The Lofty Goals Behind Marriage in Islam

God doth wish to lighten your (difficulties). [Holy Quran: Nisaa 4:28]

An Honorable Household

If a young adult or an adult man or woman does not marry, it seems to be rather impossible to remain chaste and free of corruption. It is a difficult problem to find a young adult out of millions, not married, yet be chaste and sinless. If we find a youth who is truly chaste and not married, then we may say she/he is one of God's Saints. Avoiding commitment of sins, remaining immune from corruption, being safe from the outburst of the instincts, and not being married at the same time is something only the Prophet Joseph could do.

A house in which an unmarried man and a woman live is not safe from corruption. If the man has no wife and the woman no husband, and their sexual instincts are alive with the pressure of lust, then those two have various mental, family and social problems and live in corruption. Marriage is a natural and divine law. It makes some problems easier to solve which are concerned with keeping the youth chaste and pious.

The establishment of a household in society must be founded on a healthy and peaceful basis. The couple live together by marrying and respecting each other's rights. Wherever a Muslim household is established it must be based on God's revelation and in the remembrance of Him day and night.

(Lit is such a Light) In houses, which God Hath permitted to be raised to honor; for the celebration, In them, of His name: in them is He glorified in the mornings and In the evenings, (again and again), [Holy Quran: Nur 24:36]

In such a house, with such attributes, one finds a household of believers in which worshipping God flourishes. God has ordered a marriage to take place there and the couple obeys all divine, humane laws. The Glorious Quran orders that marriage should take place so that a man and a woman's problems are solved through the realization of this tradition and they - being the future teachers of some children - will remain incorruptible.

A man and his wife establish a mutual life. Being in harmony with each other they make a home for God's remembrance. In such a house, the couple are real servants of God and their offspring are the fruits of virtue. Their behavior and morality are signs of divine etiquette and the traditions of the Prophets. When a believing couple get married, they both feel responsible to follow the divine laws. They find each other to be a helper to the other. They are two loving friends, two intimate companions, two sources of faith and two pillars of love and kindness. Thus they protect life from difficulties. If a difficulty should arise, they solve it easily and confront it with the arms of patience and fortitude.

The Worst People

Living in seclusion and not having a companion leads to many difficulties. It causes depression, despondency, nervous disorders and all types of mental and physical disorders. Being alone causes one to enter the world of imagination and vain thoughts and succumb to mental and moral illnesses. The Prophet (Pbuh) said:

Most of the People of the Fire on the Day of Judgment are those who refused to marry and start a family."[Marriage in Islam, p.26]

Also the Prophet (Pbuh) said:

The worst of your dead ones are the celibates. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, pp.220-221]

In another tradition he mentioned:

The most ignoble of your dead ones are the celibates. [Ibid]

In a wise speech he said:

The most Satanic ones amongst you are the celibates. Celibacy is the brother of Satan.[Ibid]

In some heavenly words he said:

The best of my nation are the married ones and the worst are the celibates.[Ibid]

The Prophet (Pbuh) also said:

If the dead celibates return to this world, they will surely marry. [Marriage in Islam, p.27]

And in another tradition the Prophet (Pbuh) said:

God curses the man who refuses to take a wife. [Ibid]

Why does the Noble Prophet of Islam interpret the celibates to be dwellers of the Fire, ignoble ones, brothers of Satan, the wicked, the seditious, and the cursed? This is because those who do not marry are forced into corruption, sedition, sin and make problems for their society and the family. In all aspects of life, they cause a lot of trouble.

According to the Quranic verses and Prophetic traditions, marriage endows humans with nobleness and respectfulness. Marriage keeps man safe from wickedness and God's punishment. It protects him from falling into the clutches of Satan. Marriage protects man from becoming a source of vice and corruption and he will be safe from God’s Wrath. All of this results in his comfort, peace and safety, righteousness and piety making life easier. This is why in the Holy Quran the lawful, Islamic marriage has been pointed out.

God doth wish to lighten your (difficulties) [Holy Quran: Nisaa 4:28]

The Blooming of Talents

If a young man and woman marry based upon their nature and follow God's commandment and the divine Prophets' ways, undoubtedly the way for the blossoming of hidden talents will be opened up and the tree of life will bear excellent fruits. They will be saved from the peak of God’s Wrath, a seditious nature, the dangerous clutches of Satan and God's curse - all being the consequences of being celibate. Marrying results in the following: peace of mind; an inner feeling of security; overcoming the problems of celibacy; arriving at a heavenly, angelic environment; the proper background for correct ways of thinking; and control of the outburst of the instincts and lust.

Many of the distinguished men of letters, Islamic scholars whose names have been recorded in the history of the world, have practically made progress of 100 years in only one night. In general, these individuals have attained lofty positions in science and knowledge in the shade of marriage which brings peace of mind. Their names are on the tip of everyone's tongue due to their knowledge, piety, chastity, nobleness, service to others and servitude to God.

