DOWER AND MAINTENANCE - I
It is one of the most ancient traditions of the human family relations that at the time of marriage the man pays a dower (mahr) to the woman or to her father. In addition to that, he undertakes to bear the expenses of his wife and children during the entire period of his life.
What is the basis of this tradition? Why and how did it begin? Why should the husband be responsible for the maintenance of his wife? What is the spirit of dower? Are dower and maintenance still relevant, even if man and woman enjoy all human and natural rights, and the relations between them are based on justice and equity; or are they only the surviving remnants of the days when man owned woman? Does justice and the equality of rights, especially in the 20th century, demand that these outdated traditions should be abolished, a marriage should take place without a dower, woman should be responsible to bear her own expenses, and the children should be the joint responsibility of husband and wife?
We propose to answer these questions, and begin with the question of dower. Let us see how this tradition came into being, what its philosophy is and how the sociologists explain its origin.
A BRIEF HISTORY OF DOWER
It is said that during pre-historic times man lived a barbaric life, which had the tribal form. For unknown reasons marriage was prohibited between a male and a female of the same blood. Hence the young men of a tribe, who wanted to marry, were compelled to choose their wives from some other tribe. They often visited other tribes for this purpose. At that time man was not aware of his role in begetting children. He thought that the children belonged exclusively to their mother. Though he often found that the children closely resembled him, he did not know the cause of that resemblance. Naturally the children also thought that they belonged to their mother and not to their father. At that time ancestry was traced through the mothers. Men were considered to be barren and sterile. After marriage they stayed with their wife's tribe as a mere adjunct of it, because the wife required her husband's company. This period is known as the period of matriarchy.
It was not long before man discovered his role in procreation and came to believe that the children in reality belonged to him. From then onwards, he dominated over woman and assumed the role of the head of the family. Thus, the so called period of patriarchy began.
During this period also a marriage between the people having the same blood was prohibited. Man had to choose his wife from some other tribe, and bring her to his own tribe. As there was constant warfare among the tribes, the only way to get a wife was to kidnap a young girl from some other tribe.
Gradually peace took the place of warfare and the different tribes were able to achieve peaceful coexistence. During this period the custom of kidnapping the girls was abolished. In order to get the girl of his choice the man went to her tribe, became a hired worker of her father and worked for him for some time. In consideration of the services rendered by him the girl's father gave her hand to him and he took her to his own tribe.
When money became common, man discovered that instead of serving the bride's father for years, it was better to present a suitable gift to him and take the girl immediately. That was the origin of the dower (mahr).
According to this account, in the early days man lived as an adjunct of woman and served her. During this period woman ruled over man. In the next stage, when power passed into man's hands, he kidnapped women from some other tribe. During the third stage, in order to win a woman, man went to woman's father and served him for years. During the fourth stage man presented a sum of money to the woman's father. And that is how the custom of dower originated.
It is said that since the time man abolished the system of matriarchy and laid the foundation of patriarchy, he gave woman the status of a slave, or at the most, of an employee or a servant of his. He looked upon her as an economic tool, which, by the way, could satisfy his lust also. He did not give her social or economic independence. The fruits of woman's labour belonged either to her father or to her husband. She did not have the right to choose her husband, nor could she carry out any economic activity for her own sake. The money which man paid as dower and the expenses which he bore as maintenance (nafaqah) were in consideration of the economic gains which he derived from her during the period of conjugal relations.
DOWER IN THE ISLAMIC SYSTEM OF RIGHTS
There is a fifth stage also about which the sociologists and other commentators have observed silence. During this stage man gives a present to woman herself. Neither of her parents has any claim to it. Woman receives the present, but she preserves her social and economic independence. She chooses her husband of her own free will, not with the sanction of her father or brother. Furthermore, neither has her father nor her husband any right to enslave or exploit her. The proceeds of her work and labour belong exclusively to her. In financial matters she does not require anybody's supervision or patronage.
The husband has only one right. He can enjoy sex with his wife. As long as the conjugal relations are intact, he is under obligation to meet all the legitimate requirements of his wife within his own financial limits.
This is the stage which is recognised by Islam and on which Islam has laid the foundation of matrimonial relations. Many passages of the Qur'an emphasise that the dower exclusively belongs to woman. Besides, the husband has to maintain her and meet her expenses. At the same time, whatever woman earns belongs to her and not to anybody else, not even to her father or husband.
