Use Your Own Case to Judge for Others

The parents should remember that they themselves were once young and were very eager to get married. They wished their parents would provide the means for their marriage. They hoped their parents would let them marry in an environment full of love and kindness without imposing hard conditions. If they observed that their parents raised issues or set up obstacles that might delay this divine cause, they would get upset with their parents and would even hate them.

Now that they are in the past position of their parents and want to marry off their sons or daughters, they should put themselves in their child's shoes. They should consider their hopes and aspirations, the pressure of their carnal desires and their strong will to establish a new life. This could lead to leniency and can simplify the marriage of their offspring.

The Commander of the Faithful Ali (Pbuh) has pointed this out in an important tradition:

To better understand the facts of life and human issues, use your own case to judge for others. Prefer for others what you prefer for yourself. Dislike for others what you dislike for yourself. Just as you do not like anyone to oppress you, do not oppress others. Just as you like to be treated well, treat others well. Consider bad for others what you consider bad for yourself. Be happy with people in cases in which you expect them to be happy with you.

Imam Hassan Mujtaba (Pbuh) said:

Live with people the way you like them to live with you." [Mizan al-Hikmat, v.6, p.316]

This is what Islam duly expects of all. This is the beneficial decree of the religion. This is the way that makes it easy to live with others, and prevents sins from corrupting our lives. It fills life with love and loyalty, health and friendship, and simplicity and sweet affection.

Parents should remember what they preferred when they were young themselves. They wished to marry with someone from a family of an equal rank. They wished that both families would avoid undergoing excessive, unbearable expenses. So they should prefer the same things for their children. By putting aside undue expectations and avoiding heavy expenses, they should provide the means for the marriage of their children.

God grants a great reward to those who provide the means for marriage. Parents should be the first ones to provide the means for the marriage of their children, and follow it all the way through with love, nobility and kindness.

The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

Whoever strives to provide the means for the marriage of believing men and women to the point that God will join them in marriage, will receive a thousand companions with big, beautiful and lustrous eyes in Heaven as a reward. His reward is equal to one year of worship for each step taken or word uttered. [Marriage in Islam, p.18]

How can parents who are too strict about the marriage of their children deprive themselves of such a great reward from God, while they could easily provide the means for the marriage? How can they respond to their children in God's Just Court on the Day of Judgment if the children become corrupted, suffer from physical or mental shock or get psychologically distressed?

Imam Musa, the son of Jafar (Pbuh), requested his noble aunt by mail to send some property put aside for contributing to the nuptial gift of the spouse of Muhammad, the son of Jafar. She immediately did so as soon as she received the letter. The letter stated:

There exists in the Hereafter a divine shelter. Only the Prophet, the guardian appointed by his will, those who free a slave or provide for the payment of a believer's debt, or marry off a believing unmarried man can benefit from this shelter. [Marriage in Islam, p.18-19]

The Commander of the Faithful Ali (Pbuh) stated:

The greatest sin is stealing a Muslim's property, and the best form of intervention is intervening in marriage. [Ibid]

Imam Sadiq (Pbuh) said:

Whoever marries off an unmarried man, will be amongst those who will receive God's Favor and Mercy in the Hereafter. [Ibid, pp.20-21]

He also said:

God will favorably look at four groups of people in the Hereafter: salesmen who accept returned goods; those who relieve one's sorrow; those who free a slave; and those who marry off an unmarried man. [Ibid, pp.20-21]

The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

Whoever breaks up an arranged marriage or a couple will be damned by God in this world and in the Hereafter, and God has decreed that he be stoned with a thousand fiery rocks. Whoever tries to break up a couple but fails to do so, will be damned by God in this world and in the Hereafter and will be forbidden to see God's Mercy. [Ibid, pp.20-21]

I wish all parents were aware of these concepts and could benefit from great divine rewards by following these facts. I also wish that those who are aware of these concepts, but are too haughty to follow them would stop it and avoid God's eternal damnation, anger and torture.