, bless Muhammad, his household and his progeny and single out my parents with the best of which Thou hast singled out the fathers and mothers of Thy faithful servants, O Most Merciful of the merciful!

O Allah, let me not forget to remember them after my prayers, at every time throughout my night, and in each of the hours of my day!

O Allah, bless Muhammad and his household, and forgive me through my supplication for my parents, and forgive them through their devotion to me with unfailing forgiveness, and be well pleased with them through my intercession for them with resolute good pleasedness, and make them reach through Thy generosity the abodes of safety! O Allah, if Thy forgiveness reaches them first, make them my intercessors, and if Thy forgiveness reaches me first, make me their intercessor, so that we may gather together through Thy gentleness in the house of Thy generosity and the place of Thy forgiveness and mercy! Verily Thou art the Possessor of the abounding bounty and the ancient favor, and Thou art the Most Merciful of the merciful!

His supplication for his children

O Allah, be kind to me through allowing the survival of my children, and setting them right for me, and allowing me to enjoy them! O my Lord, make long their lives for me, increase their terms, bring up the smallest for me, strengthen the weakest for me, rectify for me their bodies, their faiths, and their morals, make them well in their souls, their limbs, and everything that concerns me of their affair, and pour out for me

and upon my hand their provisions! Make them pious, fearing, insightful, hearing, and obedient to Thee, loving and well-disposed to Thy guardians, and stubbornly resistant and full of hate toward all Thy enemies! Amen!

O Allah, through them strengthen my arm, straighten my burdened back, multiply my number, adorn my presence, keep alive my mention, suffice me when I am away, help me in my needs, and make them loving towards me, affectionate, approaching, upright, and obedient and never disobedient, undutiful, opposed, or offensive! Help me in their upbringing, their education, and my devotion to them, give me among them from Thyself male children, make that a good for me, and make them a help for me in that which I ask from Thee! Protect me and my progeny from the accursed Satan, for Thou hast created us, commanded us, and forbidden us, and made us wish the reward of what Thou hast commanded and fear its punishment, and assigned to us an enemy who schemes against us, gave him an authority over us in a way that Thou didst not give us authority over him, allowed him to dwell in our chests and let him run in our blood vessels; he is not heedless when we are heedless, he does not forget when we forget, he makes us feel secure from Thy punishment and fills us with fear of other than Thee. If we are about to commit an indecency, he encourages us to do so, and if we are about to perform a righteous doing, he holds us back from it. He incites us to desires, and sets up for us doubts. If he promises us, he lies, and if he raises our hopes, he fails to fulfill them. If Thou dost not turn his trickery away from us, he will misguide us, and if Thou dost not protect us from his corruption, he will cause us to slip.

O Allah, so defeat his authority over us through Thy authority, so that Thou holdest him back from us through our abundant supplication to Thee and we leave his trickery and rise up among those preserved by Thee from sin!

O Allah, grant me my every request, accomplish for me my needs, withhold not from me Thy response when Thou hast made Thyself accountable for it to me, veil not my supplication

from Thyself, when Thou hast commanded me to make it, and be kind to me through everything that will set me right in this world and the afterworld, in everything that I remember or forget, display or conceal, make public or keep secret! In all of this, place me through my asking Thee among those who set things right, those who are answered favorably when they request from Thee and from whom is not withheld when they put their trust in Thee, those accustomed to seek refuge in Thee, those who profit through trading with Thee, those granted sanctuary through Thy might, those given lawful provision in plenty from Thy boundless bounty through Thy munificence and generosity, those who reach exaltation after abasement through Thee, those granted sanctuary from wrong through Thy justice, those released from affliction through Thy mercy, those delivered from need after poverty through Thy riches, those preserved from sins, slips, and offenses through reverential fear of Thee, those successful in goodness, right conduct, and propriety through obeying Thee, those walled off from sins through Thy power, the abstainers from every act of disobedience toward Thee, the dwellers in Thy neighborhood!

O Allah, give us all of that through Thy bestowal of success and Thy mercy, grant us refuge from the chastisement of the burning, and give to all the Muslim men and Muslim women, and all the faithful men and faithful women, the like of what I have asked for myself and my children, in the immediacy of this world and the deferment of the afterworld! Verily Thou art the Near, the Responder, the All-hearing, the All-knowing, the Pardoner, the Forgiving, the Clement, the Merciful! And give to us in this world good, and in the hereafter good, and protect us from the chastisement of the Fire.