It is here that the question of dower and maintenance becomes a little puzzling. As long as the dower was paid to the father of the girl and she went to the husband'5 house just like a slave and the husband could economically exploit her, the question was easy to understand. The dower was then paid as a price of the girl and she had to be maintained like any other slave. But, if nothing is to be paid to the father of the girl, the husband is not allowed to exploit his wife; woman has complete economic independence, and as far as her rights are concerned, she does not require the supervision, control or patronage of anybody. Then what is the sense of a dower and maintenance allowance being paid?
A GLANCE AT HISTORY
To be able to grasp the philosophy of the dower and maintenance in the fifth stage, we should examine, a little critically, the theory of the four periods mentioned above. The fact is that all that is said about these periods is nothing more than a hypothesis based on presumptions and speculations. it neither constitutes a historical fact nor a scientific truth. We have no definite knowledge about the life of pre-historic man. All that is said about the matriarchal period, the sale of girls by their fathers and the economic exploitation of wives by their husbands, is not very credible. There are two things which strike one's mind about these presumptions and speculations. One is that the primitive man has been represented to be extraordinarily barbarous, violent and devoid of human sentiments. The second thing is that the wonderful planning of nature, to reach its universal goals has been ignored.
Such an interpretation of human nature can possibly be made by the people of the West and not by those of the East except by those of the East who are fond of following the West. For certain reasons, the European is not familiar with human sentiments. He cannot admit that they play a basic role in history. If he has an economic bent of mind, his attention remains confined to the problem of bread and butter. He looks at history as a machine, which does not move unless fed with fuel. If his trend is sexual, he regards the entire humanity and human history, with all their cultural, artistic, moral and religious manifestations, as modified forms of sex-play. If his views are political, then, according to him, the entire human history consists of a series of battles, bloodsheds and acts of cruelty.
The European was put to so much torture in the name of religion, during the Middle Ages, when people were often burnt alive, that he has become allergic to the name of God, religion and everything that religion stands for. That is why, in spite of all the evidence of the fact that nature has a goal and the system of the world is not working haphazardly, he would not dare to admit the existence of the "First Cause".
We do not ask the Western interpreters of history to admit the existence of the prophets, who have appeared throughout human history to proclaim the message of justice and humanity, and to fight corruption, which they successfully did. We only want them not to ignore the conscious role of nature at least.
No doubt in the history of man-woman relations there have been many cases of extreme cruelty, some of them the most atrocious ones, which have been narrated by the Qur'an also, but it cannot be said that the entire history has been replete with instances of cruelty and violence.
THE REAL PHILOSOPHY OF DOWER
According to our belief, the dower has come into being as the result of skilful arrangements, put into the very design of creation, to balance the relations between man and woman. The dower has come into being, because, by nature, the respective roles of man and woman are different from each other. According to the gnostics the law of love and attraction prevails everywhere in the Universe. As everything is designed to perform a definite function, its role is different from that of all other things.
While discussing the disparities between man and woman, we have already pointed out that their feelings and sentiments, with regard to each other, are not the same. The law of creation has ordained that woman should have the qualities of beauty, pride and indifference, whereas man should have those of courting and pursuit. That is how the physical weakness of woman, as compared to man, has been counterbalanced, and for this very reason it has always been man who has sought woman's hand and proposed to her. As we have already seen, according to the sociologists, during the periods of both matriarchy and patriarchy, it has been man who has sought after woman.
The scientists say that man is more lustful than woman. Certain Islamic traditions say that man is not more lustful. Actually the case is the reverse, but woman has a better sense of self-restraint. Practically, both the views come to the same thing. Anyway, it is certain that man has less self-control. This feature has enabled woman not to run after man, nor to submit to him easily. Man's instinct compels him to approach woman, and he takes steps to gain her favour. One of these steps is to present her with a gift.
Members of the male sex have always vied with each other to win a female. They have even fought each other to achieve this end. But the members of the female sex have never shown the same keenness to win a male. This is so, because the roles of the male and the female are not the same. The male always pursues a female whereas the female shows a sort of indifference to him.
The dower is closely related to woman's modesty and chastity. She knows by instinct that her self-respect demands that she should not submit herself freely.
That is how woman, in spite of her physical weakness, has been able to bring men to their knees, to compel them to vie with each other, and to make Romeos run after Juliets. When she agrees to marry a man, she receives a present from him as a sign of friendship, cordiality and goodwill.
