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Woman and Family

Woman and Family

Chapter 3

The second area of human life of woman and man, being the arena of family life, and this chapter will be dedicated for manifesting the common identity of woman and man within the framework of family. Yes, it is impossible to believe in the equal human character of woman and man unless by proving it in all arenas of life. In chapter two, commonness "between woman and man" in human and individual maturities was laid to discussion, and this chapter will elaborate on common identity of woman and man in the scope of the family.

For attaining to this aim, two subjects should be studied:

First the way Islam views marriage and forming of a family should be made clear, and then attention should be paid to exposition of position of woman in the family and her status.

How Islam Views Marriage

Many various laws and regulations on family issues have been enacted in religions and legal old-fashioned schools, that being based on their view toward the phenomenon of marriage. These views and deductions can never be at one level both in regard of depth and profundity and in regard of veracity and deviation.

That is because so many deviated and inclined viewpoints exist in religions and beliefs and even Muslim scholars. Among churches masters and rabbis there was a belief current, that getting married is contradictory to sacredness and chastity, and


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it is permitted only for procreation of offspring and prevention of unrestrained licentiousness on part of men and women.

Bertrand Russell says:

According to the theory of Sann Paul, the generation production was only a partial goal of marriage, while its main objective was prevention of adulteration and libertinism. This was the main role of marriage, which lies in fact warding off the more corruptive with the depraved. 73

Al‌Ghazaali, a sunni eminent thinker, takes into consideration five benefits for marriage as follows: production of children, defeating the carnal lust, giving calmness to self, bringing settlement to the heart, and self‌disciplining.

Among all these he regards survival of offspring to be the most important advantage, saying: "Procreation "walad": is the origin, and for it marriage "nikaah" is enacted and legalised, with the purpose of maintaining the nasl "offspring, seed" and so as to keep the world from being devoid of mankind. And lust "shahwah" was created only as a compelling and inciting force for keeping the Nasl." 74

The noteworthy point in Al‌Ghazaali's speech being his genus‌inclined view toward issue of marriage, because his explanation of the last three benefits goes on as if all the profits of marriage are gained by men. In the third advantage, which is giving calmness to self, he says: The human soul becomes fed up and wearied with continual persevered worship and sociability "uns" with women causes the self to get rid of this weariness. In the fourth benefit he says: Since housekeeping is entrusted to the woman, so the man's heart be disengaged and free for worship, with some of his disturbances being eliminated. In explaining the fifth benefit he said: practising strict self‌discipline can be achieved by guardianship of children and family members and providing all their needs and
____________
73. Banoy Mujtahid Irani, pp. 113-116.
74. Zanushu'i Wa Akhlaaq, p. 31.


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requirements. 75

Hence, out of these five advantages of marriage two are common between woman and man, but the other three ones pertain only to men.

Al‌'Allamah At‌Tabataba'i, a great shi'i exegete, takes the main objective of marriage and copulation to lie in permanence of species and procreation of the same offspring. At the same time he considers subsiding and satisfying the lust and partnership in material living and housekeeping to be out of real essence of marriage, viewing them as preliminaries and preludes for marriage or advantages consequential to it. 76

He also says:

Nature of men pushes them to try to obtain and desire female sex and vice versa. And providing every woman and man with feminine and masculine qualities has no purpose but procreation of same offspring and permanence of human species. Hence marriage is founded on this reality, and all rulings of marriage revolve also round this very reality. 77

After showing this goal he goes on by criticising other viewpoints and opinions, saying.

"The nowadays rules and laws of marriage have been enacted on basis of co‌operation between woman and man in managing the living affairs. Hence, marriage contract is a kind of partnership in life whose scope or extent is smaller than the urban community. On this basis, the modern laws do not interfere in the chastity rulings which being legislated in Islam." 78

He holds this theory to be inconsistent with the human temperament and natural disposition, and says: If the purpose
____________
75. Al-Mahajjah Al-Bayzaa, vol. III, p. 58.
76. ibid., vol. III, pp. 67-70.
77. Al-Mizaan, vol. IV, p. 179.
78. ibid., vol. II, p. 277.


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of marriage be such a reality, it can be established between two individuals of one sex, and family also would have never been in need of such laws and regulations. 79

Seemingly this viewpoint, which is laid forth by Al‌Ghazaali and his predecessors, is vulnerable to criticism due to the following reasons:

1. There is strong stress in the Quran on matter of tranquillity and relief, and in two verses it stated that the objective of creating woman and man being to find rest and calmness.

2. If the issue of marriage and matrimony be founded on procreation alone with no other purposes in view, there will be no difference between an animal and man. Because the animals produce the same kind and their offspring can survive though they neither commit themselves to a family and its system nor requiring specific regulations.

3. He "Al‌Ghazaali" himself considers, in another place, procreation of kind and permanence of offspring "Nasl" to be philosophy of marriage not its cause "'illah". Therefore he counts getting married to barren and menopausal woman as something permitted. 80

Nevertheless, no one can accept the one‌sided viewpoint in respect of marriage, whether multiplication of generation or other purposes be taken into consideration as aim of marriage. Rather we believe that marriage contract in the Islamic Shari'ah seeks to achieve several aims, all of which being intended by the Islamic Lawmaker.

Herewith I introduce exposition of these purposes:

Permanence of Human Offspring

The holy Quran, in a verse, refers to marriage with terms like cultivation and harvest:
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79. ibid., vol. II, p. 277.
80. ibid., p. 278.


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"Your women are a tilth for you "to cultivate", so go to your tilth as ye will..."