In the book entitled “Zendegany Ayatullah Boroojerdy”[1], we read: " In 1935 at the age of twenty-two, he received a letter from his father asking him to return to Boroojerd. He thought that his father wanted to send him to Najaf - the largest Shiite seminary existed- to continue his education. However, upon his return and after visiting his father and other relatives contrary to his expectations, he observed that they had arranged for his marriage. However, he became sad. In reply to his father who noticed his sadness and asked him about the reason for it, he answered that he had been studiously acquiring knowledge with peace of mind. But now he noted that marriage would hold him up.

So his father told him that if he followed his orders, there would be hope that God would grant him an opportunity to reach his lofty goals. His father told him to beware of not marrying, because it was probable he would not get anywhere no matter how studious he was. This removed all his doubts. After marrying and staying there a while, he returned to Isfahan where he continued his studies and tutorials for another five years.

In Isfahan his loyal and well-matched spouse provided the means for his peace, progress, comfort and security, as she was a kind friend, a sympathetic assistant and a calm servant. He was so busy studying that sometimes he would study until dawn. He had stated several times he would attempt to memorize the Holy Quran when not busy at other tasks. And during this period in Isfahan he memorized Chapter 9 entitled Baraat (Immunity) which he remembered his whole life and continued to recite.

The late scholar Tabataba-ey, the author of the Holy Quran's interpretation named Al-Mizan acknowledges that part of his scientific and spiritual progress was due to his noble wife. Marriage is a source of peace and security and it provides a background for the development of talents and the realization of perfection.

Striving for the Well-Being of the Household and Home

In addition to positive worldly gains, marriage and maintaining a spouse and attending to the children have serious spiritual benefits. Working and striving to provide sustenance for the wife and children are considered to be a wonderful form of worship being equal to engaging in war in the way of God. The following has been narrated from the Immaculate Imams:

One who works really hard to provide for his family's sustenance from what is lawful is similar to one who fights in a war in the way of God. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.101, p.72]

It is very difficult to obey God's order instructing the mother to respect her children's rights, the wife to respect her husband's rights, or the husband to respect those of his family and provide for their spiritual needs. This too is considered to be worship and deserves the rewards of the Hereafter. Raising a good generation with children who are good-doers and excellent offspring is essential and satisfies God. It is of utmost importance to keep the household safe from corruption and to provide the means for growth, education and development of the family. This is the best type of worship of God.

The Fourth Imam (Pbuh) has wisely stated:

Whoever provides the best means for the spiritual and material needs of his wife and children is closer than others to attaining God's gratitude.[Bihar al-Anwar, v.101, p.73]

Anyhow, the society is the product of the family. All people who serve a nation, whether it be the president, minister, or a Member of Parliament have their roots in the house and the family. The home and those who manage it are the main factors in their education and development. Home is like a piece of land which if separated from the truth will be like a salt desert with no flowers blossoming. And if connected to the truth, it is logical to expect flowers in bloom.

Man's success or failure is primarily originated from parent’s conduct. If they strive for their children's success, they have performed a major act of worship and will eternally benefit from marriage. If, however, they are the cause of their offspring's failure, they have not only benefited from the holy tree of marriage but they have practically prepared the means for their own loss. It is for this reason that the Prophet (Pbuh) stated the following in different Islamic traditions:

The roots of anyone's failure exist within their mother, and so does their blessed fortune. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.5, p.157.]

And as the great poet Kalim Kashany said:

The only thing that comes out of the jug is what's inside it.

Now it is up to the parents to fill the hearts, the minds and the brains of their children with whatever they have.

Establish the Loftiest Goal for Marriage

One's goal for marriage should be spiritual, holy and pure. One must marry in order to obey God's order and the Prophets' manner and to provide for the prosperity of his/her spouse as well as divinely raising children.

Both men and women should prepare themselves for engaging in a great act of worship when they marry. They should consider God's approval of their union and they should realize that through their loin and uterus, they carry God's loan. They must know that the child is only God's trust which is the guest of the father's loin for a short time and then is the guest of the mother's uterus for nearly six to nine months. During this time, the child with no option absorbs his/her father's characteristics and traits through a God-given property. It has been narrated that the Prophet (Pbuh) would sometimes let pregnant women come and watch the wars against God's enemies. They would witness the glorious scenes of the Holy War and sword-fighting in God's way, and hear the warriors shouting divine slogans.

All this was for the development of the fetus in the uterus through what he/she heard and saw, and thus a well-bred, brave, ambitious child hearing divine sounds in the womb would develop.