It is said that among some barbaric tribes, when a girl had more than one suitor, she used to persuade them to fight a duel. Whoever won the duel or killed his rival was considered fit to secure the hand of the girl.
There was a newspaper report that a girl in Tehran persuaded two boys to fight a duel in her presence. From the point of view of those who think that power means only brute force and maintain that the history of man-woman relations contains nothing but cases of cruelty and exploitation, it is unbelievable that the fair and weaker sex should be able to set on two members of the stronger sex to attack each other. But for those who have some knowledge of the wonderful and mysterious power which nature has granted to woman there is nothing strange in this.
Woman has had much influence over man. Her influence over man has been greater than man's influence over her. Man is indebted to woman and to her chastity and charming modesty for his many achievements of art and feats of bravery. The credit for the building of many a personality and the developing of many a genius goes to her. Woman has built man and man has built the society. If woman loses her qualities of chastity, modesty and restraint, and tries to play the role of man, first she may be debased, then man may lose his manhood, and in the end the society may be ruined.
That faculty of woman, has enabled her to maintain her personality throughout history; to compel man to come to her door-step as a suitor; to lead man to rivalry and even to fight for her sake; to maintain her modesty and chastity as her hallmark; to keep her body hidden from the gaze of man; to inspire man to love to perform feats of bravery, as a sacred asset; to excel in intellectual and creative deeds; to sing amorous songs and to submit to the weaker sex in humility. Hence this tendency has impelled bridegroom to offer his bride a present at the time of marriage as the dower.
The dower is a part of the natural law, which has been promulgated by nature itself.
THE DOWER IN THE QUR'AN
The form of the dower described above in connection with the fifth stage is not an invention of the Qur'an. All that the Qur'an did was to restore it to its natural and pristine form. The Qur'an in its incomparably elegant style says: "Give to the women a free gift of their marriage portions". (Surah an-Nisa, 4 : 4) This means that the dower belongs to women exclusively and it is a gift to be paid directly to them. It has nothing to do with their fathers or brothers.
In this short sentence the Holy Qur'an has referred to three basic points:
Firstly it has used for marriage portion or the dower the word, saduqatehinna meaning truthfulness and sincerity and not the word mehr. Thus, the dower is a symbol of the cordiality of the man paying it. This point has been expressly mentioned by a number of the commentators of the Holy Qur'an, such as Zamakhshari, the author of the well-known commentary, the Kashshaf Similarly, the famous philologist, Raghib Isfahani says in his lexicon of the Qur'an that the dower has been called saduqah because it is a symbol of the sincerity of faith. Secondly, it is clear from the above verse of the Qur'an that the dower is to be paid directly to the woman, and her parents have no claim to it. It is not a compensation for the efforts made by them to bring up their daughter. Thirdly, it is clear that the dower is nothing except a present and a gift.
THE QUALITY OF FEELINGS AMONG ANIMALS
The law of sexuality is not confined to human beings. It prevails in the animal kingdom also. Though both the sexes are in need of each other, the male feels a greater need for the female, and takes the initiative in gaining her favour. That is why the male does not misuse his superior strength, and assumes a meek attitude towards the female.
GIFTS IN ILLICIT RELATIONS
Even when a man and a woman want to enjoy sex unlawfully and indulge in free love, it is man who presents gifts to woman. When they have coffee, tea or food together it is man who regards it his duty to pay the bill. Woman considers it insulting to her to spend money for the sake of man. Some may contend that a boy requires financial potentialities to indulge in debauchery, whereas for a girl it is a means of receiving gifts. These customs, which are common to both lawful and unlawful relations, may also emanate from the dissimilarity of the feelings of man and woman in relation to each other.
A EUROPEAN IS MORE NATURAL IN LOVE-MAKING THAN IN MARRIAGE
In the West where family rights have been perverted in the name of equality of human rights, and an attempt is being made to allot man and woman similar functions in domestic life, man still performs his natural role, as far as free love is concerned. In free love he still offers presents to woman and bears her expenses, whereas in the case of a European marriage, not only does the dower not exist, but woman also has to shoulder a heavy responsibility in connection with domestic expenses. This means that European love-making is more natural than European marriage.
The dower is an example, which indicates that man and woman have been created with dissimilar genius, and the law of creation has entitled them to dissimilar natural and innate rights.