Sayyid Qutub, in exposing this verse, says: The Quranic verses manifest the marriage connection with miscellaneous expressions in so many places, using the term raiment "Libaas" once and finding rest and love another time, or tilth "harth" in another place.

The term tilth "Harth" indicates a part of marriage attachment, which is procreation of the kind and multiplication of offspring. Thus we come to realise the profound view of Islam which admitted man, with all his inclinations and needs, not considering a part of his necessities. 81

Some traditions are there to support this theme. Once the Messenger of Allah"S" said: "Get married so that to multiply in number, so as I can boast with you the nations." 82

Al‌Imaam Al‌Baaqir"A" has also reported a hadeeth from the Messenger of Allah"S" as saying:

"What is that keeping the believer from taking a wife, so that may Allah grant him a child that makes the earth heavy with no god but Allah." 83

Repose and Tranquillity

Habitation and calmness of the couple "bride and groom" being one of the goals upon which the Quran emphasised. This fact is indicated in the Quran by verse no.89 of surat al‌a'raf, and verse no.31 of surat Ar‌Room. These verses along with the explanation given in chapter one consider repose of wife and husband to be philosophy of creation of woman
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81. ibid., vol. XV, p. 15.
82. Fi Zilaal Al-Quran, vol. I, p. 353.
83. Bihaar Al-Anwaar, vol. XVII, p. 259.


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and man.

In some narrations too, spiritual sociability was regarded the factor of creation of the couple, like the following one:

"Then He created for him "Adam" Hawwa "Eve"... Adam said: O my lord, what is this nice creature? I fell so pleased with it, and looking at it. Allah said: O Adam this is My bondswoman "slave" Eve... do you like she be with you so as to entertain you, and talk to you? He replied: Yes my lord, if you do this to me I will be grateful and thankful to you as long as I am alive." 8

Satisfying the Sexual Instinct

One of main instincts of man being the sexual instinct to which and whose position the Islamic Law "Shari'ah" has paid good attention and consideration. In fact Islam's realistic view and attention to the sexual instinct excites so much wonder.

Masadah Ibn Sadaqah is reported to have said: I have heard that Al‌Imaam As‌Saadiq was once asked: Why don't you regard the adulterer as kaafir "disbeliever" while using this term for the prayers‌forsaker. What is the cause of this? Al‌Imaam As‌Saadiq replied: The incentive that pushed the adulterer to commit that sin "adultery" being the bestial passion "Libido" that overcame him, but the incentive that made the prayer‌forsaker to abandon prayers is only belittling and despising the Salaat. The fornicator gets pleasure from the act he practises, and what he intended to gain of his act was only sensual pleasure, while it is not so in case of prayers, as his intention can never be pleasure. 85

In another hadeeth, in a reply to the same question, Al‌Imaam As‌Saadiq said:
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84. Wasa'il As-Shi'ah, vol. XIV, p. 3, Hadeeth 3.
85. ibid., vol. XIV, p. 2, Hadeeth I.


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The reason for this lies in the fact that whatever you yourself hasten to do, with no strong incentive forcing you to doing it, or no overcoming factor, like adultery and wine‌imbibing, and you called upon yourself to forsake the prayers without any lust or desire, hence this is considered only disdainment and contempt." 86

Yet in another hadeeth Al-Imaam As-Saadiq"A" declared:

"Stone the old man and old woman for adultery because they have passed and spent their stage of lust and sensuality. 87

Also in fiqh and hadeeth books it is stated that every wife and husband that fails every morning and night to satisfy her/his lust lawfully, is counted as muhsan "continent, chaste". If any of them commits adultery "double adultery", her/his penalty is commuted, and the execution "stoning to death" will be changed to flogging "jald"." 88

Once Al-Imaam As-Saadiq"A" put this question to his followers: Do you know what the best pleasure is? But they showed ignorance of the answer. Thereat he"A" declared:

"Verily the most pleasing thing is to lie with women." 89

In another narration Al-Imaam As-Saadiq"A" said: "People have never delighted themselves in the world and hereafter with a pleasure better than the joy of lying with women."

Of course this pleasure for woman and man is not in the way that only men get pleased, so in continuation of this hadeeth this matter is indicated with general expression thus:

Then he said: The heaven‌dwellers never find pleasure in the Garden with anything more desirable to them than
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86. Al-Kafi, vol. III, p. 384, Hadeeth, 9,
87. ibid.
88. ibid., vol. VIII, p. 176, Baab 3, Hadeeth 3.
89. ibid., p. 178, Baab 3, Hadeeth 10; Jawaahir Al-Kalaam, vol. XLI, p. 269.


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copulation with women, neither in "heavenly" food nor drink." 90

All these traditions reflect the strong power of the sexual instinct inside every human being, the fact to which the Islamic legislator paid good attention and consideration.

Now I see it inevitable to say that this instinct with that strength should be satisfied within the boundary of the house, and its healthy basis is marriage contract.

In a continuation of a hadeeth cited in the previous chapter, the following statement is quoted:

"Allah, the Glorious and Exalted, said to Adam:

You can ask her hand from Me, as she is My slave and may fit you too as a wife for satisfying your sexual instinct." 91

If any exciting look to non‌consanguine woman "la mahram", unlawful, and indecent "lewd" deeds like adultery, sodomy, masturbation and alike acts have been forbidden "by Islamic Law", and on the other side strength and intensity of sexual instinct be confirmed, so the only means left for satisfying it being the atmosphere of family. Thus only marriage can also achieve this human need and desire.
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90. Wasa'il Ash-Shi'ah, vol. XIV, p. 10, Hadeeth I.
91. ibid., Hadeeth 8. 

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