Have you not heard that God ordered forty days of fasting for the Prophet (Pbuh) before the formation of the existence of his daughter Fatimah (Pbuh) in his loin. Then he ate heavenly foods for the meal on the last night of fasting. The sperm was then transferred to the mother's womb.

Do not let your eyes be the judge for marriage. Do not let lust be the matchmaker for marriage. Do not let the goal for marriage be getting wealthy by either family. Do not let the goal of marriage be seeing a beautiful face or a deceiving look. It has been proven that if these are the goals for marriage, such marriages do not have a good ending and bear little or no fruit.

Let spirituality, God and worshipping Him, striving to respect your spouse's rights, raising good children and attaining God's pleasure be your goals in marriage so that it bears eternal fruits. Let lawful lust, consent and leisure be subject to these lofty and divine goals so that you can gain complete pleasure and rewards of the Hereafter, too. If two individuals are divinely joined, their marriage will last forever since divine marriage never ends in divorce. One who marries for God's sake, wholeheartedly respects his/her spouse's rights and does not impose the least harm upon the spouse.

It is a religiously lawful requirement to protect the spouse's honor in front of the children and their relatives. And it is divinely forbidden to belittle one's spouse. Muslim men and women must consider the marriage of the Commander of the Faithful (Imam Ali) and Hazrat Fatimah Zahrah (Pbuh) as their model. This lofty marriage, which was contracted for God's sake, was based on heavenly goals and resulted in immaculate and divine offspring. The following verses have been interpreted to refer to this marriage in Shiite traditions:

He combined the two seas between which there is a distance. They do not exceed each other's limits (mingle) and pearls and coral come from these two seas." [Holy Quran: Rahman 55:19-23]

What is meant by the two seas is the Commander of the Faithful and Hazrat Fatimah Zahrah being two seas of wisdom, patience, faith and insight. What is meant by distance is the Noble Prophet of Islam Muhammad (Pbuh); and what is meant by pearls and coral are their offspring the Imams Hassan and Husayn (Pbuh). [Nur al-Thaqalayn, v.5, p.191, tradition 19]

The family structure must be purely divine and Islamic so that it can attract and absorb God's benevolence. If undesirable and ungodly customs, Satanic conditions or that part of the culture of the Age of Ignorance which the Prophet (Pbuh) had ordered to be abolished be not avoided in marriage, then evil will appear in the marriage and this tree will bear sour fruits. The Prophet (Pbuh) ordered: Everything should be abolished from the Age of Ignorance except the Islamic traditions. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.77, ch.6, p.128, tradition 32.]

The Family Structure in the West

The family structure in Europe and America lacks any foundation or content and is a faulty structure. Following the example of the family structure in the West is incorrect and it paves the way to ruin one's life.

The Westerners do not have pure and holy goals in marriage. Lust and satisfaction of the instincts is the reason why they marry. Noble and pure men and women are few in number there, so that is why corruption is overwhelming in Europe and America.

Most men and many women in the West marry after periods of unlawful sexual relationships and usually put their offspring in day care centers. Then they take them from the nursery school void of paternal and maternal love and pure emotions and they let them join in any type of corruption. They send them to the schools so that they apparently learn good behavior and become familiar with a few words. Then at the age of eighteen, they force them out of the home and leave them up to the environment and the society.

The ethics that they teach at home or school is how to be a gentleman, how to earn money and know about economics. They pay no attention to the inner facts and inner roots. Westerners are unable to raise human beings.

Is this not obvious from the fact that when they establish a society or a government, the society is a source of corruption and the government is the primary means of exploitation and colonization of the oppressed people on earth. The crimes committed by the graduates from Western schools and universities cannot be compensated for until the Day of Judgment.

If they are polite and calm for a while, it is because they have not yet found anything to capture. Their story is like that of the man who told his friend about his polite cat which held a lit candle and guided guests to their seats at a table full of delicious foods. The friend said one cannot trust the cat's politeness. He added that he is ready to prove it. When in practice, the cat was seen with a candle light guiding the guests and not greedy for the food on the table, the friend took a mouse out of his pocket and freed it in the middle of the table. The cat dropped the candle and jumped on the table on a wild mouse chase destroying all the food and ruining the party. The policy of the Westerners is similar to that of the cat. As long as they do not see their desired food, they are calm and polite. But once they see the oil, gold or other mines of the weaker nations, they drop the torch of politeness and jump like voracious animals to devour all material and spiritual goods and start a blood bath for material gain.

The abundance of corruption, unlawful lust, murder and looting, prostitution and other evil deeds in the West is a direct result of the loose family structure there. If the houses in Europe or in the United States were filled with knowledge and God's remembrance and worship, then their products would have been noble humans with heavenly principles of morality. But since these homes are void of truth and God, their fruits are sour, stinking or tasteless. One cannot use such a system as a model, and those who do so will become even worse than the Westerners.